[EXPRESSO] Until Dawn (2025) | Happy Bloody New Death Day

An Until Dawn movie adaptation might sound stupid, and pointless… it does, but this isn’t an adaptation of the main storyline of Supermassive Games’ title, it’s actually a standalone story allegedly taking place in the Until Dawn universe,

Kinda funny (and stupid) to have the film adaptation of a game that had systems built in to ensure you lived through the decisions you made… have the central gimmick being a time loop, with the idea being that every time the teens (come to a visitor centre in the valley where Melanie, Clover’s sister, mysteriously disappeared a 1 year prior) are killed they change horror subgenre, chased by cursed zombie like creatures and masked killers, the only escape being in them managing to survive until dawn.

Nifty idea, but still, it only kinda makes sense only when you consider this from the macro level of Supermassive Games’ various efforts in the “cinematic adventure game” fashion, and even so, it’s a stretch, let’s be real, this feels more like a rejected Happy Death Day (or Bloody New Year) style script – directed though by David F. Sandberg of Lights Out and Shazam fame – that got the Until Dawn branding (and a couple of touch ups to make sure something from the game made the cut) slapped on it mid-way through production, to ensure this get more butts in theathers.

I will admit the new gimmick laid on top sounds really fun and kinda mirrors the game’s using various elements from slashers of different eras all together… shame they give up mid-way on their own selling point (boy they do skimp on the “subgenre change” concept), but for what it ultimately is, the “Until Dawn” movie’s got decent acting, it’s entertaining, has some good gore effects, making for a decent time overall.

[EXPRESSO] A Minecraft Movie (2025) | Yearning For

We all saw that horrendous first trailer for the Minecraft live action film, so i guess that lowered expectations for it, not that it made sense to make a Minecraft film, even less so in live-action, but instead of lamenting about Jack Black career moves, let’s cut the shit for the sake of brevity.

I do not care nor know much about Minecraft, aside from the stuff even gamers not invested in it will simply have learned via osmosis, and let’s be real, even i could tell you this is a stupid concept, borne of a decadent big budget film industry that is now riding on videogames’ everincreasing popularity (instead of the other way around) to sell tickets for whatever.

So imagine my surprise in finding out it’s not utter trash, even if there’s obvious irony of making a movie about a game thriving on creativity when it’s just Jumanji, again (couldn’t wait for the next one of the reboot series, could you, Jack?), just this time the guy wanted to actually go there, and there’s a washed up, John Romero-esque videogame champ of the 80s still stuck on the past, played by Jason Momoa, and we have stuff from Minecraft reworked into the plot of a fairly generic (and a bit unfocused) kids/family film fantasy adventure romp.

Still, there’s actual energy put into it, especially thanks to Black and Momoa going super hammy and clearly having fun with the silly material of a script, which isn’t good but isn’t atrocious, it’s nowhere near as cynical as one would expect, there are some solid performances (Jennifer Coolridge as the lonesome oversharing school principal for example), the effects are mostly up to snuff (which i didn’t expect from that awful trailer), even if the art style feels weird in live action.

[EXPRESSO] Kraven The Hunter (2024) | Vodka Drunkenski

With the Venom trilogy wrapped up, we’re back to the Sony Spider Man Universe thingie, this time with a character that actually a LOT more well known (not as Venom, but more than frigging Morbius), with Kraven The Hunter, depicting the origin story of the Russian big game hunter villain.

And what a surprise, it’s another pile of toss, but first, the plot.

Sergei Kravinoff, one of the two sons of a Russian criminal (Russel Crowe) , while taking them on a hunt in Tanzania, is attacked by a rare lion, and on the brink of death is given a special potion that not only saves his life, but gives him the power and heightened perception/senses of animals, enhancing his strength, speed, stamina, etc. He leaves home, but years later, after he made himself a name as “Kraven The Hunter” by offing criminals like his father, is forced to confront a menace from the past…

It’s not good, it’s not, that much was fully expected, and it fits the bill of every flaw we expect from these Sony “Spider Man but his name is Voldemort” films: bad acting, uninspired plot, passable at best action scenes, generic characters at best (often with completely unexplained powers, like the assassin with the quasi-Stand ability), uninteresting protagonist, the main villain being a joke, i laughed when i saw the transformation effects, but then again even the CG animals are barely convincing at their best.

