Wario Ware: Get It Together NSWITCH [REVIEW] | Bugfixing Bonanza

Since i have been waiting a lot for Nintendo to resurrect the Wario Ware series, especially since they kinda blew it on Wii U with Game & Wario and since then we got simply a collection on 3DS (which is still better treatment other not-major Nintendo franchises got in decades), i was quite ready for a new one to come out, and then bam, Nintendo Direct, new Wario Ware. Yeah boi!

This one i preordered at a slightly lower price, because 50 bucks for a Wario Ware seemed a bit much in this day and age, but we’ll get to that later.

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Ninja Champion (1986) [REVIEW] | Grindhouse Ninjas

As we already saw with previous reviews of Godfrey Ho ninja flicks, anything goes with ninjas, he could splice them and stitch them to any kind of foreign, unfinished and often obscure asian movie he could get his hands on.

Even so, it still comes as a surprise that he would also splice his brand of multicolored, bandana wearing, self-adverting ninja in a rape revenge movie. WHY?

I love how the italian dvd release has a sword with diamons on the cover, it’s extra hilarious considering how it implies that diamonds are important to the plot…. they fuckin aren’t, the sword is way, WAY more relevant.

It’s just that the rapists happen to be diamond smugglers, it doesn’t really matter what they smuggle, AT ALL, they could sell bootleg boglins and nothing would really change, and even the movie barely remembers at the last minute that yes, this should somehow tie together the new storyline and “ninja footage” with the existing footage, this time taken from the 1985 corean rape-revenge movie known as “Poisonous Rose Stripping the Night”, directed by Kim Si-hyun.

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Ice Spiders (2007) [REVIEW] | Ski Spiders

As promised in the review of Spiders 3D, here’s the review of the spider creature feature TV movie Tibor Takacs directed before the 2013’s Nu Image/Millennium Film one that happened to pretty much be a remake of the 2000’s movie Spiders, produced by the same company.

You might argue i maybe should have done this before Spiders 3D, and you would be correct, but i didn’t even find out Ice Spiders existed before doing research for the other one, so here we are.

I should have guessed that a movie like this would exist, because i do believe this type of genre B-movies (especially if made for TV like this one) will eventually fall victim to what i call the “Pokemon Singularity”, with desperate filmakers mixing and matching animals with a random element/type, and if we can have sharks made of ice, sand (so “earth”), fire (atomic), even ghostly “dark” sharks, sure as shit we can have a movie called Ice Spiders. Possibly about literal spiders made of ice.

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Drive In Massacre (1976) [REVIEW] | Get Out Of The Car

September, perfect time for looking at some slasher movies, even lesser known (but not quite obscure) ones, like today’s Drive In Massacre.

It’s basically Targets, as in both movies have a drive-in as the central scenario of the action, and as a motif. IF Targets was directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis instead of Peter Bogdanovich.

Yeah, this one has a cult status and was quite popular at the time, i’m willing to guess in the drive-in circuits, which i always wondered about, but since that type of cinema experience never took foot here in Italy, i will just have to witness its depiction in american movies. Oh well.

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[EXPRESSO] The Swarm AKA La Nueè (2021) | Zorak Disapproved

The international localized title, The Swarm (the original being “La Nueè”, which can be directly translated as “The Plume”), threw me a bit off, as it’s the same one for the older 1978 movie with Michael Caine, but this recent Netflix exclusive movie it’s not about killer bees, it’s about locusts.

Ok, more Locusts: The 8Th Plague. Or The Exorcist II: The Heretic, i guess.

Plot it’s a little less hockey than one would assume, as it’s about a single mother that raises locusts for a living, but just isn’t able to make them breed, until she discovers that the animals react well to human blood…

Obviously, this happens as an accident, and you can tell this isn’t an american b-movie because it’s not actually just about killer locusts, but the drama of a single mother desperately trying to make ends meet, ready to do many sacrifices for her family.

Still, it’s a bit unelegant the way in which the locusts acquire this bloodlust, or how the narrative it’s both too slow moving and forced in various points, because you were kinda promised a swarm of killer locusts rampaging, so here’s a character doing an obviously stupid thing for the sake of setting that up. Except… not really.

