[EXPRESSO] Goblin Sword NSWDDL | Good Mobile Sorcery

Mobile games get a bad wrap, and while the industry itself is guilty as hell for it…eventually you get a mobile game that actually wants to be just a game, made for enjoyment instead of retention (followed by the game testing your resolve against your wallet)… which you probably didn’t even knew exist until it gets a PC and/or console port.

Yeah, Goblin Sword is a mobile game that found its way to the Switch’s eShop earlier this year, and despite some asset flips (and similar crap from malingering homunculi) from Steam starting to surface here as well, you can still get proper esposure on it, especially since it’s a 2D retro styled Metroidvania-sidescroller hybrid……lacking the random ass rape in the beginning, now we have to warn people of that due to a certain series with “goblin” in the title.

Then again, there isn’t much of a plot, it’s basically you against an evil wizard that wants the titular “goblin sword”. And… that’s it. Gameplay itself it’s a basic sidescroller with a Metroidvania twist, as in you get power-up needed to reach previously unaccessible areas, but progressing in the levels it’s done in a traditional side-scroller gameplay, go right until you reach the end of the level, with double jump being the fancier ability available, and collect all treasure chests and crystals you can.

Gelato Games (oddly not an indie italian videogame studios, despite the name) did cook up a good sidescroller, with a pleasant but a bit generic art direction, and you can still kinda tell this was made for mobile first, but you’ll soon forget that, thank to good level design, the tight controls, the great difficulty curve, a good amount of content and replayability.

I’m glad this one was ported to Switch, because it deserves more attention.

[EXPRESSO] Lupin III – The First (2019) | LUPIIIIIIIN THE THIRDDDDDD

was supposed to see this one in theathers (if you didn’t know, Lupin III was and still incredibly popular here in Italy, so much a couple of licensed PS2 videogames technically have a PAL release because they were only released in Italy, outside of Japan) back in march, but the lockdown happened, and eventually this one was snapped by Amazon as a Prime Video Exclusive. Smart move, in hindsight, since i was also waiting to see the second MHA movie, which got a new release window…. but cinemas have closed, as we’re in a quasi-lockdown situation.

I’m faffing around because i really don’t have to introduce Lupin III, now, do i?

The plot is fairly typical, concerning a book by the archeologist Bresson, containing a mysterious treasure and encased in a cryptic mechanical contraption, and standing as the only one the original Arsenè Lupin wasn’t able to get. But not only Lupin The Third himself wants to do out his grandfather, a girl named Laetitia and a surviving nazi group are also after the treasure.

It’s what many would call “classic Lupin III”, it’s quite appropriate (even more since it’s dedicated to Lupin III’s author, Monkey Punch, who passed away in April 2019), and it’s still quite a blast, thanks in no small parts to the downright amazing 3D CG animation by TMS Entertaiment and Marza Animation. The animation itself is worth the “ticket” by itself, just a masterful implementation of this style, which is often derided as stiff or a cheap compromise that never satisfies or manages to translate “anime” into CG.

THIS is how you do it.

To draw a comparison with another new film based on an old series also released that year, this is definitely better than City Hunter: Private Eyes, in pretty much everything.

Rise Of The Zombies (2012) [REVIEW] | The Walking Machete

Halloween is technically over, but… one more!

You may think this is another of those movies that trojan horse you into watching them because they have Danny Trejo on the cover…. but not quite. And yes, “Trejobaiting” was (and i guess still is) a thing.

If anything, i’m angry because he’s in it for the first half-hour, then they sloppily kill him off at 35 minutes (and use him in zombie form for 5 more), after letting you believe he might be in the third act. Still, it’s definitely better than stuff like Zombie Hunter, where he there’s for 5, 10 minutes tops, despite being prominent on all promotional material.

Even more surprising, the movie itself isn’t complete shit…. even if it isn’t very good.

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[EXPRESSO] Kadaver (2020) | Dinner Theatre

The first norwegian horror film produced by Netflix, and available since October 22.

Directed and written by Jaran Herdal, Kadaver tells of a family living in a cold, barren, post-apocalyptic city, with a full-out nuclear war that might erupt at any moment. One day, a strange man shows up to sell tickets for an event held by Mathias, a local rich man, with promise of food and entertaiment at his mansion.

After dinner is served, Mathias tells the audience that the show is unique, as it takes place all through the mansion, and instructs them to wear masks while they follow the maskeless actors putting up various scenes. In time the spectators are whisked away in secret for true purpose of the party. Which i won’t give away, even if you can take an easy educated guess.

Sadly, it’s an uneven experience.

It has some stylish and morbid imagery, the idea of a trap “dinner theatre” is cool and quite original, but the narrative moves too damn fast even at the beginning, so you’re not really given any valuable time to feel invested in the fate of the family, or to second guess the nature of the odd performance. Doesn’t help that the plot relies on characters doing dumb mistakes most of the time.

On the upside, it’s fairly short and entertaining all the way, the ambiancè is great and there are some good moments, but also middle of the road character (decent acting, at least), and an ending that’s quite… clichè for such an intriguing promise.

