[EXPRESSO] El Conde (2023) | Pinochet The Dirty Old Man

Pablo Larrain, after years of historical biopic dramas about his home country of Chile, he finally tackles Pinochet…. by reinventing him as a vampire that has lived on since the French Revolution, faked his death many times, and most famously established a dictatorial bloody regime.

But after 250 plus years of undeath, he just wants to die, and this causes the vultures to come, in the form of Pinochet’s mortal sons, hungry for more blood money to inherit, and an exorcist nun is also sent in by the Church to kill the monster… and see if he drops some fat cash, too.

We’ve seen the vampire comedy format used to tackle various themes, and there’s definitely potential in making Pinochet a literal horror monster to comment on his legacy and the political troubles of modern Chilean society, in how the past keeps repeating and evil finds a way, and indeed the satire is relentless… but the comedy is surprisingly scarce, mostly stemming from excess cruelty via dialogue more than graphic content (gore is far from missing, btw).

Even that feels like breadcrumbs, for a 2 hours runtime with a geriatric pacing, fitting, perhaps, but it’s really not that funny, the narration is ironically lacking proper bite, and the elements of horror, history and humour do not so much gel together as are just placed there, neglected of proper growth more than balanced against each other.

The black and white photography it’s excellent, acting it’s good, it has some great golden age horror atmosphere at times, but El Conde ultimately just feels stuffy, too slow and bloated for its own good, and despite all the pretense, there’s not much under the gothic capery to gawk at.

Interesting experiment, but a disappointing one that’s also hard to sit through, to my dismay.

[EXPRESSO] A Haunting In Venice (2023) | Halloween Party

The adventures of world renowed french master detective Hercules Poirot continue in the new installment of Brannagh’ series of Agatha Christie adaptations, with Haunting In Venice.

Retired from the world and any kind of detective work in the town of the real “Aqua Laguna” after the events from Death On The Nile, Poirot just passes his days in slovenly eating italian pastries and avoiding any case, he is eventually roped in by an old time acquaintance of here, a detective novelist that based her books on him, as she wants to join a seance during Halloween in one of the many supposedly haunted Venetian houses, and discredit the medium as a phony.

Things go south quick as first someone attempts to murder Poirot himself, then theathrically kills the medium, forcing our mustache-armed detective to lock up the place and discover the murdered before the police can arrive, with events making him even – maybe – consider that the rumors of haunted buildings and lore of a horrifying children asylum have a modicum of truth to them…

It’s pretty decent, like the previous Kenneth Branagh Poirot films, i wasn’t quite woved, but i did quite enjoy them, and i did like this one a bit better than Death On The Nile, mostly due to the less sprawling script that doesn’t feel the need to add shit like the “WWI prologue for the ‘stache”.

But on the other hand the flirting with the horror elements this entry does… it’s just that, some mild flirting with the ideas of ghosts, just about as committed as it could ever realistically be given it’s an Agatha Christie’s story and whatnot.

Also, characters and story are less detailed and interesting this time around, but overall it’s a decent time, thought not really scary or super enthralling.

[EXPRESSO] The Nun II/2 (2023) | Valak Has Somehow Returned

No joke intro or sequel title mockery, The Nun 2 doesn’t need nor deserve it.

Really, one for the textbooks in terms of obvious franchise milking that exists only because of money, which is always the case, but while you’re hooking the demon nun to the device, you might as well crank out a better movie, try to pretend you care at the very least.

In reality, we get a sequel to another mediocre spin-off of the Conjuring films, one that really wasn’t needed nor adds anything of value to the overall mythos. Valak is back due to the magic of asspull writing, so we learn that she copied notes from Soul Eater’s Medusa, so it actually survived by possessing a guy working as a janitor in a French all girls catholic school, because is searching for (check notes) a holy artifact, maybe because Valak was a fallen angel, or something, the lore dispenser guy-christian librarian-priest is most likely making this shit up on the fly.

