Roboshark (2015) [REVIEW] | Livetweeting The Shark #sharksncrocspartdeux

Robocroc left me feeling very meh and mildly bored, so Roboshark would have to pick up any pace in order to better. Or worse.

Regardless, it was originally one of the many shark movies making their debut on SyFy during the second annual Sharkenado Week of 2015 on the channel, and like most of you would have already guessed, indeed, it’s not a sequel at all, just shares the concept of something cybernetic getting into contact with predator animals and turning them into robotic-cyborg version of themselves.

But honestly the circumstances of the movie’s release it’s a perfect framing in what climate Roboshark came out, because it was indeed a time where everyone wanted to be in on the joke, ride the meta self-awareness sea train but deliberately doing it WITHOUT a “Don!”, engineering itself to be made fun of, to have people online live-tweet the shit out of it, to make you look at the freak, hoping that word of mouth and horrible reviews would make for unorthodox promotional material, because making that view counter go up is the only reason to make the thing in the first place.

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Pikmin 4 DEMO NSWITCH [HANDS-ON] | The Dog Doing

so Nintendo just released a demo for Pikmin 4, coming at the end of this very month, and given how long i’ve been waiting for another Pikmin game, i’ve got sumething to say about it, for sure.

The first big addition to the formula is the hugely marketed “pikdog”, as in now you have a dog.

That already it’s a good thing, but thankfully this one isn’t gonna suffer the same fate of the dog in Call Of Duty Ghosts (as in getting locked forever into the toybox after being used once), as it ismore than a gimmick, serving as a mount (which can carry many pikmins on his back too) enabling traversal via jumping, being able to smash obstacles, dash, dig, fight by tackling and biting, and can even be controlled directly, especially useful in underground caves that can your character and Pikmins separated by an obstacle Occin (the dog) can’t pass through.

Plus, as your rescue more stranded astronauts you get more upgrade points for the dog, which is just lovely and obviously pretty useful.

And the dog already it’s a great addition to gameplay, and feel natural like it had always been there, but obviously, there is more, in the way of new types of Pikmin, ice and luminescent, but the demo only lets you encounter and use the Ice Pikmins, which already offer another way around exploration, as they can be even used to freeze water surfaces, alongside enemies.

But there has been some streamlining, as in now there is just a big “onion/deposit” for all Pikmins despite of their colors, the 3 protagonists multitasking of Pikmin 3 is gone, and – the more controversial one – there is no limited number of days under which to accomplish the various tasks, which might sound terrible to some old time fans, but frankly i don’t get the issue, since Pikmin 3 already utilized a system that basically gave the player a lot of days to accomplish the various objectives, like a lot, especially if you went for completition.

So really, the removal of the limited days altogether it’s more vestigial than controversial, and i’m fine with it since the days themselves retain the limited time indicating how much you have left before it’s nightfall and you have to scurry back to camp in order to avoid getting your Pikmin eaten by the hungry beasts that are even more aggressive at night.

Hence even so you get some sense of urgency, as you wanna still get the most out of your day of gathering and exploring and rescuing, etc.

Regardless, the fan favourite caves to explore are back from Pikmin 2, and work more or less identically, but are also more abundant in the huge levels/areas, and now there is more emphasis on resource gathering, with these new gems that can be retrieved and converted in building material for bridges and the like, or used as currency to buy items and gadgets from the scientist/inventor, ranging to rotten carrots to paralyze enemies, dog treats, and stuff like fireproof abilitiees.

And these new additions gel without issue with the formula, nothing feels forced or there because there needs to be more shit in a sequel, regardless if it makes sense, no, thankfully Nintendo didn’t really fucked with the proven formula, but expanded it well.

The trailers revealed that indeed now we’ll be able to explore at night, but since the demo ends when you get a certain amount of the new energy resource, the Luminium, we’ll have to play the full release to find out.

Not that this is a small demo, it’s pretty sizeable, including the tutorial area and letting you play a big chunk of it, it’s one of those where you kinda forget you were actually playing a demo so you feel bamboozled by the game telling you “thanks for playing the demo up to where we meant you to play it”.

Speaking of which, by finishing the demo you’ll be able to unlock an Occin costume in Pikmin Bloom, alongside the expected ability to carry over the progress to the full game.

Yeah, as a longtime fan of the series, i’m honestly just chomping at the bit to have the full thing on my hands to play more of it, so yeah, check it out to get your fix on.

Robocroc (2013) [REVIEW] | Domo Wanigato #sharksncrocspartdeux

Police officer Murphy is shot down while confronting a criminal gang, but his body is found by a brood of crocodiles living in Detroit’s sewer system. They nurse him back to health, let him partake of their radioactive flesh, which helps him grow back the lost limbs, and eventually he reemerges into the public eye as the hybrid man-croc vigilante Robocroc.

