[EXPRESSO] Monster Hunter (2020) | Isekai Hunt

Yeah, we just got this one in theathers now, once again delayed due to the pandemic.

Preface: i know a bit about Monster Hunter, but not that much, as the franchise it’s one of those i should be really into, but somehow it never clicked with me.

But still, you should know what to expect: it’s another big-budget live action adaptation of a Capcom IP directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, as the Resident Evil movie series did bring a lot of buckaroos, so let’s do it again, and of course cast Milla Jovovich as the lead, i would be surprised if the director didn’t cast his wife for these roles.

And let’s get this out of the way: yes, it could have took place in the fantasy world alone and still deliver on the monsters and action, but nope, so in order to make it more “palatable” to all audiences, let’s have a US military unit get isekai’d into the Monster Hunter world, finding the guns useless on these giant monsters, and having to adapt to dual blades, maces and more “primitive” weapons that actually can damage these things. All while roaming a mostly desert land, searching for a way home.

And sequels.. that WILL probably be made.

To be honest, while the plot is a shining example of Hollywood cowardice and spineless scripts, the movie itself it’s not that bad. It’s dumb as a brick, written as such, but the CG for the monsters looks good, there’s a bit of horror, it adapts fairly ok a lot of elements from the games, preserving the basic gist of the thing, and it’s entertaining.

Not good, not smart, but entertaining enough, like MOST of the director’s Resident Evil movies. Also, it has Ron Perlman with a hilarious “afro Meatloaf” hairdo. XD

Upcoming Attractions: Sharks und Pirates

(Source) https://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/4273516?q=sharknado+

(no, a Girls Und Panzer retrospective isn’t afoot… YET)

Just a quick overview of what’s coming for the rest of the summer on the blog.

July will be Shark Month. Usually it is anyway, but this year i actually have managed to pile up enough material (despite everything), so there will be a shark movie review out each day, and maybe some EXPRESSO ones too, depending on when i can get to some releases in theathers.

August will yet again be a One Piece retrospective…. of the TV specials.

Last summer we did go over the featurettes, and it’s still too early for me to properly re-assess all the One Piece movies. Like i said before, i’d prefer some more time to pass,, in order to avoid some lazy rewrite-recycle of the old reviews i made in italian years ago.

Also, i’m gonna take a break from the 15th of August (included) until the 1st of September.

This doesn’t mean i will stop posting at all, since EXPRESSO reviews will be made and published, but any time consuming form of review or retrospective will go on hiatus.

That’s about it, so look forward to another summer of sharks and anime pirates!

[EXPRESSO] Spiral – From The Book Of Saw (2021) | Uzumeki

I have been a big fan of Saw since forever, so i was looking forward to this new one, liked the casting, and you know, it had to work hard to be even worse than the pointless and neutered Jigsaw/Saw Legacy. Plus, we have Darren Lynn Bousman (who directed Saw II, III and IV). So yeah, i’m in.

The plot sees an old cynical detective getting assigned a freshly promoted and entusiasthic rookie as partner to investigate on a series of gruesome murders that look unsettingly inspired by one of the more sordid serial killer stories to ever happen in that city, the Jigsaw Killer. Helped by a veteran cop, they soon find out that they are stepping on a spiral of mistery and traps set up for them.

Yeah, plot wise it’s not exactly a reboot, as in this continuity The Jigsaw Killer was a thing of the past, but it doesn’t make clear if the events of Jigsaw even happened or mattered, so it also works as a new take that doesn’t really rely or require seeing the other ones, and this installment does indeed give the series a new direction, focusing more on the detective/police drama, dedicating more time to flesh out the characters directly instead of a heavy “flashback diet”.

The traps are actually creative, vicious, and deliciously sadistic as expected, with a lot of gore and gruesome details, already making this a lot better than the bloodless boring shit in Jigsaw. But as far as actually reimagining and reinventing Saw as a whole.. no, really no, Spiral sticks to formula with decent results, not really feeling that eager to reinvent itself in the first place, after all.

Not bad, but it lacks the ambition to really try something new with the series and potentially fail.

[EXPRESSO] Run (2020) | Night And Day

Gotta be honest, this one completely flew under my radar, i didn’t even knew it was on Netflix from april… until now, where it got a theathrical release in my country (after leaving Netflix, of course).

Whoopsie. Whatever, i still prefer going to a theathrical screening.

From director and writer Aneesh Agharthy (2018’s Searching), Run tells the story of the weird relationship between Diane Walsh (Sarah Paulson) and her daughter Chloe (Kiera Allen), a wheelchair bound and homeschooled teen, as she notices her mother’s behaviour getting stranger and stranger, leading to find some strange name changes on some documents and making Chloe suspect of everything her mother does, fearing to uncover some dark secret.

Run is one of those movies that don’t really sound like much going by the premise, which might come off as too “familiar” and overused even if it really isn’t, and no, it’s nothing like the 1980’s film Mother’s Day (or its loose 2010 remake), even if it debutted original on Mother’s Day.

