12 Days Of Dino Dicember # 28: Kingdom Of The Dinosaurs/ Dinosaur Valley (2022)

More relatively fresh dinosaur meat, because the grind never stops even for these.

And nope, this is not another Jurassic World : Dominion mockbuster…. kinda, it’s pretty much that, as it comes from prolific and fairly fresh GB-based low budget C-D grade movies supplier Jagged Edge Productions, better known for the recent Winnie The Pooh slasher film (and its sequels), many “Curse Of” movies about some random public domain-fairytale character turned slasher villain, Bunnyman rip-offs (i’m not joking), but also behind a lot of pretty obvious mockbusters, including releasing something called something called Freddy’s Fridays the very same year of the Blumhouse FNAF movie being out in theathers, so yeah, shame was never an option.

Among these and others, they also pump out dinosaur movies, like the previously featured Dinosaur Hotel, which in the meantime got a sequel and a third entry on the way. So yeah, this company is clearly set on being the new Asylum, or Full Moon Pictures, for better or worse.

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12 Days Of Dino Dicember # 26 : Jurassic Domination (2022)

In a way, there’s little i can complain about a movie like Jurassic Domination, because i pretty much known what i’m going to get from a modern Asylum mockbuster of a dinosaur film, even down to them not really marketing them anymore so even trash buffs and cinema shit seekers like me end up finding out about them years after they came out, undermining the point of a timely release dor the mockbuster to leech off a big budget tent-pole release, in this case Jurassic World: Dominion.

And yet everytime i come out slightly disappointed because i’d like for The Asylum to at least try more with the plots, since their mockbusters are even more and more detatched from the movies they allegedly exist to profit off indirectly with their bootleg low budget offering, they could try to go utterly insane with the plots if they will never improve budgets and effects to any significant degree, but why would they put any more effort if people still watch their garbage regardless?

They know people like me will start combing the internet for these kind of movies, sooner or later, so why bother? They’re so cheap to be worth it from a financial standpoint regardless, so until the well dries up completely, they won’t stop, and it’s hard to fault them for that when the Jurassic World series exists and the difference between the contenders and the “champions” is how much money they can throw at the fx budget to cover up botched or flawed scripts.

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[EXPRESSO] Napoleon (2023) | House Of Bonaparte

A new, modern Ridley Scott movie with very split reception, must be a day of the week.

I’ll be frank, i did enjoy House Of Gucci, but i would be lying if i was posivitely surprised by Ridley Scott’s take on a Napoleone Bonaparte historical biopic.

It’s not outright bad, but there’s definitely something wrong when the script manages to almost fumble Joaquin Phoenix playing Napoleon, the performance is great as expect, the problem is that Napoleon is written like a ruffian, pillage-happy tyrant lacking any finesse or complexity, making it harder to believe him as the tactical war mastermind he was, not helped by some scenes that i don’t believe were meant to be funny, but are.

Which is not a small issue for the protagonist of a historical biopic, one that here clearly depicted to be pathetic and petty above anything else, like the usual stock comical depiction of Napoleon… which doesn’t gel with everything else we’re told and shown, so comes off as transparently biased and confusing portrayal of the character that fails to be interesting or in-depth.

As expected it’s a fairly lenghty affair that depicts Napoleon from his early rise to power as a young army officer for France to his crowning as Emperor, until his exile and death, all with a focus on his relationship with Empress Josephine.

Even ignoring the many, deliberate and sometimes really obvious for everyone historical innacuracies. (which i personally don’t care much about)… it just feels lacking, bloated and sometimes kinda random as we skip from event, with years going by and no one looking any older, or with very few of the battles getting any extended focus as the campal magniloquent massacres you expect, but nothing to really write home about for this tier of epics.

Sadly disappointing.

[EXPRESSO] Godzilla Minus One (2023) | WW Zilla

I was kinda apprehensive going into the new Godzilla movie (which is getting limited weeklong screenings everywhere outside of Japan), weirdly enough, due to some disappointed early feedback, so i decided to ignore most coverage after that and just go see it.

And i will address that indeed, after Shin Godzilla, going back to a period piece story set during WW II feels like a convenient move to avoid tackling modern political issues… but i will say that Godzilla Minus One does earn your attention and investment, thanks to one of the closest attempts at recapturing the spirit of the original Godzilla, to the point it’s almost a remake-prequel, and a great damn one that focuses on the human characters with great drama, punctuated by action scenes involving Godzilla (not the other way around), while also making Big G itself menacing again.

