Categoria: Horror

[EXPRESSO] El Conde (2023) | Pinochet The Dirty Old Man

Pablo Larrain, after years of historical biopic dramas about his home country of Chile, he finally tackles Pinochet…. by reinventing him as a vampire that has lived on since the French Revolution, faked his death many times, and most famously established a dictatorial bloody regime.

But after 250 plus years of undeath, he just wants to die, and this causes the vultures to come, in the form of Pinochet’s mortal sons, hungry for more blood money to inherit, and an exorcist nun is also sent in by the Church to kill the monster… and see if he drops some fat cash, too.

We’ve seen the vampire comedy format used to tackle various themes, and there’s definitely potential in making Pinochet a literal horror monster to comment on his legacy and the political troubles of modern Chilean society, in how the past keeps repeating and evil finds a way, and indeed the satire is relentless… but the comedy is surprisingly scarce, mostly stemming from excess cruelty via dialogue more than graphic content (gore is far from missing, btw).

Even that feels like breadcrumbs, for a 2 hours runtime with a geriatric pacing, fitting, perhaps, but it’s really not that funny, the narration is ironically lacking proper bite, and the elements of horror, history and humour do not so much gel together as are just placed there, neglected of proper growth more than balanced against each other.

The black and white photography it’s excellent, acting it’s good, it has some great golden age horror atmosphere at times, but El Conde ultimately just feels stuffy, too slow and bloated for its own good, and despite all the pretense, there’s not much under the gothic capery to gawk at.

Interesting experiment, but a disappointing one that’s also hard to sit through, to my dismay.

[EXPRESSO] A Haunting In Venice (2023) | Halloween Party

The adventures of world renowed french master detective Hercules Poirot continue in the new installment of Brannagh’ series of Agatha Christie adaptations, with Haunting In Venice.

Retired from the world and any kind of detective work in the town of the real “Aqua Laguna” after the events from Death On The Nile, Poirot just passes his days in slovenly eating italian pastries and avoiding any case, he is eventually roped in by an old time acquaintance of here, a detective novelist that based her books on him, as she wants to join a seance during Halloween in one of the many supposedly haunted Venetian houses, and discredit the medium as a phony.

Things go south quick as first someone attempts to murder Poirot himself, then theathrically kills the medium, forcing our mustache-armed detective to lock up the place and discover the murdered before the police can arrive, with events making him even – maybe – consider that the rumors of haunted buildings and lore of a horrifying children asylum have a modicum of truth to them…

It’s pretty decent, like the previous Kenneth Branagh Poirot films, i wasn’t quite woved, but i did quite enjoy them, and i did like this one a bit better than Death On The Nile, mostly due to the less sprawling script that doesn’t feel the need to add shit like the “WWI prologue for the ‘stache”.

But on the other hand the flirting with the horror elements this entry does… it’s just that, some mild flirting with the ideas of ghosts, just about as committed as it could ever realistically be given it’s an Agatha Christie’s story and whatnot.

Also, characters and story are less detailed and interesting this time around, but overall it’s a decent time, thought not really scary or super enthralling.

[Resident Evil Live Action Film Retrospective] #1: Resident Evil (2002)

Its 2002. The latest mainline Resident Evil games are RE Zero and Code Veronica (plus Gun Survivor 2 released the previous year), and the remake of the first RE game was coming a week later, but something else related debuts, and it’s the first feature lenght, live action film adaptation of the franchise, produced by Constantin Films via Sony’s Screen Gems label, with direction and script by Paul W.S. Anderson, previously known for the 1995 live action Mortal Kombat movie, and cult sci fi horror film Event Horizon.

So he already dabbled in the early wave of videogames films for the big screen, and fittingly enough the Resident Evil live action film would be his legacy, for the most part anyway, enough that eventually Capcom would collaborate with him again to make another film based on one of their IP, in this case one that started as a niche title but launched the popularity of “hunting games” and eventually became one of their biggest franchises, Monster Hunter.

But back to the zombies with what is now the first of the Resident Evil live action film series, and not even the only RE film series, as we looked upon the CG animated one some years ago.

In terms of what “Resident Evil 2002” it plucks from the games…. let’s consider the first one for reference, and it clearly a case where people from Capcom had a list of things that had to be in the movie to make it Resident Evil”, but never specified how and why these things should exist in this new continuity, because Paul W.S. Anderson clearly had little interest in making faithful adaptations of the games’ plot, and did its own thing, playing fairly loose with the videogame canon, which was reviled as it’s often now but was less lamented upon, at least compared to modern standards of backlash, “outrage” and rampant reactions from the internets.

