[EXPRESSO] The Ugly Stepsister (2025) | Body Horrorella ( 🎶rella rella rella 🎶)

So we’re doing a horror version of Cinderella, and it’s not a Jagged Edge Productions joint?

Color me surprised, it’s an actual film with real budgets, a Norwegian produced retelling of the Cinderella fable in a more twisted fashion, with the widow Rebekka marrying an old nobleman that almost immediatly dies, meaning her daughters Elvira and Alma are joined by their new step-sister, Agnes, a stark contrast to Elvira, who’s considered fat and ugly but is groomed (as is prepped) by her mother to undergo grueling surgery and training to become beautiful, in order to marry into royalty, especially the prince, whom Elvira pines for.

It’s a satirical black comedy take on the fairytale (also taking some of the more graphic ideas from the Grimm’s version) that’s also heavy on body horror, because The Substance made that a trend again…. and surprisingly a lot of straight up gross out graphic content, both played for humour as well as simple shock value.

If you expected a more psychological horror affair this ain’t it, The Ugly Stepsister will see horror films that have subtlety and nail their hypothetical balls to the walls, and put salt maggots on the opened sack, as it revels in its bluntness and its “period piece” with faux classical styled version of modern pop songs in the background.

It is funny, the main conflict between Elvira and Agnes is compelling as neither is depicted as an actual “evil” figure, as their pushed into it by societal standards, but on this regard, anything else that isn’t about them (well, mostly Elvira) feels underdeveloped or lost in its own stylistical pot-pourry, like how the satyrical, modern feminist take on the fable almost ends up reafferming the very values its so obviously wants to mock.

Still quite entertaining and decently realized.

[EXPRESSO] Chainsaw Man The Movie: Reze’s Arc (2025) | I R I S O U T

I guess the thing now for shonen (or shonen-esque, as Chainsaw Man doesn’t quite fit the bill) anime films is to adapt an arc so it can bridge into the following TV seasons, because Demon Slayer did it.

Okay. Why not? I’ll take this over compilation films any day.

In case you aren’t familiar with the series, Chainsaw Man is about Denji, a homeless boy used and betrayed by the yakuza, whom becomes a human-devil hybrid that can sprout chainsaws from his body, after his dog, Pochita (actually the Chainsaw Devil) saves his life by fusing with a dying Denji.

He’s then recruited by Makima, commanding a special unit of Devil Hunters on behalf of the japanese government, which is tasked to kill devils that show up threatening the peace, and also search for the whereabouts of the incredibly powerful yet elusive Gun Devil.

In this specific case, the movie cover’s Reze story arc, with the first season finale seeing Denji confront Katana Man and his allies that were seeking revenge.

The first season did receive some backlash for the animation, but honestly i think MAPPA did a good job with that as well (even if some episodes did suddendly look like ass at times), so expectations were high, even more as it’s a pretty good adaptation of a hit series that didn’t just luck out with its timing, i’ll say that much.

The movie does have better, more consistent quality animation and the decision to adapt this arc pays off in terms of more cinematic flair to the insane action scenes, while also giving the needed time to introduce Reze and his relationship with Denji, it is her story, after all, as much as his.

Pretty good stuff, and the opening theme by Kenshi Yonezu is once again fire.

The Spooktacular Eight #28: Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

Enough of Mark Polonia’s stuff, let’s go deeper into the homegrown cinema territory with a “classic” by David Wascavage, Suburban Sasquatch.

Sometimes you think you know a certain genre, then see shit like this or Fungicide that makes you realize, yes, we can go lower than an early Polonia Bros direct-to-video film made in the late 90s, there is a 10^th circle of movie hell… or heaven, depending on whom you ask.

If you ever wondered what those Donald Trump VS Bigfoot VS Nazi Shark fuckin movies would have looked like if they were made in the 90s, and were somehow worse than Curse Of Bigfoot… well, wonder no more, because while this was made in 2004, it looks like the first Feeders film or something like that, it’s that territory of shooting your own shit with pocket change (and some “locally sourced” weed as stand-in for salaries) as budget, with your friends as “actors” and location shooting meaning you most likely recorded the footage (“filmed” is too strong of a word) somewhere in some woods or field near your home, or inside a friends’ house.

