Bladestorm Nightmare PS4 [REVIEW] | The Hundred Years Grind

Ah, yes, Bladestorm, the ginger step-child born of enabling Omega Force to once again make something that isn’t a Warriors game (it’s worth remembering they once did also do fighting games and RPGs, among others), yet isn’t one of Koei historical turn based grand strategy titles like Nobunaga’s Ambition or Uncharted Waters, but more like a real-time Kessen.

This time around we’re taking a break from the Three Kingdoms, Sengoku era Japan or Asian history in general, as we’re going back to the middle ages, yes, but Europe this once, in the 14^th and 15^th centhury, to revisit the events of the Hundred Years War between France and England.

And of course this comes with a big, gynormic “loosely based on” sticker, because it’s a videogame, it’s a videogame based on historic events by the Dynasty Warriors developer, so you already know historical accuracy isn’t gonna be on the table as the main course, or barely at all, because who gotta have historical figures like Gilles Rais and John Talbot interact, and also give them very flamboyant anime style design… why the fuck not?

The plot is told mostly in cutscenes (that develop the various character arcs and of course take a lot of liberties in terms of characterization for the historical figures represented, designs aside), as your player customized character is just another dude in a mercenary band that happens to be involved in the conflict at hand and participate in both “trivial” and important battles of the war, with the option to side with either faction and also save Joanne D’Arc, if you want.

This was true for the original PS3/360/PC release of the game back in 2007, but we’re tackling the expanded port for PS4/X-Box One/Steam, Bladestorm: Nightmare, the PS4 version specifically (as apparently the PC port of this that’s on Steam is shit on a stick, and being an older Koei PC port, yeap, i believe it), which adds some features but mostly a new fantasy campaign that gives this release its new subtitle, Nightmare, which we will tackle later.

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Platformation Time Again #3: Asterix & Obelix XXL 2 PS4 | DS, PSP

HISTORY

Since i’ve given a basic description/primer for Asterix & Obelix as a whole for the Platformation review of the fist XXL game, i won’t be repeating that, so i will simply refer you back to that if you are not too familiar (or at all) with the series.

What i will do is talk about the context of the platforming genre as the time XXL 2 originally released, because in just 3 years after the first Asterix & Obelix XXL came out, a lot happened.

As i said, even the first game felt kinda old fashioned compared to other platformers on offer at the time, heck, not even going back to the original Conker’s Bad Fur Day, in 2003 alone Jak II kickstarted the whole “teenage edgelord “phase of the genre, influenced to be “more mature” thanks to the rise in popularity of games like the 3D Grand Theft Auto games, and this was made even more clear when Sonic Team clearly saw Naughty Dog’s sequel “dark” turnabout and made the Shadow The Hedgehog game.

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Rabio Lepus/Rabbit Punch (Arcade Archives) NSWITCHDDL [REVIEW] | Cho Usagi

This year we won’t review crappy horror no-budget slockfests about killer rabbits, i’m quite fed up with killer easter bunnies and we can done those next year, anyway.

So we’re instead digging up a fairly obscure 2d spaceship shooter/side scrolling shoot ‘em up from the late 80s arcade resurgence, and as i guess it’s almost mandatory for forgotten games of this genre, its only home console port was on the PC Engine… in Japan, North America did get this released in arcades, localized as Rabbit Punch, but we Europeans never did in any shape, not until the recent Arcade Archives rerelease, in this case the Switch one (it’s also available on PS4).

The plot is fairly simple and starts off the “ol’ fashioned” (as in “putting cats in bags and throwing them in the river to drown” ye old fashioned) royal kidnapping by a mechanical army of space aliens that come down to the peaceful planet of Bunnyland, taking awat the rabbit themed king (he has a rabbit onesie), the princess and her sister (which are just Playboy bunny girls… to commit to the theme, yes), so it’s up to the rabbit shaped mecha unit to save the monarchy.

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Up The WAZOOH! (Remastered)

So finally they announced a release date – after dealing it months ago – for that remaster of Croc: Legend Of The Gobbos, Argonaut Games came back from the dead last summer just for it, as in its gonna launch on the 2nd of April, so in a couple of weeks it will be out on pretty much everything.

