[EXPRESSO] La Città Proibita/The Forbidden City (2025) | Kung Fu In Roma

After delighting italian audiences with the superhero-anime inspired They Called Him Jeeg and then unleashing circus freaks against the nazis in Freaks Out, director Gabriele Mainetti opted for another type of modern pastiche with La Città Proibita (lit. “The Forbidden City”, not sure how much intentional are the similarities with the 1918 films of the same name ), blending in a kung fu drana film with an Italian crime-thriller.

The movie sees Mei, a chinese woman on a quest to find her sister, whom moved to Rome years ago, and as she fights her way through the criminal underbelly of the city, she meets Marcello, the son of an indebted restaurant owner that is thrown into this since his dead father was mentioned by Mei, the two eventually teaming up to find out the truth behind their shared woes….

It’s an impressive feat how this isn’t just a “cute attempt” or is “as good as it can get due to being an Italian production”, none of that, there’s actually a profound understanding of kung fu films as well as the kind of specific regional (Roman in this case) italian style of drama and comedy that would resonates with the audiences, there’s respect, hearth and good craft put to it, with professional, high quality brutal kung fu action, excellent coreography and tight editing.

The elements and plot beats are typical of the kung fu genre (it’s a vengeance story at heart, for one) but really well executed, and more importantly this doesn’t feel like two movies forced to coexist despite being at odds with each other, quite the opposite, as they both benefit/draw from this “culture clash” theme for the best, acting its quite good (mostly), it is quite captiving and enthralling if you’re willing to give the idea a chance.

Up The WAZOOH! (Remastered)

So finally they announced a release date – after dealing it months ago – for that remaster of Croc: Legend Of The Gobbos, Argonaut Games came back from the dead last summer just for it, as in its gonna launch on the 2nd of April, so in a couple of weeks it will be out on pretty much everything.

Digitally, as expected, but you could also try preordering physical PS5-Switch US copies of the game on Rock It Games (not sponsored, i found it linked on the Gematsu article of this new release date announcement), if you have enough dough and interest for the ol’ Croc.

I could try rewrite/rework my old review for the old incarnation of Platformation i did for the occasion, bu i won’t: first, i wanna actually replay it (i have the old PS1 disc version of that and the sequel), write a brand new review for the game, BUT i hoped the delay would push it further down this year, since i already had more than enough to do.

Also, since most of the month will be dedicated (as decided months ago) to Asterix & Obelix, mostly the platforming titles of the XXL series, it would be overkill for Platformation Time Again.

So that review will be done, eventually, maybe when-if they remaster Croc 2.

Don’t expect an EXPRESSO review anytime soon of the new live action Snow White thing with the uncanny valley dwarves, i’m keep gonna pretend these fuckin movies don’t exist, as i have for a while now.

I will have a review of the Minecraft live action film out, hopefully on the week it debuts here ( it comes out on April 3).

Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve lamented the downright lethargic, nearly comatose state and distinct disinterest, so nested and in a rot The Asylum is with their output in this last period, i’ve done that before.

It’s clear whatever “magic” they summoned with Sharknado didn’t last long, and now just rest on their laurels, so to speak, as even the usual aficionados of trash got disinterested in the same way the company itself seems to be with whatever they cram out, they keep doing their thing but just because it’s what they have always done, and will keep doing until there’s not any money left off mockbustering.

I remember from a class in genre cinema i once took that – broadly speaking – a genre has reached a stage of severe stagnation when it starts becoming metatextual, to speak of itself more than anything else, as it can obstensibly find nothing else to iterate on, so it “turns on itself”.

And while it no longer hold completely true, as we’re now in a post-meta phase, if you will, there’s still a valid argument in there, because films like Monster Armageddon (released as 2025 Armageddon in trying to fool more people) validate the implied drying up of the “creative well”, and are a testament to this decade of post-irony, meta overdosing incestinal multiverse crossovers, of finding out there’s no bottom of the barrel, no real lowest of the low that can’t be “improved” upon.

I remember buying the DVD for this one for 5 bucks, sight unseen, on Amazon back in 2023, i knew it was an Asylum joint, and the cover art was nice, featuring a lots of monsters and creatures.

As with Monster Island (their mockbuster response to 2019’s Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters), the cover art is way better than the movie itself, but this time around it isn’t a complete lie like it was with that movie… as in it’s not technically a lie.

It’s worse… or is it?

