[EXPRESSO] The Well (2023) | Castle Freaks

More italian horror, this time from a more recognized yet fairly fresh name, Federico Zampaglione , “fairly” as in he has been for decades the frontman of a popular italian band, Tiromancino, but since the late 2000s he also started directing horror and giallo films, having a Rob Zombie-esque dealio as he casts his wife, Claudia Gerini (a renowed actress in her own right) in his film.

And while it technically had its premiere in 2023, only now it’s getting limited screenings in some regions here in Italy, with plans for more international releases.

The Well is about an art restorer, Lisa Grey (Lauren LaVera), sent to a small italian village in order to restore a medieval painting that has been damaged in a fire decades and decades ago, unaware that there’s a curse on it…

I haven’t seen Zampaglione previous feature length horror films, but i must say i’m pleasantly surprised, given how often modern italian horror films are shit or confusingly made by people that seem to be ashamed or downright hate the very genre they dedicate themselves to.

Given it’s an indie production, i’m honestly amazed at how good the monster make up and the old-fashioned practical gore effects are (some nasty gruesome shit like face ripping and bowel diggery), acting is decent and honestly direction is quite solid, touching mostly predictable but very satisfying ground with the premise and execution, gotta give props for what’s a “Bad End” i did not expect.

Gotta love the cameo from a now aged Giovanni Lombardo Radice, too.

It’s a pretty good throwback to old school italian horror, even despite some questionable stylistical and directorial choices here and there, the production values screaming for some extra budget to properly “bloom”, The Well is a good, solid italian horror film.

Recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Here After – L’Aldilà (2024) | Facade Of Horror

I’ll admit i watched this only because its part of a national promotion on italian and european films, so the ticket was real cheap, and it’s an italian horror film, i just gotta give them a shot, regardless.

The plot concerns a mute teenage girl skilled in piano, Robin, as one day has an accident leading to her having a pre-death experience, as against all odds she comes back, only for her mother to notice that something isn’t right, as she worries someone else might be in there.

An increansingly worrysome and creepy set of events surrounding Robin force her mother, Claire, to confront her own past experience that marked their lives forever.

It’s not an ugly film, the Rome setting is nice and cinematography is decent, it’s a professionally put together film with mostly decent acting, but it’s also kinda deceiftul, since it’s actually a supernatural drama masking itself as both a possession/exorcism film and something in the vein in Babadook, parading some of the elements from both around to sell the facade.

And it is a facade because the movie is neither of the two, since it straddles the line but ultimately just stays there, deciding on nothing all the way through, committing to both in idea but not reality, so it’s no surprise the final result it’s an insipid compromise that satisfies no one, with a positive ending that feels more like a convenient way to avoid addressing the point of some previous scenes.

But the kicker is that, it’s also ungodly boring, so cliched it hurts and makes it an utterly predictable drag all the way through, making its 90 minutes runtime feel bloated, even more when it doesn’t trust the audience, so it has to spell out what else everyone already correctly predicted hours ago.

[EXPRESSO] Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) | Stabbing Friends

I do not know if it’s still “cool” to hate on Deadpool (both the character and the film series), but laughably wanton changes of popular opinion aside, i quite liked Deadpool and i was glad to see that he would return and drag back Hugh Jackman to play Wolverine again in the third Deadpool live action film, Deadpool & Wolverine, as they go through a multiverse hopping adventure to avoid the timelines being erased, and for spoilers’ sake i will leave it at that.

Not that you’re here for the story anyway, you’re here for Ryan Reynolds’s Deadpool and to see him interact with Hugh Jackman back in his iconic Wolverine role/persona, and honestly i can’t deny it works well as a buddy comedy adventure, as the two actors work off each other perfectly.

I will not chastize the series style and humour and characters for actually being consistent with themselves as they were before, but i also won’t deny i would be quite okay with this being the last Deadpool film, as nothing here works badly or anything, is just the formula at this point in time lacks any real surprise, and the “annoying” aspect of Deadpool deliberate meta-massacring humour is even more noticeable than it’s purposedly made to, like dial it back a bit.

Also, there’s the fact the plot is weaker and meandering, as much as it makes some cameos possible from Marvel characters otherwise stuck in stupid limbos, it’s more derivative, the new characters could be better, and the movie – which is still decent-and-above fun overall – is quite funny but noticeably not as funny (or well directed) as Deadpool 2 was, and the meta referencing und self deprecating humour ends up feeling kind old hat, even if you enjoyed Deadpool whole shtick so far.