Continua a leggere “[Resident Evil Live Action Film Retrospective] #1: Resident Evil (2002)”

[EXPRESSO] The Nun II/2 (2023) | Valak Has Somehow Returned

No joke intro or sequel title mockery, The Nun 2 doesn’t need nor deserve it.

Really, one for the textbooks in terms of obvious franchise milking that exists only because of money, which is always the case, but while you’re hooking the demon nun to the device, you might as well crank out a better movie, try to pretend you care at the very least.

In reality, we get a sequel to another mediocre spin-off of the Conjuring films, one that really wasn’t needed nor adds anything of value to the overall mythos. Valak is back due to the magic of asspull writing, so we learn that she copied notes from Soul Eater’s Medusa, so it actually survived by possessing a guy working as a janitor in a French all girls catholic school, because is searching for (check notes) a holy artifact, maybe because Valak was a fallen angel, or something, the lore dispenser guy-christian librarian-priest is most likely making this shit up on the fly.

To stop it the Vatican hires back half the team from the first movie, because the priest guy conveniently died of colera offscreen in the meantime (the actor most likely is fine), so it’s up to the young nun and her sassy black nun friend to find and stop Valak once and for all… in a stupid fashion.

In a way, it’s intriguing how at least this one also manages to not be completely tosh thanks to some scenes (the baphomet does give it points), decent casting and budget… just meaning it’s another pile of strikingly efficient mediocre, despite being a pointless, unrequired cobbled together mass of horror styrofoam that’s also borderline boring and struggles to justify its own existence as a sequel.

Kinda amazing how many shades of monstrous mediocrity can actually exist.

Girls Nite Out AKA The Scaremaker (1982) [REVIEW] | Bear Claws In

Would it really be September here without a school themed slasher from the 80s that has been mostly forgotten? Yep, there were so many of these that the “content vein” seems to never end, there’s always more slasher to pick and revaluate, here thanks to the UK (and also US) release on Blu-Ray by Arrow Video, who else?

I’m NOT gonna review the Blu-Ray itself and the many extra contents (especially if you managed to get your hands on the Limited Edition with the extra slipcase with the poster art of the movie under its alternative release date “The Scaremaker”), but i will say the 2K restoration it’s hella good.

I said school, but in this case we have a sorority group of college girls that are killed one by one by a degenerate in a bear costume (the college’ sport mascot) during a night-long scavenger hunt taking place on campus, with the story of a former student – called Dickie Canavaugh– that was recovered in a sanitarium and speculations on why he hanged himself.

Continua a leggere “Girls Nite Out AKA The Scaremaker (1982) [REVIEW] | Bear Claws In”

[EXPRESSO] Don’t Look At The Demon (2022) | The Haunting Of Mika Melatika

Odd as it sounds, there are many flavors of mediocre, and Don’t Look At Demon is one i’m fairly familiar with, especially if we’re talking about possession/haunting movies, which i will dub the “decency skimming step”, since it has its moments that might make it a decent film, but inevitably everytime the movie does something a bit more interesting than usual, it immediatly undoes any “advantage” by retreating back to trite shit or to a jumpscare by a ghost/entity.

The baseline isn’t bad per se, not original as we follow the Skeleton Crew, a troupe that shoots one of those “paranormal investigation shows” and has come to Malesia searching for new content.

Thanks to the actual medium woman in their group, Jules, they select the case of a couple, Ian and Martha, living in a remote house that seems to be actually haunted. Upon arriving, Jules does not feel anything strange, but turns out it was true.

Otherwise it would be a movie about a dysfunctional tv troupe coming to Malesia to see monks hammer protection tattoos into women with a picket and not much else.

Characters are fairly typical, acting is decent though, and the movie using Malesian folklore about spirits (spirits of unborn children, in this case) does help to make it more interesting than the usual christian themed haunting movies… or it would if the main demon didn’t mostly act or was confronted upon pretty much how it would in any other possession movie with christianity as the main (or only) religious background, so it doesn’t even manage to capitalize on that properly.

On the upside the narrative is fairly fast moving, you get to see the expected possession gymnastics and telekinesis throws, and it’s just 90 minutes, so it’s not awful, just average and fairly forgettable.

[EXPRESSO] Zombie 100: Bucket List Of The Dead (2023) | Cross-Z Shark! Are you ready?

