Popeye’s Revenge (2025) [REVIEW] | Hamburger Friday The 13th

Surprise!

As i said prefacing the review for Popeye The Slayer Man, i’m not gonna change the schedule for these films, but since i also don’t want to have these hanging off the “to do” list like dingleberries, we’re doing overtime.. well, I am doing overtime, let’s cover these now and hope i won’t have to do another round of Popeye-xploitation in the fall.

And yes, i guess i should have done this before Popeye The Slayer Man, since it came out earlier and it’s actually the first one to capitalize on Popeye’s character falling into public domain (the other free idea bucket alongside mythology), and surprising no one it’s by one of the production companies behind the Winnie Pooh Blood And Honey movies (though it’s not part of their Twisted Childhood Universe), heck, it’s written by Harry Boxley (Dinosaur Hotel 3, Jurassic Triangle, Tsunami Sharks, and of course a couple of the Steamboat Willy-xploitation flicks, Mouseboat Massacre and Mouse Of Horrors), and directed by William Stead, curiously not his feature lenght debut, as directed something called “Children Of The Night” back in 2023.

The plot is that in a UK coastal town, a boy with abnormal arms and a pronounced chin is born, his appereance leading to him getting relentelessly getting bullied at school (where he often dons his sailor outfit), until one day he snaps and fights back, killing one of his bullies.

His parents hide him in the basement for his own good, but the townspeople form an angry mob and they torch down Popeye’s family home, with his parents dying in the fire and apparently him drowning in a nearby lake.

Years later some douchy young adults inherit the house, unaware of his dark history, but as they try to settle in more and more of them keep disappearing off…

You know what this sounds like?

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Popeye The Slayer Man (2025) [REVIEW] | Yams The Dark Ages

We’re doing this now because honestly these are not worth having to change most of the blog’s schedule, as yes, this is another subchapter in the “public domainxploitation” saga, after the Steambot Willy version of Mickey Mouse and previously the Pooh character from Winnie The Pooh were preyed upon by the evergrowing amount of horror hacks.

And sincer this is just one of the 3 Popeye horror films made and released this year, “hacks” i feel is the right term, you don’t get to pretend otherwise when you actually makes films of this ilk.

Also yes, i am quite late to the partay, since these films were released starting from late February onwards, but i did not known Popeye was gonna be forcedfully made to join the trend until a saw a poster for this film in late May.

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Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia PS4 [REVIEW] | ….Did Nothing Wrong?

Due to some unforeseen schedule issues, we’ll close out the entire XXL series with the latest one, Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia, released in late 2022 by Microids and once again developed by Osome Studio.

This feel immediatly like a continuation of XXL 3, despite the original plot being about a welcome surprise: as in, there is another lone village that has managed to fend off the Roman invasion, outside of Asterix & Obelix’s. It’s not in Gaul, but Hibernia (aka ye olde Ireland), and the trick lies in the titular ram (being also the beloved pet of the Hibernian chieftain) that is able to inspire/enforce armies to fight even when fatigued with its magical horns.

The Romans though managed to capture the ram, which depressed the Hibernian chief and made him unwilling to fend off the invasion, so his daughter comes to ask for the help of the Gaul village, Asterix and Obelix obviously willing and able to go help them flip off Romans abroad…

It’s a cute premise and like the previous games they do get the tone and humour of the series right, its charm and all, but – like this game as a whole – it’s mostly underbaked and short lived, there’s no time to properly develop any of the new characters, as the entire narrative whizzes by too fast.

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Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir PS4 [REVIEW] | XXS-ix

One might wonder why i’m not reviewing this one as a Platformation Time Again subject.

That is because, confusingly, the third entry in this series of platforming-action games… isn’t a platformer at all.

Yeah, took me by surprise because why wouldn’t it be, especially now with the retro 3D platformer revival going on to this day?

Regardless, this is the third entry in the series, meaning its a brand new game developed by Osome Studio, makes sense as they handled the remasters/ports of the first two games that launched on PS2 20+ years ago, as Microids is definitely seeing a lot more return in using the Asterix & Obelix license than others, like their Marsupilami game (remember that? I kinda do and kinda not), not really a surprise, since the Uderzo & Goscinny created comic book series has been popular for decades in Europe, France obviously, but others including Italy as well.

