Musou May and the State Of Musou as of May 2023?

As per what is now tradition, this year too we’ll have Musoy May, with a picked review of a musou/Warriors game every sunday of May.

Here’s where i usually make a general ramble about the state of the genre as of late, but…. there isn’t really much to say or even get unreasonably hyped about, as we neither got any new contender/challenger from some small or medium sized developer & publisher nor does TK really revealed, teased or announced anything.

Samurai Warriors 5 came out in 2021, but aside from a Season Pass TK didn’t either put out a XL or Empires version, Dynasty Warriors 9 Empires needed a lot of shit to be added or patched in, but again, aside a tepid Season Pass that wasn’t really worth paying (for the most part), there was no post-launch support, and since how barebones the modes on offering were… it would have needed.

Touken Ranbu Warriors was also released, but for whatever reason TK decided to launch it digital only on both Switch and PC (via Steam), and i’m gonna save the lamentations about that for its review.

Fire Emblem Warriors Three Hopes was almost perfect but was curiously devoid of expansion content (which is fine since it’s an already massive offering to begin with), so that’s odd.

All we got since June 2022 was simply a teaser trailer for Fate Samurai/Remnant that should release sometime this year, no actual gameplay footage or any real info aside from what could be seen in that short teaser trailer. Surprised it took them this long and actually Marvelous already did developed 2 Fate musou games, but still, it has been months devoid of any news about it or anything else Warriors or Warriors related.

Maybe TK is holding out for what was “E3 time” or for the TGS to drop the existence of Dynasty Warriors 10 (which they teased in interviews before), but at this point there’s just nothing to talk about of substance, and this behaviour kinda speaks volume for how Koei considers his musou output.

I mean, when the best news is them re-releasing WO3 Ultimate in a definitive edition package…. you can tell there’s a drought and no signs of the main gardener being interested in watering the cacti.

I mean, unless they do a 180 ° with Dynasty Warriors 10, Koei shouldn’t complain of losing even more customers, after DW 9 they deserve every critique and negativity coming their way.

[EXPRESSO] Cocaine Bear (2023) | Hidden Packages

Since Grizzly II’s actual release was never gonna cut it (because reality), this year we have a new entry for the killer bear subgenre, with Cocaine Bear, directed by Elizabeth Banks (Pitch Perfect 2, 2019’s Charlies Angels), and a masterclass in marketing by the virtue of “its exactly what you think it is and what it says on the tin”.

Even more unbelievable is that there’s an actual true life story of the titular “coked plantigrade” serving as a loose base for the plot, involving an american black bear that in december 1985 ingested a duffel bag full of cocaine, one of the many dropped via airplane by a drug smuggler that then dies out of some horrendous clumsiness.

In reality the bear didn’t kill anyone and actually just OD’d, and the poor thing now (allegedly) actually resides as a stuffed exhibit in a mall in Kentucky, which is far crueler than any of the kills done by the “Cocaine bear” in the movie, which eats some of the angel dust and then goes on a rampage through a National Forest, starting with a couple of hikers then various people that are either connected to the drug cartel or were unlucky enough to be there at the worst time possible.

And it’s a b-movie style blast of horror comedy fun, with some really graphic sequences (involving disembowling and one of the most hilarious deaths i’ve seen on film in some time), high production values, and lots of dumbass but actually endearing, funny characters (love the “pop art thug gang”). Maybe a bit too many and the final act could have a better pacing, but honestly the movie does live up to its marketing, being silly, steeped in dark comedy, exactly as long it needs to be, and very, very entertaining.

Grizzly II: The Revenge/The Concert (1983-2020) [REVIEW] | Litigation Bear

Ah yes, the forbidden bear. The Clooney-Dern-Sheen triplette one.

As previously said, since Grizzly was a big success bringing lots of moolah, a sequel was kinda inevitable eventually… emphasis on the eventually, because while in 1983 Grizzly II (subtitled “The Concert”) was shot in Hungary, the movie spent the following 37 years in post-production hell, eventually premiering in 2020 at various festivals and being released on VOD (and home video) in 2021.

Intriguingly, this didn’t stop people from getting a hold of Grizzly II, as bootleg copies of the unfinished workprint were made and in 2007 the VHS were ripped online, eventually leading (among others things) to Brad Jones covering the title on his “Cinema Snob” webseries, and then being hit with treats of legal action by the movie co-producer, the aptly named Suzanne C. Nagy.

