The Ninja Squad (1986) [REVIEW] | Filipino Ninjas

While Ninja November sadly will not happen, it’s sunday, so time for a rewrite-revision on one of Godfrey Ho’ “ninja classics”, The Ninja Squad, because i really don’t think you need more reviews on Ninja Terminator and Golden Ninja Warrior.

At least not when doing a “simple” rewrite, i guess we’ll have to get to them eventually.

This time we have caucasian ninjas footage bolted onto a 1984 filipino movie called “ Hatulan si baby angustia”, directed by Rey Malonzo, which according to IMDB also directed two other movies that also served as “bases” for other Ho ninja flicks. Fate can be quite cruel, indeed.

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[EXPRESSO] Eternals (2021) | Creators – The Past USA

I’m tired. The fatigue is back, and we have barely started with “Phase 4”.

Maybe it was inevitable, but we’re without a doubt at the point where the benefits of having this MCU thing in place don’t properly outweight the drawbacks, more a creative cage than anything.

And i will say this: at least Shang-Chi had a story with a conclusion, this one leans too much into being more of a set up to a sequel than its own thing.

This time we have the titular Eternals, basically immortal alien gods that came to Earth 7000 years ago but conveniently were told not to interfere with any conflicts that didn’t involve the “Deviants”, the Eternals’ evil – and of course – monstrous looking ancenstral counterparts.

And through social media we learned of a certain spoiler, one that sounded like a fake pre-emptive shitpost to create buzz for a Marvel license most people didn’t really knew well. It wasn’t.

Chloe Zhao of Nomadland fame directs and writes, the cast its great, the usual Marvel tiny concessions to appear diverse and inclusive more than they actually are… there as usual, same for the various issues stemming from the assembly line formula that this one tries a bit to shake off.

The big problem is the characters, as they don’t have any chemistry, despite being built as a “family” ensemble that have known each other for literally thousands of years… they seem to have just met on the set, with some top billed actors sleepwalking it big time, not helped by the unfocused narration, huge exposition loads, and the script just kinda assuming i know and already care about these characters that are kinda obscure for most viewers. Me included.

Overall, Eternals it’s alright, at least better and more interesting than Shang Chi.

Hyrule Warriors: Age Of Calamity – Expansion Pass PART 2 [REVIEW]

The final piece of Age Of Calamity DLC is here, and as usual i’m giddy at the prospect of more good musou content, as a remainder Omega Force can actually deliver when it cares (or when it feels it has to).

And this second (and final) piece of the game’s Expansion/Season Pass was easily the more appetizing to look forward, as it would add brand new story stages, alongside new abilities for existing characters, and new playable characters.

Regarding the latter, it was later revealed we would be getting Pruna and Rovely as a two-in-one playable warrior, and another one not revealed, nor hinted at in any way.

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The Initial STEAM [REVIEW] | School Swords Gals Fight

Have been meaning to get around this one for a while, so much i eventually got a PC to run most games decently, in the meantime. As in, 3 years ago.

So, do you like games like Oneechanbara and Senran Kagura, are you into the niche of “anime ladies fighting with scanty clothes and swords”? Want more of them?

The Initial is borne of that mentality, and comes from a niche indeed, a chinese 5 people team called Restory Studio, who clearly know their audience, so much that one of the first paragraphs on the Steam store page says “THE INITIAL is a hyper action game about pretty schoolgirls battling against evil.”, which is a very apt and synthetic description.

Because you already know if you’re in or out after that.

You know where i stand on the matter.

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[EXPRESSO] Freaks Out (2021) | Freaks VS Nazis

I usually don’t feature italian movies here for fairly logical or obvious reason, but this is quite “the something”, as in it’s one of those batshit weird movies we’re still capable of putting out, like 2019’s Creators – The Past, but this has already quite the hook for italian viewers, as its from Gabriele Mainetti, the director of an italian superhero thriller called They Called Him Jeeg Robot, that yes, dips from the well of old mecha anime for its monicker and theme.

Not that it needed that to stand out, as this is about a group of circus freaks with various quirks (not quite that kind) and abilities that have become a dysfunctional family of sorts after they started living and working in Israel’s cirucs. But as this is set in 1943 Rome, as an explosion destroys the circus, so they find themselves without a home-refuge, thrown into the horrors WW II.

And yes, this means they’ll have to face the Nazis, as the ringmaster of the Berlin Zircus it’s looking for people with special abilities in order to weaponize them for the Fuhrer.

Even more amazing, it’s not billed as a tongue-in-cheek romp, but as a drama, which isn’t that surprising considering the director and this being “foreign cinema” for most of you, and isn’t exactly wrong, since it a movie about the frigging Holocaust, drama is important and has quite the punch, perfectly balanced with the superhero movie elements and the offbeat abundant comedy.

It’s a pretty funny movie when it wants to, same for when it indulges in its “exploitation cinema” side, like the random full nudity bits or the deliberately off-beat anachronisms, with some really fuckin wild and weird visuals, for sure.

It’s a bit long, but it’s pretty good, a blast even. Recommended.

The Spooktacular Eight #6: Dominator: The Movie (2003)

Are you ready to rock and roll with the most unknown Spawn-rip off you never heard?

