[EXPRESSO] Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure: Golden Spirit iOS | The Gachalands

Probably comes as no surprise to anybody that Golden Spirit is another pile of gacha shit… but still, i decided to give this one a try.

Mostly because i haven’t played one of these in a while and because it’s Jojo…. and starting off, gameplay it’s not exactly what i figured it would be from the trailers, and by that i mean it was sold as a “ tactical RPG”, which to me means a Tactics style turn based affair, this is actually a real time autobattler where the more pressing issue is positioning the units, so yeah, it’s another idle self playing borefest, the strategic hook of the Rush mechanic meaning very little, and of course the roster is infested with VERY minor characters, so you can gamble for the ones you really want.

Or hope you can unlock them in event story cutscenes…. some of which even when available will wall off content with 14 hours timers, like the Stardust Crusaders one, because the game starts off with Part 5, Golden Wind, the Jo Jo series taking place in Neaples, Italy and following Giorno Giovanna, the son of Dio Brando, as he fights to overthrow the mafia’s mysterious boss.

Hope you already know everything JoJo because the game never really explains shit, despite starting from Part 5….of 9.

While it mostly looks quite decent, it goes the extra mile of not just reusing frames from the anime for the story scenes (alongside recreating them in various styles), fairly common in itself, but sometimes passing those through an IA filter, making them look worse upon any scrutiny, too.

Its so utterly generic that you could have EASILY slapped another anime license/skin unto it… and i’ll just say it looks identical to a bootleg Jujutsu Kaisen mobile game, Jujutsu Malevolent Shrine.

[EXPRESSO] Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma (2026) | QueerAngela

Freshly released in theathers here, Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma is a classic slasher for the ages… as in, this age, the modern age.

Kris is a queer horror director known for a Psycho remake from the prospective of the shower curtains, that has been tasked with directing the reboot of 80s cult slasher series Camp Miasma (a sort of Friday The 13^th crossed with Sleepaway Camp entity), as she is a notorious superfan, but she struggles under the pressure of her own ambition to do something fresh with it, and especially because of the studio push-back to have actress that played thef inal girl in the original film, Billy Presley, come back.

Kris is adamant about it, and decides to meet up nonetheless with Billy, whom has been pretty much living as a recluse in the same place where the first Camp Miasma film was shot….

Yes, it’s indeed a meta-horror that works both as tribute and satire of the 80s slasher, it’s significance today, how the sexual themes reflected anxieties of the era and how this applies in an age where sexuality is very different, especially from a queer prospective, but while it delivers a lot of kills, gore and hilariously excessive geysers of bloods, and it’s more heavy on comedy that you’d expect.

And while it does have an unique “meta twist” that isn’t quite what you’d expect, it’s also fairly straighforward – and deliberately unsubtle- in tackling the genre as a way of sexual self-discovery and emancipation, sold thanks to the amazing performances of Gillian Anderson and Hannah Heinbinder.

Though at times the pacing could be better, and frankly i would have preferred if it ended a scene earlier than it does, but still, Teenage, Sex And Death At Camp Miasma is quite good.

[EXPRESSO] One Night Only (2026) | The Premarital Gex Purge

I was able to see a preview screening for this one, i was curious, as One Night Only has the unique hook of “What if The Purge was about fucking and framed as a quirky rom com?”.

It’s a ni– it’s an elevator pitch that gets you attention, but immediatly you wonder why is this not a dystopian thriller (or horror thriller), as it takes place in an America where they passed a ban on premarital sex, so single people now can copulate only 1 night of the year, with biochips on their arms to enforce compliance.

One guesses it doesn’t apply to non-hetero people, i do guess because we just have the lesbian roommate of the lead girl saying how this is “a thing for the straights”, not that there’s any thought about the terrifying implications of this (or how masturbation factors in), or any of its themes, as the focus is about Allie and Owen, one in search of romanticism during “Fuck Night”, the other having practically broke with her long time girlfriend hours before.

Even if you could ignore ALL OF THAT (and you won’t), the two leads really have little chemistry and you’ll wonder why in this context they didn’t immediatly fuck, not that you’ll care about these two milquetoast characters.

It’s both too heady and nowhere enough, as it wants to be just a casual meet-cute thing, but ultimately is an incredibly regressive, self-righteous, disgusting little film that’s sex-negative, yet wants to be a raunchy sex comedy…. without actually showing any nudity, that you’ll pine for the days of frigging Porky’s.

The movie itself literally says “being an incel is a badge of honor now”, just in case it didn’t already come off as fascist government propaganda selling “The Sex Purge” as a positive thing.

Eepy August Summer Break

As usual, the blog will go on hiatus and resume as usual on the first of September…. well, as i already announced some weeks ago, there will be some relatively big changes coming next year, even though they won’t affect the schedule for the rest of 2026, since a lot has already been done and planned.