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Trollhunter (2010) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Aside from the 2022 Troll monster film on Netflix, there’s not much in the way of troll movies outside of the overcovered Troll 2 (and it’s “prequels” and “sequels” also mostly made by Italian directors and actors), even more so if we’re going for proper giant sized trolls, not the tiny ones, or the Dreamworks animated film series based on those old troll toys with the hair, for that matter.

Also, i had this on the backburner for a while, and it also lets me cover of my lest liked genres: the found footage mockumentary.

Directed by André Øvredal, nowadays better known for The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark and The Last Voyage of The Demeter (with an upcoming adaptation of the horror videogame Bendy And The Ink Machine) here at his second feature lenght film, one more close to home for him, as it dwelves with the more well known beast of Norwegian folklore: the troll.

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Daimaijin (1966) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Told you we were gonna talk about Daimajin sooner or later!

Nevermind it tooks at least 4 years, but we’re at least giving sense to the old announcement wish i did about reviewing Arrow Video releases, because they did release the entire Daimajin trilogy in a cool boxset some years ago, and i highly recommend it, but for time constraints and to make space for other entries this Giant Monster March, today we’re just gonna look at the original 1966 film, simply called Daimajin, which translates to “Great Demon God”.

Back before they went bankrupt and death-farted themselves out of business with the final Gamera film, Daiei Films did compete with Toho in the “big frigging monsters” market and were pretty aggressive/active, as they pretty much commissioned and filmed all three Daimajin films back to back and released them in the span of mere months in 1966, which is impressive.

But also probably why they did eventually go bankrupt, to some extent, since they were pumping out tokusatsu features and Gamera films like there was no tomorrow… which eventually got them there, but hindsight makes everyone sounds wiser, so whatever, but the Daimajin did start out as the first foe to battle Gamera, inspired by 1936 Le Golem, but obviously that idea didn’t pan out.

While the crew was the same for all 3 films, the directors were not, and also due to this insane schedule, it’s not surprising they have similar plots involving the titular kaiju, the Daimajin, this kabuto clad stone golem demon god, to whom people come praying he saves their village by some invading warlords or something along these lines.

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[EXPRESSO] Heretic (2024) | Now Without James Earl Jones

Hugh Grant playing a cerebral psychopath with a vaguely Saw-esque bend wasn’t on my bingo card, but A24 did score another interesting looking film just by having Grant play against type in Heretic, and indeed it pays off, but first the plot.

A couple of young Mormon missionaries are visiting people that showed interest in their religion, but as they go about trying to sell their faith, they reach the house of a certain man, Reed, whom welcomes in his house, and slowly turns out to just as unnerving and ruthless as he’s charming, trapping the two women in a web of lies, philosophical debates and tests of faith, among other misdeeds that i ain’t gonna spoil.

It’s indeed a movie that’s more than the sum of its parts, because we’ve seen this before, with the charismatic psycho that traps people in its home, also uses his wits to mentally assault its subjects/victims alongside planning and thinking about every detail of his plans, the religious women whose faith is tested, but the choice of a more niche Christian subset and the more cerebral nature of the film makes is stand out, though fear not, you also get a decent amount of satisfying gore, it can be pretty stylish (love the usage of dioramas, i will say that much) and some good laughs too.

Also, while you do get an idea of where it might be going soon enough, it’s not quite that predictable and it’s the “how” that makes it intriguing, thanks in no small part to Grant’s amazing performance, as you know this guy is bad news, but yet you’re somewhat inclined to believe his words and acts maybe aren’t malicious or ominous as they seem, that – somehow – there is some sort of egregious misunderstanding going on.

Quite good.

Dr. Cyclops (1940) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve mentioned this before alongside Bert I. Gordon’s The Cyclops (which we’re actually gonna review this year), and i since came in possession of a restored DVD copy of it, so let’s follow up the teasing, by tackling what’s actually a very important B-movie, with 1940’s Dr Cyclops, directed by Ernest B. Schoedsack, better known for something called King Kong released 7 years prior.

Ah yeah this it’s a bit of classic, even though nowhere as good or influential as King Kong (few films are ever as such, after all), not only for its status as the first true american sci-fi film in Technicolor, but because it did establishing a trend that would continue for a decade and that the 50s would flip around leading to 1957’s The Incredible Shrinking Man, as in shrinking people to minuscule dimensions, in this case by a mad scientist that wants to shrink people in order to reduce the impact of humanity on the enviroment.