Given the success of the live action adaptation of Haro Aso’s Alice In Borderland manga, it’s no wonder Netflix also ordered a live action movie based on one of his other works, the zombie comedy Zombie 100: Bucket List Of The Dead, also adapted into an anime TV series that started airing this July.

The premise sees Akira, a young man working for a japanese “black company” , bullied by his boss, working non stop like a robot, sleeping in the office… until a good ol’ fashioned zombi apocalypse happens. So finally free, he jots down a list of 100 things he wants to do before death (or “undeath”) catches up with him, eventually finds his best friend and encounters other survivors….

Yeah, this is a fun and – almost – novel twist to the over-explored (both for drama and comedy) zombie apocalypse mold, the spin here is quite fun and light-hearted, making for a slice of life episodic narrative that…would have simply worked better as a series instead of a 2 hour movie feeling like episodes of a TV series stapled together, making me wonder if this was the compromise to avoid having both adaptations cannibalizing each other.

Thought this live action film is far more “sanitized” compared to the manga, i guess to make it feel akin to the Netflix Alice In Borderland adaptation that mostly eskwed fanservice or sexual content (though gore is abundant and far from hidden), but honestly it feel longer that it needs and characters are likeable enough but fairly stock.

Though it also features a mutant zombie shark that’s already better than the entire film “Zombie Shark”, fought in sentai style because the lead actor played Ryuga Banjo in Kamen Rider Build.

So, overall, it’s decent enough, very cute, for what it is.

[EXPRESSO] Meg 2: The Trench (2023) | Cranking It Up

As one of that quite enjoyed the first The Meg (believe it or not at the time it had some very split reception from genre fans), i was waiting for its sequel arrive in theathers, pretty giddy about it too, though honestly shark movie fans nowadays pretty much HAVE to make do with anything in terms of theathrical releases.

After all, we are in such an ironic drought that even The Asylum has to commission their mockbusters to the Polonia Bros, so yeah, i’m quite glad we get more “megalomachia” as Jason Statham once again dons the eco-warrior kick ass action hero character whose name i honestly forgot, not that you’re gonna call him that (leave to a side-villain to scream his name when confronting him), and this time he ventures with a new submarine alongside his old and new sealab companions, with the idea to go even further below to where the “megs” prosper, but accidents happen as they also stumble upon an illegal underwater mining operations, and explosions let many of the deep sea creatures reach the surface and start causing the mess, including a giant octopus and what are basically abyss deep “varan-raptors”, frigging dinosaurs.

While the first one was fun, this one is arguably better, with more variety of locations, creatures and set pieces, since we don’t spend half (or all) the movie in the usual high tech underwater lab where the megalodons are kept, but we quickly move to the abyss trench and its peculiar fauna, the mining company installation, even some tropical resort island, and we even get monster vs monster action.

Honestly Meg 2: The Trench has pretty much everything you’d want from one of these dumb ass big budget shark/dinosaur films, very entertaining, with enjoyable characters and abundant over the top action.

[EXPRESSO] The Haunting Of The Queen Mary (2023) |

From the director of Dracula Untold, a maritime horror movie that’s also technically a Halloween movie too, since it shifts between 2 (well, two and a half, to be correct) main storylines taking place on the titular ship, now sitting as a tourist historical attraction rife with horrific past events, like the massacre that happened on the Queen Mary during Halloween of 1938, where the father of a family of entertainers went on an unmitigated killing spree.

In modern times, the Calder family visit the ship for a business trip, but the young child comes across some of the ghosts that haunt the luxury translantic, and in an attempt to save the lost soul of their boy, the Calders enter the ship again to try and learn of his terrible secrets and centhury old mysteries that are more than “spook tour material”…

I was honestly pleasantly surprised by this one, though this lead to some frustration as the set-up it’s good, it’s great, it’s rife with potential but the execution kinda stumbles, with the direction being uneven and falling back on jumpscares or cliches even though it doesn’t really needs it, having already established a solid atmosphere and having some fairly tense sequences.

The 1938 sections are by far the more interesting, visually intriguing, and while the narration does a solid job in slowly revealing how the massacre went down back then and what it implies for the modern day events… these often aren’t as strong in terms of either story, action or characters, feeling overall kinda uneven, and some questionable choices (like how the “dream scenes” are shown and the direction lacking confidence at times) stop this one to being straight up good.

Still, as it is, The Haunting Of The Queen Mary it’s a decent-and-above supernatural horror thriller.