This is HIGH amateur hour stuff, my fellows bad movie buffs, so amateur it hurts.

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The Spooktacular Eight #26: The Mutilator AKA Fall Break (1983)

Again picking another fairly unknown, mostly forgotten 80s slasher from my evergrowing Arrow Video collection, i keep joking about how there’s apparently an endless supply of these for these companies to restore, but there ARE so many 80s slashers that many were bound to be forgotten over the decades, even by the die-hard fan of the horror subgenre.

So it’s still kinda fun to go through them, because you might find something fun, maybe not good, maybe even surprisingly well crafted, it’s a crapshoot, but that’s also part of the appeal in hindsight.

But due to the nature of the odds in question, they can’t all be winners, or interesting little products of their time with some value or some history to them.

Sometimes you land on the zero, you go all in and zoom, bang, your pants are gone, your ass on display for the croupier and players to see, and corporal punishment is back in the menù to make them cheek blush with shame, because why not kick you while you’re down?

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Neon Maniacs (1986) [REVIEW] | Thirsty Little Undead Flowers

Consider this an appetizer for some of horror trash serving this month, something to set the mood, an hors d’ouvre if you will.

One pure in 80s trash, given the title its was either gonna be that or a modern throwback to 80s horror filth of the lower alphabet ranks.

Immediatly this feels like a tie-in film made to promote some 80s style horror themed trading cards series that would now cost fortunes in the second hand collector market, giving off a very cheap knock-off Garbage Pail Kids vibe, i mean, the titular “Neon Maniacs” are presented with a random fisherman finding some staged photo of someone in very cheap costumes in a book with the symbol/crest of a…. gecko eatings its tail, not like the uroborus symbol is trademarked, but whatever.

The plot sees these demonic maniacs (which including a biker, a crocodile man, a Hills Have Eyes looking motherfucker and even an undead samurai, move over Yoroi) terrorize and slaughter random horny teens at night, more specifically crashing the birthday party of a girl, Natalie, whom ends up surviving (as she is a virgin, since its the rule, as it was harassing people for that back in the era) but with no one believing her accounts, aside from a guy with a crush for her and someone that witnessed the “neon maniacs” in action before.

Despite this, she has to find a way to prepare for when they strike again… after they leave their home base below the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

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[EXPRESSO] Heart Eyes (2025) | Serial Seattle Slasher

I kept myself in the dark as could about this one, for a change, but indeed i do understand why it was discussed and looked forward to.

The short of it is that Heart Eyes is what one could expect old slasher like My Bloody Valentine to be about, as in, it’s indeed about a masked serial killer that kills people on Valentine’s Day, but this isn’t more or less random theming to help marketing when it’s not actually relevant to the plot, this is a serial killer that specifically prays on couple every Valentine’s Day, and its killing spree have become a tradition of sorts, dreaded and dubbed as the “Heart Eyes killer” by the press.

This time he targets two co-workers that are trying to figure out if there actually could be something between the two when out for a dinner “date”, forcing the two to try and survive the night….

It’s a pretty simple set up but it gets more interesting than it sounds since the movie is also a romantic comedy, and thankfully the script co-writed by Christopher Langdon (Happy Death Day, Freaky, Drop) is able to balance out both the romance and the comedy horror aspects, while also delivering on the graphic violence with great gore effects and some really fun kills, coexisting with the genre-savvy dialogues and attitudes that never clash against each others, harvesting the classic slasher tropes for some fun twists and somehow being able to avoid padding, making for a succint, to the point approach to both the slasher and romance genres that’s witty without straight up brownosing itself.

The killer is also surprisingly fun to see in action, nothing original, but executed in a fashion that harnesses the cliches in a familiar but still fun, slightly fresher and satisfying way.

Aquaslash (2019) [REVIEW] | Slasher Action Park

What a waste of time.