To stop it the Vatican hires back half the team from the first movie, because the priest guy conveniently died of colera offscreen in the meantime (the actor most likely is fine), so it’s up to the young nun and her sassy black nun friend to find and stop Valak once and for all… in a stupid fashion.

In a way, it’s intriguing how at least this one also manages to not be completely tosh thanks to some scenes (the baphomet does give it points), decent casting and budget… just meaning it’s another pile of strikingly efficient mediocre, despite being a pointless, unrequired cobbled together mass of horror styrofoam that’s also borderline boring and struggles to justify its own existence as a sequel.

Kinda amazing how many shades of monstrous mediocrity can actually exist.

[EXPRESSO] Lonely Castle In The Mirror (2022) | Castle Club

The more recent movie from Keichii Hara (Colorful, Miss Hokusai, Summer Days With Coo, various Crayon Shin Chan movies), finally getting a limited theatherical release here.

The premise see a shy outcast girl, Kokoro, that one days sees the mirror in her room glow, only to be magically drawn into a fantasy castle, where other six teens like her where also invited. A mysterious girl in a wolf mask tells them that if they find the key hidden in the castle, one can get its greatest wish granted.

Though, anyone that breaks the rules of the castle will get eaten by a wolf.

Lonely Castle In The Mirror is what i would describe as an incredibly, slow, SLOW burner that hinges on the third act twist and the revelations it holds to make it all worthwhile, and actually DOES fixes issues you’ve might had, as initially less interesting or banal elements of the plot gain new meaning, and characters actually becoming complete as we learn their whole story and their role in the “grand scheme”.

Animation aside, which is fine but also kinda unremarkable, especially for a feature lenght.

Also, while the ending is fairly powerful and the third act elevates the movie, it doesn’t fix the fact you still have to sit though some mild teen anime school melodrama about characters that feel relatable but not really interesting, wondering why even have fantasy elements at all, and having to contend with what – initially- feels like a direction-less stroll.

Even with these flaws, the ending serves perfectly the exploration of themes such as teen isolation, bullying, escapism and trauma, makes all plot threads and character arc collide and complete, and does pack quite the emotional – and througly earned – punch.

Definitely worth a watch, at the very least.

[EXPRESSO] Gamera: Rebirth (2023) | Stand By My Gamera

Lil G is back after 15 years of official silence… and it’s a Netflix animated series by the co-director of the Godzilla anime film trilogy, with similar 3D CG animation, despite being handled by ENGI (Kemono Michi, Uzaki-chan Wants To Hang Out) and not Polygon Pictures.

We’re not starting on the right foot, but it’s not like Gamera fans can be picky, this is the first official anything since 2006’s Gamera The Brave, though the premise gave me ‘Nam flashbacks of Gamera Super Monster, since it has my boy face off against 5 old foes, including his arch nemesis Gyaos, over the course of 40 minutes long 6 episodes.

The series is set in the summer of 1989′ Japan, with a group of young boys (six-graders) that have their savings stolen by a bully nicknamed “Brody”, the son of an American army commander, confront him, then a giant monster, Gyaos, attacks Tokyo, but the children are saved by another giant monster, dubbed Gamera.

It’s basically a kaiju gauntlet of sorts, with the human side of the story feeling very Stand By Me-ish but also fitting in theme of Gamera being linked to children, proposing a reinvention of the character and franchise that mixes elements from the old Showa era films with the beloved Heisei trilogy, meaning it’s not actually intended for kids at all, as the plot unfolds more in the ways of conspiracies and dark secrets.

And both the plot and characters are surprisingly compelling, making for a good series in spite of studio ENGI trying to emulate Godzilla Singularity Point’s animation as well… but with lesser results of awkard, stiff looking animated 3D CG humans, when the monsters do look good, sport some great redesigns, and their fights – even if often brief – are indeed quite good.