[EXPRESSO] Twisters (2024) | That Power Is Yet Unknown

I have to say, for generational reasons, i missed the time where this movie was so widespread, so i watched the 1996 original for the first time just hours before going into theathers to see this follow-up/stand alone sequel, simply called Twisters.

The original was a fun ride, full of hilarious characters played by an amazing cast, though the main focus where the admittely amazing special effects for 1996, and plain old tornadoes were enough to intrigue general audiences.

That said, there is a strangely refreshing quality today to the 90s style approach to disaster movies, even if it’s less “sequel” and more of a remake (a “remaquel”?), as there are parallels, some elements carrying over and characters having similar dynamics, and a similar premise of groups of “tornado hunters”, despite no returning characters from the 1996 movie.

It feels very 90s and it does harness the energy of the original for the most part, with good effects too, in general managing well to update the formula, but intriguingly the core plot actually tackles more how these natural disasters impact peoples’ lives, who’s actually profitting from these, etc.

It’s a shame the movie isn’t willing to concede some needed characterization, more depth to the themes, anything that detract from the “rollercoaster” type of entertaiment, i mean, climate change isn’t mentioned once, and the co-protagonist could almost be cut, as Glenn Powell’s amazing performance of “Tyler Owens”, the ringmaster of a hillbilly storm chasers posse, steals the show.

Twisters almost manages to marry these two different approaches to the formula, but kinda falls short, though in the end it’s still a more than decent movie, one that does feel like a modern take on Twister, even if a bit frustrating since it feels crutched by compromises because of its very legacy.

Shark! AKA Samuel Fuller’s Shark AKA 4 Bastardi Per Un Posto All’Inferno (1969) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

You can hardly get any more basic with a title like “Shark!” (shouted, of course), so it’s no wonder it got mostly forgotten in time, its status as a pre-Jaws shark film not helping, hence leave it to the italian home video market to release under the title of “4 Bastards For A Place In Hell” (4 Bastardi Per Un Posto All’Inferno), far more eye-catching and way fuckin better than just “Shark (exclamation mark)” though making one expect to see a spaghetti western, because deception and bullshit was always the name of the game when localizing titles of movies here in Italy.

Though it also can be summed up as “the shark movie with Burt Reynolds in it”, as we have basically a shark-laden style “Treasure Of The Sierra Madre” plot as well, with the protagonist being a gunrunner that loses its cargo near a Sudanese harbor town, making him stuck there, until he’s hired by a woman to help a scientist raid a sunken ship in shark-infested waters for some.. “valuables”.

Pity is, he faces competition from other people hired to do the very same thing..

Not to be confused with 1975’s Shark Treasure by Cornel Wilde, also about a sunken treasure and criminals, and one that also publicized itself on the realism of the sharks in it, because… minds think alike, especially when you’re gonna cash into Jaws’ success.

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[EXPRESSO] Immaculate (2024) | Mary on a cross

I’ll be honest, i kinda forgot this was even gonna be released here, i guess that counts as a “surprise” summer horror release, something to watch before M. Night’s Trap comes out in August, it’s another religious themed horror film, as in it’s about nuns without guns and catholicism and such.

This one is about a young religious woman that moves from Detroit to a rural convent Italy in order to take the votes and become a nun, Cecilia, and is welcomed quite warmly. A bit too warmly, she sees some weird stuff, then she becomes miracolously pregnant (it’s called “immaculate”, it’s not really a spoiler), and then things becomes even weirder and more suspicious, as dark secrets arise and all the hubba you can honestly predict from a movie like this.

So, the short version is that this is – by accident or not, i’ll let you pick because it doesn’t actually matter too much in the end – a lesser version of the Omen prequel that released last year, The First Omen, but this actually amounts to a decent flick, in spite of the aforementioned “similarities” and overall predictable ensemble of situations, events, reveals and twists, even when they’re not pulled straight from the Omen series. Characters fair about as much, with the doe eyed soon-to-be-nun, the strange mother superiors, the crazy old nuns that reside there as the place there is kind of a hospice..

By and large, the concoction here should be just mediocre, professionally shot and produced, but all already been done (and then done again some more) and better, yet the reveal is kinda interesting in the variation/spin it does, there are some decent-to-good practical gore effects, and overall the execution elevates it to being decent, with some extra points for the ballsy ending.

[EXPRESSO] A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) | The Cat Will Inherit The Earth

The acclaimed horror series about an alien invasion of sound-receptive creatures continues…. as it actually does not, by playing the classic “prequel” card, which is often a double edged sword, as it can actually expand upon the material or just feel like a stop-gap “filler” release.