Are you ever heard of “brit-manga”? Me neither, but apparently Dominator was the “new wave of brit manga animation”, according to what the front cover of the UK DVD release claims.

Yeah, this is some rare shit indeed, an animated movie that involves familiar names in the horror sphere like Doug Bradley, Ingrid Pitt, and metal bands like Cradle Of Filth providing not only the music but the voice acting, based on a series of british comics by Tony Luke, one that was still ongoing in 2006, but has since then been in hiatus.

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Medievil PS4 [REVIEW] | Re-re-remaking The Past

While not what you would call a system seller, if you ask anyone growing up in the 90s, Medievil will probably come up in the discussion, so ingrained this little, beloved series of action platformers in the Playstation brand and overall legacy, despite remaining a cult/nostalgia sensation.

Though, when i say series, i mean the PS1 original (still available as digital PS1 Classic release on PS3 and Vita), Medievil 2 exists, but it’s mostly forgotten by the internet hivemind/consciousness, and this isn’t even the first remake of Medievil, as there’s a PSP port, Medievil Resurrection, with upgraded graphics that also changes some of the story, adds new features and remove others.

This is more of a remaster than an actual remake, a complete technical re-built but with minimal changes to gameplay and controls, very few modern concessions, all in order to offer a faithful recreation, for best or worst. Because as much as i like Medievil, this remaster/remake also works as an interesting litmus test of where bringing back the 90s, and – expanding the question – appealing to the nostalgia market eventually leads.

At least without going into the unholy effects of meming fuckin Bubsy (and Shaq Fu) unto life again, we’ll visit these forsaken lands of excrement and death, but not today.

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The Spooktacular Eight #4: Big Tits Zombie / Big Tits Dragon (2010)

Based on the manga Big Tits Dragon from Rei Mikamoto (Satanister, Reiko The Zombie Shop, Bloody Deliquent Chainsaw Girl, A Girl of The Iron Ghost), directed and written by Takao Nakano, a famous japanese satirist, or so the Wikipedia page says, in any case i never heard of him before, but giving his background in the japanese adult video market and the cast made out of famous faces from the japanese porn industry (again, so says Wikipedia, i can’t know everything), and given how he did a parody of sorts of Cronenberg’s Shivers (called Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy, which is up there with Killer Condom as titles you can give movies)….yes, he being involved makes total sense.

It was shot in 3D, which it won’t matter to me since i can’t access a 3D version, and of course there’s no european release of any kind, home video, streaming, nada. Actually, there is a german release and there was an UK release by Terracotta Productions (even had a limited UK theathrical run), but the latter is nowhere to be found, not on their store, site, or even on most ecommerce sites.

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Zombieland – Double Tap: Roadtrip PS4 [REVIEW] | Now without zombie idols

Like it often happens with tie-in games, if the first movie doesn’t have a branded videogame out in time, the sequel will. Though it took quite some time to see a follow up to Zombieland, enough time for tie-in videogames released as retail, proper videogames to feel almost fresh again, opposed to a very cheap freemium game for smarthphones or as promotional events into gacha garbage.

While it’s named after the sequel, Zombieland – Double Tap, and its main characters, the game has its own story set in between the two films, and it captures the spirit and humour of the series pretty well, even if it’s clearly a budget tie-in job, not only from in terms of looks, but as the cast from the movie didn’t provide their voices for the game, leaving other voice actors to do impressions… bad impressions, but i’m not angry as the Harrelson/Tallahassee’s and Eisenberg/Columbus impressions are so bad i find them hilarious and kinda charming, especially the Harrelson one. XD

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[EXPRESSO] Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) | Venom, Accidental LGBT Icon

The 2018’s Venom movie was kinda interesting and a oddity of sorts, as it came out unbound by tethers to the MCU, while being a Marvel IP born out of the Spider Man comics, without Spider Man, deliberately put out in a way to easily dismiss its very existence if it need be.

I will not lie, that movie wasn’t good at all, frankly a big mess that did deserve being called out on not being nowhere good… but it was so stupid and fun i found myself liking it a lot in spite of all its obvious flaws, especially when it’s being this goofy buddy comedy about Tom Hardy and his parasite monster “best friend by force” that just happens to be an alien parasite monster.

Ridiculous but incredibly enjoyable.

It was also quite the box office hit, so the teaser of Carnage at the end of the first one is realized in this sequel, Let There Be Carnage, which has serial killer Cletus Kasady (played by Woody Harrelson) escape from prison after becoming the host of Carnage, a spawn of Venom itself, which complicates thing for Eddie Brock, still adjusting to his new life as a host to the symbiote.

This one is directed by motion capture extraordinarie Andy Serkis (instead of Ruben Fleischer), and like the first Venom, it’s a flawed affair (this one has basically no second act, just set up and then fights) through and through, stupid as hell but sincere and reveling in its own dumb nature. Once again the romcom parts are better than the action scenes, but overall makes for a strangely refreshing throwback to old superhero movies that could be imperfect, messy fun.

Though i won’t be surprised if eventually Marvel doesn’t integrate this series into the MCU somewhat. We’ll see.