Interdit Aux Chiens Et Aux Italiens (No Dogs Or Italians Allowed) AKA Manodopera (2022) | Piedmotion Animation

A french-italian stopmotion animation, already a white fly, and for less than 4 bucks due a nationwide italian & european cinema initiative? Say no more, i’m so gonna see this, even more as it won a prize at Annecy 2022’s edition.

This is basically the director, Alain Ughetto, tracing back his italian ancenstry, depicting the lives of his grandfather and family of farmers that back in early 1900’s moved from their small mountain village in Piedmont (dubbed affectionally as “Ughetterra”, the land of the Ughettos), crossing the Alps to start a new life in France, in search of any menial or dangerous labor that they could do, their eventual rise to small land-owners, and their nomad lifestyle due to labor but also – among other things – the rise of the Fascism in Italy.

This is told in an amusing and wholesomw fashion, that not so much breaks the fourth wall but use it as a “portal” tool to deliver the narrative, as the director-animator narrates and creates the stopmotion sets, its characters, directly interacts with them (like letting his hand into frame to hand a character a tiny hammer), but frames it as a dialog with his grandmother that recounts the chronicles of the family through the decades, encompassing many heavy subjects as wars, epidemics, racism, clerical hypocrisy, but also the joyful moments (and some fun meta gags).

It’s a really intimate, charming and emotional portrait of turn of the centhury italian immigrants bound to a rough life of difficulties, of split loyalties and fractured national identities due to family always living – often literally – on the borders, malincholic but also fond of having a few laughs and exactly as long as it needs to be, even if that means on the shorter side of things.

Warmly recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Snowbreak Containment Zone iOS/PC | TOF: The Trinity

Despite every reason not to, let’s brave the gacha waves once again in search of some new distraction that may or may not be the time investment, let alone the monetary one.

Today we have another anime styled gacha free to play game that seems like a proper TPS action-rpg or something along those lines, from chinese developer Seasun Games (also behind Girls Gun Cafè and Dawnlands), let’s give it a punt.

The plot starts vague enough, set in a dystopic ice & snow world where you play as an Adjutant to the Heimdall Force, the first assault group created to fight the Titans in the snow ridden and polluted Contaiment Zones that were formed after the mysterious cataclysm know as The Descent.

A lot of borrowing from Norse mythology for the names and the various boss enemies, designs of the ever popular “sci fi anime cyberpunk-esque” ilk with side of post-pandemic apocalypse and grim overtones, but still, the art direction (alongside the icy setting) is strong enough to make it a bit more distinguishable from its peers.

In terms of gameplay, it’s a cover based third person shooter affair, and while the virtual controls schemes available can fiddled with to and can be usable… i’d honestly recommend syncing a PS4 controller anyway (or playing it on PC via the dedicated client), since, while functional, the virtual controls are a bit too clunky to be optimal for a third person shooter.

That aside, gunplay is quite satisfying, designs are nice if a bit “tame”, the levels are short but keep introducing new enemies and obstacles at a decent rate, presentation and technical performance are rock solid, and honestly i do think it’s pretty good, still a gacha but monetizion is not particularly aggressive or manipulative, so it’s worth a try.

[EXPRESSO] Oppenheimer (2023) | Quantum Step

Not seen in IMAX because i couldn’t buy even a single goddamn seat, but i’m sure Christopher Nolan will forgive me, specifically.

Jesting aside, his latest film, the long awaited historical biopic about the inventor of the atomic bomb, Oppenheimer, is finally in theathers here as well, and what do you know, it’s pretty good, as most would expect…. if you actually know what the film is about, you’d think it wouldn’t be that hard since the title is literally “Oppenheimer”, but that won’t stop people pontificating on subjects that this movie was never gonna realistically touch, like the atrocities behind Los Alamos’ birth.