It’s not as bad as i expected, but that just shows how low the bar is for these; even so it’s mostly dull, ininspired, and honestly i won’t be surprised if Sony actually pulls the plug on these even before that Sinister Six movie drops.

I will say that’s arguably a bit better than Madame Web, but it’s still toss.

The Spooktacular Eight #19: Dead Trigger (2017)

Generic zombie movie with Dolph Lungren?

What if it’s THAT and also a live action adaptation of a videogame you’ve never heard of?

YAY.

Even YAY-ier when the videogame is a generic as hell mobile free-to-play smarthphone FPS, generic but popular enough to get a sequel… and a live action film adaptation.

There is a bit of wit in the premise as yes, there’s the usual zombie apocalypse, but it leads to the government making a videogame about zombies in order to recruit the top-players for real life zombie massacring military exploits, as they need to cut through the undead hordes to reach some scientists that may have found a cure for the zombie virus.

So it’s kinda, a bit, kinda like Ender’s Game, but way stupider, and also not that original as i’m pretty sure there’s at least another movie made earlier, i think just called Hunting Grounds (my UK DVD release has it retitled as Zombie Hunters”), with the same “recruiting the gamers for fighting the supernatural menace”, though without embarassing Twitch channels.

I still have to got around to that so i can’t say for sure but then again need i recall the 2009 film called “Gamer”? Let’s just say the Dead Trigger film it’s not entirely original, regardless of how you slice it, who cares, i doubt many even knew Dead Trigger was originally a game to begin with.

And the “let’s recruit people that play VR games” angle really isn’t used in any interesting or significant way, only to get some stereotypes and random ass characters into the suicide squad in question, it becomes quickly showed aside because the movie it’s more interested in being an off brand Resident Evil wanna-be, and just incredibly generic as hell in all regards for a zombie flick.

Hordes of zombies that are not silent somehow managing to sneak up from nowhere to the back of an elite trained soldier when the script wants to kill him off (or bite him so we can have him sacrifice himself by being blown up with the zombies or some self-sacrifice shit)? Check.

Dumbass, stupid and flavorless characters? The inevitable, seen coming from miles away double-cross at the hand of the evil CEO of the multicorporation set on betraying everyone and sell the potential cure for the virus? A super-mutant fruit of the very same company’s experiments?

For a bonus round, there’s also a priest that believes the undead are a punishment from God, just to completely fill the cliches bingo card, the cornucopia of stock conflicts, betrayals and predictable plot twist that you can easily all imagine and easily guess with a high rate of success.

Acting is mediocre, with even the top named actors in it just doing the bare average, at best, the other ones not so much, but at times the special effects, even some of the gore is quite decent, honestly it’s not a bad production but most of the time it’s hard to forget you’re watching basically a lesser version in every regard of Paul. W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil live action films.

those weren’t really good movies either, but this is the bootleg version, the one with less money, lesser actors, lesser anything, really, making Dead Trigger the subpar movie you’d expect it to be, just subpar, not atrocious but one i would skip still, since it’s so tiresome in its predictability too.

Hilariosly though it ends with a cliffhanger ending, like yeah, mate, it’s a miracle this one got made, Dead Trigger 2 with Jason Statham isn’t gonna happen, not unless you get a lot more money on the project or if by the time it happens Staham won’t be senile, bored and/or strapped for cash enough.

[EXPRESSO] Borderlands (2024) | Money does grow on trees

Despite “Randy BoBandy” reminds us this thing was actually coming along and not going the way of the Bioshock film….i kinda wish it did, as it’s hard to believe this thing actually exists, not helped by lack of any real promotion for a 100 millions budgeted movie with actors like Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart and Jamie Lee Curtis.

