Pokemon Scarlet/Violet is broken again, so its’ DLC review might arrive quite late

(the scheduled review for Giant Monster March will arrive tomorrow due to complications)

Wanted to post this earlier, but whatever, we’re doing it now, because i was planning to review the DLC of the latest Pokemon mainline games, i did so for the latest ialian blog, but… Pokemon Sword/Shield wasn’t held together with shit and sticks, say what you will but it wasn’t.

But sadly Pokemon Scarlet/Violet really IS “Pokèpunk 2077”, as after they announced the 2-part expansion for the game… it turned out the more recent patch actually made thing worse, including a bug that potentially could wipe or corrupt saves, low chances but not THAT low given the install base, so bad it had Game Freak say it would be better to just “import” your squad and whatnot to Pokemon Home before the worse happens.

Which means i haven’t touched the game after i played and reviewed it at launch, and i plan to keep it that way, hoping that the next patch will be proven to have fixed any chance of that shit happening, i’m not risking it.

And sure as shit i’m NOT pre-ordering the Expansion Pass, NOT when they should have delayed it as a project to work AFTER they at least addressed some of the many bugs, glitches and MANY technical issues (some of which were improved upon…. by reducing the already laughable amount of NPCs on screen at once).

But because this is Pokemon and Scarlet/Violet sold like gangbusters, fuck you, we’re going ahead with the DLC plans (takes me back to the same shit happening with the buggy ass Batman Arkham Origins situation), as in one expansion split in two parts and with a matsuri/japanese festival theme… one they’re also charging 10 bucks more than the Expansion Pass for the previous games, all made worse when the teased new Pokemon feel like “rejigged Yokai Watch designs”, and a one legged Suicine.

So don’t expect a timely review of the first part of the DLC, maybe one of the expansion on the whole when it has been released all, depends all on how much it takes for Game Freak to unfuck this specific bug and hopefully NOT reintroduce in a later patch, who can really say what will happen?

Maybe they will fix the issue by the time the first DLC rolls out, and in that case i will review it

[EXPRESSO] Demon Slayer: Prelude To The Swordsmith Village (2023) | Stock Breathing Style (UPDATED)

Okay, i’m not gonna sugarcoat it, this feels a bad joke to pull on the audience.

Sure, this was billed as a compilation film of the second season with the juicy carrot being the inclusion of the first episode from Season 3 of the Demon Slayer anime (covering the Swordsmith Village Arc), which will be airing normally this April, i’m not complaining about that.

But it’s not a compilation of the second season, it’s actually the final 3 episodes of Season 2 plus the never seen before episode 1 of the upcoming third season, and i would question it even being a compilation film, since they did slap the aforementioned episodes together, didn’t even bother to cut out endings, title cards, eyecatches or do any noticeable edits for better narrative flow.

I can kinda understand why only these episodes, as they sports movie level quality animation and are even better to see on the big screen, but this is supposed to be a compilation movie, so it’s a matter of editing… and even then i struggle to use that word, as they mostly added a brief gist of what the series it’s about in form of text over reused footage, and recycled the opening songs over very brief montages of battles and events leading to the action packed finale of the Entertaiment District arc, which you’re thrown upon.

Could have added some voice over narration here and there to give more context than zero or actually summarize the events leading to that, insteading of bugger all.

At least it’s not an extra pricey theathrical release, but still, this is lazy and bad even for a compilation film, complete cashgrab.

Even if episode 1 of Season 3 is quite good, just wait for the season to air regularly as it will.

EDIT 14/03/2022: i was made aware that the original trailer for the movie DID specify the contents as the movie just being the last 2 episodes of Season 2 plus the first one of Season 3, i didn’t know that since why bother seeing the trailer for a recap movie, and many news outlets didn’t quite specify what exactly was in the movie (the ones here in Italy just advertisedit as “recap movie of the Entertaiment District Arc” or something generic and non-descriptive, for once).

So i upgraded my rating to Americano to refelect, as in, it’s at least what they advertised, though this doesn’t fix the fact it was clearly marketed in a vague way by many news outlets (by choice, a malicious person might suggest), nor my complains about it lacking any kind of basic edit of the reused footage,

[EXPRESSO] The Offering (2022) | Autopsy of Meshuggah Doe

One more for the recent subgenre of “Hebrew Horror”, which already gave us movies like the solid The Vigil some years ago, but with The Offering we’re into more typical territory, despite the change of social setting, religion and culture.

The plot concerns a man that after years goes back to visit his father, who still runs a jewish funeral home, bringing his pregnant wife along with him. His plans and good intentions are then shaken to their core when a mysterious corpse shows up, with an ancient demon sealed inside that soon escapes and has a synister plan for the soon-to-be-born child….

