[EXPRESSO] Mickey 17 (2025) | Hardspace Shipbreaker Multiplicity

From Bong Joon-Ho (Parasite, Snowpiercer, Okja), we now have Mickey 17, an intriguing original brew of comedy, drama, romance, sci-fi, takin place in the future, where a down on his luck guy, Mickey Barnes, finds himself – due to a huge debt – signing up as an “expendable” for this religious backed colony envoy led by a zealot ex-congressman (Mark Ruffalo), meaning that basically he’s used as a guinea pig to test viruses, be given deadly jobs in the cold of space and then the ice-laden planet they want to colonize, thrown against the wildlife.. doesn’t matter, as they keep back ups of all his memories and just 3D print him a new body when he inevitably kicks the bucket.

One day he’s just left to die in a icy crevice, but miracolously manages to find himself alive and travels back to the outpost, only to notice they didn’t wait around to clone him again…

It’s an interesting film because it can jump to having romantic comedy scenes to serious sci-fi drama, throwing blunt satirical boulders about class warfare, tense thriller scenes, and yet, despite it sounding like it should be a fuckin mess, it all comes together organically, as the star studded cast delivers an incredible range, making the characters believable, even with the wild swings in tone… minus the two main villains, the zealot fascist cult-leader and his fitting wife (Tony Colette), i get why they are so over the top, i do, but they stick out as way too cartoonishly evil (especially when everyone else has some complexity or grounding in this specific sci-fi reality), to the point they become a detriment to what is still a great movie.

It’s still a notable, engaging and interesting film that fully deserves to be seen in cinemas,

[EXPRESSO] Strange Darling (2023) | Psycho Killer

Heard of this one but eventually forgot as it only showed up now in theathers here, Strange Darling is the kind of movie that has most reviews for it trying to tell you as less as they can about the movie and instead encourage you just go see it knowing as little as you can about it, because it’s impossible not to spoil the experience by going into any real detail about its contents.

… and it’s indeed that kind of film, it is, so the basic gist is that there’s a cat-and-mouse chase going on between a serial killer and its chosen victim, with the narrative presenting itself in deliberate chronological disorder.

After it tells you it was shot entirely on 35 mm film, which is great but barely will matter on most modern digital screens, but yep, it’s a psychological thriller loosely based on a real life series of murders, as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre style narration tells us about in the beginning.

I wish director Jt Mollner did away with “labeling” and just trusted the audience a bit more (though it’s increasingly harder to do so), especially as it’s tied directly to the film’s main method of subverting linear storytelling and the expectations that come with it, here used to tackle themes such as misoginy, sexual kinks, consent, genre prejudices, and so on.

Honestly while it’s kinda disappointing since it’s hard to tell if the movie isn’t engaging the questions it raises because there are no easy answers…. or because it doesn’t want to, i’m still more miffed about the aforementioned “chickening out at your own vision”

Even so, after the revelations come about, the movie it’s still quite intense, graphic and acting is excellent, so, if not perfect, it’s still quite the good ride, worth watching.

Titanic II (2010) [REVIEW] | A Mockbuster To Remember

Given it’s the “most romantic time of the year” (according to advertising agencies and florists), you know what that means, talking about one of the most beloved romance movies of all time.

Or instead, talk about it’s “sequel”, because i can’t think of a more fit/unfit timing to scratch one more from my “sub-bucket list” of reviews.

Because even before the current state of the company, The Asylum was never one to back away from any semblance of shame, to tackle things that to others were mere jokes, snark meant to mock but never actually manifest itself as an actual thing.

There was (nor there is) no joke or niche the company wouldn’t dig into the ground, so unbound by moral burdens like shame and shit, they actually made Titanic 2.

As most of you already could guess, yep, this is a mockbuster, meaning the title is a lie.. or is it?

How much of a lie to legally avoid charges and how much actually fitting?

Hold on to your Minecraft raft, things are about to get even more disasterrific, cheaper and bullshittier, with The Asylum’s daring to make “boat 9/11” all over again, which is still less offensive and egregious than the Italian Titanic animated movies (and Tentacolino), i’d argue.

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Valentine (2001) [REVIEW] | Class Of 1988

Thought i’ve run out of Valentine’s Day themed slasher to unearth?

Think again, because i feel i’m about to, but i managed to dig up one i’ve never heard before, not even in lists, simply called Valentine, released in 2001, based on the novel of the same name by Tom Savage.

1988, Valentine’s Day dance at a highschool in San Francisco, an outcast called Jeremy Melton asks out four girls for a dance, but he gets rejected. One of the girls friends’, Dorothy, accepts him, but when they make out under the bleachers, they are jumped by some bullies, and Dorothy accuses Jeremy of assaulting her, so they beat the shit out of him.