The plot follows the one of the first Borderlands but also borrows some characters from the sequel, with a bounty hunter, Lilith, tasked by the CEO of the Atlas corporation to get back his daughter, Tina, lastly seen on Pandora, a wasteland planet overrun by thugs, monsters and mercenaries, where is said to reisde Vault, a fabled crypt that allegedly contains the artifacts of a long lost, technologically advanced civilization.

Lilith then inadvertly becomes a Vault Hunter and is forced to team up with a gaggle of renegades, weirdos and psychos, including a robot unit called “Claptrap”.

Having played up to Borderlands 2 and some of its expansions, i will say that at least the Borderlands movie looks the part, and this might be one of the more apt videogames to film adaptations… shame the source material was not really good to draw inspiration for an action comedy film, given the puerile, meme-ridden and often more annoying than charming “sense of humour” the games had, which was tolerable at the time and didn’t quite age great…but heck, even the games were funnier, overall, thanks to their “throw shit at the wall” approach.

It’s a movie 10 years too late, and for an Eli Roth directed film based on a hyper violent videogame series, it’s a PG-13 affair, but the main issue it’s the movie just being a boring, unfunny, honestly kinda lethargic romp, where the weirdly casted A-listers half-ass it big time.

[EXPRESSO] The Three Musketeers Part II: Milady (2023) | Into The Dumasverse

More Muskeeters of the non-Mickey Mouse variety with part 2 of the new French big budget film adaptation of Alexandre Dumas’ enduring classic, which i mistakenly assumed was a two parter and called it that in the review of the first film…. and yet it still IS a two parter, and it, with this second film focusing on the figure of Milady De Winters and covering basically all the way up to the novel’s finale.

Makes sense, and that much is true, but the script changes some things around and we have it basically ending on a cliffhanger ending… but apparently not for a “Three Muskeeters Part 3”, though many forget this is the first of a series of books about D’Artagnan and fellas, and apparently there are some spin-offs in the works, so yep, most likely this is the set-up for a “Dumas-verse”.

That said, this “part 2” is a good continuation, the energy and intensity to the fight scenes of the first part is still there, Eva Green as Milady gets a good bout as the anti-heroine Milady, and there’s quite the fun to be had still, but sadly it feels kinda rushed, even more than the first part, as some character that were set up to be important barely have a sub-plot or do anything of relevance to do, and i won’t deny at times i felt, if not lost, a bit hurried along the many characters, conspirancies, plans and such, to the point you can follow it but barely.

It there ever was a movie that could have used half a hour of extra runtime, this is one, because it could have actually benefitted from it in a noticeable way, and made this second part as good as the first one instead of decent if messy.

[EXPRESSO] Dune Part 2 (2024) | …The Punishment Due

After being delayed, the second part of Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation of Dune is finally in theathers, and again, i’m putting out there i didn’t read the novel, and oddly didn’t even saw the Lynch take on Herbert’s book, so take that into account, if you want.

After the fall of the Atreides castle and slaughtering of most of his family and friends by the rival house of the Harkonnen, Paul Atreides survives by escaping and entering the ranks of the Fremens, the sand-dwelling bluey eyed natives of the planet Arakkis, learning their ways, while waiting for a chance at revenge, and tormented by horrendous visions of a future holy war and a prophecy that points to him as the likely messiah the Fremens had been waiting for, while the Emperor and the mystical order of priestesses plot more political upheaval and prepare for conflict….

Like the first part, it’s a lot of stylish and inspired visuals (to the point i’d kinda wish i went for an IMAX screening, instead of a regular one), great characters, amazing spectacle, enthralling narrative.. let’s cut the crap, it’s amazing stuff, maybe even better than part 1, and a great pay-off that will make the almost 3 hours runtime go by swimmingly, as it’s packed but not just “dense”.

While the ending teases as this just being the beginning (fitting as the original Dune book series counted six books by his creator-writer Frank Herbert,) and i do want to see more, it actually does provide an incredible conclusion to this story, so you get closure but also one hell of a scenario to close on that will make you want to see how things will continue forwards after such a powerful, really epic finale.

