[EXPRESSO] Milarepa (2025) | Sardinia Saint

A very loose retelling of the life of Milarepa, an important figure in Tibetan Buddhism, this 2025 Italian production takes many liberties, not just genderbending Milarepa, but mostly taking place in a post apocalyptic world where humanity regressed to live in mudhuts.

The gist remains the same, as Mila lives a good life, then her father dies, her uncles decide to treat them like slaves. Mila’s eventually racks up enough money to have Mila be taught black magic and avenge them.

She succeeds, but the destruction and guilt grow to a point where Mila decides to set off in a journey to cleanse her karma….

The first issue is that the whole post apocalyptic angle doesn’t really work, it just looks medieval, and the movie it’s just too grounded/realistic to let the fantasy elements take any proper hold, to suspend disbelief and “buy” stuff like no one noticing Mila being obviously a girl.

Plus characterization is spotty, with some really stupid ass characters, and some inconsistent acting that sticks out against the decent work done by a cast sporting recognizable Hollywood actors like Harvey Keitel, F. Murray Abraham, Angela Molina and Franco Nero.

Doesn’t help that the editing often makes things confusing to follow (when the script already doesn’t, that is), and the second part (the “redemption-philosophical-meditative phase”) is kinda hilarious, almost feeling like a parody… while also clearly done in earnest.

I feel kinda bad because the worldbuilding clearly needed a budget that never was, and it almost feels like it’s going for a feminist message… but that too is pretty superficial and half-baked, as pretty much everything here.

It’s a mess, it’s not good, i do respect the honest effort and ambition, the heart is in the right place, it truly is…. but it’s still a huge mess.

Bladestorm Nightmare PS4 [REVIEW] | The Hundred Years Grind

Ah, yes, Bladestorm, the ginger step-child born of enabling Omega Force to once again make something that isn’t a Warriors game (it’s worth remembering they once did also do fighting games and RPGs, among others), yet isn’t one of Koei historical turn based grand strategy titles like Nobunaga’s Ambition or Uncharted Waters, but more like a real-time Kessen.

This time around we’re taking a break from the Three Kingdoms, Sengoku era Japan or Asian history in general, as we’re going back to the middle ages, yes, but Europe this once, in the 14^th and 15^th centhury, to revisit the events of the Hundred Years War between France and England.

And of course this comes with a big, gynormic “loosely based on” sticker, because it’s a videogame, it’s a videogame based on historic events by the Dynasty Warriors developer, so you already know historical accuracy isn’t gonna be on the table as the main course, or barely at all, because who gotta have historical figures like Gilles Rais and John Talbot interact, and also give them very flamboyant anime style design… why the fuck not?

The plot is told mostly in cutscenes (that develop the various character arcs and of course take a lot of liberties in terms of characterization for the historical figures represented, designs aside), as your player customized character is just another dude in a mercenary band that happens to be involved in the conflict at hand and participate in both “trivial” and important battles of the war, with the option to side with either faction and also save Joanne D’Arc, if you want.

This was true for the original PS3/360/PC release of the game back in 2007, but we’re tackling the expanded port for PS4/X-Box One/Steam, Bladestorm: Nightmare, the PS4 version specifically (as apparently the PC port of this that’s on Steam is shit on a stick, and being an older Koei PC port, yeap, i believe it), which adds some features but mostly a new fantasy campaign that gives this release its new subtitle, Nightmare, which we will tackle later.

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[EXPRESSO] Overlord: The Sacred Kingdom (2024) | Lichdom: Battlemage

After the 4^th season of the anime, we got a Overlord film, depicting the Sacred/Holy Kingdom Arc that was discussed/teased but not shown during Season 4 itself.

For reference, the series is about a regular guy that get stuck in a VR MMORPG when the servers close, as its character, Momonga, an elder lich, with previous NPCs start acting on their own, including the servants/characters made by his fellow guild members basically electing him as supreme leader, and he’s basically forced to live up to their expectations while plotting schemes for world domination as the Overlord.

The plot here sees Momonga/Ainz Ooal Gown, finally having established its territory and himself as the “Sorcerer King” getting into an alliance with the Sacred Kingdom, needing help to slay the Demon Emperor Jaldabaoth that’s attacking them with his hordes of humanoid monsters..

