I didn’t expect to write another one of these posts, because the novelty of the EX-Arm anime being unbelievable crap wore off and i just got accostumed to its foul, robotic and uncanny fare. Oh well, it will avoid me having to note down another batch of odd fuck up, animation errors, bad camera angles and stuff.
Or so i thought.
(Gif taken from Twitter, from a fellow stunned viewer)
Continua a leggere “EX-ARM, the oddly shaped Manos of fate, and the invisible off-screen truck of doom”
I wasn’t really go do a review for this one so soon, i had saved in my Amazon Prime Video list for when i would have been bored enough, or needed to do it for a special, but i noticed the “this title won’t be available after the 5th of December 2020”, so once again i felt coerced to watch and review before its gone or back as a paid rental or tied to another paid subscription within the subscription i’m already paying for.
Heck, i didn’t even knew it was a sequel to The Curse Of The Komodo (which i happen to own, having picked up an ultra cheap DVD copy for it in a flea market some time ago), released just one year prior by the same director… “Jay Andrews”, at least according to the credits.
Continua a leggere “Komodo VS Cobra (2005) [REVIEW] | Reptiliarium Rejects”
No, not the sci-fi adventure Disney adventure from back when Disney didn’t also own Star Wars.
No, not the classic pinball table by Gottlieb.
Just another SYFY disaster movie for TV. Not be confused with another sci-fi movie from 2016 that’s also called Black Hole.. when it’s not sold as Quantum Voyage.
Continua a leggere “The Black Hole (2006) [REVIEW] | (Supermassive)”
You work at The Asylum. SyFy has commissioned another movie, it is a day of the week.
You’re told no sharks, no tornadoes, no dragons, no spiders (giant or normal size) or any combination of these.
No, the monster can’t be made of lava, trapped at the bottom of the sea (being trapped under the sea floor counts) or from another dimension.
The note just says:
“the american president is in danger, after the Air Force One got hit by a tremendous thundestorm just over the The Bermuda Triangle. The _______ is sent in to retrieve the president, but a giant ____ emerges from the deep, potentially posing a threat to America and the world. You are a bad enough dude to save the president.”
Continua a leggere “Bermuda Tentacles (2014) [REVIEW] | BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF!”
At episode 3, i can confirm Yuru Camp Season 2 is great, might even be better than the first one, uber comfy, supercute, so much it will heal your filthy soul. Bliss, comfy bliss.
Watch out for the sudden, detailed and unexpected eel “murder” sequence (not pictured here) before being served.
Oh, yes, also, Cells At Work BLACK anime tackled erection and gonorrhea, as you do.
Can’t wait for the new episode of EX-ARM and what new shades of utter incompetence will bring, i’m sure the full fight scene against the robo-maid (shown both in the episode preview and in the PV of the series, you know, that video that literally publicized the anime series by saying “brace yourself, other sci-fi anime series, here we come!”) will manage to be even worse than expected.
I hope i can bring you some new reviews in the coming week, we’ll see.
I will have a review of this turd when the series finishes, but this first episode it’s so unbelievably bad it doesn’t matter if the story improves or gets worse as it goes along, with this embarassing animation it’s all for naught. I would like to apologize to the Berserk 2016 anime, this is even worse, it’s unbelievable. But also the logical outcome to have a studio that never did nor understands animation… do anime.
And no, that horrendous screenshot seen above it’s not a one-off, in the first episode alone there are like 3 occasions where a horridly made 3D CG anime character is framed alongside a clearly 2D animated character. To say nothing of the horrible, uncanny way they movie (with the jaw unhinging like a creepy ventriloquist doll), making Polygon Pictures produced anime series look like Redline.
How the hell did these people manage to have this signed up as a Crunchyroll Original i can’t even fathom. The manga isn’t that bad to deserve an adaptation so abysmal.
And yes, the manga also had better animation.
Time to unfrost a b-movie from the mid-2000’s i’ve known about for years, as friends told me of this movie where a mammoth runs around a house without being seen. Yeah, i’m pretty sure they didn’t actually watch the movie and just parroted something they red online, because, as it incredible as that would have been (and kinda fit anyway with the tone), no, a mammoth doesn’t stalk people like a slasher villain and moves around a normal household without wrecking it.
Although, with how many cheap horror flicks about dinosaurs, extinct or mythical animals are there, that movie could actually exist. I couldn’t find anything that fits the exact profile, but you never know.
Continua a leggere “Mammoth (2006) [REVIEW] | Meteor Mayhem”
Because “Mesozoic Trilobite Massacre” was too original a title for The Asylum.
But then again, someone would have corrected them, since trilobites went extinct earlier. Still, i want a movie about them or other pre-historic creatures that aren’t dinosaurs. Come on, people, make it!
And yes, this is a mockbuster of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, with it being released 3 days earlier, at least in the U.S. It never came in theathers in my country, or any streaming service here, but there’s a UK DVD release for it.
Continua a leggere “Dino Dicember #31: Triassic World (2018)”
Yes, “Predator”, singular, this has nothing to do with Extinction: Jurassic Predators (plural), which was done because The Dinosaur Project/The Lost Dinosaurs did ok in review and made some money, so we’re gonna make another found footage dinosaur movie, with good practical effects and worse in every other aspect.
But i already reviewed that. Just yesterday.
I have to preface i was gonna review Jurassic Thunder (the one head mounted machine guns on a T-Rex) for this Dino Dicember slot, but i relented, because i felt nothing i could say will matter to a movie built on the foundation of the Dr. Evil meme, and doubles downs on its putrid shit factor, amplified and self-excusing itself due to the narrative frame of 80’s comic book and action flicks.
Continua a leggere “Dino Dicember #30: Jurassic Predator (2018)”
Yes, the ever elusive Water-Dragon type of T-Rex, because nowadays you could make fake monster movie poster art with Pokemons as a joke, and realize someone did it for real already, beat you to it years ago. And if someone had to do it, might as well be the director of cult films like Commando, Armed And Dangerous, and Class of 1984, Mark. L. Lester himself, as he eventually went back to doing B-movies for TV or the home video market after the “Hollywood years”.
Because, really, the sharks enjoyed preying on B-movie beaches for decades, it’s time to move out and let dinosaurs do it for a change. At least in some of the cover art, in this specific case it does happen, but often with movies like this the posters promise more than what the movies themselves can actually deliver.
Continua a leggere “Dino Dicember #24: Poseidon Rex (2013)”
Wise Cafe (International) 