Spiders 2: Breeding Ground (2001) [REVIEW] | The Ship Of Spideus

There are few things as inevitable as sequels in cinema.

No matter what stratum and levels of production we’re talking about, it’s weirder NOT seeing a movie getting a sequel. Time doesn’t matter either, because nostalgia marketing made a new Space Jam happen, and there’s no degree of separation, cultural or temporal, that will ensure you someone won’t try to make Citizen Kane II, and have it about Charles Foster Kane’ parents murdered by a roving pack of sentient, blood hungry sleds named after floral varieties.

Titanic II (or Holocaust II, not joking) exists, and i guess only does only to make it crystal clear there’s no end to the metaphorical barrel, encased in another barrel.

And so on ad infinitum.

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[EXPRESSO] Malignant (2021) | Downright Malevolent

New horror movie with James Wan actually involved in writing the script? I am SO in.

This time we have the story of Madison, a woman haunted by the visions of horrible murders that aren’t just scarring waking nightmares, but do happen in reality, and she’s just forced to witness them as they take place, by some mysterious force.

Worse, Madison also becomes aware of who is acting them out, as the name or her imaginary friend from childhood, Gabriel, rings again and unlocks her suppressed memories, letting her know he was not imaginary, after all.

Of course, there’s more, and from Wan you would expect a big, excellent twist lying in wait…. and OF COURSE i’m not spoiling it here. I mean, you do expect it, but in a good way, and it doesn’t disappoint. You think you could somehow predict it somewhat… until you don’t, and out loud say “holy shit” as the actual twist unfolds, and things get more grotesque as more is revealed.

What i can say is that it’s not a demon-possession thing, there’s no reincarnation of old evil spirits or any of that, it’s actually – mostly, anyway – a lot more grounded in disgusting reality, with some concessions (like some very foggy scenes or an old castle clearly showing Wan’s love for the classics) that ultimately make the whole angle a lot more entertaining and creepy.

I could say more, make some comparisons, but i fear accidentally giving hints, and this is a movie that you would like to go in as “blind” as you can, even if it’s quite good and doesn’t rely entirely on the twist itself, there’s good acting, some good drama, and a marvelous combo of Wan’s direction and scriptwriting that does not disappoint.

Just go see it. GO!

Spiders (2000) [REVIEW] | Nu Spiders

The late 90s are not anymore. It’s the first year of the new millennium, the Y2K didn’t set off nuclear bombs leading the way for the world of Fist Of The North Star, just produced a lot of scams and made a lot of people work overtime to avoid “the bug” actually affecting things as believed.

Not that it matters, because for movies like this, it’s always the 50s regardless of what decade they are made in, it’s always about giant bugs or insects or arthropods made big thanks to the power of Radiation (©), or aliens, or both.

And since it’s the late 90s-early 2000s, you can take a wild guess this comes from our old friend Nu Image, taking a break from sharks to give the ancestors of Rachnera Arachnera their part as the killer giant animals protagonists of another creature feature. Alien killer giant animals, to be precise.

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[EXPRESSO] Shang-Chi: The Legend Of The Ten Rings (2021) | Wuxia To The West

So, this is Marvel first attempt at doing more asian style action movie, introducing a new protagonist, the titular Shang Chi, forced to face his past as he was raised from infancy to be a perfect assassin by the criminal organization known as the Ten Rings, commanded by The Mandarin (connecting it to the Iron Man movies), and we also have Benedict Wong – as one would expect – is playing… well, the character of the mystic Wong, seen before in Doctor Strange.

YEAH, if it feels quite generic from the premise, and the idea of having Marvel “manufacture” a wuxia fantasy film while also doing a superhero movie and keeping their style of doing it.,…it’s not exactly that alluring, especially with the plot sounding really cliched as hell: the “face the master-father that’s also the boss of a criminal assassin ring so you can be free” thing, etcetera, etcetera

And while it a good step in terms of representation, it also just like the bare minimum by today’ standards.

It’s not a bad movie, but in a way it’s exactly what you would expect from a Marvel movie cramming asian martial arts, wuxia style fights and fantasy-mystical elements usually seen in Chinese (and chinese-related) cinema into their usual superhero mold, and while the action scenes are fun, it’s hard to care much about the story or the characters (aside from the sympathetic villain played very well by Tony Leung, outacting Simu Liu as the main character a lot), they’re mostly ok, but their arcs are brashly executed or not really interesting, given how token pretty much everything is here.