There’s also drama involving the man true reason for going back to his father, but that’s the gist, and it’s quite the decent one, but as i hinted at before, compared to The Vigil this one draws inspiration from its specific folklore for the demon (which you do get to see and looks quite good, some proper shitting pants daemon), but plays it far safer in terms of everything, and comparisons aside, The Offering has some cool demon lore but it uses a familiar playlist of tunes we’ve already seen a lot.

Which you can argue it’s not so much the movie fault as the possession/exorcism subgenre has been done to death and beyond, but if you swapped the jewish social background for the ol’ boring catholic paradigm, the movie would still be above average but nothing special that hasn’t been done better many times over.

I’m still glad to see less represented realities and new prospectives in horror (honestly i’m surprised no one still tried to do a modern horror movie about the golem myth), the acting it’s solid, but The Offering overall it’s just a decent horror film that plays it a little too safe.

Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010) [REVIEW] | Castiel, M.D.

There’s a free bingo slot in the schedule, so you know what it means: randomly picking of a B-movie from my watchlist on Amazon Prime Video, discarding the ones that are not available at the moment or require another paid subscription on top of the Prime one, despite being included before.

I’m SO not paying 10 to 30 bucks so i can watch Ghoulies II.

So instead we are going with the everabundant disaster movie choice, there are enough of these made for TV ones to craft a new artificial landmass, in case need be, and this time we’re doing Stonehenge Apocalypse, from our other recurring peddler of low budget TV movies about disasters, monsters and cheesy B-movie stuff all around, Cinetel Films.

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[EXPRESSO] Vampire Survivors iOS | Italian Belmonts On The Go

I am a little quite late on this, since i didn’t know Vampire Survivors was ever gonna see a port on mobile platforms, but it did at the end of last December, and i DID want to see for myself if this iOS (and Android) port was any good.

I don’t really think i need to introduce the game itself, since it has been one of the ever-so-rare Steam success stories, especially since it launched at a really budget price, but the deal is that Vampire Survivors struck a new combination by basically having a roguelite RPG- “reverse” bullet hell using a “legally distinct Castlevania” vibe, with your character attacking automatically in the direction it’s facing, but still needing to be manually manouvered through the increasingly thick hordes of enemies homing onto you, while collecting exp drops, levelling up, getting new weapons or upgrades to the arsenal of auto-attacks, learning what to keep and use in order to survive longer.

It’s incredibly simple but also very addictive, and honestly this is a nearly perfect port, as the controls just require moving your character via a virtual joypad, so it’s easy to get into on a whim but also to keep going at for prolonged sessions/runs.

Here on smarthphones it has been released as a free-to-play title, but thankfully the developers at Poncle decided to actually care, so it’s a benign case of watching ads for extra gold or a revive when dead, at the time of writing it’s seriously devoid of any microtransactions or way to spend real money on anything.

Obviously this version is currently not up to date with the Steam release, and most likely will remain “behind” for a while, but even so free Vampire Survivors on smarthphones it’s a match made in italian vampire hunters’ heaven.

[EXPRESSO] Knock At The Cabin (2023) | Bautista Of The Apocalypse

Shyamalan is back to it after the aging beach shenanigans of Old, to tell the tale of a couple and their adopted daughter that, while going on holiday in a remote cabin in the woods, are visited by four mysterious, cultish individuals that invade their home, and then tell them they have been chosen and that the fate of humanity depends on them choosing a member of their own family to sacrifice in order to avoid the Apocalypse….

Quite the out-there premise, it’s a Shyamalan film alright, one that’s actually kinda difficult to discuss in any proper detail to avoid giving away hints of any kind about the “twist” could be, so i won’t be doing that (hence no talk about the ending, as you could assume by what i just wrote), but i will say that it’s quite intense and you never properly get to rule out definitely that these strange “home invaders” are saying, as you find yourself secondguessing what seemed like definitive proof, despite their odd behaviour and explained motives seeming truthful, so you end symphatizing with the antagonists as well with the couple and their child.

It starts out strong too, and it manages to keep the suspense all the way through, thanks to the excellent performances by the peculiarly assumbled cast of stars and the characters that make the movie stay consistent, the narrative gripping and help in make you overlook how heavy handedly are some themes approached (and some of the flashbacks feeling a bit like filler), making it all quite effective and honestly some of the best work M. Night Shyamalan has put out in recent years.

It’s perfect? No, but honestly it’s quite good and if you’ve ever liked one of the director’s movies, you’d be missing out by skipping this one.

[EXPRESSO] Junji Ito Maniac (2023) | Adaptation Curse

At this point in time i believe there is a factory somewhere producing monkey paws exclusively for adaptation of Junji Ito works, because you’d have to be a heathen to ask for more after the incredibly disappointing animated anthology known as Junji Ito Collection.