I could have made a longer lead up to that, but sadly this one it’s just a sour disappointment, even going in just expecting it to be an enjoyable teen slasher set in an aquatic park, setting the bar fairly low but in a way that’s reasonable.

Cool title, but i’m not being too hyperbolic when i say it feels like a waste of time, period, since 80 % of Aquaslash it’s build up for the slipslide kills, and by “build up” i mean a lot of exagerrated romantic drama with deliberately exaggerated douchy teens and asshole adults characters, and a lot of cliches, which would be fine if the pay off was worth it… it ain’t.

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Shiver Me Timbers (2025) [REVIEW] | Night Of The Sailor Comet

As the time of writing (and posting, since i improvised this trifecta of Popeye horror films’ reviews) this is the more recent in the batch of 3 horror films based around Popeye’s copyright falling into the public domain that were basically dumped on VOD, all released in a matter of months (or weeks) from one another, and while i’m fairly sure there by September (to be very generous) this specific declination of the fad will have died down due to diminishing returns (since it’s the third time, after Winnie The Pooh and Steamboat Willy’s Mickey Mouse) … i’m not putting this mini-marathon of modern “public domainxploitaition” in “extend mode” if another one or more of these eventually crop up, i’m not playing catch-up anymore.

So let’s see how Shiver Me Timbers, the debut film for director-writer Paul Stephen-Mann, fares out.

In the summer of 1986, a group of friends, led by Olive Oil and her brother Castor, are going on a trip in Northern California to witness the rare Haley’s comet meteor shower event, but they couldn’t expect that a comet piece would fall to the ground that night, a piece lodging itself into the corncob pipe of a reclusive fisherman living nearby, Popeye, now turned into a monstrous, violent killer with superhuman strenght, ready to sate its bloodthirst on Olive and his friends..

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Popeye The Slayer Man (2025) [REVIEW] | Yams The Dark Ages

We’re doing this now because honestly these are not worth having to change most of the blog’s schedule, as yes, this is another subchapter in the “public domainxploitation” saga, after the Steambot Willy version of Mickey Mouse and previously the Pooh character from Winnie The Pooh were preyed upon by the evergrowing amount of horror hacks.

And sincer this is just one of the 3 Popeye horror films made and released this year, “hacks” i feel is the right term, you don’t get to pretend otherwise when you actually makes films of this ilk.

Also yes, i am quite late to the partay, since these films were released starting from late February onwards, but i did not known Popeye was gonna be forcedfully made to join the trend until a saw a poster for this film in late May.

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[EXPRESSO] Until Dawn (2025) | Happy Bloody New Death Day

An Until Dawn movie adaptation might sound stupid, and pointless… it does, but this isn’t an adaptation of the main storyline of Supermassive Games’ title, it’s actually a standalone story allegedly taking place in the Until Dawn universe,

Kinda funny (and stupid) to have the film adaptation of a game that had systems built in to ensure you lived through the decisions you made… have the central gimmick being a time loop, with the idea being that every time the teens (come to a visitor centre in the valley where Melanie, Clover’s sister, mysteriously disappeared a 1 year prior) are killed they change horror subgenre, chased by cursed zombie like creatures and masked killers, the only escape being in them managing to survive until dawn.

Nifty idea, but still, it only kinda makes sense only when you consider this from the macro level of Supermassive Games’ various efforts in the “cinematic adventure game” fashion, and even so, it’s a stretch, let’s be real, this feels more like a rejected Happy Death Day (or Bloody New Year) style script – directed though by David F. Sandberg of Lights Out and Shazam fame – that got the Until Dawn branding (and a couple of touch ups to make sure something from the game made the cut) slapped on it mid-way through production, to ensure this get more butts in theathers.

I will admit the new gimmick laid on top sounds really fun and kinda mirrors the game’s using various elements from slashers of different eras all together… shame they give up mid-way on their own selling point (boy they do skimp on the “subgenre change” concept), but for what it ultimately is, the “Until Dawn” movie’s got decent acting, it’s entertaining, has some good gore effects, making for a decent time overall.