[EXPRESSO] The Naked Gun (2025) | Piss, Taken

On its face, this seems like a stupid idea, and another chapter in the modern trend of reviving any old franchise because desperation.

Even more so since this is a comedy franchise, the kind of films that usually you don’t consider for revivals since the genre is even more specific to its time than most and almost immediatly ages out of relevance (also due to changing sensibilities).

So i was kinda blindsided when i went to see the Naked Gun sequel-reboot… and it works.

It works and it’s actually feels like the Naked Gun, with its recognizable brand of “dirty jokes” (almost deliberately kept retro in that sense too), wordplay, 90s metahumour, slapstick and mostly absurdist delirium of actively trying to be stupid beyond stupid, just updating the farcical non-sense to modern standards…. but not quite, as it blatantly doesn’t care to coddle modern audiences and keeps the spirit of the 90s movies, it relishes it also being “dated” and throwing out references to Buffy’s musical episode, uncaring if the youngins will get it or not.

say “sequel-reboot” because the set up is that Liam Neeson is playing the son of Lielsen’s character, Frankie Debin, as an idiot sauvant old fashioned cop that this time has to dismantle a plan from a tech mogul that wants to use sonic frequencies to make people regress or something…. the plot is just a crutch for the jokes as usual, but the casting (including Pamela Anderson) and the committment make it work, Liam Neeson actually makes perfect sense as Frankie Drebin Jr. given how Lielsen’s carreer transictioned from serious drama to spoof comedies.

Plus it’s also short and sweet, just 80 minutes of unfettered retro comedy delirium that is confident and earnest, and is most likely gonna be enjoyed by newer audiences too.

[EXPRESSO] Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025) | Freaks On A Leash

I didn’t see the 2015 reboot and i barely remember some things from the 2005 iteration (“no one” has seen the Roger Corman version so i’m not gonna ask), but i’d say fans of the Fantastic Four will be pleased with finally having a more than solid film made about the beloved superhero quartet.

It definitely helps that Fantastic Four: First Steps is basically a standalone entry, taking place in another version of Earth where everything is a retrofuturistic 60s space age utopia, and (like the recent Superman reboot) it skips doing the origin story and it starts with the team already established, with a ABC style show recapping how they got their powers and became the city heroes/guardians, mythologized and even with their own saturday morning cartoon.

It does indeed play heavily on the family angle, as Sue and Richard are to have a baby….a joy shortlived by the appearance of a female Silver Surfer announcing their planet will be destroyed by Galactus, prompting the team to go back to space and trying to resolve the situation, complicated by an odd proposition i won’t spoil…

Again, it does play his card sincerely (as did Gunn’s Superman, guess this is new style for comic book movies now), there’s space travel, a bit of fighting, and it’s definitely the best offering from Marvel in a while…. it’s simply not as good as the James Gunn’s Superman reboot that we saw just 2 weeks ago, but i can’t fault the movie for that.

I can fault it for the characterization being somewhat lacking, as the Fantastic Four come off – despite the great performances – as a bit too perfect, too easily accepted and with any rough edges or weirdness (mostly) sanded off, like their media image plastered on ads or products.

[EXPRESSO] 100 Liters Of Gold (2024) | Moonshine Madness

Finland (and Italy since it’s a Finnish-Italian coproduction) time for 100 Liters Of Gold, a comedy by Finnish director Teemu Nikki (Euthanizer, The Blind Man Did Not Want To See The Titanic, Death Is A Problem For The Living, about two sisters, Taina and Pirrko, that run a successful – yet seemingly illegal – brewery renowed for their “sahti”, a traditional kind of Finnish beer (usually done with homemade methods as a secular family activity), and do it extremely well.

Things go south when their third sister orders them 100 liters of sahti for her wedding, as a series of family issues and petty yet almost deadly rivarlies surface, alongside a series of infortunate events and their desire to taste the product lead the two to guzzle down the entire batch for the wedding, then having to scramble and fix the situation in time for the wedding..

It’s a slow burn, off beat comedy about family and alcoholism also big on black comedy and nonsense, since the two middle aged sisters won’t stop out of stealing from the dead (among other things) to get out of their predicament and keep the promise with her soon-to-be-married sister, whom also previously lost a leg in a car accident, making age old dysfunctional family issues bubble up for the event, leading to a surprisingly dramatic resolution.

I think it’s decent movie and far from boring, though it’s also strangely meandering after a point, and it’s not a case of having too little going on, there’s a lot but none it’s really properly explored/developer comedy or drama (ending aside) as it could – and should -, resulting in a duo of protagonists – and by extent the many foul things they do – that’s hard to properly care for, despite the talented lead actresses.