Again, this is as about as good a synopsis as it gets without doing huge spoilers, and while it strikes a good compromise between being watchable on its own, since the story here presented (picking up the previously established but basically ignored “Jaldabaoth” storyline) has mostly original characters, provides enough closure, and you can guess/deduce some things… having context for the characters and situations definitely benefits the experience (since it doesn’t recap shit, just giving a very brief text explanation of the premise), which does deliver on both the spectacle, violence and some honestly fun, enjoyable “anime isekai non-sense”, including fantasy politics.

I was worried the animation might had the “CG-isms” seen in later Season 3 and Season 4… not as much, the animation isn’t notably better but you can tell there’s a bump in quality and direction to take advantage of it being a film, more battles to show the animation off, etc.

Quite satisfied with it, i must say.

[EXPRESSO] Wish (2023) | “Feel the power of my MAAAGICKK!”

I was gonna skip this entirely, but since this is the animated film Disney chose to celebrate the company 100^th anniversary, i feel bound to cover it.

And it’s a special movie, but for the all the wrong reasons, as it’s a perfect crystalization of the company’s modern status, where the movie you’d rather see is the one lost in the original drafts, not the final product apparently assembled by focus groups and marketing than imagined by creatives.

The plot is about a guy named Magnifico that learned magic and created an ideal city, Rosas, on a island somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea, where he rules and fulfills the wishes his citizens entrust him.

But not all wishes can be granted, as her apprentice-to-be Asha founds out when the wish of his 100 yo granpa is still unfulfilled, then she accidentally summons a real star, making Magnifico paranoid enough to use a book of forbidden magic…

It’s a very arrogant movie that isn’t interested in pleasing its viewers, too busy up its own arse pulling a disgusting amount of Disney references and stuck wallowing in nostalgia to the detriment of everything else, while also exhibiting all the negative-cliched traits associated with Disney animated films, like overuse of musical segments, the talking animals, etc.

Plus it’s just plain uninspired, derivative, boring, the characters are utterly uninteresting and istantly forgettable, and while there was some potential, it’s all brought down by a senseless “magic system” that’s at the center of the story, even diegetically makes little to no sense and renders the final message moot.

The animation is good (even if the style reminds one of a 3DCG Netflix anime) and it’s a short sit, but this is just utter, recycled, cynical mediocrity that’s almost insulting coming from Disney, even modern Disney.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #14: Triassic Attack (2010)

To give us a breather from an apparently endless strain of incredibly stupid scientists who would resurrect Hitler and put his brain in a T-Rex for the lulz… this time no one is cloning anything, or tampering in god’s domain without a rubber octopus on strings.

None of that shit.

Sorry for the screenshots “salvage fest”, but despite IMDB listing it having an italian release date (which is true since it was aired on tv here… i guess once), i couldn’t even find images of the apparent UK release, let alone a UK DVD, it’s not even one of those dino flicks gated off to non-UK Amazon Prime Video users. And apparently none of the major streaming services has it.

I’m not paying extra to import it from the US or get a Japanese copy, sorry, not for Triassic Attack.

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[EXPRESSO] Violent Night (2022) | Santa Hard

Tommy Wirkola is back after last year’s The Trip (available on Netflix) to the snow tinted realm of horror…. but not quite.

This time around he cooked up a christmas black comedy that has been described as “Die Hard but with Santa Claus instead of John McClain”… because it’s pretty much that, set in a rich family’s villa where a group of terrorists (with the leader played by John Leguizamo) lies in wait to get their hands on a big chunk of million money.

It just happens that by accident the real, factual Santa Claus finds himself in that very house when shit goes down, and decides to fight them to save the family, especially as the younger child earnestly believes in him, by way of some magic, a warhammer and a lot of gruesome violence.

Yeah, it isn’t strictly a horror movie, it’s definitely heavy on action and comedy as you would expect from this deliberate pastiche of Die Hard and christmas movie, but again, it’s a Tommy Wirkola film, so it doesn’t really matter that this isn’t a new installment of Dead Snow or a christmas slasher, because we also get to see Santa pile up a more than respectable bodycount, using everything from ornaments to shovel to woodchippers and even a warhammer (tied to his backstory/lore here)

Heck, for good measure there is a straight up Home Alone “trap scene” and even that provides a lot of gore effects played for laughs that will still make you go “OW”.

There’s also the “Bad Santa” angle to the main character, but not quite, since he IS real here, and otherwise the surprisingly decent emotional moments would lose any kind of weight.

Violent Night it’s a pastiche of familiar elements indeed, but it’s a bloody fun holiday romp, too.

The Spooktacular Eight #10: Robo Vampire (1988)

Oh boy. THIS one.