Still, while you kinda know what to expect, the execution makes it, as the very good script takes 100 % advantage of the setup and possibilities given by a disabled protagonist, without resorting to insincere little pieties about the “poor wittle paralyzed thing”, and offering very well written characters that perfectly play off each other thanks to the great performances of Paulson and Allen.

Also, while it has a slow first act, it’s not that much of a “slow burner”, as things pick up a bit faster than expected, but tension remains high all the way through, with a lot happening in 90 minutes, and a very satisfying ending.

Been a while since i saw a finale so satisfying.

Nothing “new”, but very well done, with nothing about it feeling vestigial. Good one.

[EXPRESSO] Ghost Lab (2021) | Thai Ghost Of Ruin

Let’s take a dip from Netflix new original content, specifically this thai horror thriller, Ghost Lab.

The premise is novel enough, as we see 2 medical doctors try to scientifically explain ghosts, after their hospital is infested by something they both have witnessed with their very own eyes together, so they venture on this quest of undisputable scientific proof for the literally unfathomable, setting up the titular “ghost laboratory” in a hall of an abandoned building in their hospital.

And as it turns out, it’s quite hard to prove ghosts, as even the odd night events like wheelchairs moving by themselves in fairly open spaces or things flying off the shelves by themselves don’t look more believable than the stuff available online, but while it doesn’t unfold exactly as you would expect (it doesn’t do the “Layton twist”) and it has some good drama, most of the final act seems kinda at odds with what came before, in a last second course correction to make it a more standard horror thriller, maybe afraid it would have less impact if didn’t.

Sure, at least there’s some entertaiment to it, but it’s hard to shake the feeling the script was tooled with to deliver a more palatable, safe conclusion, as if the writer wasn’t confident enough, so it threw all the genre cliches in a final act that – again, for the most part – might as well belong to a completely different movie.

It’s a shame, because it has a decent atmosphere, good characters, convincing performances, but it just doesn’t develop the interesting premise in a potentially interesting way, falling back into the generic, and in a fairly jarring way to boot.

It’s an uneven film, for sure, but i’d say it’s still worth a watch if you dig the premise.

[EXPRESSO] The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) | Pacino Panic

I’ll be honest, once i heard the third Conjuring main installment was gonna be handled by the director of Curse Of La Llrona (the 2019 one), Michael Chaves…. my expectations dropped like a lead baloon. Sorry, but they did, even with Wan involved… not in writing the screenplay. MH.

Now that the movie it’s finally in theathers….let’s go over the plot, first, instead.

In the 80s the Warrens (Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) are investigating a new case of demon possessions and the like, which involves a man accused of killing his landlord by slashing him 22 times with a knife, and during the trail the Warrens – for the first time in American law’s history – try to negotiate a reduction by posing (and trying to prove as far as they can) the man was under demonic possession, uncovering another occult force along the way.

Let’s be brutally honest: this IS the underwhelming follow-up, it’s exactly that, not strictly bad, but just uninspired, going through the motions big time, with the best parts being hold-overs from the previous movies, in particular the Warrens’ characters, nothing that this movie can claim to have created. What is new is clearly an inferior redo of the Conjuring as a whole, not just with Chaves’ direction being ridden of limp, almost ineffectual jumpscares, but also the script (which really makes you miss Wan), made worse by the obvious “tricks” to make this one reach the 2 hours mark.

It’s disappointing, and a shame because you almost could see a better movie coming out of it if handled by more experienced people, but that movie didn’t happen in reality. Still better than The Nun or La Llorona, but come on, you reasonably expect more than just that from a mainline installment of this franchise.

[EXPRESSO] Spanky’s Quest SNES | Darling please

As Nintendo’s own Nintendo Switch Online retrogaming offering continues to baffle and disappoint everyone, i decided to pick from this pathetically tiny new serving of small, back catalogues titles most people don’t really care about… well, Spanky’s Quest, from Natsume.

Don’t be fooled by the cheeky title, because a very Kirby-esque (albeit shitty, as it doesn’t actually explain even the basic premise) cutscene will introduce the titular simian, Spanky, trapped in a tower by a witch and now in a quest has to escape while watching out for enemy fruit homunculi.

It’s the kind of game that if i played back when i was a kid, i would have most likely dropped after the first few levels, not in frustration more as not being that interested. Doesn’t help that there’s no tutorial of sorts, since the way you attack isn’t obvious, nor the game tells you can bounce the bubble you launch to power it up multiple times, and then use the bubble button again to pop it for a bigger, more powerful projectile attack.

Once you figure this out, you realize this is a fairly straighforward puzzle platformer, where in each level you need all the keys (hold by the enemies) to open the door leading to the next stage, albeit made a bit more challenging by the fairly unique method of indirect attack by throwing – and juggling – bubbles like actual spherical objects, and NOT the way Bubble Bobble does it.