Forbidden Fish Is The Sweetest/ Ningyohime no Gomen ne Gohan AKA The Cannibal Siren [MANGA REVIEW] | Era No Uta

I’d usually go by the official English name of a manga series first, but in this case i’m gonna have to use the localized title publisher JPOP chose for the Italian release, La Sirena Cannibale (The Cannibal Siren), which is actually even better than the original, Ningyohime no Gomen ne Gohan , translating literally to “The Mermaid Princess’ Guilty Meal”, even the latter is more descriptive (and sounds better in Japanese due to the allitteration).

I guess it made more sense given how Italy hugely/almost entirely created and fed the 60s “cannibal boom” in cinema, but i do like it better, sometimes localized titles here can be deceiving, excessively forward (to the point of “spoiling” any surprise effect) or just absurd, but THIS is the kind of “to the point” title that makes sense, so i’m gonna that for the rest of the review.

Written by Hiroshi Noda and illustrated by Takahiro Wakamatsu (also behind Love After World Domination and No Longer Allowed In Another World), The Cannibal Siren is about the mermaid princess Era, who lives happily in the ocean with her fish friends, beloved by all in the undersea kingdom, all is well… until one of her friends get fished out by humans.

She then runs (transforming her fish tail into legs, as mermaids do) to the surface in incognito to pay the final respects, seeing her friend being served by the nearby sushi restaurant, but then, prompted by a patron that jokingly encourages her to eat it – and i quote – “otherwise it won’t go to heaven”, she tries, and finds out she finds it delicious.

Then she begins spiraling out in a cannibalistic frenzy, ready to jump ashore to eat whichever of her subjects is fished out and served on a plate, all on the hush and despite knowing how she is a monster for doing that.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Heart Eyes (2025) | Serial Seattle Slasher

I kept myself in the dark as could about this one, for a change, but indeed i do understand why it was discussed and looked forward to.

The short of it is that Heart Eyes is what one could expect old slasher like My Bloody Valentine to be about, as in, it’s indeed about a masked serial killer that kills people on Valentine’s Day, but this isn’t more or less random theming to help marketing when it’s not actually relevant to the plot, this is a serial killer that specifically prays on couple every Valentine’s Day, and its killing spree have become a tradition of sorts, dreaded and dubbed as the “Heart Eyes killer” by the press.

This time he targets two co-workers that are trying to figure out if there actually could be something between the two when out for a dinner “date”, forcing the two to try and survive the night….

It’s a pretty simple set up but it gets more interesting than it sounds since the movie is also a romantic comedy, and thankfully the script co-writed by Christopher Langdon (Happy Death Day, Freaky, Drop) is able to balance out both the romance and the comedy horror aspects, while also delivering on the graphic violence with great gore effects and some really fun kills, coexisting with the genre-savvy dialogues and attitudes that never clash against each others, harvesting the classic slasher tropes for some fun twists and somehow being able to avoid padding, making for a succint, to the point approach to both the slasher and romance genres that’s witty without straight up brownosing itself.

The killer is also surprisingly fun to see in action, nothing original, but executed in a fashion that harnesses the cliches in a familiar but still fun, slightly fresher and satisfying way.

Aquaslash (2019) [REVIEW] | Slasher Action Park

What a waste of time.

I could have made a longer lead up to that, but sadly this one it’s just a sour disappointment, even going in just expecting it to be an enjoyable teen slasher set in an aquatic park, setting the bar fairly low but in a way that’s reasonable.

Cool title, but i’m not being too hyperbolic when i say it feels like a waste of time, period, since 80 % of Aquaslash it’s build up for the slipslide kills, and by “build up” i mean a lot of exagerrated romantic drama with deliberately exaggerated douchy teens and asshole adults characters, and a lot of cliches, which would be fine if the pay off was worth it… it ain’t.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] The Phoenician Scheme (2025) | Con Nun

I’m a huge fan of Wes Anderson since forever, but i’m starting to understand why one would not like them, aside from his style being overly consistent over time, as he perfected his own aesthetic, style of editing and photography to a tee. To the point that i feel he has gotten too good at it, and now basically sticks to that people expect of him, for better or worse.

Following the retro meta scifi extravaganza of Asteroid City, The Phoenician Scheme, while also set in 1950, is more of a black comedy/crime caper where we follow conman extraordinarie-arms dealer-ubercrook Anatole “Tza Tza” Korda (Benicio Del Toro), surviving yet again another assassination attempt via plane crash, and feeling this time it was a very narrow dodge (to the point he has near death visions), he decides to call his estranged daughter Liesl, a novice nun, and agree to carry on the family business, especially in carrying out the titular scheme, which is a super-risky, very long term and elaborated conjob, which requires getting on board a series of business partners… some of which he tried to swindle before, plus every big business has it in for him since he does his shady schemes and machinations in such a way that just happens to piss off or indirectly negatively impact every big business kahuna representing a nation or coalition.

