L’Isola Degli Uomini Pesce (The Island Of The Fishmen) (1979) [REVIEW] | Dr. Moreau From The Deep

I guess fate does exist, because i randomly picked up at a local flea market a DVD copy of “L’Isola Degli Uomini Pesce” (translating to “The Island Of The Fishmen”, literally) for less than 3 bucks, figured i’d review that for a lark, only to find out this movie is actually known among fans of B-movies as “Screamers”, in its edited and reworked version handled by Roger Corman that cuts some footage, inserts a new opening and adds extra gore.

While also using false advertising in marketing with text claimining it’s about “people turned inside out”. This is an utter lie, because it also implies this is a horror film…. yes but it’s also a fantasy adventure flick that also pinches ideas from Island Of Dr. Moreau (and also reminding one of the Corman’s Humanoids From The Deep, for example) and uses horror cliches like a mad scientist creating a humanoid hybrid race of people, but it also has heavy adventure movie elements like the natives and the sunken civilizations and stuff.

So if you have memories on seeing this as “Screamers” on TV or VHS, sorry, we’re talking about the original, untouched italian version of “The Island Of The Fishmen”.

Also, i promise there are no One Piece jokes here, tempting as they were to make.

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Crocodile (1979) [REVIEW] | Thai Croc Jaws #sharksncrocspartdeux

Can’t get more basic than “Crocodile”, not “killer”, not “mutant”, nor “apocalypse”, just your plain old reptilian creature to not be confused with an alligator.

Which is arguably kind of a lie, since this is an obscure Thai monster movie that was made – in unison – “to ride Jaws’ coat-tail”. I don’t even do this on purpose, there’s that big a chance even killer croc movies somehow can be linked back to it, either due to the decade of their release or the basic plot structure and popularized cliches.

Often it’s both, as “Crocodile” was released just years after Jaws rocked the box office, AND the plot it’s virtually identical… or is it?

Not to be confused with a 1978’s Korean movie also with the international title of “Crocodile”, from which this 1979 Thai film is edited from… and by that i’d say it borrows some stock footage from the 1978 one, i don’t know to what extend, since i couldn’t find a copy of the 1978’s film, because i do believe these are two different – yet almost identical sounding – movies, not one and the same.

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Roboshark (2015) [REVIEW] | Livetweeting The Shark #sharksncrocspartdeux

Robocroc left me feeling very meh and mildly bored, so Roboshark would have to pick up any pace in order to better. Or worse.

Regardless, it was originally one of the many shark movies making their debut on SyFy during the second annual Sharkenado Week of 2015 on the channel, and like most of you would have already guessed, indeed, it’s not a sequel at all, just shares the concept of something cybernetic getting into contact with predator animals and turning them into robotic-cyborg version of themselves.

But honestly the circumstances of the movie’s release it’s a perfect framing in what climate Roboshark came out, because it was indeed a time where everyone wanted to be in on the joke, ride the meta self-awareness sea train but deliberately doing it WITHOUT a “Don!”, engineering itself to be made fun of, to have people online live-tweet the shit out of it, to make you look at the freak, hoping that word of mouth and horrible reviews would make for unorthodox promotional material, because making that view counter go up is the only reason to make the thing in the first place.

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Pikmin 4 DEMO NSWITCH [HANDS-ON] | The Dog Doing

so Nintendo just released a demo for Pikmin 4, coming at the end of this very month, and given how long i’ve been waiting for another Pikmin game, i’ve got sumething to say about it, for sure.

The first big addition to the formula is the hugely marketed “pikdog”, as in now you have a dog.

That already it’s a good thing, but thankfully this one isn’t gonna suffer the same fate of the dog in Call Of Duty Ghosts (as in getting locked forever into the toybox after being used once), as it ismore than a gimmick, serving as a mount (which can carry many pikmins on his back too) enabling traversal via jumping, being able to smash obstacles, dash, dig, fight by tackling and biting, and can even be controlled directly, especially useful in underground caves that can your character and Pikmins separated by an obstacle Occin (the dog) can’t pass through.

Plus, as your rescue more stranded astronauts you get more upgrade points for the dog, which is just lovely and obviously pretty useful.

And the dog already it’s a great addition to gameplay, and feel natural like it had always been there, but obviously, there is more, in the way of new types of Pikmin, ice and luminescent, but the demo only lets you encounter and use the Ice Pikmins, which already offer another way around exploration, as they can be even used to freeze water surfaces, alongside enemies.