I mean, this is about Robert Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb, which obviously encompasses more than his mortal life, but he is an unvoidable central figure in this chapter of history, and this biopic it’s as far as it can from a flattering portrait of the man, as it should be, given the heavy themes at play and the many struggles for power and political dominance that surround him and other scientists tasked by the military during WW II, Oppenheimer’s personal life, his rise to fame and political oppression during McChartyism due to his left-leaning tendencies…

It’s typical Nolan as it goes for the kind of non-linear narrative the director revels in, starting with a senate hearing, then digressing back and forth from Oppenheimer being put in a shame trial, and various events of his life during and after the conceptualization, creation and usage of the bomb (shown in frightinly realistic terms), all eventually coming together with precision, and constantly engaging, regardless if it’s engineering fission, waiting for the bomb’s test countdown, or following the compelling court drama sequences, which it’s already quite impressive for a movie sporting the behemoth runtime of 3 hours.

Final Verdict: Expresso

[EXPRESSO] Don’t Look At The Demon (2022) | The Haunting Of Mika Melatika

Odd as it sounds, there are many flavors of mediocre, and Don’t Look At Demon is one i’m fairly familiar with, especially if we’re talking about possession/haunting movies, which i will dub the “decency skimming step”, since it has its moments that might make it a decent film, but inevitably everytime the movie does something a bit more interesting than usual, it immediatly undoes any “advantage” by retreating back to trite shit or to a jumpscare by a ghost/entity.

The baseline isn’t bad per se, not original as we follow the Skeleton Crew, a troupe that shoots one of those “paranormal investigation shows” and has come to Malesia searching for new content.

Thanks to the actual medium woman in their group, Jules, they select the case of a couple, Ian and Martha, living in a remote house that seems to be actually haunted. Upon arriving, Jules does not feel anything strange, but turns out it was true.

Otherwise it would be a movie about a dysfunctional tv troupe coming to Malesia to see monks hammer protection tattoos into women with a picket and not much else.

Characters are fairly typical, acting is decent though, and the movie using Malesian folklore about spirits (spirits of unborn children, in this case) does help to make it more interesting than the usual christian themed haunting movies… or it would if the main demon didn’t mostly act or was confronted upon pretty much how it would in any other possession movie with christianity as the main (or only) religious background, so it doesn’t even manage to capitalize on that properly.

On the upside the narrative is fairly fast moving, you get to see the expected possession gymnastics and telekinesis throws, and it’s just 90 minutes, so it’s not awful, just average and fairly forgettable.

[EXPRESSO] Blue Beetle (2023) | Latino Guyver From Outer Space

The new DC super hero film after the “MADE IN HEAVEN” treatment the continuity received via The Flash movie, Blue Beetle is here in theathers, and i’m so not familiar with this character at all, but the trailer gave me Deadpool-ish vibes, and more specifically of Guyver, as we have a sentient symbiotic suit that organicaly fuses with his host and gives it the powers.

Heck, here as the well the suit/armor is a relic from an ancient alien civilization, so the comparison is not that outlandish.

The plot involves a recently graduated teenager, Jaime Reyes, that while becoming disillusioned about his future work opportunities, unadvertedly get his hand on the Scarab, a powerful alien biomechanical armor that grants him enhanced exoskeleton and powers, turning him into the superhero known as “Blue Beetle”. But obviously, other, less well intentioned individuals also known about the Scarab and want its array of weapons and abilities for themselves…

In a way Blue Beetle is not what i expected, as in the titular hero is not “Deadpool but as teen The Guyver” personality wise, and it’s not trying to be edgy or grimdark, quite the opposite, as it definitely kid-friendly and plays a lot in the “latino family” theme for that, which isn’t original but its still quite fun, thanks to the endearing characters (especially Jaime’s family) and honest emotional moments they bring alongside some good laughs.

They do help make you care despite the very bog standard plot and type of origin story which offers nothing we haven’t seen before, and sadly this kinda applies to the Blue Beetle himself, which isn’t a very interesting hero in terms of either personality or powers or anything really, despite the good concept behind the Scarab suit.

Still, quite decent and very pleasing, enjoyable superhero film.