The premise follows Koichi, a man designed as a kamikaze pilot that, during the final years of WW II, fakes a malfunction of his airplane, and lands on the small island of Odo . There he is one of the few that survives the encounter with a giant dinosaur the locals call “Godzilla”, and with great shame, he comes back to the bombed ruins of his parent house, takes in a homeless woman and her foster daughter. In time the reconstruction begins, Koichi is on the verge of finally putting his nightmares of war to rest, but then Godzilla shows up again….

Honestly, even if not trying to push new boundaries, at all, Godzilla Minus One it’s a greatly compelling story with good characters, a solid period war drama at its core, and while the monster is CG, they pulled off a miracle with the effects looking so good for the tiny budget of 15 millions.

Highly recommended.

[EXPRESSO] The Marvels (2023) | Three Of A Perfect Pair

Once again i have to preface i do not follow the Disney + Marvel series, i simply do not, i do get a laugh at reading how the fuck Marvel has issues with the Blade reboot (it is absurd), but i do watch the theathrical releases, with this later one being pretty much a Captain Marvel sequel, with the twist of having Danvers form an unlikely trio with Kamala Khan AKA Ms Marvel, and her believed to be lost niece, Monica Rambeau, whom also received energy powers after an accident.

As to why, it’s because a new villain, a Kree survivor and rebel, has acquired a powerful artifact, which has the side effect of making the three heroines do a switcharoo every time they use their powers, and they’ll have to find a way to work together in order – as “The Marvels” – to avoid the universe is further teared apart by wormholes and space-time completely breaks down…

I wasn’t a fan of the first film, or Captain Marvel herself, but this feels like a step-up, as there’s more going on, Kamala Khan being….. herself is very cute, the premise is more fun, there’s definitely more energy to the characters and plot, and thankfully Nia DaCosta’s (Little Woods, Candyman 2021) direction embraces the fact this is a very simple and silly tale, and boy do i appreciate when these movies can actually play it simple.

Shame the villain, while making sense for this type of story, it’s kind of a forgettable tragic kind of foe, and the resolution seems kinda underwhelming, but i did enjoy it a lot more than the first one, also because it’s under 2 hours for a change, though once again the “cat-like creature” is arguably the best damn thing in this franchise.

Decent fun.

Ninja The Shadow Killers AKA Shadow Killers Tiger Force (1986) [REVIEW] | WIN (Women In Ninja)

Endless is the quest for the acolytes of the ninja way as teached by Master Ninja Ho, after all – as E. Honda once said – the training never really ends, and there are at least still DOZENS and DOZENS of cut-n-paste ninja flicks from the IFD Film & Arts mill left to review and catalogue properly.

Ninja The Shadow Killers is definitely one of them, but this time we have something slightly different in terms of the witch’s brew that will pass for a film, as i’m pretty sure i never saw any other one where he spliced his western ninja footage…. into a women in prison film.

Definitely a genre we don’t really cover to any degree here, not on purpose or anything, but yep, indeed, the “host movie footage” is taken from 1976’s Taiwanese-Hong Kong-South Korean film Prisoner 470 (reminding me of yet another movie series i could be watching instead), and is also notable how this time we have a female ninja protagonist/master, Jenny, played by Deborah Grant.

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Devil’s Third WII U [REVIEW] | Big Mouse Strikes Again

It’s the spooky-ooky season, so it means nothing but it’s a good enough excuse to review some shitty videogame of fecal magnitude, or ones that were so bad they made many “worst of year” lists, and come with some depressing and-or absurd history to them. For indeed, “the horror!”.

And Devil’s Third definitely fits the bill, being one of the many titles that confirmed once again that sometimes you should just quit when you’re ahead, or before tarnishing your own legacy due to boneheaded behaviour in mismanaging projects that languish for years due to an accolade of deals falling through, changing engines and platform targets, only to eventually release and make one realize that maybe you can actually lose talent over time.

And as they do, stories like this just highlight how even successfully rebooting the Ninja Gaiden franchise for the original X-Box… won’t stop your career from having a “Tommy Wiseau of The Room” moment, highlighting that sometimes these legendary creators might have actually needed the company they supposedly left to do whatever they wanted, not the other way around.

Especially when the finished game had to basically receive a “pity publishing” deal from Nintendo, as no one else wanted to publish this one for years (including Nintendo Of America), so it became a Wii U exclusive because we were already in the death years of the system, and i guess Nintendo could use an action game that look like it could be on PS3 or 360. Or a game, stat.

