Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks

Ozark Sharks AKA Summer Shark Attack 2016

We’ll do Mississippi Shark Attack later (maybe), first we have to deal with sharks in the Ozarks region, because as we know damn well by now, the lack of oceans or seas won’t stop sharks (especially TV movies’ sharks) from appearing, as Dolph Lungren and Mackenzie Rosman (just to name a couple of random names) are well aware.

Also know as Summer Shark Attack, let’s be as specific as possible, it’s not like 99 % of these movies take place in the summer or in sunny places anyway. Then again, there are winter shark attack movies (more than they should), so the need to specify in what season it takes place is not completely useless. Continua a leggere “Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks”

Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks

Cruel Jaws 1995

How could i do a shark movie extravaganza without covering one of the most notorious pieces of “sharkxploitation”, especially if it comes from the motherland?

Italian exploitation cinema had always been very quick at tapping into trends (even inventing one, with the cannibal craze), but even without waiting for a resurgence of the shark movie (Jaws was released 20 years before, remember), many genre directors were quite happy to pump out monster movies like this regardless. And of course Bruno Mattei (credited as “William Snyder” here) wasn’t one to back down from anything. Continua a leggere “Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks”

Planet Of The Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Unchrome Shark

Planet Of The Sharks 2016

So, yeah, what happens when you mix Jaws, Waterworld and Mad Max?

You get slapped in the face by a producer, then the Asylum decides that’s gonna produce this one as well, because why not one more shark movie at this point? I mean, with the director of Sand Sharks, Android Cop and The Terminators (yes, plural) at the helm, what could go wrong? Continua a leggere “Planet Of The Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Unchrome Shark”

Shark Week (2012) [REVIEW] | Jigshark

Shark Week 2012

Yeah, more shark movies from Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, this one called simply Shark Week (like Discovery Channel’s popular series, because marketing), a title that cuts to the core but doesn’t really tell you what exactly you’re about to see (besides the fact it’s like 3 days, not a week, but i’m just being pedantic).

It’s basically a mixture of Saw and a shark movie, or the Asylum version of that. Continua a leggere “Shark Week (2012) [REVIEW] | Jigshark”

Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) [REVIEW] | Sealab 2018

Deep Blue Sea 2 2018

How you do follow up on a movie that actually had a proper ending, without any open subplots left by the end or random sequel bait? The right answer is “you don’t”, but i guess Warner Bros needed to milk some of his forgotten properties, so here we are.

There’s no other reason to make a Deep Blue Sea sequel 19 years apart from the first one, and i don’t know how it worked, since it’s released directly to home video without anyone either caring or knowing this even existed. I had to buy an UK dvd copy, since i guess not even Netflix or Amazon Video cared to have it streaming in my region.

And when i say “sequel”, i mean… that, usually, but this is a perfect, by-the-book academic example of “sequel in name only”, if we ever needed another one to prove any kind of point anymore. Continua a leggere “Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) [REVIEW] | Sealab 2018”

Deep Blue Sea (1999) [REVIEW] | Shark Brainiacs

Deep Blue Sea 1999

So, yeah, for a change let’s watch a shark movie made in a pre-Sharkenado era, but also after everyone and her grandma was making Jaws rip-offs (like the italian Great White and Cruel Jaws), a shark flick that actually looks like a movie and not a college graduate attempt at a movie during a boring summer holidays, or an attempt to sell your shit movie as ironic “so bad it’s good” material.

Given the kind of shark movie i end up watching and reviewing here, i’m surprised by many things in Deep Blu Sea, as production values, company logo you don’t have to google, a cast with recognizable actors, cinematography that doesn’t remind of Weasels Rip My Flesh, set designs classifiable as such, special effects made with budget and expertise, i’m really feeling spoiled by this one! And a bit sad because of how the bar got embarassingly lower and lower for shark movies in time. Continua a leggere “Deep Blue Sea (1999) [REVIEW] | Shark Brainiacs”

[EXPRESSO] The Grudge (2020) | The House That Kayako Built

The Grudge 2020 poster

(finally got another chance of seeing this in theathers)

Despite the mostly negative reception in the States and the frankly stupid idea of doing ANOTHER remake of Ju-On/The Grudge…. at least it had to just be better than the 2004 american remake, and that one had the same directors of the original. Then again i haven’t watched any of the sequels yet (american or japanese ones), but i can confirm this one is a “side-sequel” meant to connect with the 2004 american The Grudge.

And this is the main problem, as it wants to not disregard the previous american movies, but also doesn’t want to rework the premise to make sense in a completely different place and culture, or to make you forget that this a western remake of japanese movie. So there a willingly suicidal tendency to this one taking place in America with an american cast (plus John Cho), but still having to originate from Japan, with the curse basically using a character as a vessel to propagate itself in a small town, where a local sheriff investigates strange murders seemingly connected to a single house, all told in a non-linear fashion (as you’d expect) with the characters acting as “chapters-victims”.

It’s kinda tragic, because Nicolas Pesce manages to craft good characters and make you care about them, the drama is decent and the acting good, but when it comes to the horror parts, you’d wish the movie didn’t bother at all, even without throwing into the mix the trite j-horror movies cliches, or stuff that “has” to be here regardless, just because it’s The Grudge. The open ending doesn’t help.

Definitely a step up from the 2004 The Grudge, but please, let this type of “reboot/remakes of japanese movies” stay where it belongs. In the past.

americano-icona

Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark (2012) [REVIEW] | Fins Of Steel

Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark 2012

Of course this doesn’t follow from the last movie, not even the post credits scene implying a kaiju encounter next time… but it wasn’t completely off, because now we have the main monster facing against a robot version of itself, made a classic trope by Godzilla Vs Mecha Godzilla decades ago.

Kinda surprised it took until the third movie in the series for this direction, honestly, but i guess third time is the charm, and very welcome given the series quality so far. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark (2012) [REVIEW] | Fins Of Steel”

EXPRESSO movie reviews (kinda) coming back

Cinema-Paradiso-011

Yeah, against all odds, i won’t have to wait until dicember to get back into cinemas, as i happen to live near one of the few cinemas of the Uci Cinemas chain that will be re-opening next week (with obvious safety precautions, we’re not out of this yet here in Italy, despite what we would love to believe). Pure luck, as in many other cinema chains are staying closed, and even of this specific chain, just 4 cinemas in Italy are re-opening (but more are expected to follow suite).

The catch is that since the release schedule was never updated since the beginning of March, so it mostly old movies (some ones that debutted in theathers in January, or even older) but still, it’s great just to go back to the cinema experience. And i have some unfinished business exactly because of the closure due to the COVID-19.

So, if not anything else, expect an EXPRESSO review of The Grudge (2020).

Hopefully, more, but not that soon, i fear. 😦

The PS5 Reveal Obligary “Hot” Take

PS5 duralodon

So, after an earlier conference focused on specs and details that for many people don’t mean much of substance (one that was actually labeled as such, but people had to be outraged regardless, despite being their fault for not reading what it was about), and a week of delay made to be respectful of recent events in America (and the obscene crimes against humanity perpetrated by the police, because this is basically United States Of Nord Korea), this 11th of June Sony did their “Nintendo Direct” equivalent to unveil the new upcoming main console in the Playstation line, the PS5, share some more juicy details, and most important, show some games for it. Continua a leggere “The PS5 Reveal Obligary “Hot” Take”