Popeye PSN [REVIEW] | …. For An Asset Burger Today

Catching up on last year’s output of radioactive trash videogame releases, i saw this on sale for 2 bucks on PSN, so i bought it, downloaded it on my PS4 (game is also available on Switch, digital only as well), and in a matter of minutes i wondered if this wasn’t somehow one of those asset flips that somehow isn’t (or wasn’t) on Steam but managed to land digitally on other platforms.

And yes, i was correct, it’s not on Steam, most likely a calculated move as it would have been singled out immediatly and bombarded with negative reviews, for Steam’s userbase had many experiences with awful cobbled together rushjobs by hacks that smosh pre-made Unity assets together with minimal extra work, even more as this is a licensed game.

One that was released without nary a beep, so that already clues you in that they wanted to release a stinker and hope nobody noticed that they wanted 15 bucks for this turd by Sabec Limited, better known for having the gall to sell Calculator (and many overly simple games and stuff like Pet Rock) on Switch, as in literally a calculator app that they sell for 10 bucks.

Given how surprisingly important is Popeye as a franchise for videogames, aside from wondering how the hell Sabec Limited was able to license the almost centenary comic strip series from King Features Syndicate, it’s kinda fitting that this 2021 release pretty much boils down to a remake of the 1982 arcade game (also simply called “Popeye”), the one that inspired Nintendo to make the original arcade Donkey Kong.

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Grizzly (1976) [REVIEW] | Plantigrade Peckish

To honor the upcoming release of Cocaine Bear here in ol’ Italy (and presumably other european states), there’s only one thing to do: talk about Grizzly… the first one.

Of course, i know, you wanna hear about the infamous sequel that for decades languished in post-production hell, until it actually released in 2020 (what a fuckin year indeed), Grizzly II, but i like being through, and the original Grizzly does have some history as one of the earlier and more popular/recognized Jaws rip-offs, especially for “having everyone in it”.

Just in case the release date didn’t hint of why this one was made, the theatherical poster sported the tagline “the most powerful jaws in the land”, what’s shame for movie marketing anyway?

And given the bucks made by Universal with that animatronic shark that often did not work well or at all, it’s no wonder everyone was jumping on the now proven successful formula, and Grizzly is no different, to the point there’s really no reason in discussing the plot.

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[EXPRESSO] Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) | Laugh The Die

Dungeons & Dragons need to introduction, i feel, nor i could give it one since i barely even played it at all, tabletop ain’t my thing, but i simply cannot praise the D & D community for pushing back about that OGL mess, which is extra hilarious in hindsight since that’s what you want, Wizards Of The Coast, to push an unpopular revision/change of such a rooted experience, out of the blue, and do so when you have a movie based on the license about to hit theathers.

THAT addressed to the best of my knowledge/competence, i don’t have much baggage with D & D – just making it extra clear -, so i approached the movie as a modern fun action fantasy with mages, rogues, and people turning into owlbears, as its own thing, one could say.

The plot sees a charming thief and his party of unlikely adventurers stumbling upon a forgotten relic and basically doing the “big heist” of their carreer, only to get double crossed and inadvertitly gave the relic to people that were planning to do some very, world ending evil shit with it, so after escaping prison and getting most of the old party back, they will have to get revenge, save the bard’s daughter and eventually the world from what they unwittingly aided bring upon.

It’s no wonder it got such good reception, because it’s a lot of good fantasy fun, with lots of monsters, traps and fantasy stuff, entertaining action scenes, fun & likeable characters, good comedy that also reminds us you can use quips to actually enhance jokes and characterization, not just as a substitute of actual comedy or just diffuse tension, which is “fresh” once again in this media climate, especially for the nerdy-ish inspired sides of big budget cinema.

[EXPRESSO] Pantafa (2023) | Abruzzidook

Time for a freshly released italian horror film that will probably never leave “the Boot”.

Oh yeah, the italian mish mash of Somnia, Hereditary and Babadook that apparently was wished upon by someone, with a slightly laughable title even in its original language, at least if you’re not familiar with the regional Abruzzian folktale of the “pantafica” (here’s where the italian readers giggle, reasonibly so), a sort of ghost/witch.

The plot concerns a woman, Marta, moving with her daughter Nina to the little mountain burg of Malanotte (lit “Badnight”), in hope of curbing Nina’s sleep paralysis by escaping the frenetic rhythms of city living. But it happens that the house they moved into isn’t really helping, as is the lack on any children on the streets of Malanotte, and Nina symptoms get even worse, as she begins hallucinating a ghost of sorts that while sleeping steals her breath.

And bugger me senseless, it’s a surprisingly solid, effective mesh of the aforementioned movies, as it uses Southern Italy folklore to frame the uneasy relationship between the mother and the daughter, as well as the obvious conflict between the ways of small village seeped in religious rites, superstitions, legends, etc.

It’s a shame because it would even be straigh up good, if it didn’t slip notably at the end, with some rushed scenes in the final act that feel like the director decided to kinda learn the “wrong” lessons from the movies that clearly inspired it, but still, it’s a surprisingly well produced folk horror-thriller, gripping and definitely above mere decency, and i wasn’t always sure where exactly the plot was building to, already way more than i bargained for.

Flawed and a bit frustrating in how close to being great is, but still, color me pleasantly surprised by Emanuel Scaringi’s movie.