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[EXPRESSO] The Creator (2023) | We Are The Robots

Somehow managed to see this one in theathers, despite its last minute marketing that made it feel like it kinda came out of nowhere, odd for a mid-to-high budget sci-fi epic from director Gareth Edwards (Monsters, Godzilla 2014, Rogue One).

Though i can see why as the trailer, the first way most people likely even learnt of this movie existing, literally tells you the first big reveal, which doesn’t really make this look or sound particularly original or impressive, a sentiment that’s ultimately correct but it’s not entirely “fair”.

The plot of The Creator deals with a future where humans and “IA humans” coexist in peace, until a nuke goes off, starting a war between the US based NOMAD military and the robots. An ex-NOMAD agent tasked to retrieve the superweapon developed from the “IA front”, only to find that the “weapon” is actually an IA/robot child.

There’s clearly ambition and scope, but for something that sets out to be a big budget sci-fi that wants to bring something new to familiar themes and subjects…. it doesn’t really manage that, comes close but ultimately will just remind you of other sci-fi movies that it takes inspiration from, especially Children Of Men via District 9 with a Vietnam movie style narrative.

Especially as it doesn’t really invent anything than hasn’t been done before (and better) with its themes and concepts, there are some clever ideas but don’t amount to much of real substance, not helped by somewhat uninteristing characters and repetitive action.

It’s still a decent watch, the acting is solid, direction is good and this is NOT an uninspired film, but it’s such a case where its various elements never fully come together as they could and it never really lives up to its own ambition, despite obvious genuine effort.

[EXPRESSO] The Expendables 4 (2023) | Crank 3: High Hospice

You know, when the first Expendables movie release, it was a fun little idea: let’s make an all stars action B-movie that’s a tongue-in-cheek throwback to 90s action cinema, with all the big name actors from that era and the modern ones, spouting one liners over huge explosions and so on.

Now it’s more of a coffin race for most of the actors… or so it would be if most of the people that were supposed to be in or back into… didn’t make the cut in Expendables 4, the plot of which barely matters even discussing, but it has something to do with a Gheddaffi old chemical plant, a nuke, a mole, and the team avenging the death of their leader, Barney.

Meaning one of the franchise’ selling points is borked to hell right away, but then again this the boring kind of trashy movie, as any energy or committment to the formula is gone, with the actors seemingly embarassed of delivering the awful dialogue, and quarter-assing their way through this boring, uninspired rethread with all the cliches but devoid of anything that made the Expendables movies endearing… and also looking very cheap, with embarassing CGI for a 2023 big budget release marred to subpar choreography.

Also, in what it’s mostly an obvious tactic to pass the torch to Staham for sequels, Stallone is barely in the movie, with Staham’s character as the focus, making in another vehicle for the actor…. which makes some “sense” since the climax is basically the same as The Meg 2 (it really is), also with Staham and released this year, coincidence or not.

Some fresh utter trash, that’s also sadly a mostly boring affair, a worthless, joyless relic for this day and age, filled with new, better and already iconic modern action franchises.

Interdit Aux Chiens Et Aux Italiens (No Dogs Or Italians Allowed) AKA Manodopera (2022) | Piedmotion Animation

A french-italian stopmotion animation, already a white fly, and for less than 4 bucks due a nationwide italian & european cinema initiative? Say no more, i’m so gonna see this, even more as it won a prize at Annecy 2022’s edition.

This is basically the director, Alain Ughetto, tracing back his italian ancenstry, depicting the lives of his grandfather and family of farmers that back in early 1900’s moved from their small mountain village in Piedmont (dubbed affectionally as “Ughetterra”, the land of the Ughettos), crossing the Alps to start a new life in France, in search of any menial or dangerous labor that they could do, their eventual rise to small land-owners, and their nomad lifestyle due to labor but also – among other things – the rise of the Fascism in Italy.

This is told in an amusing and wholesomw fashion, that not so much breaks the fourth wall but use it as a “portal” tool to deliver the narrative, as the director-animator narrates and creates the stopmotion sets, its characters, directly interacts with them (like letting his hand into frame to hand a character a tiny hammer), but frames it as a dialog with his grandmother that recounts the chronicles of the family through the decades, encompassing many heavy subjects as wars, epidemics, racism, clerical hypocrisy, but also the joyful moments (and some fun meta gags).

It’s a really intimate, charming and emotional portrait of turn of the centhury italian immigrants bound to a rough life of difficulties, of split loyalties and fractured national identities due to family always living – often literally – on the borders, malincholic but also fond of having a few laughs and exactly as long as it needs to be, even if that means on the shorter side of things.

Warmly recommended.