I will make a proper post on the 1st of September about that, so in the meantime behave, relax and have fun.

And there are some EXPRESSO reviews that will come out soon anyway, so look forward to those.

[EXPRESSO] The End Of Oak Street (2026) | Amblin’s Dynostopia

When i first saw in theathers the trailer for The End Of Oak Street showcasing dinosaurs i was sold, even more as it is from director-screenwriter-producer David Robert Mitchell (It Follows, Under The Silver Lake).

So someone knew how to market the film, clearly not who decided, a week before release, to release a promo on social media with talking dogs (not even dinosaurs) doing a podcast, made with generative IA to promote the film… to whom i don’t know, because even the less online, average person will see that and just go see something else.

Congrats to somehow managing being clowned on by the marketing team for fuckin Paw Patrol The Dino Movie, when you have to sell people on a 80s themed scifi mystery where Anne Hathaway knives dinosaurs to defend her family.

The End Of Oak Street is indeed about this family living in a 80s suburban community, which one day wakes up to see their entire block now surrounded by prehistoric vegetation and overrun by dinosaurs, as if displaced by some cosmic anomaly, with them now trying to bend together and survive in this new reality….

On one hand, it’s another movie taking place in the 80s, and unsubtly grabbing unto an Amblin-style nostalgia for the era, and you might feel disappointed if you expected it to hold some crazy twist that turned this into more bonkers territory (or a different ending).

On the other hand, it is a FAR better dinosaur movie than all the Jurassic World films combined, there’s a lot of prehistoric creatures being represented, the family drama is actually as solid as the survival itself, you do care about these characters, and it exactly as long as it needs, not bothering to give overly long explanations that will never satisfy anyone anyway.

[EXPRESSO] The Death of Robin Hood (2026) | Anti-Hood

Let’s make it clear, that yes, the timing on this one is horrendous, sure, let’s make a new Robin Hood movie in today climate….. about how Robin Hood was actually a fraud, as in, he was actually a vicious criminal that murdered and stole without caring to “give it back to the poor”, but instead just took for himself. Lest the tribilionaries be offended.

Yes, this revisionist take stems from a 16-17^th centhury ballad, A Gest Of Robyn Hode, and actually isn’t a “eat the poor” advocating version, but damn the timing.

This is actually an interesting choice (and arguably more apt than it seems exactly because of it releasing now) that deliberately deromanticizes the myth and reimagines Robin Hood (Hugh Jackman in Logan-mode) as old, aged outlaw moving in the Irish hills and mountains, haunted by his past killing and actions as an exiled criminal, taking refuge in a priory when he gets wounded badly, and there befriending the prioress and other residents of the priory, as he find himself forced to finally come to terms with his actions..

It’s pretty grounded, realistic, gloomy, brutal, and honestly i’d say it’s surprisingly good…. well not that surprising, since its from Michael Sarnoski, director of Pig and A Quiet Place: Day One, but undeniably the narrative moves at its own relatively slow pace and after the first very action heavy part, it becomes mostly a “chamber drama”, and in that regard some characterizations could have used some more screen time.

it’s not for everyone or great, but it’s a fuckton more interesting and worth your time than the last time we got a modern Robin Hood movie, i remember seeing that awful 2018 film simply called Robin Hood that somehow made the Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur look better in comparison.

[EXPRESSO] Spider Man: Brand New Day (2026) | Un(Thethered)

I remember quite liking No Way Home, for better or worse, but it has been a while, and it’s not like it matters, i was gonna see this away, i did want to see it.

In a way i feel bad because i think this one is actually trying to be less shackled by the MCU stuff, and it stings because it almost succeeds, as in, it manages to do some good emotional stuff with the character of Peter Parker, as he struggles to reconcile with the fact he still feels fragile and alone, despite being able to become NYC resident hero once again… we’ll because he can do so as everyone forgot about him at the end of No Way Home.

While some ideas like having The Punisher as an ally-ish character to Spidey is nice, and there are some fun action scenes, there’s no denying of the second half being overly long and overburdened by the ties to the “MCU obligations” of having to seed stuff for future films, which also entails the admittely better than usual villain (which i’m not gonna spoil), an entity that goes around possessing people’s minds/body hopping and using them to search for something kept hidden by a governative company specialized in repairing propery damage caused by heroes and villains activities, while Spider Man has to deal with his body undergoing unexpected mutations…

Even putting aside the villain’s plan actually makes no sense if you think about it (and that Spider Man has basically Big Brothered the entirety of NYC), then there’s how the climax is resolved identically as in Thunderbolts, are we at the point of recycling climaxes almost verbatim?

This in contrast with the cast actually giving some of the better performances in these films, so, overall, i’d say it’s decent.

