[EXPRESSO] A Working Man (2025) | Baba Yogurt

I know what you’re thinking, what everyone was thinking after seeing the trailer: why isn’t this The Beekeeper 2?! I mean, i’m sure there’s a sequel on the way for that one, but this plain isn’t, it’s just another Jason Staham movie where he’s some ex-soldier or super assassin that has retired but he’s pulled back into his older life of violence due to some criminals hurting someone close to him, etc.

This time around he’s a construction worker and they kidnap the daughter of the family that owns and operates the construction company he works for, so he swears to get her back… which would be fine but he also has his own biological daughter to look after, as his wife is dead and the grandpa believes Jason Staham (again, not bothering to remember his character’s name, nobody will) isn’t a good parent. His quest brings him to find out a human trafficking ring, piss off the russian mafia, and accidentally become a John Wick-esque figure to them….

Honestly it feels like they mashed two scripts together, now only due to the plot feeling like it should be less convoluted (it’s not complicated) as the new characters that keep showing up just increasingly feel like they should be in a completely different Jason Staham movie, even more as they keep getting more cartoonish, like the foppish pervert that “bought” the girl just missing a Dracula cape, or the psycho super assassins under the big russian mafia honcho giving off strong vibes of videogame minibosses.

It’s just kinda weird, untentionally funny, and yes, makes the whole thing longer than it needs to.

It’s not awful or the worse, but let’s be honest, it’s just a stopgag release until The Beekeeper 2 or Fast And Furious X Part 2 come out.

[EXPRESSO] Death Of A Unicorn (2025) | Mediocricorns Out

Like i lamented in my review of Opus, this kind of satire about “eating the rich” has just about plateu’d itself into a modern clichè, despite the sentiment itself being more and more relevant, and Death Of A Unicorn just cements this further.

Even if it’s a killer creature feature mashed with The Menu (again, that or Knives Out), and there’s something to the concept, given the unicorn’s folklore.

The premise sees a lawyer bring along his estranged daughter to meet with the wealthy family he works for, but they accidentally hit something with the car.

That being an actual, factual unicorn, which is eventually discovered by the rich family that immediatly seizes it when they realize just their blood can do near miracolous things, and ignore the warnings of the daughter, who briefly but profondedly mind-linked with the unicorn cub…

It’s not that it doesn’t commit to its silly concept of “killer unicorns stalking-killing rich assholes”, it does so to the point its detrimental, mostly taking the idea too seriously while being stupid in a way that’s more exhauting and annoying than fun, the good cast can’t do much when these character are too fuckin stupid, it lacks some needed self-awareness, and it’s nowhere as fun as it sounds.

It also doesn’t take advantage of the absurd premise to make something creative with it, the effects are fairly good but don’t expect anything of inventive in terms of kills, for example, and while it’s under 2 hours, it feels longer, like they stretched a short movie or a comedy skit into feature lenght.

It’s at least a more coherent with itself than Opus, i will say that much, and it’s not awful, it’s just another middling entry in this already overdone, oversatured “eat the rich” style of satirical comedy.

[EXPRESSO] ENA: Dream BBQ – Chapter 1 STEAM | BLESSED BUSINESS

Based off the cult webseries by Joel Guerra, ENA: Dream BBQ is basically a new adventure for ENA and his gaggle of absurdist weirdo acquaintaces, as you are tasked to “find the target boss”, whatever that means in a world where cubist gestalt MPD humans exists alongside penguin-vampires, sumi-e men in frogsuit, mannequins, 2D witches, genies, where the sky is filled with stuff like a hippoheaded-pyramid with tendrils, and just a constant cascade of surreal shit.

The series already felt like you threw LSD Dream Emulator, Cat Soup, added a dash of those old point n click educational games from Humungous Entertaiment (like Spy Fox or the Putt Putt games) and the Zelda CDI games, all thrown into a huge pot that’s also sentient and speaks in a faux gibberish language, so making an actual first person adventure/point n click explorative title was a given, and after years, it’s out… the first chapter 1 is, anyway, for free to everyone, though the other episodes will be paid, and if you want to support the project, there’s a “Supporter Edition” DLC that adds collectables and gives you access to various behind the scenes materials.

If you’re not familiar with the series, you’ll be right at home and intrigued to see the whys and whats of ENA’s new look and “purpose”, if you don’t, it’s gonna be honestly just as caught up as you could, as there’s plenty of new weird faces and things to interact, talk to, use, gander at, but gameplay is both surprisingly and expectedly fairly simple in terms of systems and controls (there’s also full gamepad support) for an explorative adventure game, with some simple platforming.

Honestly i strongly encourage getting the “support edition DLC” after, because damn, this first chapter is already top tier stuff, just incredible.

[EXPRESSO] The Shrouds (2024) | Altered Feast

After premiering at last year’s Cannes, David Cronenberg new movie, The Shrouds. is finally out in most countries.

The plot sees Karsh, a man that lost his wife Becca 4 years ago, now finally having found a way to handle his grief… by creating GraveTech, a company that makes high tech shrouds to conserve and look upon the bodies of your beloved ones via a system of cameras and displays integrated into the tombstones. Mostly though Karsh can look upon his wife Becca even after death. As you do.