Jeremy is expelled, sent to reform school, then accused by the girls of sexual assault, and eventually is sent to a sanitarium.

13 years later, the same girls are stalked and killed by someone in a trenchcoat sporting a Cupid mask, all in the days leading up to Valentine’s, making them wonder if Jeremy is back, as the warped Valentine letters each of them receives are signed “JM”….

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[EXPRESSO] The Brutalist (2024) | Nathan Explosion approved

For the prequel of Turtles In Time, there’s a distint lack of ninja turtles, flying brains, robot mice or mutants.

Guess we’ll see them in Part 2, as for Part 1 of The Brutalist the Statue Of Liberty is still there, “welcoming” the protagonist, Laszlo Toth, a Jewish Holocaust survivor and master architect that manages to immigrate from the United States but struggles to realize himself, until a wealthy client changes his fortune, even to spark hope he can reunite with his wife and family, whom he had to left in Europe….

Direct by Brady Corbet (Vox Lux, Childhood Of A Leader) might not be historically accurate, as Laszlo Toth searches bring up a geologist, while we have more of Ayn Rand inspired character, but in any other aspect it definitely lives up to the reception it’s gotten, and to the style of architecture it names itself after, because it is the history of a crossed, tormented, obsessed wreck of a man that its willing to go any lenght for its art, eccentric yet utterly flawed as any of his friends, loved ones and “antagonists” standing between his work, punctuated by the realities of immigration in the US, historical and religious events like the state of Israel’s foundation.

The fact alone the drama is constantly gripping for a movie that’s 3 hours and 30 minutes long is a feat in itself… i mean, it is, but the acting is phenomenal, cinematography is excellent, characters are quite good and there’s a remarkable snazz to it, very stylish and it does earn the “epic” epithet it shoots for, outside of its massive lenght.

Speaking of, if you’re gonna make movies this long, yes, do like The Brutalist and bring back the planned intermission (and Vistavision, it’s has been a while, indeed), stat.

E’ Gia Ieri AKA Storks Day (2004) [REVIEW] | Groundhog Days

Groundhog Day it’s a movie that doesn’t need introduction, maybe even less a review.

You might know they did actually make a sequel to that beloved Bill Murray led film… in form of a VR only game, Groundhog Day: Like Father, Like Son…. most likely you’ve never heard of it before i just mentioned it now.

But we’re not reviewing that either.

For some variety we’re instead talking about the 2004 Italian (technically an Italian-Spanish production) remake of Groundhog Day, which i’m fairly sure no one that isn’t Italian has never heard in any shape or form, called “E’ Gia Ieri”, literally translation being “It’s Tomorrow Already” but it also goes by the international English title of “Stork Day”, which sounds iffy even it’s about as accurate and correct as it would/could realistically be for an alternate English title meant for foreign markets.

You most likely already guessed why that is the case, but let’s talk plot first.

Also, just saying it now, but yes, SPOILERS of a 32 years old movie that’s far from obscure are gonna happen.

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[EXPRESSO] Companion (2025) | “You got metal fever, boy!”

I was lucky enough to secure a couple of tickets for a preview screening of the new movie from the director of Barbarian, Companion, which will launch in most theathers next week, so here we go.

A modern tale of why you shouldn’t stick your dick in the toaster, even if you upgrade to “sex gynoid with the bahonkadonkas”, and especially you shouldn’t jailbreak the sexbot or hit it with the ol’ “not a real boy” spiel.

Iris and his boyfriend go to meet some friends at an isolated villa by the lake for a nice weekend, but little does she know they have a plan to rob the rich host and owner of the villa… because she known very little to begin with, as Iris is just an elaborate robot dutch wife, but after she’s framed by her “boyfriend/master” as the one to take the fall for the crimes that occur, with him pityingly telling her the truth about herself, she tries to escape and break free…

AKA the american remake of Iku: I, Robosex via Ex Machina we didn’t ask, nor we actually got, but it’s not a completely incorrect way of putting it, since it feels like someone watched Alex Garland movie and figured there was a way to make a black comedy horror romance film about misoginy, emancipation, agency and all the expected sci-fi themes coming with the gynoid/doll archetype, balancing the comedy and the horror to an impressive result.

I haven’t tried to hide the “reveal” since the marketing eventually gave away the twist (plus the movie itself doesn’t hide it much), but i’d say the movie it’s still quite strong, witty and engrossing even if you know it, since it has great performances, strong characters and great execution to “back that up”.