But there has been some streamlining, as in now there is just a big “onion/deposit” for all Pikmins despite of their colors, the 3 protagonists multitasking of Pikmin 3 is gone, and – the more controversial one – there is no limited number of days under which to accomplish the various tasks, which might sound terrible to some old time fans, but frankly i don’t get the issue, since Pikmin 3 already utilized a system that basically gave the player a lot of days to accomplish the various objectives, like a lot, especially if you went for completition.

So really, the removal of the limited days altogether it’s more vestigial than controversial, and i’m fine with it since the days themselves retain the limited time indicating how much you have left before it’s nightfall and you have to scurry back to camp in order to avoid getting your Pikmin eaten by the hungry beasts that are even more aggressive at night.

Hence even so you get some sense of urgency, as you wanna still get the most out of your day of gathering and exploring and rescuing, etc.

Regardless, the fan favourite caves to explore are back from Pikmin 2, and work more or less identically, but are also more abundant in the huge levels/areas, and now there is more emphasis on resource gathering, with these new gems that can be retrieved and converted in building material for bridges and the like, or used as currency to buy items and gadgets from the scientist/inventor, ranging to rotten carrots to paralyze enemies, dog treats, and stuff like fireproof abilitiees.

And these new additions gel without issue with the formula, nothing feels forced or there because there needs to be more shit in a sequel, regardless if it makes sense, no, thankfully Nintendo didn’t really fucked with the proven formula, but expanded it well.

The trailers revealed that indeed now we’ll be able to explore at night, but since the demo ends when you get a certain amount of the new energy resource, the Luminium, we’ll have to play the full release to find out.

Not that this is a small demo, it’s pretty sizeable, including the tutorial area and letting you play a big chunk of it, it’s one of those where you kinda forget you were actually playing a demo so you feel bamboozled by the game telling you “thanks for playing the demo up to where we meant you to play it”.

Speaking of which, by finishing the demo you’ll be able to unlock an Occin costume in Pikmin Bloom, alongside the expected ability to carry over the progress to the full game.

Yeah, as a longtime fan of the series, i’m honestly just chomping at the bit to have the full thing on my hands to play more of it, so yeah, check it out to get your fix on.

Robocroc (2013) [REVIEW] | Domo Wanigato #sharksncrocspartdeux

Police officer Murphy is shot down while confronting a criminal gang, but his body is found by a brood of crocodiles living in Detroit’s sewer system. They nurse him back to health, let him partake of their radioactive flesh, which helps him grow back the lost limbs, and eventually he reemerges into the public eye as the hybrid man-croc vigilante Robocroc.

This is NOT the plot of Robocroc, not that the actual one has anything to do with the movie spoofed in the title. It would took to much time and effort, and this is just not the way these post-Sharkenado low budget killer animal flicks do it. It must be stupid, but within the itsby bitsy budgets, which overtime seem to have gotten smaller and smaller, closer and closer to the “Polonia-sphere”.

So it also means this has more in common with Metal Gear Rising Revengeance than Robocop, as the plot involves a missile launch that goes awry, with the ejected part landing in a zoo, nanomachines coming out of it and into a female crocodile named Stella that happened to be nearby the capsule’s crash site, and these slowly turn her into a cyborg bent on eating his way through the special forces called into the enclosure, then escaping the facility to feed on random people fishing in a lagoon, stopping on dry land to feast on people guilty of driving quad bikes, and finally going for the big feast of a nearby aqua park full of teens partying.

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Thunder Of The Gigantic Serpent (1988) [REVIEW] #snakesofjunetoo

One of the more infamous piece of copy n paste cinema from the IFD Film & Arts factory of Godfrey Ho and associates, one that happens NOT to be a ninja movie with their pink ninja pajamas and 30 seconds superfights against caucasian ninja masters, but the other kind of exploitation the company specialized in, the “actionxploitation” flick with super american stereotypes fighting against criminals of some ilk, all played by the same 6 non-asian guys Ho and Lai employed.

And we’re lucky because we got Pierre Kirby in this one, playing agent Ted Fast, who only works alone because he’s so good and not utterly stupid, opposing the crime boss Solomon, after a secret formula that can make animals and plants grow to gigantic proportions, like 3000 times their original size.

But sadly Solomon will have to crime very hard for it, since the formula is actually from the “host movie” spliced in by Godfrey Ho (here directing), a 1984 Taiwanese kaiju movie titled “She Wang” (translating to “King Of Snakes”) about a pet snake, Mosla, belonging to a little girl that accidentally comes in contact with the formula, grows giant, and then stars rampaging because the terrorists after the formula kidnap the girl, and Mosla is having none of it.

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Dagon (2001) [REVIEW] | Shadow Over Galicia

Dagon, my sweet Dagon, oh what foul stench thou emits,

enough to make one sad at how it all went once again amiss,

cursed indeed by another Elder God these adaptations seem

of Lovecraft’s hate for fish supreme.

