[EXPRESSO] Tarot (2024) | S. Link RANK UP

It’s that “almost summer” period, so why not indulge in the new teen horror out in theathers, Tarot?

No oujia boards, no dolls, this time the teens ® will fail to learn that doing things when told NOT do those things is a recipe for manburger massacre town… even with cards. Tarot cards, obviously.

The premise sees a group of friends breaking the unspoken sacred rule about Tarot cards, as in one must not use another’s cards. In doing so they release a malignant force hidden in the cursed cards and they will have to fight for their life in what it sounds more and more like a Final Destination script rewritten at the last week, despite being based on a 1992 novel called Horrorscope.

Surprisingly it doesn’t all takes place in the villa where they find the cursed deck, but otherwise it’s a familiar watch, bringing out all the stops and expected bits, like them having to contact an estranged individual that believes and is versed in the supernatural foe they’re trying to escape, which is nice since the lore of the movie about tarot cards and astrology isn’t gonna expose itself.

On the other hand it’s a nice little variation/take on the Final Destination shtick that uses the premise of tarot card, divination and astrology related beliefs as well as it could possibly can, the characters are stock but likeable, the idea using the Arcanas in order to evoke a small ensemble of monsters chasing their victims is actually quite fun and executed decently.

It’s also a bit PG-13-ier than expected on gore but i can forgive that and the final “asspull” because the film it’s kinda silly at heart, it doesn’t overstay its welcome, and even if largely predictable and formulaic, it’s honestly more enjoyable than expected.

Tiger & Crane Fists AKA Savage Killers (1976) [REVIEW] | “That’s A Lot Of Nuts!”

To give us some respite from the videogame reviews dominating this #MeleeMay, i’ve figured we could check out some old fashion cinematic melee action, as in some old ass kung fu flick from Hong Kong. Which doesn’t narrow it down at all, so why not review a movie a lot of people most likely have seen… but also not actually, factually seen first hand?

I’m not talking about parroting opinions from a film Twitter account, i’m talking about Tiger & Crane Fists (also known as Savage Killers) , whom american and international audiences will have some familarity with, even if they don’t think so, because its the film used by Kung Pow – Enter The Fist and given a comedy dub job, because it was the early 2000’s, and – among other things that didn’t age well at all – parody/spoof movies actually made some sense to exist and come out in theathers, after taking off big in the 70s and 80s with the various Mel Brooks films, the Police Academy franchise, and continuining through the 90s with the Naked Gun series.

And then absolutely nothing else after.

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Green Lantern: Rise Of The Manhunters X360 [REVIEW] #meleemay

During the 7^th generation of console, there were still movie tie-in Marvel and DC games for each of the heroes/movies (though mostly for what is now known as Phase 1 of the Marvel MCU) , mostly under the Sega brand, and there was a 70 % chance of it being a beat em up because God Of War was still the new cock of the walk, leading the market to lots of imitators crafting up 3D hack n slash/beat em up in where to fisticuffs dozens of foes while playing as a digital Hollywood actor in costume. Yep, years ago, it was economically pheasable to pay for the actors’ likenesses without that alone costing more than the budget for the game itself. Looking at you, Square Enix’s Avengers.

The Green Lantern movie released in 2011 (starring a yet-to-bloom Ryan Reynolds) and… was definitely one of those, bad but not as bad as i expected. So after finally watching on a whime the movie last year on Neflix , i’ve decided to finally bother unearthing the disc from my 360 library. Hope you hankered for some tie-in movie trash of yore to be reviewed.

A shame DC is most likely never gonna touch the idea of a Green Lantern reboot in terms of live action film, so engrained is the stigma the 2011 movie has, because it would still make more sense than the Black Adam movie they did make, but who knows?

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Attack Of The Sabretooth AKA Primal Park (2005) [REVIEW] | I Ate Mondays

So, experience tells me i should be reviewing The Belko Experiment since it’s International Workers Day and all, but i have very little to say about it, it’s a fun “battle royale but office enviroment” from writer (as he didn’t direct it) James Gunn and director Greg McLean, but it’s shockingly devoid of any twist or variation to the formula that had already been done, there’s some good actors but the characters (especially the protagonist) are mostly – and oddly – forgettable, it kinda never evolves, shakes up or does the battle royale formula in a fresher or interesting way, and the second part lacks the flair or escalation it leads you to believe it’s coming.

It’s still a decent film with some good, bloody moments, and one i still recommend checking out, after adjusting your expectations, because its one of those case were a movie suffers from being exactly what it leads you to believe it will be, so it’s not surprising it’s mostly remembered as a kind of missed opportunity, one where the satire ends and begins on the obvious, for once.

and despite the film teasing a “Phase 2” (not of MCU kind), for better or worse a sequel has yet to materialized as there were no plans for it and – to most people’s knowledge – still aren’t, at least at the time of posting.

