Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve lamented the downright lethargic, nearly comatose state and distinct disinterest, so nested and in a rot The Asylum is with their output in this last period, i’ve done that before.

It’s clear whatever “magic” they summoned with Sharknado didn’t last long, and now just rest on their laurels, so to speak, as even the usual aficionados of trash got disinterested in the same way the company itself seems to be with whatever they cram out, they keep doing their thing but just because it’s what they have always done, and will keep doing until there’s not any money left off mockbustering.

I remember from a class in genre cinema i once took that – broadly speaking – a genre has reached a stage of severe stagnation when it starts becoming metatextual, to speak of itself more than anything else, as it can obstensibly find nothing else to iterate on, so it “turns on itself”.

And while it no longer hold completely true, as we’re now in a post-meta phase, if you will, there’s still a valid argument in there, because films like Monster Armageddon (released as 2025 Armageddon in trying to fool more people) validate the implied drying up of the “creative well”, and are a testament to this decade of post-irony, meta overdosing incestinal multiverse crossovers, of finding out there’s no bottom of the barrel, no real lowest of the low that can’t be “improved” upon.

I remember buying the DVD for this one for 5 bucks, sight unseen, on Amazon back in 2023, i knew it was an Asylum joint, and the cover art was nice, featuring a lots of monsters and creatures.

As with Monster Island (their mockbuster response to 2019’s Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters), the cover art is way better than the movie itself, but this time around it isn’t a complete lie like it was with that movie… as in it’s not technically a lie.

It’s worse… or is it?

Continua a leggere “Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch”

Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws

Mega Shark in Malibu AKA Malibu Shark Attack 2009.png

Like it’s so often the case, i got this one on DVD for cheap, and the UK DVD release tries to fool you into thinking that’s related to (or part of) the Mega Shark series by The Asylum, even putting “the legend returns…” in the box art.

It’s actually not, it’s just a random shark movie called Malibu Shark Attack, that also just happens to have been released in 2009 like the first Mega Shark movie, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, but by this logic, Black Dynamite and Dragon Ball Evolution also belong in the Dinocroc shared universe. This is actually part of the Maneater series, though calling it series it’s a stretch, they are cheap horror films produced by RHI Entertaiment for SYFY (usually debutting there and then going to video), yes, but they don’t even stick to the theme of “natural horror” anymore. Not that it really matters.

Doesn’t help that this release still keeps the alternative DVD title of “Mega Shark Of The Malibu” in the movie itself, but it wouldn’t be a genre film without at least 2 or 3 alternate titles, i guess. It’s one of the unwritten laws of b movies and such. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws”

Mega Shark VS Kolossus (2014) [REVIEW] Attack On Titan Shark

Mega Shark VS Kolossus 2014
This is from the trailer, btw.

In 2013, the first season of the Attack On Titan anime was launched, and effectively made the already successful manga series by Hajime Isayama (started in 2009 on Bessatsu Shonen Magazine) a worlwide phenomen, the anime/manga series that gets big and becomes a sensation even outside of the already invested cultural circles and subcultures, like Death Note did before, resulting in anime/nerd/geek cons flooded with dozens of cosplayers in the guise of the young soldiers and their desperate struggle at gigantomachia in a fantasy Western Europe, for some years to come until the next big series that people won’t shut up about for a time.

While this means bugger all for The Asylum, as they really don’t belong in the “animesphere”, they clearly noticed the popularity of Attack On Titan (or SnK, if you really care), and find an oblique way to chomp at the popularity crumbs of both the anime series, AND to double-dip on the far more popular love letter to mecha anime and kaiju movies, Pacific Rim, which they already “mockbustered” a year later with Atlantic Rim. To really make this the perfect matrioska of creative compromises, they decided to realize this marketing manouver in the shape of a new Mega Shark movie. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Kolossus (2014) [REVIEW] Attack On Titan Shark”

Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark (2012) [REVIEW] | Fins Of Steel

Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark 2012

Of course this doesn’t follow from the last movie, not even the post credits scene implying a kaiju encounter next time… but it wasn’t completely off, because now we have the main monster facing against a robot version of itself, made a classic trope by Godzilla Vs Mecha Godzilla decades ago.

Kinda surprised it took until the third movie in the series for this direction, honestly, but i guess third time is the charm, and very welcome given the series quality so far. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark (2012) [REVIEW] | Fins Of Steel”

Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus (2010) [REVIEW] | Now With Extra Bacon

Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus 2010

Mega Shark is back, because the first one was boring as shit, but it was cheap enough and turned out to be profitable, so here, have another one, this time pitting the MEGA Shark agains the dreaded Crocosaurus, which isn’t MEGA, and sounds more like an extra crispy fast food specialty item, or a ice sammich.

And when i say Mega Shark is “back”, i guess it is, it’s a shark, it’s way bigger than it should be, it can do impossible jumps, and i guess we can believe it’s the same one from Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, there is a japanese poster for that movie to be seen, and there’s a photo of Debbie Gibson, who was in that movie. So yeah, it’s totally a sequel, despite the completely different cast and plot that doesn’t follow from the end of the previous movie… but since Jaleel White feels like it’s the same one from before, i’m inclined to trust him. Wouldn’t you? Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus (2010) [REVIEW] | Now With Extra Bacon”

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus (2009) [REVIEW] Romancing The Shark

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus 2009

It’s 2019, Sharkenado won’t be a thing for 4 more years, but of course The Asylum existed before that series became the face of the mockbuster titan, and made other monster flicks with “Mega” in the name, like Mega Piranha or Mega Python Vs Gatoroid (there’s no Mega Python, not by The Asylum anyway), both never culminating in their own series. Some very small mercies, but i’ll take them.

One of the “MEGA” non-brand movies to prove more successful was Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, because sharks are more popular, at the end of the day. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus (2009) [REVIEW] Romancing The Shark”