This is NOT the plot of Robocroc, not that the actual one has anything to do with the movie spoofed in the title. It would took to much time and effort, and this is just not the way these post-Sharkenado low budget killer animal flicks do it. It must be stupid, but within the itsby bitsy budgets, which overtime seem to have gotten smaller and smaller, closer and closer to the “Polonia-sphere”.

So it also means this has more in common with Metal Gear Rising Revengeance than Robocop, as the plot involves a missile launch that goes awry, with the ejected part landing in a zoo, nanomachines coming out of it and into a female crocodile named Stella that happened to be nearby the capsule’s crash site, and these slowly turn her into a cyborg bent on eating his way through the special forces called into the enclosure, then escaping the facility to feed on random people fishing in a lagoon, stopping on dry land to feast on people guilty of driving quad bikes, and finally going for the big feast of a nearby aqua park full of teens partying.

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[EXPRESSO] The Flash (2023) | Weather Report

Let’s get this over with, because i’m not really too comfortable with the idea of this review, as i previously stated, but i made a decision, so here we are.

Even casting aside the heinous shit Erza Miller pulled, i can’t say i was ever well disposed towards the film, as i didn’t really care much for The Flash as a character, the trailers and promos we eventually saw surface were more about Michael Keaton returning as Batman, an alluring prospect for older generations like mine that grew up on the 1989 Burton classic, paraded as “bait” because Batman brings ALL the boys to the yard, so to speak.

And i guess to remember you THIS world is unfair and cruel, the movie that should have been a total piece of shit… it’s not. I’d make a joke about dodging lightining, but why couldn’t Black Adam have been alright and this one a turd.. i guess it’s ironic in its own right.

The plot concerns Barry Allen, The Flash himself, using his powers to go faster than light and eventually to go back in time, all so he can avoid the incident that saw his mother die and his father wrongfully imprisoned. He eventually succeeds, meets his younger self, but learns that his actions led to a new timeline entirely, one where a lot of his super hero friends and colleagues never existed, but other villains did.

Thankfully he finds that reality’s Batman (Michaeal Keaton) and tries to launch a counter-offensive to save everyone…

Yeah, sure, some of the CG work can be uncanny valley levels of off-putting at times, the ending basically “pulls a JoJo” for more cynical reasons, but against all expectations, the movie it’s alright, it’s decent.

I’ve seen FAR worse offerings, especially from the DC side.

Anatar (2022) [REVIEW] | Howard The Fuck

No, this isn’t a typo. And it’s not that kind of pun.

And yes, this poster is 100 % legit.

Since it’s my birthday, let’s review a movie i’ve been meaning to cover here for a while.

This is an actual italian parody/spoof of Avatar, that released in italian theathers, for actual money, with the intent of launching a new brand of “cinepattone” (aka a type of italian extremely low brow dumb comedies that once infested theathers every year around christmas), the “spaghetti-fi”, in the words of Anatar’s producer Salvatore Scarico, whom also literally and openly calls this an Avatar’s mockbuster film.

So much for clarity.

Reeling back my jaw from the freezing pavement after realizing this isn’t a troll style marketing campaign for another, real movie…. i must also point out this was never really properly advertised anywhere (or almost anywhere) and i stumbled upon its existence last year while browsing upcoming early dicember cinema releases here.

While this also gives me whiffs of Creators: The Past (a huge italian scifi epic that flopped back into the obscurity from whence it came)… you know, at least they marketed it at popular Italian anime/manga/videogames cons that year, Lucca Comics & Games. They tried proper. And at least that movie had William Shatner.

Here they were so spineless that at the last second (literally, 2 days before the intended 1^st December release, hence 2 weeks before Avatar: The Way Of Water opened in theathers here) they chickened out – ha ha – and rescheduled the release between January and February 2023.

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Earth Defense Force AKA Monster Attack PS2 [REVIEW] | Thus The EDF Fought

As we wait for the western release date of EDF 6 (which came out in Japan last August), let’s go all the way back to the beginning, with the original Earth Defense Force on PS2.

Unlike EDF 2 which got an enhanced port on PS Vita, the original Earth Defense Force still remains a PS2 only game, one that americans didn’t get, as the first EDF was only localized in PAL territories as Monster Attack and distributed by Agetec in… lets say limited numbers, since today finding an original copy can be fairly pricey, if you find a PAL copy to begin with, instead of the many cheaper japanese PS2 copies floating around the net.

I did manage to get a used PAL copy under 30 bucks, but one could suggest it’s better to just emulate the thing, if you’re really curious to see how EDF started as a fan of the series, otherwise there’s really no point to simply recommend you play EDF 4.1 or 5 nowadays.