Digitally, as expected, but you could also try preordering physical PS5-Switch US copies of the game on Rock It Games (not sponsored, i found it linked on the Gematsu article of this new release date announcement), if you have enough dough and interest for the ol’ Croc.

I could try rewrite/rework my old review for the old incarnation of Platformation i did for the occasion, bu i won’t: first, i wanna actually replay it (i have the old PS1 disc version of that and the sequel), write a brand new review for the game, BUT i hoped the delay would push it further down this year, since i already had more than enough to do.

Also, since most of the month will be dedicated (as decided months ago) to Asterix & Obelix, mostly the platforming titles of the XXL series, it would be overkill for Platformation Time Again.

So that review will be done, eventually, maybe when-if they remaster Croc 2.

Don’t expect an EXPRESSO review anytime soon of the new live action Snow White thing with the uncanny valley dwarves, i’m keep gonna pretend these fuckin movies don’t exist, as i have for a while now.

I will have a review of the Minecraft live action film out, hopefully on the week it debuts here ( it comes out on April 3).

Pirate Warriors 4 Next Gen and somehow MORE DLC

I will admit, i completely missed this trailer, as i did with Warriors Abyss announcement, i was made aware by a newsletter while checking the mail, and for reasons i will explain, i’m a bit TOO late, but i also kinda had to, as i didn’t rule out a situation like this.

There just so many times i can write “i can’t believe we’re still talking about Pirate Warriors 4”, so yes, i can believe, and will, since we’re here again.

And yes, they will do about anything than actually make or even hint at a Pirate Warriors 5, or actually do a proper expansion, like and old school Xtreme Legends things, with redone old stages that were in PW3 but not in PW 4, as we already discussed in detail.

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Daimaijin (1966) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Told you we were gonna talk about Daimajin sooner or later!

Nevermind it tooks at least 4 years, but we’re at least giving sense to the old announcement wish i did about reviewing Arrow Video releases, because they did release the entire Daimajin trilogy in a cool boxset some years ago, and i highly recommend it, but for time constraints and to make space for other entries this Giant Monster March, today we’re just gonna look at the original 1966 film, simply called Daimajin, which translates to “Great Demon God”.

Back before they went bankrupt and death-farted themselves out of business with the final Gamera film, Daiei Films did compete with Toho in the “big frigging monsters” market and were pretty aggressive/active, as they pretty much commissioned and filmed all three Daimajin films back to back and released them in the span of mere months in 1966, which is impressive.

But also probably why they did eventually go bankrupt, to some extent, since they were pumping out tokusatsu features and Gamera films like there was no tomorrow… which eventually got them there, but hindsight makes everyone sounds wiser, so whatever, but the Daimajin did start out as the first foe to battle Gamera, inspired by 1936 Le Golem, but obviously that idea didn’t pan out.

While the crew was the same for all 3 films, the directors were not, and also due to this insane schedule, it’s not surprising they have similar plots involving the titular kaiju, the Daimajin, this kabuto clad stone golem demon god, to whom people come praying he saves their village by some invading warlords or something along these lines.

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Senran Kagura: Bon Appetit! (Full Course) STEAM [REVIEW] | Ninja Food Porn Wars

You know what, i miss Senran Kagura.

There, i said it, for all its issues the Tamsoft ninja boobular spectacular beat em up series was fun, silly, fanservice extraordinaire, retro fun, and it actually got better as it went on, but then Sony basically becoming more prudish and pushing against these weird niche japanese games that made their console offerings more varied and unique, so the series mostly dabbled in ports and spin-offs, as the discussed new mainline Senran Kagura game, Senran Kagura Seven, become even more vaporware with the producer of the series, Kenichiro Takaki, moving out to a new company, and even moving out to the curiously “permissive” Nintendo of the Switch era didn’t help much.

Yes, technically the last notable entry (there are some mobile title never released out of Japan, one called Senran Kagura Run released last year) is not that old, being the 2021/2022 released Neptunia x Senran Kagura: Ninja Wars, but i think it exists and was released internationally mostly because of it being a crossover with the Neptunia series, itself not doing too hot, as they dabble in lots of spin-offs like the very recent Neptunia Riders VS Dogoos, but also have been struggling with rereleases and not a mainline entry in… a decade, as of now.