That is, until Karsh notices some strange matter growing on Becca’ remains, then acts of vandalism and hacking hit Gravetech, apparently by some Irish ecoterroristic groups, but discussing and searching for the culprits leads Karsh into a rabbit hole of potential conspiracies…

And i will have to say i’m a bit disappointed, i am, for reasons that might seem odd, as in, the director isn’t trying to shy away from the style of film he’s known for in its old age, quite the opposite, but even more than with 2022’s Crimes Of The Future, here it’s almost like he decided to crank up “the Cronenberg” to borderline parodical degrees.

But it’s so done in earnest (Cronenberg himself said this is most personal film) it’s hard not to be intrigued, to wanna see where things will go, even with the constantly slow pacing and the body horror/romance challenging itself to go even darker and weirder, i was into into it despite the issues.

… until the kinda abrupt ending, while thematically coherent it just kinda stops, i don’t mind slow burn thrillers at all but there’s no proper pay-off to stuff that maybe should have been answered.

Still decent and absolutely worth a watch if you remotely liked any of Cronenberg’ works.

[EXPRESSO] A Minecraft Movie (2025) | Yearning For

We all saw that horrendous first trailer for the Minecraft live action film, so i guess that lowered expectations for it, not that it made sense to make a Minecraft film, even less so in live-action, but instead of lamenting about Jack Black career moves, let’s cut the shit for the sake of brevity.

I do not care nor know much about Minecraft, aside from the stuff even gamers not invested in it will simply have learned via osmosis, and let’s be real, even i could tell you this is a stupid concept, borne of a decadent big budget film industry that is now riding on videogames’ everincreasing popularity (instead of the other way around) to sell tickets for whatever.

So imagine my surprise in finding out it’s not utter trash, even if there’s obvious irony of making a movie about a game thriving on creativity when it’s just Jumanji, again (couldn’t wait for the next one of the reboot series, could you, Jack?), just this time the guy wanted to actually go there, and there’s a washed up, John Romero-esque videogame champ of the 80s still stuck on the past, played by Jason Momoa, and we have stuff from Minecraft reworked into the plot of a fairly generic (and a bit unfocused) kids/family film fantasy adventure romp.

Still, there’s actual energy put into it, especially thanks to Black and Momoa going super hammy and clearly having fun with the silly material of a script, which isn’t good but isn’t atrocious, it’s nowhere near as cynical as one would expect, there are some solid performances (Jennifer Coolridge as the lonesome oversharing school principal for example), the effects are mostly up to snuff (which i didn’t expect from that awful trailer), even if the art style feels weird in live action.

[EXPRESSO] Opus (2025) | Modesto, Cult Of The Damned

A horror movie where John Malkovich plays a 90s super popstar coming back after 20 years with a new album and inviting a clique of media personalities (and a young journalist willing to make her mark) for a special preview event on his very Jonestown looking comunity/cult…

It sound promising, but honestly Opus it’s pretty frustrating, for the feature debut of Mark Antony Green shows clear ambition in wanting to tackle the modern theme of the “cult of celebrity”… but it does so quite badly, mostly rehashing stuff already done notably better before, for an uninspired popstar take on The Menu crossed with Midsommar, for example.

I’d complain it’s a thriller devoid of thrills as you know exactly that some culty shit is gonna go down… but it doesn’t really play like a thriller, going for a comedy angle of sorts that doesn’t quite work, as they don’t committ fully to that either. They do deliver a Chuck Norris joke (i kid you not), but mostly you’re left wondering how stupid are these people to not notice they’ve entered “Elton Jonestown”.

Aside from the main protagonist-final girl, whose actress seems unable to gel with the direction… but then again the film isn’t really sure what to do with itself, often contradicting its own set-ups for cheap sholc, the villain plans becoming increasingly stupider and the plot somehow even more senseless, making for a pretentious yet half baked, incredibly stupid mess.

What saves it from being as bad as Blink Twice is John Malkovic go full ham as the villain, basically “Elton Leto”, he commits perfectly that his performance alone makes it kinda worth a watch… but boy it’s a dud, frustratingly so, and maybe – MAYBE – a sign that this type of modern horror-thrillers its running on fumes. Just a bit.

[EXPRESSO] The Monkey (2025) | FAQING MONKY

After bringing about a Manson-esque supernatural horror with Longlegs, Oz Perkins is back with an adaptation of Stephen King’s short story The Monkey, about – indeed – a cursed mechanical wind-up toy monkey (no cimbals, but a good ol’ drum & stick set) that is able kill off people via convenient incidents, found by a couple of brothers as it belonged to their father, who ran off home years ago. They find out there’s something about the monkey toy and the deaths that seem to happened with eerie timing, so they decide to hide it away.

25 years later, mysterious deaths start happening again in the brother’s hometown of Casco, Maine (ah yes, the inland, Jessica Fletcher-free part of it), forcing the two siblings, whom has grown strangers to each other, to settle that dark secret from their past….