It’s a bit frustrating, as it could have been EASILY so much worse, but also isn’t quite decent, not helped by boring, cliched flashbacks and feeling a bit too long.

[EXPRESSO] Candyman (2021) | The Writing On The Wall

Almost went into this one completely “blind”, as while i was aware of the Candyman series, i never experienced it. I thought it was gonna be a reboot since it was discussed as such, but i caught wind of it now being a direct sequel to the original 1992 Candyman.

So i watched that one (didn’t have time for the sequels) for the sake of a better review just before going to see this new film, as i wanna know what i’m talking about, you know.

Still, the premise feels like this could be a reboot, as it’s about a visual artist, Anthony, that learns of the urban legend of Candyman (a 19^th centhury slave brutally tortured and then murdered with bees) from the brother of his fiancee Brianna, an art gallery director, and together with her decides to do an exhibit on the subject. But things go awry as people that attend the exhibit start dying. Not ideal.

Make no mistake, though, this is NOT a reboot or a “spiritual sequel”, this is indeed a direct sequel to the first Candyman, and many plot points from that also come back into this one, so one wonders why also just call it “Candyman”, but i guess it’s for marketing’s sake, and the Halloween series already did this stunt before, so…

While it can be seen on its own and they explain most of the important stuff, you’d do yourself a bit of a disservice going to watch this without having seen the 1992 Candyman, as this sequel does play around with the mythos of the Candyman and elaborates on the themes in a modern and ambitious way that honestly feels quite a fitting, natural progression for the concept.

And i’d say the result it’s quite good and pays off indeed.

[EXPRESSO] Free Guy (2021) | Life Service

So while we wait for the multiple movie projects spawned from that time online users deliberately made Gamestop’s share value drop (IF they happen at all), another thing that felt already dated the moment it was announced it’s finally out, Free Guy.

While it’s surprisingly not that out of touch as i expected (the fake in-game graphics looking like those crappy mobile ads for free-to-play games is a nice touch), i won’t deny it does sound like something that shouldn’t work as anything more than a sketch on Mega64.

So, what’s the plot? Ryan Reynolds lives his routine of bank teller nicely, until he decides to break it (inspired by a new woman player that he falls in love at first sight), gets They Live-style glasses, and learns that he’s just a random, generic NPC in a open world game called “Free City”. Or he was, at least. Guy then decides to become a hero for the city and its fellow virtual inhabitants, and becomes essential to the other protagonists, a couple of indie game developers trying to prove that a big videogame company CEO ripped off their work for his Free City game.

For a movie that takes many elements from other movies, ending like a weird amalgamation of Wreck It Ralph, The Truman Show, and The Lego Movie, it’s nice that is not as cynical conceived and executed as it may sounds, there’s actually some heart to it.. when the movie manages to focus and stop itself from doing weird “references-corporate pop culture flexes”, pandering to stereotypes, or trying to reach for super-safe narrative and emotional appeal.

It’s a decent movie, bit of a mixed bag, one that includes a slightly miscast Ryan Reynolds doing a Jim Carrey style character and a really overacting Taika Waititi.

Not bad.

[EXPRESSO] 32 Malasana Street (2020) | The Madrid Haunting

A Spanish-French coproduction, going by the international title of 32 Malasana Street, which is nearly identical to the original spanish title.

So of course it arrives in italian theathers titled “Possession – L’Appartamento Del Diavolo” (which translates to “Possession: The Devil’s Apartment”). Of course.

Originally i was planning to see it last Halloween, but i didn’t manage to because another lockdown hit cinemas here the day after this came out, and turns out it has been delayed to now. I was gonna see it due to “starvation”, since i don’t really care about the “possession-demons” subgenre, it’s definitely not my favourite type of horror movie, but i’ll give it a fair shake regardless.

The story has a nice backdrop, as in it’s set in 1976’s Madrid, just after the fall of Franco’s regime, and follows the Olmedo family moving to the capital in search of a better life. They get lucky and somehow find an apartment in the city center for a bargain. Things start getting better, but strange, unexplicable events keep happening in the house, until the youngest child, Rafael, just disappears.

Ah, yes, the old horror movie tradition of estate listings being too good to be true.