So it’s with bosomed heart i finally decided to dig into the Senran Kagura spin-offs, starting off with the cooking/rhythm game that is Senran Kagura: Bon Apetit!, originally released on PS Vita, but since it was digital only even in Europe, i decided to just get it on Steam this time around, expecially since its sold as the “Full Course” edition, meaning has all the content and DLC in one package for 20 bucks MSRP, which is actually reasonable.

Gotta love how they were willing to basically try anything with Senran Kagura, do not ever underestimate the power of horny, as it resulted in them having their own Splatoon-esque clone (which is technically a mainline game for story reasons) alongside a pinball game, a ecchi dating sim that’s also a reflexology simulator, but before all those, they did try their hand at a rhyth/cooking game hybrid, because sure, we can be horny AND hungry at the same time!

I mean, Food Wars exist already, so to add the Senran Kagura cast to the mix of battle shounen cooking bouts and horny fanservice was as simple as one-two-three, and you have a variety of ninja anime girls in often skimpy costumes (and now aprons), voilà!

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So (not so) few words about Donkey Kong Country Returns HD

Planned to do this earlier but i got carried away and basically i’ve almost finished the game (most likely i’ve already did by the time this gets out), but i’m gonna chime in now, as there’s no planned full lenght review for this release of Donkey Kong Country Returns.. not a regular one, i’m preparing a full on Platformation Time Again piece but i would love to revisit at least the original SNES DKC trilogy before on that rubric (we can cover the Donkey Kong Land subseries later).

So here we go.

First, i’m glad we’re finally having a version of Donkey Kong Country Returns freed of the fuckin mandatory motion controls and not stuck on 3DS, as make no mistake, DKC Returns was and still is an amazing platformer and a worthy heir of DKC heritage/legacy, surpassed only by its sequel, Tropical Freeze, so damn good it almost make me ok with Retro not making a third one.

Also because, motion controls being optional this time around, the game is the same in terms of content (while incorporating the extra levels made for the 3DS port)…and the port mostly is ok.

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12 Days Of Dino Dicember #38: Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985)

In a way, we’re breaking ourselves new ground in terms of dinosaur movies.

Technically.

What i’m getting at is that Massacre In Dinosaur Valley… doesn’t actually feature any dinosaur.

Come one, couldn’t even be arsed to reuse footage from a more recent dinosaur film? Sure as shit they couldn’t reuse footage from One Million B.C. Or the 1925 The Lost World, since this one is in color… because that would imply them spending time in colourizing the old b&w footage.

But yeah, i’m not surprised that some synopses do actually list anything BUT dinosaurs being into the actual film, because guess what, this isn’t a dinosaur film.

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Ye Old Remaster Wsihslsti (for Saint Nick)

A bonus round, meant for the previous “draught”, but it still isn’t Christmas, as Mr. Wright would point out, so enjoy!

Since the industry is experiencing the inevitable resource creep and is eventually forced right now to reap what they sow, as the new consoles “have no games” because mainstream big budget videogames have pigeonholed themselves into a situation where is too expensive and takes too long to even make one of these (emulating the big budget cinema industry they wanted so much to be to a tee), remasters have been the way too go.

Old crap with new paint or fixes to the rope itself takes still less than making a new game from scratch, is easy as you can cater to the evergrowing nostalgia market (due to the gaming populace aging because natural entropy is a thing and your flesh will fail you, eventually) longing for ages long gone, be it the Atari early days or the mascote platformer craze of the 90s, you can safely bet on an already established name, and the market is big enough that even obscure shit like Felix The Cat videogames of yore and Bubsy can get a collection with improvements, quality of feature, and shady publishers like Piko Interactive can publish in 2022 (on Steam at the moment, with console releases coming) a somehow buggier, worse looking version of Glover than when it launched on Nintendo 64. In 1998.

Be it collections of enhanced ports or remasters that just update the graphical side of things, the public craves and buys these for a variety of reasons, publishers are more than happy as it cheaper all together, so in the spirit of the time i will be dotting down my own wishlist of remasters/ports/re-releases that i would like to see.

Order is casual, btw.

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