Quite the legendary trash film from Godfrey Ho (credited as Thomas Tang, once again), one that definitely lives up to its status as one of the most bonkers heaps of garbage to ever come out of the 80s never ending cauldron of action-xploitation movies.

It’s definitely quite infamous and rightfully so, because even if you’re acquainted with Godfrey Ho, Joseph Lai, their companies like Filmark International and IFD Arts, this is still absolute hokum of majestic proportions, downright unbelievable and baffling.

I can’t even imagine how much cocaine did Ho and his unnamed writers snort up for this one in particular, because it makes their cut n paste ninja flicks look downright sensible and composed.

The main reason it’s because Ho (or Lai, or whoever supervised the scripts, hard to say when Ho is credited for many films he didn’t even direct) didn’t bother to say no to anything proposed, i refuse to believe anything got cut from the script since it’s all a non-sensical demented mish mash.

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[EXPRESSO] Doctor Strange in The Multiverse Madness (2022) | Mystics From NY

FIY: I’m one of those that didn’t watch Wandavision before heading into this for many reasons (including not really caring nor intending to pay or use Disney +), and i was right in assuming that i didn’t need to… as they give you just enough info to follow the plot of this movie without spoiling that show or anything. It’s a perfected science of its own at this point.

THAT out of the way, i was honestly looking forward to this one, having liked a lot the first Dr. Strange movie, and having Sam Raimi on board as director for the sequel did please me indeed.

The plot sees Dr. Strange deal further with the concept of the multiverse, as a girl with the power to travel to different parallel universes appears in NY being followed by an eldritch monster, sent by Wanda The Scarlet Witch to kidnap the girl. Helped by his fellow mystics and the new girl, Strange will have to find a way to stop Wanda while traversing various realities in the multiverse…

While it starts a bit ho-hum, it does “gear up” and delivers on the expected package of magic, mystical brawls, multiverse jumping (used for what could or could be not “cameos”, let’s just put it like that), wizard duels, and i’m glad Raimi was allowed – to the extent a Marvel movie will find comfortable – to lean more on the horror elements and how he likes to handle them, which helps this entry in standing out a bit more.

Overall, Dr Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness, does deliver on the title, it’s pretty fun, and it thankfully not bloated as some other Marvel movies in terms of runtime.

Nothing “great”, but i quite liked it.

Mileage might and will vary, as usual.

Orochi The Eight-Headed Dragon (1994) [REVIEW] | Tsukuyomi Endless (Endless)

Ah yes, the classic go-to monster of japanese folklore for when a regular hydra just won’t cut it, and a name that will be immediatly recognized by anyone with some dedication to videogames, manga and cinema, especially if they involve the classic mediaval fantasy japanese settings, as he’s often the big bad monster like in Okami, or has an entire subseries of Warriors crossover titles with him as the catalyst of chaos. Or more close to the bone, being the ispiration for the classic Godzilla monster, King Ghidorah, since we’re going into the Toho territory of giant monsters once again.

But it’s not quite that, as this one isn’t a science fiction film as many giant monsters from the Godzilla series were, but instead is a straigh-foward old fashioned magical fantasy film that picks various mythological characters and story pieces from the ones about the formation of the Shinto religion, in this case being the tale of Yamato Takeru, his encounter with the Yamato-hime priestess, receiving the holy sword Kusanagi no Tsurugi, the Tree Treasures, Susano’o, the fight with the god Tsukuyomi….

…and a lot more names that most likely don’t mean jack if you’re not familiar with japanese mythology, like at all, so it makes a bit more sense that they didn’t release it overseas under its original title of “Yamato Takeru”, despite it being more apt.

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Snowmageddon (2011) [REVIEW] | Promise (NOT featuring Kohmi Hirose)

If you’re like me, you don’t need to be told that there is a deluge of disaster movies up on Amazon Prime Video, often looking so easy to review that makes you feel bad, so low hanging and free (as in, included with Prime, i’m not paying extra subscription) the fruits of this “tree” are.

So i often end up browsing, looking at the description, just adding to the watchlist and moving on, forgot i’ve even added them, etc.

This one does break the mold and managed to make me kinda intrigued, as the premise made Snowmageddon (E- for the title, btw, it could have been way more stupidier and tortured) sounded very fuckin stupid, cheesy but slightly different.

And it’s still fairly cold here, so before springtime hits proper let’s indulge in more icy TV trash, the review for the Uncharted movie it’s coming later, so please, join me in this mystical garbage dive.

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