And doesn’t take well when a group of people that go on an expedition to the jungles of the Amazon encounter his lab and instead of leaving (after basically being told to fuck off immediatly), keep snooping about his uranium reserves and such, so human free guinea pigs for his experiments!

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[EXPRESSO] Strange Darling (2023) | Psycho Killer

Heard of this one but eventually forgot as it only showed up now in theathers here, Strange Darling is the kind of movie that has most reviews for it trying to tell you as less as they can about the movie and instead encourage you just go see it knowing as little as you can about it, because it’s impossible not to spoil the experience by going into any real detail about its contents.

… and it’s indeed that kind of film, it is, so the basic gist is that there’s a cat-and-mouse chase going on between a serial killer and its chosen victim, with the narrative presenting itself in deliberate chronological disorder.

After it tells you it was shot entirely on 35 mm film, which is great but barely will matter on most modern digital screens, but yep, it’s a psychological thriller loosely based on a real life series of murders, as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre style narration tells us about in the beginning.

I wish director Jt Mollner did away with “labeling” and just trusted the audience a bit more (though it’s increasingly harder to do so), especially as it’s tied directly to the film’s main method of subverting linear storytelling and the expectations that come with it, here used to tackle themes such as misoginy, sexual kinks, consent, genre prejudices, and so on.

Honestly while it’s kinda disappointing since it’s hard to tell if the movie isn’t engaging the questions it raises because there are no easy answers…. or because it doesn’t want to, i’m still more miffed about the aforementioned “chickening out at your own vision”

Even so, after the revelations come about, the movie it’s still quite intense, graphic and acting is excellent, so, if not perfect, it’s still quite the good ride, worth watching.

Titanic II (2010) [REVIEW] | A Mockbuster To Remember

Given it’s the “most romantic time of the year” (according to advertising agencies and florists), you know what that means, talking about one of the most beloved romance movies of all time.

Or instead, talk about it’s “sequel”, because i can’t think of a more fit/unfit timing to scratch one more from my “sub-bucket list” of reviews.

Because even before the current state of the company, The Asylum was never one to back away from any semblance of shame, to tackle things that to others were mere jokes, snark meant to mock but never actually manifest itself as an actual thing.

There was (nor there is) no joke or niche the company wouldn’t dig into the ground, so unbound by moral burdens like shame and shit, they actually made Titanic 2.

As most of you already could guess, yep, this is a mockbuster, meaning the title is a lie.. or is it?

How much of a lie to legally avoid charges and how much actually fitting?

Hold on to your Minecraft raft, things are about to get even more disasterrific, cheaper and bullshittier, with The Asylum’s daring to make “boat 9/11” all over again, which is still less offensive and egregious than the Italian Titanic animated movies (and Tentacolino), i’d argue.

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[EXPRESSO] Captain America: Brave New World (2025) | The Credible Hulk, Part 2

I haven’t seen the Falcon And Winter Soldier this apparently continues from (in general i don’t care about the tie-in shows for these), i honestly don’t care too much about Captain America, the character itself or the film subseries, but sure, Harrison Ford is here as the US president (not that one?) and Giancarlo Esposito is here as well, so why not?

I honestly think it’s decent, it’s fine, it’s far from the worse ones, again, considering what we should expect from these era Marvel movies, but it also has most of the issues we’ve come to expect, from trying to juggle too much without fully committing to anything in terms of themes, with subplots and characters that are set up to be important but (most likely by the many documented and reported reshoots, rewrites and production troubles) don’t really add up to the plot.

A plot which itself it’s half reharshing The Winter Soldier, half being basically the unofficial sequel to the 2008 Hulk movie, so much returns and comes to play from that film into what’s extensibly a movie about the new Captain America trying to advert a conspiracy meant to undermine the new presidency of General “Thunderbolt” Ross, trying to turn a new leaf after his questionable past, as the new “Cap” is trying to live up to Steve Roger’s legacy.

On the upside, Mackie makes for a good “Cap’”, some plotlines that were seeded in other movies but were then mostly “abandoned” get revived or given a purpose, the action is often good, but the “New Cap” VS “Harrison Ford as Red Hulk” brawl (which features some iffy special effects) kinda feels there because they based the marketing on that and the movie it’s almost over, so it had be squeezed as the unintentionally anticlimactic climax.