Shark Exorcist (2014) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

I knew the day would come.

I knew it was just a matter of time, and made sense since it had been so long, and my hatred for this film never subdued since i first saw it back in 2015. I wasn’t familiar with Donald Farmer’s “game”, so to speak, i though i knew bad, but seeing his Shark Exorcist made me realize i was still green.

“Still just a bud”, to quote Holly Summers from No More Heroes.

I did actually preorder the DVD for it, expecting it to be fun, a shitshow but we were still riding high from the Sharkenado phenomenon, before cheap homegrown filmakers realized you didn’t actually need these bad sharkmovies to be fun in order to sell them, and instead made poster than would never live up to the actual films, so yeah, a sweet summer child, etc.

And no, i didn’t plan to review the movie for it’s 10^th anniversary, and i didn’t realize it actually came out first in 2014 in some countries, but i guess it’s red raw anus-bound thread of Fate itself at work, pinching one out for the occasion, so let’s toast our glasses of expire communion wine!

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[EXPRESSO] Twisters (2024) | That Power Is Yet Unknown

I have to say, for generational reasons, i missed the time where this movie was so widespread, so i watched the 1996 original for the first time just hours before going into theathers to see this follow-up/stand alone sequel, simply called Twisters.

The original was a fun ride, full of hilarious characters played by an amazing cast, though the main focus where the admittely amazing special effects for 1996, and plain old tornadoes were enough to intrigue general audiences.

That said, there is a strangely refreshing quality today to the 90s style approach to disaster movies, even if it’s less “sequel” and more of a remake (a “remaquel”?), as there are parallels, some elements carrying over and characters having similar dynamics, and a similar premise of groups of “tornado hunters”, despite no returning characters from the 1996 movie.

It feels very 90s and it does harness the energy of the original for the most part, with good effects too, in general managing well to update the formula, but intriguingly the core plot actually tackles more how these natural disasters impact peoples’ lives, who’s actually profitting from these, etc.

It’s a shame the movie isn’t willing to concede some needed characterization, more depth to the themes, anything that detract from the “rollercoaster” type of entertaiment, i mean, climate change isn’t mentioned once, and the co-protagonist could almost be cut, as Glenn Powell’s amazing performance of “Tyler Owens”, the ringmaster of a hillbilly storm chasers posse, steals the show.

Twisters almost manages to marry these two different approaches to the formula, but kinda falls short, though in the end it’s still a more than decent movie, one that does feel like a modern take on Twister, even if a bit frustrating since it feels crutched by compromises because of its very legacy.

Halfway through Luigi’s Mansion 2 HD

So, a quick few words about Luigi’s Mansion 2 HD, as it recently released, i got it, but there’s no planned review for it this year (i’m waiting for the port-remake-whatever is gonna be of the first Luigi’s Mansion), so let’s just do a quick impressions-style article/hands on, since i’m basically halfway through it already and i did plan the original 3DS release when it came out.

The short version of it is that i wouldn’t stampede to get a copy if you already played it on 3DS, not that is gonna get cheaper to get in time.

I just wanna stress out this is mostly a release for people that played Luigi’s Mansion 3 and wanna play all the series on Switch, for those that haven’t already played Luigi’s Mansion 2 before and maybe have only a Switch as their modern Nintendo console.

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The Summer Of EDF will resume tomorrow

the new review for Summer Of EDF should’have been published today, but due what i can only described as “scholar fatigue of cramming too many exams and barely sleeping”, the review will come out tomorrow instead.

Sorry.

Earth Defense Force 3 AKA Earth Defense Force 2017 X360 [REVIEW] | #summerofedf

When of i think of when the series officially, globally managed to “hit it big”, Earth Defense Force 3 is when it actually happened, after word of mouth did its thing and helped reach the audience for a more arcadey and un-serious gaming experience, almost a pure one, if you want.

Sorry, Earth Defense Force 2017, as it better known, which is a fitting title for another reason besides keeping in tone with the 50/60’s style of sci-fi cheese, and the obvious hiding of this being the third entry of the series (the main one, anyway) to make the new potential audience of the previously Playstation centric IP not feel like they were missing out.

The reason being curiously a story one, as with EDF 2017 will start what would become a recurring approach to the plot, as in this does not follow up from the events of EDF 2, nothing from that game is ever mention, because EDF 2017 it’s a remake of the first EDF, which was set in the…. back then still not that far away year of 2017.

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[EXPRESSO] Bad Boys: Ride Or Die (2024) | Crank IV: Cartellopallooza

So, i guess the Bad Boys series is back to stay after it got resurrected in 2020 with For Life, with this fresh new entry released a few days ago in cinema, and both meme slapper and Martin Lawrence are doing these until they die or release a movie as bad as Rambo V.

Which i don’t particularly mind because i’m also kinda indifferent to the series, but For Life was enjoyable, a decent action comedy flick (though honestly i don’t even remember what it was about unless i look it up), and Ride Or Die pretty much is on the same level, maybe a little better because they don’t have to appeal for nostalgia, not that hard this time around anyway.