As unofficial as the workprint copies circulating were, they also corroborated how badly the production was handled, not only with the movie being shot in Hungary because it was/is cheaper (a common low budget film ploy, as we learned) that way, the principal producer leaving after the first day of shooting and the lack of funding to continue, forcing Suzanne C. Nagy, the co-producer, to procure an investor so they cold finish the main photography, managing to do such… only to learn the original producer, Joseph Ford Proctor, was arrested for a unrelated case of tax fraud.

Peeking through the workprint also showed that the movie was not THAT incomplete, as in there was clearly post-production to do, especially having to shoot the scenes where the bear is attacking and retool the finale. Clearly it was an unfinished product, and it was never officially released (plus all the licensed music present in the workprint pretty much guaranteed it would never release in that state), so there’s a limit to what can be said, since – again – it was a bootleg of the work print.

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Popeye PSN [REVIEW] | …. For An Asset Burger Today

Catching up on last year’s output of radioactive trash videogame releases, i saw this on sale for 2 bucks on PSN, so i bought it, downloaded it on my PS4 (game is also available on Switch, digital only as well), and in a matter of minutes i wondered if this wasn’t somehow one of those asset flips that somehow isn’t (or wasn’t) on Steam but managed to land digitally on other platforms.

And yes, i was correct, it’s not on Steam, most likely a calculated move as it would have been singled out immediatly and bombarded with negative reviews, for Steam’s userbase had many experiences with awful cobbled together rushjobs by hacks that smosh pre-made Unity assets together with minimal extra work, even more as this is a licensed game.

One that was released without nary a beep, so that already clues you in that they wanted to release a stinker and hope nobody noticed that they wanted 15 bucks for this turd by Sabec Limited, better known for having the gall to sell Calculator (and many overly simple games and stuff like Pet Rock) on Switch, as in literally a calculator app that they sell for 10 bucks.

Given how surprisingly important is Popeye as a franchise for videogames, aside from wondering how the hell Sabec Limited was able to license the almost centenary comic strip series from King Features Syndicate, it’s kinda fitting that this 2021 release pretty much boils down to a remake of the 1982 arcade game (also simply called “Popeye”), the one that inspired Nintendo to make the original arcade Donkey Kong.

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Grizzly (1976) [REVIEW] | Plantigrade Peckish

To honor the upcoming release of Cocaine Bear here in ol’ Italy (and presumably other european states), there’s only one thing to do: talk about Grizzly… the first one.

Of course, i know, you wanna hear about the infamous sequel that for decades languished in post-production hell, until it actually released in 2020 (what a fuckin year indeed), Grizzly II, but i like being through, and the original Grizzly does have some history as one of the earlier and more popular/recognized Jaws rip-offs, especially for “having everyone in it”.

Just in case the release date didn’t hint of why this one was made, the theatherical poster sported the tagline “the most powerful jaws in the land”, what’s shame for movie marketing anyway?

And given the bucks made by Universal with that animatronic shark that often did not work well or at all, it’s no wonder everyone was jumping on the now proven successful formula, and Grizzly is no different, to the point there’s really no reason in discussing the plot.

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Konga TNT (2020) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Since the sequel to the Asylum’s “Godzilla VS Kong” mockbuster from 2020, Ape VS Mecha Ape, is not gonna officially be released here in time for the rubric (or at all, who can sah for certain), let’s dig through some other “based on comic book series you never knewn existed” garbage, we did the Fred Olen Ray produced Reptisaurus film, so here another Konga film, called Konga TNT.

Not based on the 1971 film with Michael Goeff, but on the Charlton Comics produced comic book series that spawned because of the movie, and how you’d like if Konga was basically remade from the director/producer behind Oujia Shark, Brett Kelly?

Because that’s what we’re getting, a homegrown no-budget knock off of a King Kong knock off.

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Reptisaurus (2009) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Cheap, direct to video shitfest from Fred Olen Ray, the final frontier for the franchise you’ve never heard about until this very moment…. or did you really?

If you’ve been lurking and watching all things monster movies from a good decade or more, you probably already know of Reptilicus from 1961, the only Danish movie monster that had the privilege of being remembered by film historians, and like some of the others “Godzilla inspired” films, managed to get a shlocky comic book series, one that eventually crossed with the one based on Gorgo, of all fucking things.

But since this is that kind of story, Reptilicus’ comic book only lasted two issues. TWO.