And even so, there’s no real pay-off or much in the way of horror until the last 15 minutes, most of the movie it’s spent with these…. kinda detestable and unlikeable characters, not much happens in general, so it’s really drawn out and when something does happen it’s way too brief, often feels forced or done more out of obligation than anything else.

There are worse movies, but this is so disinterested about its subject material and such a slow moving, boring pile of pointless that i would simply suggest skipping it.

The Cinema Show Experience Debate Cycle

So, we’re yet again having that conversation on social media, about the sanctity of seeing movies in theathers and how it’s the only true way to see them?

Ok, let’s indulge in some fruitless arguing, as the issues are decades old and the industry won’t actually do anything about fixing them, because they won’t until there’s a distinct financial incentive to provide good movie watching experiences.

And this is just indulging, let’s be honest.

Because most people don’t care, won’t really care, ever.

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Spiders 3D (2013) [REVIEW] | Arachnids Of The Third Dimension

B-movie about spiders have tenaciously popped up decade after decade, because arachnophobia it’s quite common, so nothing is more cathartic than seeing spiders of giant size getting blown the fuck up… after eating people, rampaging through cities, etc.

So it’s no wonder than once in a while a new one comes out, this time Spiders 3D, also known as Spiders in home video releases, which might make people confuse it for the older one (already featured here), so the 3D monicker feels kinda necessary, as it was actually shot in that format… which is obviously lost on a regular DVD release.

This one comes from Tibor Takacs, a genre director better known for the cult movie The Gate and episodes of Sabrina The Teenage Witch old tv series (alongside the Sabrina Goes To Rome movie), whom we already spotlighted when we reviewed the TV movie The Black Hole, and fittingly this isn’t even the first time he did a creature feature about spiders with 2007’s TV movie Ice Spiders.

Which i guess i now gotta review as well, don’t see why not.

Don’t see why either, but whatever.

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Reflecting a bit on the new Shaman King anime for Netflix

So, a month or something ago the new anime adaptation of Shaman King dropped as a Netflix exclusive, and after watching the first 8 episodes, i think there is something to be said (in a non-elaborated, just “vomiting my thoughts without much editing or revision” way) about Shaman King and its legacy, and how this new adaptation is indeed trying to propose a very old shonen series to modern audiences, but staying as loyal as it can to the source material, which is nice but it also shows how old and fairly ancillary feels this series today, with many others Jump series that came out at the same time, later or before and still left a bigger, longer lasting mark on the genre.

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[EXPRESSO] The Card Counter (2021) | Hold ‘Em Close

Saw this was running as a candidate film in this Year’s Venice Film Festival, produced by Martin Scorsese, and was already in theathers here, so yeah, sounded quite like a good deal.

The short answer is yes, it was good, but also not great, here’s the longer one with context and stuff.

The Card Counter is the story of William Tell, an ex military with a gruesome, abhorrent past that after doing his time in prison, lives as a professional gambler, enjoying a very a regular, routine-led life by using his ability as a so called “card counter” to accumulate a very small fortune, without a definitive goal or dream, just repeating the circle, having learned the rules of that scene (and how to use them in his favour) as he did in prison.

One day his cherished routine is broken up by a mysterious woman that notices his talent and wants him to work with various financeers, and a young man in search of revenge, Kirk, that happens to share a common foe with William, all inevitably leading him to confront his past once again.

The premise is familiar enough but not cliched, the execution is nuanced and intense, the cinematography is amazing, the cast is relatively small but packed with familiar faces that do a great job, the characters are fairly complex and the drama is pretty good.

Aside from some choices in the final act that might be argued about, there’s no big flaw or flaws in The Card Counter, it’s not even overly long or feels slow until a certain point.

It just happens to be good….just that, nothing great, extraordinary, breathtaking, revolutionary or any other similar adjective useful for a single line review quote in a poster. Still, it is pretty good, go see it.

Shrooms (2007) [REVIEW] Trip Like I Do

Ah yes, the “weed slasher” subgenre. Which doesn’t exist… ok it does, but i’m not reviewing the Evil Bong movies. Just. No. Please no.

But cutting out the avalanche of Full Moon crap means there’s very little choice, and i did pick this movie called Shrooms up for 3 bucks on DVD while thrifting years ago, so yeah, it will do fine.

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