It’s a shame, because it released at the perfect time for the themes to resonate with the audience, but it held back by its not small flaws. It’s still a decent horror movie, definitely worth checking out, even just for the original plot.

Haunted Castle PSN [REVIEW] | That Dastardly Dracula

Played in the Konami Arcade Classic Anniversary Collection on PS4.

In this fairly good collection (thankfully Konami tasked the Arcade Archives team to do this one, and this one has a regular Arcade Archives release as well), there is something that will stick out from the many old shoot em ups that make up this collection, and that made Konami a premier videogame company, once upon a very long time ago.

Is the spooktacular arcade version… kinda of the original Castlevania title on NES, released in the west as “Haunted Castle”. And when i mean “arcade version”, i mean this isn’t a conversion, but a completely different game that uses different hardware and graphics, but still adapts the first Castlevania in gameplay and premise, the stages being original but also drawing comparisons to the NES game. To make things even odder, this isn’t even the first title in the series to do that.

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Ghostbusters PS4 [REVIEW] | Bustin’ One Out

Quietly put out as a sequel to the 2016 Ghostbusters movie (the mediocre one people went on harassment campaigns for), this is a budget release through and through, but it’s Activision publishing it, so of course they sold for 60 bucks as its MRSP. Must squeeze all the money out of this licensed cash grab shit-turnip as we can before people notice or stop caring about Ghostbusters.

Or until we release a remaster of the WAAY better (flawed, but still WAY better) Ghostbusters game on PS3/X360/PC. Which just happens to be free on the Epic Store, i didn’t even plan this, but at the time of posting, it’s still given away for free on that platform/store, so i’d recommend nabbing it.

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[EXPRESSO] The Mummy Demastered PSN | Prodigium Posse

Since i got this on the Halloween PSN sale, why not?

And i mean it, sure, it’s based on 2017’s “The Mummy”, that turd of a movie that was supposed to be the “real” launchpad for Universal’s MCU horror equivalent, the Dark Universe.. after trying and failing with Dracula Untold just 3 years earlier.

But it’s also developed by Wayforward, who notoriously built their reputation by actually doing good tie-in licensed videogames (and kickstarting their original series, Shantae), so they could manage to actually do some good with the abysmal source material. And they did.

It’s nothing original, but it’s also a good little Metroidvania title, who puts you in control of a soldier working for Prodigium, the secret company dedicated to defend the world from monsters, tasked by the face of Russel Crowe (who plays Doctor Jekyll in the movie) with defeating the freshly resurrected mummy princess Ahmamet. The plot is basically a side-sequel, as its events run alongside the ones in the movie, so no digitized retro-Tom Cruise to see here. Still, the plot is better narrated here than in the movie, and it’s told almost completely via exposition dumps.

The 16-bit styled retro graphics and the synthwave music are quite good, and while the game doesn’t try to change much of the typical Metroidvania trappings, it’s far from uninspired. Actually, it’s well done, and it also has a touch of “Zombi U”, as when you die you restart at the last save point, taking control of another Prodigium soldier and having to retrieve your equipment and upgrades from the other soldier, now zombified, but still weapon savvy.

It’s also fairly well paced, a bit on the short side, but, enjoyable all the way, and fairly well balanced, not easy but also not impossible. Or too challenging overall.

Hyrule Warriors: Age Of Calamity (DEMO) NSWITCH [Hands-On]

So yeah, this demo dropped kinda out of nowhere (i say “kinda” because a listing on a Soutch Corean site basically gave it away) during yesterday’s Mini Nintendo Direct, and since i’m clamoring to play a new Hyrule Warriors, you bet i’m gonna sink me teeth into it, and write a quick hands-on.

The demo is basically the first chapter of the game, and it will let you use the saved data in the full game. So already it sounds a bit more meaty than the demo they put out for the 3DS port-expansion Hyrule Warriors Legends. And it is.

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Genshin Impact PS4 [FIRST IMPRESSIONS] | Paimon Patrol

After spending ¾ hours in it, having gone past the obvious tutorials and tutorialized parts of the game, i’m ready to put down some impressions on the latest game/live service by the developers of Honkai 3^rd Impact.

Just wished i did some research first, because while this game is also available on PC and smartphones (and it’s also coming to Switch soon enough), the PS4 version doesn’t support cross-platform play, it just ties the game’s progress to your PSN account.

So even if you did already have a miHoyo’s account, it doesn’t matter.

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Cinema Purgatorio

I wanted to see a couple of horror movies in theathers this Halloween (and also do EXPRESSO reviews of them), but from yesterday onwards Italy’s basically on a temporary 1-month lockdown of sorts due to COVID-19. Yes. Again.

So that idea goes in the bin, because you bet cinemas are closed, and i don’t know how many will even be able to re-open for the dicember-Christmas season. Then again, Christmas wasn’t gonna be that jolly since we’re in the midst of both a global pandemic AND an economic recession.

I’ll probably see what’s up on Netflix and see if i care to bother. We’ll see.

Stay safe. Whatever that implies for you.