It hurts even more since this “sequel series” (once again handled by Studio DEEN as “Collection” was) basically showed up out of nowhere on Netflix, while the Uzumaki anime announced back in 2019 and supposed to release October last year has been postponed again.

In a fitting roundabout way, i’m not approaching in good spirit this 12 episode series, which also opts for sticking two short stories in one episode.

And honestly i’m not really surprised to realize that Maniac makes Junji Ito Collection look better in comparison, at the very least it had a better selection of stories, while this one seems to be running on fumes, so much that they do Tomie… AGAIN. Actually, they don’t do even that, just the chapters about the photos out of context and don’t even give that a conclusion.

Animation it’s mostly fine (CGI aside), but the selection is odd, questionable at best, the many stories often don’t work for a reason or another, be it editing, excessively brief runtime, lackluster direction, this when the stories themselves aren’t just kinda weak, underwhelming, not scary and forgettable to begin with.

There are some standout pieces, like the “Hanging Baloons” episode, and some odd comedic picks like The Bizarre Hikazuki Siblings, and it does get a bit better halfway through, but it’s not enough, not for a second attempt/season, and while it’s NOT the worst thing ever… please just go experience the various Junji Ito short stories in their original manga form instead of this sub-par anime anthology.

[EXPRESSO] Alice In Borderland (Season Two) (2022) | Fallen Figures

After a good year plus of waiting, the second season of Alice In Borderland is here (again, as a Netflix exclusive show), picking up where the cliffhanger finale left our protagonists, who now are pretty much forced to confront the new games held by the high ranking card figures, with teams of “inhabitants” that challenge the players directly, in the hope of figuring out a way to come back home, or if there’s even a way out to begin with..

There are some surprise comebacks, new faces, and the various games are quite entertaining and creative, the returning characters get more characterization, and ultimately we also learn a lot more about this “Borderland” world, even though we don’t get many answers because we’d lose that vague mystique and there’s technically enough source material for a third season.

Speaking of which, while i’m personally kinda tempted to lower the overall score/vote for the ending alone – that and some really cliched and basic philosophical wafflings – … i will give it credit since it could work as a proper conclusion for the series overall.

As i said before, you can clearly tell it’s adapted from a manga series, one that draw easily into the popular branch of suspense/supernatural death games (very akin to The World Ends With You crossed with stuff like As The Gods Will) and also belongs to the battle royale subgenre, though this live-action adaptation had the accidental luxury of releasing worlwide just before Squid Game – and its craze that re-popularized the battle royale – came into existence.

Overall, i’ve enjoyed this one more than the first season, it’s just more compelling in terms of characters, death games and stakes, making me surprisingly glad i gave it a chance, even if it’s a bit flawed at times.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #14: Triassic Attack (2010)

To give us a breather from an apparently endless strain of incredibly stupid scientists who would resurrect Hitler and put his brain in a T-Rex for the lulz… this time no one is cloning anything, or tampering in god’s domain without a rubber octopus on strings.

None of that shit.

Sorry for the screenshots “salvage fest”, but despite IMDB listing it having an italian release date (which is true since it was aired on tv here… i guess once), i couldn’t even find images of the apparent UK release, let alone a UK DVD, it’s not even one of those dino flicks gated off to non-UK Amazon Prime Video users. And apparently none of the major streaming services has it.

I’m not paying extra to import it from the US or get a Japanese copy, sorry, not for Triassic Attack.

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12 Days Of Dino Dicember #13: The Velocipastor (2018)

After teasing it in mentions before, it’s time to properly sit down and confess your sins to The Velocipastor. After all, “he’s a man of claw”, as boasted by the tagline poster.

This sounds like they came up with the title first and made the movie based on that, but it doesn’t even matter anyone, this isn’t even a valid joke anymore to make at these movies, i’m aware of that.

We’re past that, and so were already when The Velocipastor released through the power of internet curiosity for the new “bad movie of the week” sensation able to make people talk about it by the virtue of the title and a trailer that encapsulated the modern breed of poverty produced movies that wanted to be so bad it’s good because they knew an actual audience for it existed, and online film buffs willing to “surprise” themselves upon discovering the next worst thing ever to actually exist.

This isn’t a dig at the movie itself, it’s just that this modern strain of shit movies filmed with no budgets are made by and for audiences that are in on the joke, or actively search for them, so it’s a completely different situation from when people made crap like Video Violence in their backyards, slapped it on a VHS store shelf in America during the mid 80s, and nobody at large talked about them until decades later, because almost nobody knew these kind of films even existed.

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