For the record, i don’t hate or begrudge Stuart Gordon’s work overall and his obvious love for the source material, i mean, the Reanimator series was also spun from a H.P. Lovecraft story and that managed to work, though it became its own thing, i am more than “ok” with that.

I mean, for fuck’s sake if that story in particular needed to be scrubbed – in adaptations – of the obniouxsly blatant racism, you’ll need to clean the Lovecraft out of Lovecraft “sometimes”.

But i also can’t deny there are reasons why fans of Lovecraft are beyond sick of the many adaptations that defy the thousand monkeys & thousand typewriters logic, and that somehow no one over decades has managed to adapt any of his stories (in films, strictly speaking) with success without fuckin things up, as in, completely destroy any attempt at atmosphere, deviate so much from the original story to the point it might as well be adapting another Lovecraft tale, AND making crap movies that are bad regardless of what author’s name they borrow.

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Venomous/Venom (2001) [REVIEW] | #snakesofjunetoo

We’re out of Anaconda sequels at the moment (there’s a reboot in the works, confirmed 3 months ago with Tom Gormican, better known for The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent) , so let’s start digging into another barrel o’ snakes by rummaging – as we usually end up doing – through Fred Olen Ray filmography.

Not that i picked up the movie this way, it was another random find on Amazon Prime Video, but there’s no real surprise to see him listed as director… under one of his pseudonyms, Ed Raymond this time, why shouldn’t be his work?

Not to be confused with Silent Venom from 2009, also directed by Fred Olen Ray, in which he realized he could put snakes inside of submarines instead of planes.

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Bringing Out The Serpents again for #snakesofjunetoo

Last June we did feature a lot of serpent based movies (often b-movies, that much is true), so we’re doing it again this year too, though on a smaller scale due to an increase of work and other personal obligations. Plus a surprisingly full summer release schedule of films coming out here (united with a nationwide promotion on ticket prices), so there will be a lot of EXPRESSO reviews…. yes, we’ll also review that one with the lead actors that keeps constantly getting arrested, because while i abhor him, i did watch and review movies where he was in before, like the theatherical cut of Justice League or the recently released (and reviewed) Dalìland, where he plays a very minor role, so much i didn’t notice he was in before watching the thing.

So yeah, it wouldn’t be quite correct of me to stop now, especially since i seriously doubt The Flash will do much in terms of box office, i mean, it’s not one of the more popular superheroes, it’s very well known and documented even between the less devoted audiences that Erza Miller is basically assaulting people on a whim at a noticeable rate, both Black Adam and Shazam 2 weren’t well regarded or even that lucrative (though i did rate Fury Of The Gods higher than most, personally), and remember, this movie also exists to completely reset the mess of the DC Extended Universe, so they can start again with Gunn at the helm.

Plus, honestly the movie looks kinda ass, and it’s undeniable this is NOT a project the studios really believes in, otherwise they wouldn’t have advertised it by dangling the return of Michael Keaton as Batman in trailers, like bait. And that’s some good bait.

Again, i don’t blame people opting out of seeing The Flash because of Erza Miller, or regardless of him, you do you. I kinda have to, to a certain degree.

[EXPRESSO] The Boogeyman (2023) | Mid-Boogie

Apparently another Stephen King’s short story adaptation, which makes me kinda wish i did watch last year’s Firestarter remake, but then again, does it really matter?

I mean, we get a movie like this like every few months or so, and the title is apt even if it’s the most stock combo of laughable and generic.

It’s definitely “to the point”, because the plot concerns a therapist and his family, processing their grief after the death of the wife, only to be haunted-stalked by a supernatural entity that feeds on vulnerable people and feeds on their suffering, after a troubled man shows up at the therapist’s house out of the blue and is found hanged in a closed room.

Did i tell you the crux of the movie is about the sisters (a child and the older teenage daughter) bonding and managing to get over their mother’s death while they learn more about the entity and try to face it when it’s clear nobody else actually believes the thing to be more than a byproduct of their imagination? Well, you could have guessed that too.

What’s surprising is despite the movie being as stock, formulaic, derivative and uninspired as it seems… the execution saves it, almost shocking you that, despite the premise, there being no big twist to mix the formula, and – well -everything, ultimately the movie isn’t half bad.

Which it’s kind of a stupid way of putting it, it’s average so, yeah, it’s “half bad”, technically, but the characters aren’t detestable or too stupid, at all, the creature is shown fairly clearly, has an ok design and looks quite decent in terms of effects, plus the finale it’s satisfying enough.

For something called The Boogeyman, it’s a surprising enjoyable horror film, if generic, very average and throwaway.