But we’ve discussed this before, so let’s get to the plot.

The plot is also untied to the previous XXL games…. or is it?

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[EXPRESSO] Kraven The Hunter (2024) | Vodka Drunkenski

With the Venom trilogy wrapped up, we’re back to the Sony Spider Man Universe thingie, this time with a character that actually a LOT more well known (not as Venom, but more than frigging Morbius), with Kraven The Hunter, depicting the origin story of the Russian big game hunter villain.

And what a surprise, it’s another pile of toss, but first, the plot.

Sergei Kravinoff, one of the two sons of a Russian criminal (Russel Crowe) , while taking them on a hunt in Tanzania, is attacked by a rare lion, and on the brink of death is given a special potion that not only saves his life, but gives him the power and heightened perception/senses of animals, enhancing his strength, speed, stamina, etc. He leaves home, but years later, after he made himself a name as “Kraven The Hunter” by offing criminals like his father, is forced to confront a menace from the past…

It’s not good, it’s not, that much was fully expected, and it fits the bill of every flaw we expect from these Sony “Spider Man but his name is Voldemort” films: bad acting, uninspired plot, passable at best action scenes, generic characters at best (often with completely unexplained powers, like the assassin with the quasi-Stand ability), uninteresting protagonist, the main villain being a joke, i laughed when i saw the transformation effects, but then again even the CG animals are barely convincing at their best.

It’s not as bad as i expected, but that just shows how low the bar is for these; even so it’s mostly dull, ininspired, and honestly i won’t be surprised if Sony actually pulls the plug on these even before that Sinister Six movie drops.

I will say that’s arguably a bit better than Madame Web, but it’s still toss.

[EXPRESSO] Venom: The Last Dance (2024) | Knull In My Soup

Venom’s most likely uncanonical (for now anyway) adventures with his human host Eddie Brock come to an end in Venom The Last Dance, the third and final movie of the series, already prodiving something rarer than an unicorn for modern superhero films: closure.

Sure, they will most likely do some films about the Symbiotes or whatever later, but this one does actually close this storyline.

Speaking of which, we continue to follow Eddie and Venom’s escape from the authorities, now complicated by the army having captured the other Symbiotes in a hidden desert base, and especially by Knull, an imprisoned god that created the Symbiotes and is sending out monster aliens (called Xenophages) around the galaxy in order to find and retrieve the Codex, the only thing able to break him free.

That said, it’s a Venom film, meaning it’s a mess of garbage that somehow manages to work in spite of the many, many issues it has, and be entertaining enough, sporting a trashy 90s charm, and while The Last Dance’s plot feels more structured and focused (more than Let There Be Carnage), the humour is even worse (it’s funnier when it doesn’t mean to), the villain is easy to forget even exists, characters are prone to overconvenient bouts so the plot can continue, and while the new Symbiotes are cool, they don’t do much until the end.

On the flipside it’s not drawn out, it’s a film that goes by fast, maybe too fast, as it’s hard for anything of note to “sink in”, with the highlights being the Venom Horse and a hippie UFO believer than bring his family along for a road trip to Area 51, for what amounts to a somewhat generic ending to the series and about the same level of “quality” seen before.

Green Lantern: Rise Of The Manhunters X360 [REVIEW] #meleemay

During the 7^th generation of console, there were still movie tie-in Marvel and DC games for each of the heroes/movies (though mostly for what is now known as Phase 1 of the Marvel MCU) , mostly under the Sega brand, and there was a 70 % chance of it being a beat em up because God Of War was still the new cock of the walk, leading the market to lots of imitators crafting up 3D hack n slash/beat em up in where to fisticuffs dozens of foes while playing as a digital Hollywood actor in costume. Yep, years ago, it was economically pheasable to pay for the actors’ likenesses without that alone costing more than the budget for the game itself. Looking at you, Square Enix’s Avengers.

The Green Lantern movie released in 2011 (starring a yet-to-bloom Ryan Reynolds) and… was definitely one of those, bad but not as bad as i expected. So after finally watching on a whime the movie last year on Neflix , i’ve decided to finally bother unearthing the disc from my 360 library. Hope you hankered for some tie-in movie trash of yore to be reviewed.