For my money (as they say in Eagle Country) it’s at least better than Asteroid City, i’d say it’s definitely better than The French Dispatch, which did disappoint me, but if you liked his previous movies, it’s as obvious as correct to say you will enjoy this one too, and viceversa.

Honestly i wish Wes Anderson would do more animated films or try do remakes of Svankmajer films, or something else entirely.

Shiver Me Timbers (2025) [REVIEW] | Night Of The Sailor Comet

As the time of writing (and posting, since i improvised this trifecta of Popeye horror films’ reviews) this is the more recent in the batch of 3 horror films based around Popeye’s copyright falling into the public domain that were basically dumped on VOD, all released in a matter of months (or weeks) from one another, and while i’m fairly sure there by September (to be very generous) this specific declination of the fad will have died down due to diminishing returns (since it’s the third time, after Winnie The Pooh and Steamboat Willy’s Mickey Mouse) … i’m not putting this mini-marathon of modern “public domainxploitaition” in “extend mode” if another one or more of these eventually crop up, i’m not playing catch-up anymore.

So let’s see how Shiver Me Timbers, the debut film for director-writer Paul Stephen-Mann, fares out.

In the summer of 1986, a group of friends, led by Olive Oil and her brother Castor, are going on a trip in Northern California to witness the rare Haley’s comet meteor shower event, but they couldn’t expect that a comet piece would fall to the ground that night, a piece lodging itself into the corncob pipe of a reclusive fisherman living nearby, Popeye, now turned into a monstrous, violent killer with superhuman strenght, ready to sate its bloodthirst on Olive and his friends..

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Death Of A Unicorn (2025) | Mediocricorns Out

Like i lamented in my review of Opus, this kind of satire about “eating the rich” has just about plateu’d itself into a modern clichè, despite the sentiment itself being more and more relevant, and Death Of A Unicorn just cements this further.

Even if it’s a killer creature feature mashed with The Menu (again, that or Knives Out), and there’s something to the concept, given the unicorn’s folklore.

The premise sees a lawyer bring along his estranged daughter to meet with the wealthy family he works for, but they accidentally hit something with the car.

That being an actual, factual unicorn, which is eventually discovered by the rich family that immediatly seizes it when they realize just their blood can do near miracolous things, and ignore the warnings of the daughter, who briefly but profondedly mind-linked with the unicorn cub…

It’s not that it doesn’t commit to its silly concept of “killer unicorns stalking-killing rich assholes”, it does so to the point its detrimental, mostly taking the idea too seriously while being stupid in a way that’s more exhauting and annoying than fun, the good cast can’t do much when these character are too fuckin stupid, it lacks some needed self-awareness, and it’s nowhere as fun as it sounds.

It also doesn’t take advantage of the absurd premise to make something creative with it, the effects are fairly good but don’t expect anything of inventive in terms of kills, for example, and while it’s under 2 hours, it feels longer, like they stretched a short movie or a comedy skit into feature lenght.

It’s at least a more coherent with itself than Opus, i will say that much, and it’s not awful, it’s just another middling entry in this already overdone, oversatured “eat the rich” style of satirical comedy.

[EXPRESSO] A Minecraft Movie (2025) | Yearning For

We all saw that horrendous first trailer for the Minecraft live action film, so i guess that lowered expectations for it, not that it made sense to make a Minecraft film, even less so in live-action, but instead of lamenting about Jack Black career moves, let’s cut the shit for the sake of brevity.

I do not care nor know much about Minecraft, aside from the stuff even gamers not invested in it will simply have learned via osmosis, and let’s be real, even i could tell you this is a stupid concept, borne of a decadent big budget film industry that is now riding on videogames’ everincreasing popularity (instead of the other way around) to sell tickets for whatever.

So imagine my surprise in finding out it’s not utter trash, even if there’s obvious irony of making a movie about a game thriving on creativity when it’s just Jumanji, again (couldn’t wait for the next one of the reboot series, could you, Jack?), just this time the guy wanted to actually go there, and there’s a washed up, John Romero-esque videogame champ of the 80s still stuck on the past, played by Jason Momoa, and we have stuff from Minecraft reworked into the plot of a fairly generic (and a bit unfocused) kids/family film fantasy adventure romp.

Still, there’s actual energy put into it, especially thanks to Black and Momoa going super hammy and clearly having fun with the silly material of a script, which isn’t good but isn’t atrocious, it’s nowhere near as cynical as one would expect, there are some solid performances (Jennifer Coolridge as the lonesome oversharing school principal for example), the effects are mostly up to snuff (which i didn’t expect from that awful trailer), even if the art style feels weird in live action.