And boy is this one a good time, as it goes for a deliberately over the top comedy horror tone, which works splendidly with the very blasè existentialist dark humour, and doesn’t waste time trying to make more complex or apply “logic” to a concept that defies it, because the idea of a djinn/genie that can basically dish out death without having to twist around the words of the people making the wishes doesn’t make sense either.

The toy monkey won’t care what you think (or want) either way.

The characters and exchanges are delightfully over the top in some way or another (while reserving some time for more serious, emotional moments), as are the many gory deaths, as gruesome as they are funny, with people exploding into pieces, torn apart by lawnmowers, being brutally impaled via a series of absurd little accidents, the effects are great too, and it doesn’t overstays its welcome by padding itself out.

Quite fun, recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Prophecy (2025) | Revenge Of The UberEats Boys

I’ve quite enjoyed Tetsuya Tsutsui mangas such as Reset, Noise, Duds Hunt… but i’ve never heard of “Prophecy”, that one sure eluded me.

So imagine my surprise when i saw this Italian live action film adaptation of his Prophecy manga announced months ago. Especially since they already made a Japanese live action film adaptation… back in 2015.

Sure the production studio, Brandon Box, notably also have been working on a Tiger Mask live action film (the anime was mad popular here back in the 80s)… but why this one specifically?

The plot involves a couple of young dudes trying to sell their stock market software, “Prophecy”, to a media mogul, but it fails spectacularly, forcing them to scrape by with odd jobs, until months later they find the mogul profitting over “Prophecy”. So they decide to moonlight as a modern, social media wise Robin Hood, the protagonist donning a mask made of newspaper and the alias “Paperboy”, becoming a viral sensation, things snowball, the police gets involved, yada yada.

It’s odd, because it’s not awful, acting is quite solid, i respect the attempt, the heart is in the right place, ….but it’s a tensionless thriller that comes off as weird step child of Mr. Robot and a crime caper comedy à-la Now You See Me (minus the magic), an action comedy thingie that touches upon modern problems like the rooted effect Internet has on our lives, social injustices like the UberEats style of “poverty jobs” forced upon people that were denied a better future… while also seeming stuck in the past on many pivotal plot elements like “hacking”, the characters are bidimensional cutouts, the script is kinda weak, full of unintentional anticlimaxes and just straight up forced plot developments.

Not bad, just kinda of a mess, but an okayish one.

Final Verdict: Americano

[EXPRESSO] La Città Proibita/The Forbidden City (2025) | Kung Fu In Roma

After delighting italian audiences with the superhero-anime inspired They Called Him Jeeg and then unleashing circus freaks against the nazis in Freaks Out, director Gabriele Mainetti opted for another type of modern pastiche with La Città Proibita (lit. “The Forbidden City”, not sure how much intentional are the similarities with the 1918 films of the same name ), blending in a kung fu drana film with an Italian crime-thriller.

The movie sees Mei, a chinese woman on a quest to find her sister, whom moved to Rome years ago, and as she fights her way through the criminal underbelly of the city, she meets Marcello, the son of an indebted restaurant owner that is thrown into this since his dead father was mentioned by Mei, the two eventually teaming up to find out the truth behind their shared woes….

It’s an impressive feat how this isn’t just a “cute attempt” or is “as good as it can get due to being an Italian production”, none of that, there’s actually a profound understanding of kung fu films as well as the kind of specific regional (Roman in this case) italian style of drama and comedy that would resonates with the audiences, there’s respect, hearth and good craft put to it, with professional, high quality brutal kung fu action, excellent coreography and tight editing.

The elements and plot beats are typical of the kung fu genre (it’s a vengeance story at heart, for one) but really well executed, and more importantly this doesn’t feel like two movies forced to coexist despite being at odds with each other, quite the opposite, as they both benefit/draw from this “culture clash” theme for the best, acting its quite good (mostly), it is quite captiving and enthralling if you’re willing to give the idea a chance.

Up The WAZOOH! (Remastered)

So finally they announced a release date – after dealing it months ago – for that remaster of Croc: Legend Of The Gobbos, Argonaut Games came back from the dead last summer just for it, as in its gonna launch on the 2nd of April, so in a couple of weeks it will be out on pretty much everything.

Digitally, as expected, but you could also try preordering physical PS5-Switch US copies of the game on Rock It Games (not sponsored, i found it linked on the Gematsu article of this new release date announcement), if you have enough dough and interest for the ol’ Croc.

I could try rewrite/rework my old review for the old incarnation of Platformation i did for the occasion, bu i won’t: first, i wanna actually replay it (i have the old PS1 disc version of that and the sequel), write a brand new review for the game, BUT i hoped the delay would push it further down this year, since i already had more than enough to do.

Also, since most of the month will be dedicated (as decided months ago) to Asterix & Obelix, mostly the platforming titles of the XXL series, it would be overkill for Platformation Time Again.

So that review will be done, eventually, maybe when-if they remaster Croc 2.

Don’t expect an EXPRESSO review anytime soon of the new live action Snow White thing with the uncanny valley dwarves, i’m keep gonna pretend these fuckin movies don’t exist, as i have for a while now.

I will have a review of the Minecraft live action film out, hopefully on the week it debuts here ( it comes out on April 3).