A shame DC is most likely never gonna touch the idea of a Green Lantern reboot in terms of live action film, so engrained is the stigma the 2011 movie has, because it would still make more sense than the Black Adam movie they did make, but who knows?

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[EXPRESSO] Blue Beetle (2023) | Latino Guyver From Outer Space

The new DC super hero film after the “MADE IN HEAVEN” treatment the continuity received via The Flash movie, Blue Beetle is here in theathers, and i’m so not familiar with this character at all, but the trailer gave me Deadpool-ish vibes, and more specifically of Guyver, as we have a sentient symbiotic suit that organicaly fuses with his host and gives it the powers.

Heck, here as the well the suit/armor is a relic from an ancient alien civilization, so the comparison is not that outlandish.

The plot involves a recently graduated teenager, Jaime Reyes, that while becoming disillusioned about his future work opportunities, unadvertedly get his hand on the Scarab, a powerful alien biomechanical armor that grants him enhanced exoskeleton and powers, turning him into the superhero known as “Blue Beetle”. But obviously, other, less well intentioned individuals also known about the Scarab and want its array of weapons and abilities for themselves…

In a way Blue Beetle is not what i expected, as in the titular hero is not “Deadpool but as teen The Guyver” personality wise, and it’s not trying to be edgy or grimdark, quite the opposite, as it definitely kid-friendly and plays a lot in the “latino family” theme for that, which isn’t original but its still quite fun, thanks to the endearing characters (especially Jaime’s family) and honest emotional moments they bring alongside some good laughs.

They do help make you care despite the very bog standard plot and type of origin story which offers nothing we haven’t seen before, and sadly this kinda applies to the Blue Beetle himself, which isn’t a very interesting hero in terms of either personality or powers or anything really, despite the good concept behind the Scarab suit.

Still, quite decent and very pleasing, enjoyable superhero film.

Popeye PSN [REVIEW] | …. For An Asset Burger Today

Catching up on last year’s output of radioactive trash videogame releases, i saw this on sale for 2 bucks on PSN, so i bought it, downloaded it on my PS4 (game is also available on Switch, digital only as well), and in a matter of minutes i wondered if this wasn’t somehow one of those asset flips that somehow isn’t (or wasn’t) on Steam but managed to land digitally on other platforms.

And yes, i was correct, it’s not on Steam, most likely a calculated move as it would have been singled out immediatly and bombarded with negative reviews, for Steam’s userbase had many experiences with awful cobbled together rushjobs by hacks that smosh pre-made Unity assets together with minimal extra work, even more as this is a licensed game.

One that was released without nary a beep, so that already clues you in that they wanted to release a stinker and hope nobody noticed that they wanted 15 bucks for this turd by Sabec Limited, better known for having the gall to sell Calculator (and many overly simple games and stuff like Pet Rock) on Switch, as in literally a calculator app that they sell for 10 bucks.

Given how surprisingly important is Popeye as a franchise for videogames, aside from wondering how the hell Sabec Limited was able to license the almost centenary comic strip series from King Features Syndicate, it’s kinda fitting that this 2021 release pretty much boils down to a remake of the 1982 arcade game (also simply called “Popeye”), the one that inspired Nintendo to make the original arcade Donkey Kong.

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Reptisaurus (2009) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Cheap, direct to video shitfest from Fred Olen Ray, the final frontier for the franchise you’ve never heard about until this very moment…. or did you really?

If you’ve been lurking and watching all things monster movies from a good decade or more, you probably already know of Reptilicus from 1961, the only Danish movie monster that had the privilege of being remembered by film historians, and like some of the others “Godzilla inspired” films, managed to get a shlocky comic book series, one that eventually crossed with the one based on Gorgo, of all fucking things.

But since this is that kind of story, Reptilicus’ comic book only lasted two issues. TWO.

Then the publisher, Charlton Comics, waited for the copyright on the name to expire, redesigning the creature a bit and retitling it as “Reptisaurus”, which at least gave the series more issues and a special one-shot, and – as said before – got a cameo in an issue of the Gorgo comic book series, also published by Charlton Comics.

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