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[EXPRESSO] Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3 (2023) | Third Time’s The Charm

The overdue closing chapter of the beloved Guardians Of The Galaxy trilogy if finally here, with its 3^rd volume that does signal an end for this particular line up of characters and their stories.

We know we’ll hear the name “Guardians Of The Galaxy” again, somehow, but let’s make it clear that this feels like the final entry and provides closure, without being too bothered by any overarching or carryover plot points building to anything bigger for what it’s now Phase 5, but in hindsight (given the Johathan Majors controversy and its fallout), maybe that’s for the best.

Volume 3 sees the Guardians chilling in their home base of Knowhere, with Quill still not dealing well with the “Gamora situation”, until a mysterious foe attacks them to capture Rocket, and after failing the gang (including the alternate universe Gamora we got from Avengers Endgame) is forced to confront The High Evolutionary (colluding with the Sovereign race, still hankering for revenge on the Guardians after the events of the second movie), an eugenetics cyborg genius from Rocket’s past, in order to save their friend from imminent death.

As the trailer alluded, this one deals heavily on Rocket’s horrendous origin story by the hand of the villain, The High Evolutionary, which is a truly despicable monster obsessed with creating the “perfectiom” and makes for a very good villain.

It’s no surprise GOTG Vol. 3 had very big expectations to live up to (since it’s also one of the MCU series people loved the most over the years, unsurprisingly so), and i can safely say it does not disappoint, with Gunn still putting out very fun space adventures with cool fight scenes, stylish use of vintage licensed music, good humour, good emotional scenes that pack a punch, great, lovable characters, etc.

Highly recommended.

Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010) [REVIEW] | Castiel, M.D.

There’s a free bingo slot in the schedule, so you know what it means: randomly picking of a B-movie from my watchlist on Amazon Prime Video, discarding the ones that are not available at the moment or require another paid subscription on top of the Prime one, despite being included before.

I’m SO not paying 10 to 30 bucks so i can watch Ghoulies II.

So instead we are going with the everabundant disaster movie choice, there are enough of these made for TV ones to craft a new artificial landmass, in case need be, and this time we’re doing Stonehenge Apocalypse, from our other recurring peddler of low budget TV movies about disasters, monsters and cheesy B-movie stuff all around, Cinetel Films.

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[EXPRESSO] Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) | King Kang

Ah yeah, the sequel to that one most people (me included, to be truthful) plain skipped, until they had to hurriedly watch it in order to follow whatever was gonna going on Quantumania.

I say this because i get the feeling many threat this series as “multiverse marmite”, a byproduct of this fucking decade long MCU plan, a lot more “skippable” than others, even if this is supposed to be the movie to kick off Phase 5, i had my expectations fairly low as expected by now, thanks to the evergrowing Marvel fatigue – itself tiresome to point out, even if it needs to be, as years of Marvel movies pile up – doesn’t help.

Anyway, this time Ant-Man and The Wasp….and basically the entire quantum scientist team get sucked into the Quantum Realm, which is quite different than before, housing a myriad of unknown species and races of humanoids, all theathrened by Kang The Conqueror, helped by his servant MODOK, and YES, the screenshots were right, he looks like he escaped from the music video of Peter Gabriel’s Steam, but then again, its a silly design, what the hell did you expect?

He’s actually kinda one of the best things about Quantumania, as the quantum world is very, VERY Star Wars-esque, the villain is decent but feels like purposefully underveloped for future MCU movies, the plot it’s so ironically tiny and feels tacked on (pun), direction is unremarkable, the cast seems to be kinda phoning it in (aside from Jonathan Majors as Kang), and action isn’t great, just incredibly average for these movies.

It’s okay, as in, it’s not boring, it has its moments but it’s just plain “mid”, fairly uninspired, and honestly the two previous Ant Man movies were better, smaller in scope but just more fun overall.

Pinocchi-O-Rama #1: A Tree Of Palme/Palme No Ki (2002)

While it’s not completely unknown, i’d say A Tree Of Palme it’s quite obscure, definitely forgotten, overlooked and rarely discussed, despite being created, written and directed by respected anime veteran Takashi Nakamura, who also previously worked as a key animator for Nausicaa And The Valley Of The Wind, joined the acclaimed anime anthology of Robot Carnival in 1987, and just the next year would be animation director for a little movie called AKIRA.

It was also laboriosly made over the span of 6 years, and you can just tell by the cinematography that indeed A Tree Of Palme was treated as a big project that Nakamura wanted to cultivate as well as possible without compromises to his vision.

The story concerns the titular Palme, a puppet created by a man for his sickly wife, and upon her death the puppet becomes paralyzed by sorrow, until he accidentally stumbles upon a misterious woman (whom Palme mistakes for the man’s dead wife, Xian) being pursued, and she entrusts the puppet to deliver a certain special item to a sacred place called Tama.

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