Then the publisher, Charlton Comics, waited for the copyright on the name to expire, redesigning the creature a bit and retitling it as “Reptisaurus”, which at least gave the series more issues and a special one-shot, and – as said before – got a cameo in an issue of the Gorgo comic book series, also published by Charlton Comics.

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Devil Monster AKA The Sea Fiend (1936) [REVIEW] #giantmonstermarch

Really feeling the old with this one, but i don’t really care since it’s one of the few – as far as i know, the only – monster movies about a killer manta ray. And thankfully it’s so old that it is in the public domain (in the United States at least) and can be found at the Internet Archive… at least in his edited version released in 1946, which was apparently more focused on South Seas drama and also supplemented the 20 minutes of material cut from the original with stock footage of native girls, half dressed ones, which was oddly a loophole for the Hays Code prohibition on nudity by considering them “etnographic scenes” of “native” life (the parenthesis doing a lot of lifting here).

The old art of technically correct nudity, the best kind of nudity.

Also, in a similar fashion to Universal’s treatment of their monster movies back in the 30s, there was a different Spanish language version shot back-to-back, called El Diablo De Mar, which also used some of the same actors and footage from the 1936 english speaking version, upon which we’re basing this review, and which can be found on Youtube at the time of writing.

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Pokemon Scarlet/Violet is broken again, so its’ DLC review might arrive quite late

(the scheduled review for Giant Monster March will arrive tomorrow due to complications)

Wanted to post this earlier, but whatever, we’re doing it now, because i was planning to review the DLC of the latest Pokemon mainline games, i did so for the latest ialian blog, but… Pokemon Sword/Shield wasn’t held together with shit and sticks, say what you will but it wasn’t.

But sadly Pokemon Scarlet/Violet really IS “Pokèpunk 2077”, as after they announced the 2-part expansion for the game… it turned out the more recent patch actually made thing worse, including a bug that potentially could wipe or corrupt saves, low chances but not THAT low given the install base, so bad it had Game Freak say it would be better to just “import” your squad and whatnot to Pokemon Home before the worse happens.

Which means i haven’t touched the game after i played and reviewed it at launch, and i plan to keep it that way, hoping that the next patch will be proven to have fixed any chance of that shit happening, i’m not risking it.

And sure as shit i’m NOT pre-ordering the Expansion Pass, NOT when they should have delayed it as a project to work AFTER they at least addressed some of the many bugs, glitches and MANY technical issues (some of which were improved upon…. by reducing the already laughable amount of NPCs on screen at once).

But because this is Pokemon and Scarlet/Violet sold like gangbusters, fuck you, we’re going ahead with the DLC plans (takes me back to the same shit happening with the buggy ass Batman Arkham Origins situation), as in one expansion split in two parts and with a matsuri/japanese festival theme… one they’re also charging 10 bucks more than the Expansion Pass for the previous games, all made worse when the teased new Pokemon feel like “rejigged Yokai Watch designs”, and a one legged Suicine.

So don’t expect a timely review of the first part of the DLC, maybe one of the expansion on the whole when it has been released all, depends all on how much it takes for Game Freak to unfuck this specific bug and hopefully NOT reintroduce in a later patch, who can really say what will happen?

Maybe they will fix the issue by the time the first DLC rolls out, and in that case i will review it

Galgameth (1996) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

We already discussed the best known film from legendary South Korean director Shin Sang-ok (whom sadly passed away in 2004), and i feel one really deserves the epiteth of legend given the history behind the 1985 Bulgasari/Pulgasari, especially as it feels like a last middle finger to the then current North Korean dictator, as him and his wife (kidnapped to make movies for Kim Jong-il, again, not joking, at all) managed to escape while at a Vienna’s film festival.

We went through the whole ordeal for that movie’s review, so i’m not gonna repeat myself too much on this regard, but i do think we’re long overdue for a movie about the whole ordeal, since it’s a perfect case where reality is crazier than fiction.

After his escape in Vienna the director and his wife became US citizens for a while, and during the 90s he made some movies under the pseudonym Simon Sheen, including some “3 Ninjas” sequels, and today’s feature, the ever-so-obscure Galgameth, also known/released as The Legend Of Galgameth or The Adventures Of Galgameth, of course it has alternative titles.

And Galgameth is of interest for us because director Sean McNamara basically recycled the script from Shin Sang-ok’s Pulgasari/Bulgasari remake (the original 1962 Pulgasari is sadly a lost film) but made it into a sword and sorcery film for children. As you do.

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