Pretty good.

[EXPRESSO] Nosferatu (2024) | Orlok Spelled Forward

I have been waiting for this one a LOT, i made no mistery of it, and why should i?

Robert Eggers doing a remake/new version of horror silent classic Nosferatu, i shouldn’t even need to add more than that. And i won’t.

But yes, it might sound strange to younger horror fans, it’s a new version of an early unauthorized Dracula adaptation that was considered lost for decades, only to resurface and become a silent horror film classic on its own, so i guess there’s little point discussing the plot too much, it’s literally Dracula.

I mean, there’s no denying around that, but Eggers version actually manages the near impossible, as it captures the original film dreamlike quality while also giving it a new spin to the material (while also featuring most of the classic scenes of Dracula adaptations), going for a psychosexual horror thriller that on the surface might remind some of Coppola’s Dracula adaptation, while there’s no baroque romanticism, over the top hairdos or extra fancy costumes.

This count Orlok is a fuckin disgusting, feral beast with a sexual appetite stronger than death, an obsessive lust that never betrays any empathy behind the desire itself of this cursed cadaver and whoever is unfortunate enought to be in its path to obtain it.

I mean, it sounds like an obvious perfect match of a movie to (re)do for a renowed director that specializes in bleak gothic horror thrillers, and i’m just gonna cut the shit, Nosferatu lives up to the high expectations it reasonably fostered since it was announced, in pretty much every regard, and yes, the amazing cast features yet again William Dafoe (and a great Nicholas Hoult) after The Lighthouse.

Intense, repulsive and beautifully bleak, an amazing film and a great remake as well.

Highly recommended.

Final Verdict: Java

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #47: The Secret Of The Loch (1934)

Time for an oldie, and no, i don’t mean Gertie The Dinosaur (though eventually we’ll cover it), we’re “only” going back to the 1930’s with The Secret Of The Loch, released in the very same year the infamous “Surgeon’s Photo” depicting an unknown, plesiosaur-esque creature peaking out of the Loch Ness lake in Scotland, which in turn made more rumors and sightings of strange creatures around and about the lake go around, so jumping on the bandwagon was thing back then too.

As the infamous aforementioned photo allegedly depicting “Nessie” wasn’t 100 % proven to be a hoax until decades later, it helped set up what would become the entire thing of cryptozoology, but filmakers didn’t care to wait, gotta strike fast, so the British-based Ealing Studios did, with Milton Rosmer directing this comedy adventure film about the Loch Ness creature.

The first movie ever made about the cryptid in question, which nowadays it’s a rarely used subject, but eventually we had films about it like The Water Horse in 2007 or the more recent b-horror movie The Loch Ness Horror. As in, the one from 2023, not the one from 1981 also called that.

In terms of plot, The Secret Of The Loch is exactly what you’d think it would be, and displays some irony, because it’s about a nutty Scottish professor trying to prove the existence of the Loch Ness monster, in spite of everyone else calling him cuckoo for that, followed by a zany reporter that wants to get the scoop on the story.

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[EXPRESSO] Awaria STEAM | Ghostsmoochers Inc.

After taking the internet by storm with “Johnny Bravo goes to hell for a demon girl harem” AKA Helltaker, vanripper is back with a new game on Steam, Awaria, sporting a new original soundtrack by Mittsies, and being more of a bullet hell- action puzzle game thing “about working in a haunted maintance tunnel”, which yes, means ghost girls to talk, interact and sometimes kiss, though, the Steam page content warning makes it clear by saying “it’s all tame”. It is. Pretty cute designs, still.

It also has the same business model as Helltaker, as in it’s free, but to support the developer you can buy the optional DLC as a “thank you”, which also nets you a digital artbook and a Babezki (a kind of Polish muffin) recipe, but again, you can also unlock the same content in the in-game gallery.

Gameplay is pretty frantic, and has you move your character about to collect items, activate item printers and interact with broken generators, requiring certain items to be fixed in a limited time, while avoiding the ghost girls attacking you, as you die in one hit, a drone will take a hit for you and respawn every 10 seconds, which are lot more than they sound given you’ll need to be constantly zipping around the level.

It’s a 2 hours affair, a bit more if you want to finish the game on Hard difficulty and unlock everything, but it’s quite intense, the gameplay is easy to learn but actually challenging and rewarding, the final boss levels this time around are better designed (as is the game overall compared to Helltaker), Mittsies soundtrack is another banger, pity for the sometimes laggy performance, but it maybe be my old rig.

Once again, i highly recommend playing it and supporting everyone involved.