Terrific stuff, some of the best sci-fi cinema in a while.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #36: A Sound Of Thunder (2005)

Since we’ve looked at a LOT of low-to-no budget dinosaur films this year (maybe even more than usual), let’s end with something that actually released in most english-speaking cinemas, had some actual movie studios and actually known industry faces attached to it, with A Sound Of Thunder.

Based on a short story of the same name by Ray Bradbury and set in the still “distant” future of 2055, it tells the story of a company, Time Safari, that offers to rich customers the possibility to travel back in time and hunt dinosaurs.

Due to the huge risks involved with the “space-time fabric and whatnot”, the company regulates the safari by hunting species of dinosaurs that would have eventually died anyway of natural causes and keeps the clients from stepping off the designated path of the safari experience.

While on a hunt, a gun malfunctions, forcing the team to scatter and flee from an Allosaurus, and even if they eventually regroup, when they come back to their time with no harm done… they soon find out their actions had consequences, like a sudden increase in global temperature and the over-night instant, abudant growth of plant life, with further trips resulting in even more messing with the space-time continuum and endangering the existence of humanity as a whole…

Continua a leggere

Pinocchi-O-Rama #12: OcchioPinocchio (1994)

Pinocchi-O-Rama comes to an end with a movie that will absolutely say nothing to anyone outside of Italy, despite being technically released in the US i seriously doubt there’s a solid stratum of english language coverage on OcchioPinocchio, which isn’t surprising since in time the film has not gotten much of a revaluation, heck quite the opposite, even by people that discovered it unaware of its messy production history or the figure of Tuscanian comedian and director Francesco Nuti.

While i’m not gonna over how a primer of Nuti’s work as there’s no time and i’m far from the right person for the job, the movie itself did hit all the snags while in production, expected to be in theather for Christmas 1993, shot in Texas and Louisiana, nowhere ready by the expected date, with a budget of 13 millions (pretty luscious for an Italian production at the time) that, due to the death of one of the distributor’s namesake founders, balooned to 25-30 millions.

Worse, as the dwindling relationship between Nuti and the production company had the set being stripped, he eventually had to sue the producer to try and make shooting proceed, which didn’t stop Nuti having to fork out 2 millions out of his own pocket to get the thing done and released by 1994.

All for a movie that basically nuked any goodwill and expectations left for Nuti as a creator, not only marking his creative crisis but also being a huge flop, bringing in 5 millions in box office.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Diabolik 3: Diabolik, Chi Sei? (2023) | Flashback Finale

Teased at the end of Ginko Attacks!, the new and final movie of the Manetti Bros. Diabolik trilogy recently hit theathers here, titled “Diabolik- Chi Sei?” (Diabolik, Who Are You?).

Given how i loathed Ginko Attacks, i watched the new film mostly for completition’s sake… and this one it’s a little better, but it has its own set of issues.

The plot sees a new criminal gang arise in Clarville, proving to be even more ruthless than Diabolik itself, much to the dismay of officer Ginko, whom loses one of his most trusted men to the gang, and is later held hostage… alongside a captive Diabolik. So its up to Ginko’s love interest, Countess Altea, to seek help from Diabolik’s partner in life & crime, Eva Kant, in order to save them.

Sounds decent but the idea it’s undermined by how quickly this new gang can capture Diabolik, the supposed master of crime, how once again most of the work is up to Eva Kant more than Diabolik itself, even worse this time around, as Diabolik’s main contribution is chatting with Ginko and telling him his origin story. In the third fuckin movie of the trilogy, mind you.

The origin story itself it’s more interesting than the actual plot of the movie, which feels thin, so why not at this point spend a third of the movie on that to reach a 2 hours runtime. The kinda anticlimactic actual resolution of the whole gang subplot doesn’t help either.

Like the other two modern Diabolik movies, this one too perfectly captures the style and mood of the comics, but it kinda forgots you maybe should adapt the decades old stories for modern audiences, or actually try to improve them for the big screen.

This one it’s mediocre and not much else.