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[EXPRESSO] The First Omen (2024) | Damien Begins

It may look silly (or worse) to see the review for a new Omen film pop up after i outright refused to even see The Exorcist: Believer in theathers and just skipped it, but after hearing more than a few early reviews being positive for The First Omen, i figured why not, oddly sounds about right.

And for the record i never bothered with any of the sequels, which must have been the case for many, as this new Omen film does the other trend for new entries in old or long running horror series, as in its a prequel to the original The Omen from 1976 instead of a legacy sequel or a reboot.

Which is oddly kinda refreshing, at least in the current horror climate.

The plot concerns a young american woman, sent to Rome in order to be initiated into sisterhood, as she encounters a darkness so shocking it shakes her beliefs to the very core, and has her learn about a conspiracy to birth the Antichrist.

While it too suffers from some fixations of these prequels and legacy sequels, like having to redo a scene (or more) from the original movie mostly for the hell of it, and it has to move within the limits of an already established story which limits the potential twists and surprises, but honestly i was really surprised, as not only it works out a really creepy origin story/prequel to the 1976 movie, really taking advantage of the setup for some devilish twists and most importantly, an incredibly effective, graphic and twisted tale of evil, that manages to stand out by its own merits and uses the borrowed lore to the best it can, instead of just chasing the ghost of an older, better movie.

Surprisingly very good horror prequel, recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Civil War (2024) | FraKctured

I was disappointed by Garland’s previous (and winner for “most on the nose possible horror title”) film, MEN, and the trailer for Civil War really was so generic i could almost believe it was promoting a live action adaptation of Ubisoft’s Tom Clancy’s The Division 2’s, or whatever a big budget version of a “January 6 Simulator” without a Trump phrophecy orb would have looked like.

(then again, this is an issue A24 seems to have recently, see the trailer for The Zone Of Interest)

That aside, when i actually got to see the film in theathers, i was pleasantly surprised Garland didn’t “lost it”, so to speak, at all, as Civil War definitely deserves the critical “praise nugget” of punch packing and delivering, as you would with the subject matter.

The plot follows a couple of war journalists that, after surviving a suicide bombing attack while reporting in New York, they decide to accompany a mentor of theirs and a young girl that idolizes their work while travelling through an America torn apart by (yep) a civil war, as many states have split and factions formed, with the goal of interviewing the president, as he holes up in a contended Washington, and his forces slowly losing steam to the “Western Forces”…

It’s a bleak depiction of a fairly realistical future scenario where the many contraddictions and divisions in the American social stratum broke out from social media mudflinging into actual, literal, civil war, but the movie avoids any easy weaponizing and name calling by putting focus instead in the day-to-day ground reality and the routine atrocities witnessed and perpetrated.

And it’s an uncompromised vision because it denies itself comforting platitudes or hypothetical, naive resolutions, while sporting a stellar cast and being constantly engaging and entertaining on an immediate level.

[EXPRESSO] Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024) | Lament Configuration Sphere

So we’re back yet again with Ghostbusters, with a sequel to Afterlife, which was decent when it wasn’t completely lost in his own nostalgia and uncanny CG recreation of dead actors, among other issues, but i’ve lamented those when reviewing that movie back in 2021.

Frozen Empire i will say it’s already more enjoyable because Afterlife did the setup of this new Ghostbusters squad, and it takes place in a ghost infested NY, with the new “busters” moving in ye old Ghostbusters HQ/old firehouse, the old guard helping with new tech for the job, and an ancient mystical artifact that contains an evil presence hitching to spread icy death on the city…..

I do like the new villain, the comedy and the new characters introduced here, how they use the old glories and i did enjoy this a lot more than Afterlife, i found it a bit funnier as well, but it still carries some issues, as the movie stopping dead in its tracks to make an overly long reference to the original Ghostbusters film, because it can’t be a quick wink, of course.

And there’s the issue of bloat, as the film kinda feels overstuffed with too many characters added into the mix, fighting for screentime – alongside the references – over the 2 hours runtime which in turn makes some have barely anything meaningful to contribute to the plot, like the brother, Trevor, might as well be offscreen all the time since he mostly exists as a delivery character for the Slimer scenes, while Phoebe’s subplot is basically the focus of the entire film, and characterization is quite uneven, with some support characters often being kinda obnoxious more than funny.

This is the kind of script that could have used some trimming, despite cleary unwilling to cut anything.