[EXPRESSO] Super Mario Bros The Movie (2023) | Fungine Fun

Anteprima in una nuova scheda

So the new Super Mario Bros movie, the new animated one, is here, and i gotta say i’m pleasantly surprised, since it’s still handled by Illumination, which is… a prolific studio, let’s put it like that.

The plot is what about you’d expect and combines elements from both the previous film iterations of the Mario franchise, so you have Mario and Luigi as unsuccessful plumbers in Brooklyn that one day, while trying to fix a flood, get transported into the Mushroom Kingdom, where Princess Peach is preparing a plan to fight Bowser, as he got hold of the magical Super Star and is bent on world domination… after he pops the question to Peach, that is.

Yeah, there is the isekai element but the world isn’t the weird Blade Runner-looking dino society of the 1993 live action film, instead the one most audiences remember from the videogames, and i say “the videogames” because basically every popular iteration of Mario is represented, there’s even the karts and the Kongs play a not small role in it, as the movie crams a lot of action, varied setpieces and fuckton of references in every scene, making for a pleasing 90 minutes romp where there’s no downtime nor faffing about random shit to pad out the runtime.

Animation is top notch and the script (which is still very “Illumination”) it’s also a lot funnier than one would wager, so older audiences will get more laughs out of it than expected, instead of groaning their way through most of it.

If i went to see it when i was 12, i would have lost my shit, but even disregarding that, The Super Mario Bros animated film stands as a good kids movie, very fun indeed.

It’s better than the Sonic live-action films, i’d say.

Super Mario: The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach! (1986) [REVIEW]

Before this deal of an animated Mario movie was written between Nintendo and Illumination, heck, 7 years before the infamous live-action film with Bob Hopkins and John Leguizamo, Nintendo already had its Super Mario anime movie, with Super Mario: The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach, based on the seminal Super Mario Bros game, which was released just 1 year prior.

While not totally unknown, for years it had been quite the rare, obscure and elusive piece of forgotten Mario media, with some horrible VHS rips flying around the web of thing, until some absolute chads in 2021 came together to fund and execute a 4K restoration project of the film from a rare (possibly even the only surviving) 16 mm print secured by another madlad called “Carnivol”, and then put it on Youtube for free, with updated (and upgraded) english subs.

So you can easily check it out there, not gonna put the link directly because Nintendo, but the effort it’s more than laudable and the people behind the restoration deserve some money thrown at them.

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[EXPRESSO] John Wick 4 (2023) | Knights Of The High Table

Wasn’t sure if to review this one, but i eventually watched the first John Wick on Netflix for the first time, so yeah, whatever, gonna marathon this series days before seeing the new one in theathers.

So apparently the series as a whole has people kinda divided, but honestly i’m not quite getting the confusion as even the first movie was chock full of ultra stylish ultra violent revengeance that drew from many influences, indeed was a revitalizing kick in the ghoulies for the action genre, and already seemed like it was the best adaptation of a violent cult comic book that never was.

For the 4th outing, it’s no surprise we get even more focus on the mythology of the assassins’ codes and the rules of this world that invites the same questions as WH40K does (“who cooks the meals without being bound via a blood pact to some finger collecting mob boss, etc.”), as we continue to see John Wick take on the High Table itself, after basically declaring war against it before.

Honestly i like these movies and how they try to up the ante every time, but if John Wick 3 seemed a little longer than necessary, Chapter 4 might result as downright bloated, as it pushes for a nearly 3 hours runtime, and could have benefitted to trim some of its many spectacular fights that sometimes go on so long they kinda start to grate on the audience a bit.

But i can forgive the excess as there’s plenty of very good action, and the pretty satisfying ending making it clear this is the intended end of the franchise, so hoping they will just stick with the already planned spin-offs, i’d say John Wick 4 it’s indeed quite “the blast” to end the series with.

There Is No Prank

So, the prank of “April 1st” this year is not only the lack of any prank, but the fact i’m gonna take a couple days off, so reviews will resume on the 4th of april, and we’ll catch up on the more recent big film releases, sorry if the last weeks were kinda lacking in this department.

Also, keeping in the tradition of this “1st april posts” i made here, i’m gonna recommend you wishlist Ena Dream BBQ on Steam, which is gonna be a free game based/continuing on the hit webseries ENA by Joel G.

Literally, that’s it, so sod off to the steam page, here’s the link.

Nezura 1964 (2020) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Would it really be a Giant Monster March if i didn’t reserve a spot for a japanese monster movie?

This time though we’re going for a triplette, as this one does not only – indirectly – involve the Friend Of All Children himself, but also it’s a dramatized biopic of a now defunct movie studio regarding the failed production of the Giant Horde Beast Nezura, which was slated for a 1964 release in theathers, but was never finished or completed.

Which led the company, Daiei, to try again in entering the kaiju market, this time with a more shameless but also safer choice of a reptilian creature, a giant turtle with fangs, the ability to travel through space by rotating firejets when retracted into its shell, Gamera, and squarely aim its movies at a far younger audience than what the Godzilla series targeted at the time.

But before he could fly into the deep abyss of space to defend all the younglings of the universe, Daiei was indeed planning something else, something else that wasn’t original at all either, as the producers were inspired by Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, with the idea to replace the swarm of avians with one of rats.

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