I’d discuss the plot but honestly there’s very little besides picking one of the few types and variations of plots this kind of movie could feature, and this time the spinning wheel lands on a corrupt politician (via a rogue criminal army) trying to defame the “Boys’” old police mentor and frame them for a long time case of corruption in the force about dealing with the drug cartels…

Yeah, very little surprises, same goes for the villains, pretty forgettable too, one so obvious and cartoonish it’s almost a joke, but i will say the chemistry of the main duo still works perfectly fine, delivers some laughs, here thanks to Marcus having a mystical near death experience and going all new age non-sense on Mike’s predicaments, on top of the usual “too old for this shit” shtick, and overall it’s fairly entertaining, with the action scenes having often some decent setpieces to them and the camera work even going for some Crank/Hardcore Henry style sequences.

It’s definitely not boring, decent fun even if far from memorable or original.

The Reef: Stalked (2022) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

I don’t think it’s controversial to say that The Reef is one of the best shark movies ever made, intense, straight to the point, yet captivating and suspenseful.

So when i heard that there was a “sequel”, i wasn’t surprised and contrary to the publisher’s intended response, i was even more wary because i felt like i was being trojan horsed another middling or subpar shark movie by using the respected reputation of The Reef.

On the other hand, the original director (also known for the Black Water movies and his contribution to the first ABCs Of Death) is back, so it’s not like this an apocryphal follow-up farmed to a random first-time director by the production.

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Earth Defense Force 2: Invaders From Planet Space PS VITA [REVIEW] | #summerofedf

To kick off the Summer Of EDF, we continue in chronological order, after having reviewed the original Earth Defence Force on its PS2 debut, more specifically the PAL version that was released by Agetec as “Monster Attack” and now it’s rare to get, so much it’s cheaper to import the japanese PS2 version instead, also because it never came out in America.

And to be clear, while i do have the PAL release of EDF 2 (since it was once again not published in US back then), handled by D3 via their own label, Essential Games, made specifically for export to Europe their Simple series low budget releases) titled Global Defence Force (yes “Defence”, i’m fairly sure they never fixed the typo because i doubt they bothered to issue a reprinting just to fix the title), and i’m also aware of the japanese-only PSP port that also added extra classes.

Buy i’m choosing instead to review the PS Vita enhanced port-update-remake, Earth Defense Force 2: Invaders From Planet Space, not only for the hilarious title (or the fact it was the first time the game was released in US markets), but because it’s basically the definitive EDF 2 experience, and – alongside pretty much every mainline EDF game – also the version ported to Switch, only in Japan even on the digital storefronts at the time of writing.

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Megalodon: The Frenzy (2023) [REVIEW] #thesharksix

Somehow, The Asylum stumbled their way into making a trilogy of films about Megalodon sharks, with the third and last entry so far being last year’s Megalodon: The Frenzy.

I say “stumbled” because i seriously doubt they planned any of this at all, but Megalodon Rising was indeed a sequel to their own 2018 Megalodon film, and this one starts with a recap to get you up to speed and confirm that the events of the previous movie happened.

…not sure entirely to what end, as the plot itself doesn’t have returning characters from either Rising or the 2018 movie, and is about how a submarine mission meant to establish a supply of clean geoenergy from an underwater volcano ends up causing a fissure in the seabed, accidentally unleashing 5 megalodons that wreak havoc.

They do eventually reference the events of Rising and the 2018 film, and the USS King, damaged after the finale of Rising comes into play, but then is now helmed by a character played by Eric Roberts… problem is he wasn’t in Rising, but since the lead characters died in the finale, i guess he was on ship and took over, whatever, who cares, now Eric Robert is manning the ship, in this “it was supposed to be filmed for the finale of the previous movie, but wasn’t” intro.

Whatever keeps him to star into A Talking Cat?! 2: Paws Of Fury, i guess.

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Green Lantern: Rise Of The Manhunters X360 [REVIEW] #meleemay

During the 7^th generation of console, there were still movie tie-in Marvel and DC games for each of the heroes/movies (though mostly for what is now known as Phase 1 of the Marvel MCU) , mostly under the Sega brand, and there was a 70 % chance of it being a beat em up because God Of War was still the new cock of the walk, leading the market to lots of imitators crafting up 3D hack n slash/beat em up in where to fisticuffs dozens of foes while playing as a digital Hollywood actor in costume. Yep, years ago, it was economically pheasable to pay for the actors’ likenesses without that alone costing more than the budget for the game itself. Looking at you, Square Enix’s Avengers.

The Green Lantern movie released in 2011 (starring a yet-to-bloom Ryan Reynolds) and… was definitely one of those, bad but not as bad as i expected. So after finally watching on a whime the movie last year on Neflix , i’ve decided to finally bother unearthing the disc from my 360 library. Hope you hankered for some tie-in movie trash of yore to be reviewed.

A shame DC is most likely never gonna touch the idea of a Green Lantern reboot in terms of live action film, so engrained is the stigma the 2011 movie has, because it would still make more sense than the Black Adam movie they did make, but who knows?

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