In this case – as the title lays out – we go back to the very first day of the invasion, breaking out in New York, and we follow a terminal cancer-diagnosed woman (and her support cat) brought with the rest of the hospice to see a show, when suddendly vicious alien monsters fall from the skies and rampage, blind as bats but immediatly snapping in chase of of any loud noise…

In many ways, there’s little to say about A Quiet Place Day One that couldn’t/hasn’t already been discussed plenty about the previous movies, it doesn’t add really much “lore”, it just has some characters that will show up in the mainline films, but in this case it’s actually a good thing, as we have another good horror thriller with great suspence, a relatively novel twist on the monsters, excellent effects, good characters, and most importantly the ability to keep things simple at heart but far from boring, without bogging down the dread by forcing a mythos, for example.

Honestly i feel the “Day One/Origin” spin works well enough, i’m quite okay with it following mostly new people, as the “cancer-not-the-sign woman” is actually a pretty good main character, relatable, and while there’s nothing new or mindblowing added to the series, the execution it’s still quite good enough to make for a great film.

It’s a rare case when the “if not broken, don’t fix it” approach does actually still pay off, with the only little wart being the humdrum, shoehorned dream sequence.

Cocaine Shark (2023) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

You know the saying, the last year’s sensation is still fresh when gimmicks barely add anything, and by gimmicks i mean the fact Cocaine Bear was actually a big b-movie studio release last year, so by that summer you know they had someone on speed-dial to make their own knock off with 1000 times less the budget.

And it’s telling that in the past The Asylum would have made the movie themselves, but this is modern Asylum, so the first to put the “cocained killer animal mockbuster” was Mark Polonia.

…. though even that isn’t really the truth, as it’s often the case, reality is quite disappointing, as Mark Polonia just happened to release a movie called (Crab Shark) that premiered the 29^th of January 2023 in Japan (apparently even actually got real screenings, which is far more unbelievable than a crab shark but it seems to be true), and he retitled it “Cocaine Shark” when releasing it in the US later that July, to capitalize on the sensation of Cocaine Bear.

Funnily beating the director of Cocaine Bear, Elizabeth Banks, to the punch in making a follow up with a shark, again based on an actual news story.

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[EXPRESSO] The Animal Kingdom (2023) | Goo goo g’ joob

The Animal Kingdom is a movie of many things, as it has superhero-ish and body horror elements, but it’s actually a fresh thriller-coming of age French movie from director Thomas Cailley, about a nearby future where a bizarre disease start turning people into animal-human hybrids – called “critters” by the populace – needing to control and herd them into contaiment facilities.

The plot sees a teen, Emilè, and his dad, a cook, move out to a small town in order to stay closer where Emile’s mother is being treated for her mutation, obviously keeping it a secret from everyone they met, a task that becomes harder as Emile’s mom, after an accident with the car trasporting them, escapes in the surrounding wooded area, alongside other “critters”, and nearly impossible as Emile himself notices he starts to mutate, with newfound fur, claws, and other bodily alterations..

Despite the Island Of Dr. Moreau-like premise, it’s mostly a thriller and a coming of age film, as Emile matures and goes through more than the usual teen changes, makes friends, and how the world around him reacts in various forms to these mutated “kemono people”, serving the expected but still well tackled themes of racism, tolerance, love, and mostly about freedom.

And yet, even if it seems like The Animal Kingdom it’s trying to juggle too many elements at once, the final result is quite interesting, as it manages to handle the themes and ideas very well, giving them a fresh spin, one that works by putting at the forefront the well characterized father-son duo and the drama that follows from the situation, harvesting it to end up on an empowering and understanding, almost tender note.

Even better, the effects are honestly great.

A nice surprise, one i recommend checking out whenever you can.

Earth Defense Force 3 AKA Earth Defense Force 2017 X360 [REVIEW] | #summerofedf

When of i think of when the series officially, globally managed to “hit it big”, Earth Defense Force 3 is when it actually happened, after word of mouth did its thing and helped reach the audience for a more arcadey and un-serious gaming experience, almost a pure one, if you want.

Sorry, Earth Defense Force 2017, as it better known, which is a fitting title for another reason besides keeping in tone with the 50/60’s style of sci-fi cheese, and the obvious hiding of this being the third entry of the series (the main one, anyway) to make the new potential audience of the previously Playstation centric IP not feel like they were missing out.

The reason being curiously a story one, as with EDF 2017 will start what would become a recurring approach to the plot, as in this does not follow up from the events of EDF 2, nothing from that game is ever mention, because EDF 2017 it’s a remake of the first EDF, which was set in the…. back then still not that far away year of 2017.

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