[EXPRESSO] Hokum (2026) | Banshee Burner

Review confession time: i’m not familiar at all with Damian McCarthy as a director or otherwise, but i also didn’t do much research and i just trusted the very good general reception.

I’m glad i did, but let’s not skip steps.

Hokum is about Ohm, an american writer struggling to write the epilogue of his successful Conquistador book trilogy, that goes to Ireland in a hotel where his parents had their honeymoon, moved by the appeareance of the ghost of his mother, and there to lay to rest their ashes.

He decides to pass the night in the hotel in order to see if he could push past his writer’s block, while mostly being abrahasive and dismissive of the hotel staff (especially the old irish folklore about witches a local old man tells to some children) while also getting plastered, and things turn for the worse when he wakes up again, alive just because one of the staff found him hanging from his room ceiling in time…

It’s definitely a slow burner that does take its time, but with elegance, a great atmosphere, without really using jumpscares, but some really unsettling creepy apparations (the rabbit one is indeed some really creepy shit), and surprisingly this time around isn’t so much about a monster or old folklore repurposed to rappresent grief (though that obviously play a part), but an actual proper supernatural tales of horror and mystery old as the hills, that manages to actually have a compelling narrative that does play on multiple angles but also avoids having a twist that undoes or invalidates previous key scenes, the kind often done to play with expectations, just in order to win the guessing war with the audiences, regardless if it makes for a better movie or not.

Pretty good stuff, recommended.

August Augurs, the Fall-Winter schedule and changes in 2027

As a reminder, the blog will go on the usual break on the 16th, and it will resume full activity on September 1st.

As for the remaining august days, all the planned full lenght reviews, though in terms of One Piece content, only the review of Season 2 of the live action Netflix adaptation of One Piece will release as planned, sadly the one for Gigant Battle won’t be ready in time, and i’ve decided not to rush it.

EXPRESSO reviews for Hokum and Spider Man: Brand New Day will arrive soon enough on the blog.

The main big change i wanna announce is, after deliberation (and also because i’m between jobs now) i’ve decided to dedicate myself more about writing down a book about giant monster cinema (and maybe move into video content stuff) in the coming future, so next year the schedule will be more or less done on a “when and if i can” basis, i’ll still make some sort of plan but basically i will allow myself to wing it or scrap things.

This won’t affect much or at all the schedule for September and up to Dicember-early January, as most of the work has already been done or is already on its way to be completed, or already “set in stone” either way.

I’ll still work on the blog and keep updating it, and this doesn’t mean i will sunset older rubric, mainstays like Giant Monster March, The Spooktacular Eight, Musou/Melee May will remain and so on, EXPRESSO either.

Also, i’m gonna address it here before i forget: while i doubt we’ll even see it here in theathers before October (if at all), i won’t be covering Eli Roth’s Ice Cream Man remake in any form, as he’s been using GenAI shit in it, and not for minute details either, plus i learned in the fallout that he’s even more of a piece of shit i’ve though/remembered, and it’s not like we’re gonna miss much anyway, given his track record of “quality” (Thanksgiving was quite fun, admittedly) and the movie reviewing poorly even ignoring Eli Roth himself and the GenAI sequences…. we ain’t gonna miss out on anything of value, let’s be real, i’m surprised he still pretends to be relevant.

[EXPRESSO] Disgaea Mayhem PS5 | Flaccid Flannery

Turns out the demo for Disgaea Mayhem wasn’t really that misrepresentative.

Yes, the full game IS is better than the demo, but also indicative of this being indeed a cheap project the company really didn’t believe in, one they just kinda slapped the Disgaea name on to ensure it sells some copies, even if it the story fits the zany nature of the NIS series, being about a mercenary tasked by an Overlord princess, Tichelle, to retrieve legendary flan desserts from demons that defected from her army.

Combat isn’t as refined as more recent traditional Warriors title or Dynasty Warriors Origins, but it’s decent, there are some fun weapon movesets, the borrowed mechanics from the Disgaea games help, overall the core gameplay is good enough.. shame there’s really nothing around it, just a handful of overly simple levels that are frankly interchangeable, as they have nothing going on: no bases system, no attempt at any kind of gimmick, nothing.

Just kill very small amount of peons, do it two more times, then reach the level boss area.

It feels like a musou game made by people that never actually played a musou game.

Rinse and repeat 3 times for most of the few story chapters, maybe stopping a bit to grind if underleveled, not that it’ll make the campaign last more than 6 hours, with very few post-game content as well, gated behind way too much grind, and it’s easy to accidentally overlevel yourself, killing the little “balance” it had going on.

Plus frankly the game looks cheap, like a late PS Vita project resurrected and souped up a bit.

Yet, i don’t find Disgaea Mayhem to be THAT bad, it’s “just” disappointing, underwhelming, overly basic (to the point it feels half-baked as a whole), very short and content starved.