[EXPRESSO] Monkey Man (2024) | Ramayana Revengeance

Dev Patel’s directorial debut, Monkey Man is a violent action thriller that it’s being sold as “indian John Wick”, which is both true as it does explain succintly the kind of movie you’re gonna see, but it’s not quite that.

Sure, it even acknlowedge John Wick is a film that exists diegetically, and there are some surface elements that are there almost to do a wink and a nod (a dog is involved at one point, for example), it’s pretty violent and graphic, but its more grounded and more akin to The Raid – as other have pointed out– which it’s also pretty good.

The plot sees the protagonist, Kid (played by Dev Patel), an anonymous man, becoming an avatar of justice and vengeance by donning a mask of Hanuman, a mythological monkey-man from the sacred indian epic, the Ramayana, after years of losing in a underground fight club, as he finds a way to avenge all the abuse he received and punish the corrupt men that were also behind the massacre of his family.

Aside from the protagonist actually having a more proper motivation and not starting out as an already legendary murder machine (so he does have to learn shit and plan out things more than which weapons to pick from a super armory), it also taps into Hindu mithology not just for the hell of it, but because the film is ultimately more about religious intolerance, the wide spread (and intertwined) corruption of police and religion in India, about literal, actual social justice.

Action it’s still a cathartic, bloody affair that feels quite visceral and fastifying, acting it’s excellent, you will barely feel its 2 hours runtime, so indeed, it’s a pretty damn good action thriller that’s inspired but not a copy of Keanu Reeves’ assassin extraordinarie.

[EXPRESSO] Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) | Les dents du singe

Honestly, Godzilla fans have been eating good lately, because we both have great serious Godzilla movies like Minus One and then we have the Monsterverse delivering the funny cheesy , super silly Showa-era style kaiju clashes, crossovers and “monster royal rumble collabs”.

And i’m supposed to stand there and tell you i don’t love the high quality of monster movie silliness of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, as if i can’t love both.

Following up after the events of Godzilla VS Kong, the two Titans have reached an equibrilium of sorts, with Kong ruling over Hollow Earth and Godzilla serving as a “protector” against other kaijus on the surface of the planet. But when quakes inside Hollow Hearth make way for a new menace, the Monarch foundation will have to make two rival Titans work together to confront it…

Sadly, Godzilla kinda plays second fiddle in terms of relevance to the story, which is mostly about Kong’s loneliness and longing to meet other apes of his kind, the human characters are still pretty much stereotypes deep as a puddle, but here they’re more fun and-or tolerable than they were in Godzilla VS Kong, we do get to learn more about the lore of the world and the creatures as expected/promised (there’s a lot packed into a 2 hours runtime), there are some cool new monsters, with the kaiju’s personalities coming through perfectly, all culminating into one of the more expensive tag team kaiju wrestling matches ever seen on films.

Silly as shit, and deliberately so, with Godzilla taking a knack to sleeping in the Coliseum you know what the tone is gonna be, and i can’t deny it’s a blast.

A silly, hugely entertaining blast.

Can’t wait for the next one, come on Legendary, work Gamera into this Monsteverse thing!

Ape VS Mecha Ape (2023) [REVIEW] #giantmonstermarch

As we all knew it, the adventures of “untrademarked simian monster” would continue after his debut against “copyright free atomic dinosaur”, after all Ape Vs Monster was one of the few new modern Asylum movies that people gave a shit aknowledging at all, as they basically resorted to rip-off themselves for the most part, but that’s another review, and with Jagged Edge Productions now outilining clearly their shared cinematic universe called Twisted Childhood (planned to end with Poohniverse: Monster Assemble in 2025) after unleashing the first Winnie The Pooh slasher, Winnie The Pooh Blood & Honey… the Asylum spirit lives on stronger and worse than ever.

For todays’ feature though we have to kinda go back to Toho’s handling of the Kong property during the 1960s, as after the first King Kong VS Godzilla there was a follow-up… as in, Toho made another King Kong monster film back in 1967, King Kong Escapes, again a Japanese-American collaboration, but not a sequel to King Kong VS Godzilla (which is even funnier considering that film too ignored everything but the first Godzilla film), that would make some sense.

No, instead it was based more around the animated children TV series The King Kong Show, a collaboration between Toho and Rankin Bass, co-produced by Videocraft International and Toho Animation, and featured – in the japanese kaiju tradition – a mecha antagonist version of the protagonist monster, called Mekani-Kong, created by an evil genius called Dr. Who, not fans of the BBC show, but more of the then common asian evil genius scientist-mastermind, as popularized in Bond films and spy flicks of the era in general, with the obviously attached racism.

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