To my surprise, it’s actually a decent little title, and while it’s not too long (just 50 short stages, even without the save states and rewind features it’s not that hard or time consuming), it has some charm and depth to it. Just a decent, but cute little puzzle platformer from the era. Nice music, too.

[EXPRESSO] Freaky (2020) | Stop ‘n’ Swop

It’s my pleasure to say that with Freaky we’re back to Christopher Langdon’s brand of energetic and delightful modern slashers movie “with a twist”.

This time it’s NOT a Groundhound Day time-loop applied to a slasher movie, but another popular twist, as in “body swapping” between the heroine/final girl and the killer (via a mystical sacrifical dagger), an indirect “reversal”, as our troubled teen girl has to go back in her body and do it fast as the spell will be irreversable after 24 hours, with the killer using the advantages of his new body to continue the murder spree at the school prom.

While the main twist is indeed fresh for the slasher subgenre, and Langdon’s script fully utilizes for dramatic and comedic effect (while also obviously giving a spin to the chasing killer trope), Freaky is both style AND substance, able to hit many of the satisfying slasher elements, like the satisfaction of the killer tearing up detestable characters, the fairly graphic and unapologetic gore of the more elaborate kills, keeping most of the traditional elements.

It’s not just a cynically conceived gimmicky twist hurriedly scribbled to akwardly “spice up” an otherwise uncaring crap slasher, it’s clearly crafted and written with a clear understanding of the genre/subgenre, and while it’s very funny, with the same whimsical tone seen in previous Langdon’s film, it’s not a satire or parody, but a proper slasher movie in itself, one with great actors like Vincent Vaughn and Kathryin Newton, giving off great performances.

Even if you weren’t crazy for the director previous films (wasn’t too fond of the second Happy Death Day, myself), it can’t be denied it’s a very confidently written, acted and directed blend of horror and comedy that successfully lays an old fan favourite twist on the slasher formula.

[EXPRESSO] Tom & Jerry (2021) | Featuring Paolo Bonolis from the Paolo Bonolis series

Oddly they decided to release in theathers here as well now, so why not. It’s bound to be more interesting than Cruella or any of the direct-to-video Tom & Jerry movies where they just put the characters in other famous stories, and it could make for a memorable disaster, even more since it’s directed from Tim Story, better remembered for his Fantastic Four movies.

And this is actually the second theathrical movie for the cartoon duo, almost 30 years after the last one, so i was indeed curious.

Plot sees Jerry take refuge into a fancy hotel, which prompts a young employee of the estabilishment to team up with Tom in order to get rid of the mice problem before a big wedding takes place, but eventually they have to put aside their differences to fight the real “villain”, who’s cospiring to ruin the wedding for its own gain.

I wasn’t sure why they eventually went with the hybrid of live action people and computer animated cartoon characters….i guess mostly to enhance the slapstick due to the juxtaposition of cartoon characters (sporting very old school designs too) still adhering to cartoon logic even when interacting with real world people and locations.

Maybe.

This could (and should) easily have been a fully animated feature, but despite the very predictable plot (complete with the “liar’s reveal”) and token human characters, it’s not that bad. At least it has some funny moments (including the by now expected but always welcome Droopy cameo), it keeps Tom and Jerry as a non-talking slapstick duo, the slapstick itself it’s pretty decent, the music is surprinsigly well chosen, and the animation is decent.

To be honest, it’s not good, but it’s arguably a bit better than the 1992’s movie most people from my age have nostalgia for.

[EXPRESSO] Army Of The Dead (2021) | The Uncertain Dead

Zack Snyder has taken a break from superhero movies to come back to the zombie farm for Army Of The Dead, a zombie flick that’s also a heist movie, originally conceived as a spiritual successor of Snyder’s own 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake, but over time becoming his own distinct thing, while it stewed in development hell until Netflix picked it in 2019.

While Las Vegas is plagued by a zombie epidemic, a group of mercenaries is crazy enough to try pulling the absurd and hugely risky feat of going into the quarantined zone to pulls off the biggest heist ever conceived, and do it before the government drops a nuclear bomb on the area.

This sounds like a great recipe for a bombastic, excessive good time… but it isn’t.

Putting aside that the movie is not so full of action as it marketed and presented, it’s a flawed execution of a good premise, one that’s also very long (2 hours and a half) and totally feels like it, even more as it feels unclear on what exactly it wants to pull off, not helped by the fact there are tonal inconsistencies; figures when it feels so conflicted between almost being Zombieland or a more Romero-style zombie film.

It’s frustrating, because it has some interesting, noteworthy variations and additions to the zombie mythos, it does live up the title in that regard, the actions scenes are quite good, there’s even some decent humour. There’s something to it, but it tries to pack too much stuff in and it never fully “clicks” because of it.

We’ll see more regardless, as Snyder wants to do a sequel, and Netflix already greenlit two prequels, in form of a film and an animated series, so maybe something better could come out of it.