I’ll be honest, 32 Malasana Street isn’t original in any way, it uses a lot of familiar clichès (especially for “possession/haunting”flicks), and i mean a lot, the premise is as stock as it comes, but there’s some gusto and a lot of confidence to the execution that it helps the movie in rising above being the usual rubbish.

It definitely helps that the entity is quite aggressive from the get go, things happen at a good pace, the character are quite decent, quite relatable, the audio design is pretty good and there’s an expectedly “sensitive” good twist to boot.

Surprisingly decent.

[EXPRESSO] The Deep House (2021) | The House In The Lake

This time we tackle a french horror version of Wet-Dry World from Super Mario 64.

Or that Everblue/Endless Ocean horror version i joked about during Shark Month.

Withouts sharks.

Not that it matters much this being a french production, as the two main characters,an american couple filming “haunted places” in search of Youtube fame and fortune, are played by american actors. The couple goes to a very small little French town in hope to cover the artificial lake, but instead got wind of a perfectly intact house resting in a remote part of the lake, and decide to dive and film their underwater adventure.

I like the scenario, big fan of scuba diving and submerged mysteries as a whole, the premise is decent and takes from european folklore (there are many stories about submerged little villages), but The Deep House leans a bit too much into said premise, never bothering to properly execute it and just stuffing it with cliches.

And has a “cowardly” script that quotes half the famous “it’s not dead which can eternal lie” couplet from Call Of Chthulu, but doesn’t really go there, despite having the perfect setup and excuse to do so.

Also, its one of those horror movies shot mostly in found footage style… just to make some of the things happening harder to see. No real reason otherwise.

It’s not awful, it has some good cinematography, but it’s a horror movie with decent atmosphere (and even that it’s kinda low effort, as it’s baked in the scenario) and almost no tension or scares (aside a single effective jumpscare), more worried about looking good that having any real bite, doesn’t help that the main couple isn’t exactly that likeable (especially the guy), interesting or otherwise well characterized.

Overall, it’s sadly a pretty mediocre experience.

[EXPRESSO] The Suicide Squad (2021) | King Shark is in it

Let me preface this by saying i find stupid the whole “release the [director’s name] cut” shtick, and i’m sorry, but i did saw the 2016’s Suicide Squad movie, and it was such a mess nothing would have “saved” it. Look, David Ayer it’s not that bad a director, at all, but he made a crap movie with Suicide Squad.

That’s it, nothing special, it happens and can happen to anyone, the world will go on.

You’re free to pursue this crusade if you will, Ayer has all the right to be happy about it (who wouldn’t?), but i personally don’t “get” it (what you’re gonna do next, request the Proyas’ cut for Gods Of Egypt?), honestly, and i was quite happy to see James Gunn give the concept another go.

So yeah, it’s the same idea of getting together a group of DC supervillains to send in a do-or-die important mission, using the expandable baddies instead of the superheroes themselves, this time tasked to take care of “Project Starfish” on a secluded island instead of an american city.

But yeah, it’s a bit surreal to see the same movie done twice in just a span of 5 years, even more since it has most of the same cast and selection of characters, as it’s supposed to be a sequel to the 2016’s movie, which explains some of it but still comes off as confusing since this is basically a re-do of the concept and doesn’t really require seeing the previous Suicide Squad movie, at all.

Honestly i loved it, it’s such a fun, bloody, stylish and funny take on the concept, it’s not just that it’s the FAR better execution of it so far, but it’s also pretty good on its own, with a lot of style and substance.

Sky Sharks (2020) [REVIEW] | Gott ist im Himmel

Let’s close this year’s Shark Month with a big bang, shall we?

And frankly i don’t think there’s anything better in that regard as Sky Sharks, a movie you’ve might have heard of but wondered when or if it’s actually coming out.

Borne from a succesful Kickstarter campaign, Sky Sharks was supposed to come out in 2018, but production hit roadblocks, various issues came up, for some time we didn’t hear anything about it at all, but then, in 2020 it resurfaced, complete and was released, even on home video (might have to import it, though).

And it was definitelly worth the wait, since this one of those rare shark movies that sets out to be a big B-movie by design, trying to tick all the usual exploitation-but-awesome points… and actually succeds in living up entirely to its trailer promising flying sharks piloted by undead nazi uber-soldiers, alongside nudity and lots of gore. It’s just missing vampires, a christian-protestant feud, psycho priests with bayonet-blades longer than an arm, but i’m really nitpicking in this case.

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