[EXPRESSO] The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) | Starbound and Bible Black

While i (mostly) stand by my review of the first Super Mario animated film by Illumination… i do wanna stress out i didn’t mean it was great (i even said “considering it’s from Illumination”), but i found it to be pretty fun regardless even if it was trying to basically be a big nostalgia trip and advertisment vehicle.

If nothing else, the Super Mario Galaxy Movie is a follow up that clearly knows it doesn’t have to put any effort in terms of plot, as the first movie did set up the characters and the world, so this one instead quadruples down on nostalgic Nintendo references to any of their Mario or non-Mario related franchise, including a certain starbound, Thunderbirds inspired woodland creature whose presence leaked days before release.

To be fair, the plot isn’t really that thinner than the previous movie, and adapting Galaxy’s story – with a splash of Sunshine’s via Bowser Jr. – isn’t a bad choice, but since they did establish the world in the first film, they decided to use this as an excuse to pump in even more characters and references instead of actually giving anything (like the romantic subplot) some space to breathe, beside the main focus, as in, Bowser Jr. launching a scheme to free his dad via Rosalina’s powers.

As a result it’s even more than the first movie an ensemble of things just happening, as the screenwriters just throw scenes and characters, all Mario (and non-Mario) things all into the pot, regardless… which the previous film did, but not to this degree, and the short runtime futhers exacerbates the matter.

I will admit it’s still very well animated, very cute, and the actions scenes (especially the various fights) are well done, making for a decent animated kids film. It’s okay.

[EXPRESSO] They Will Kill You (2026) | Viscerae Satanae

There’s something to say about modern efficiently descriptive titles, as indeed you can get more direct of a title for a horror film than “They Will Kill You”, and it’s indeed pretty on the money, as the plot sees a young woman get recruit as a cleaning lady for the renowed high class hotel Virgil, but soon discover she was actually chosen as a offering to Satan himself, as the Virgil is basically a temple dedicated to him and his (mostly rich assholes) followers.

Little do these cultists know that their chosen sacrifice has undergone a Shaman King styled training arc while in prison, so she’s not stopping at anything on her quest for familiar revenge, especially now that she has been released, and has packed enough tools to do the deed, even if the Virgil has more supernatural shit going on than anyone could ever imagine.

It’s a action horror comedy romp of grindhouse style and proportions,with lots of graphic, deliberately over the top violence and lots of splattering of organs and blood all over the place, very reminescent of Tarantino’s style (down to the breaking down in chapters for twists and character backstories, plus some feet licking early on) and his emulation of the old grindhouse exploitation films, but the supernatural angle helps this stand out, basically making this a sort of revenge battle royale against satanic cultists that are almost as deadly as the ones in Blood.

It’s really fun, and even though the structure might feel a little repetitive, the short runtime helps the action flow fast & hard, plus even if you more or less figured out where it’s gonna go, there’s still plenty of unexpected and weird, over the top but also incredibly entertaining shit to keep the splatterworks and fun factor very high.

Final Verdict: Expresso

Space Monster Wangmagwi (1967) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Digging deep into the kaiju fishin’ hole of mid ’70s to late ’80s with this one, which i’m quite sure none of you has even heard of, Space Monster Wangmagwi.

And i can’t blame you because it was basically unheard of outside of South Korea until its 2022 international screening at the Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal, and released on home video in 2023… for US home video, but it’s something.

Ailing from South Korea and actually being the earliest surviving South Korean giant monster movie (as the original 1962 Pulgasari is considered lost, just its script surviving as part of the Korean Film Archive), being made during the later child-friendly phase of Godzilla’s Showa era, actually the same year of the second Toho produced King Kong film, King Kong Escapes.

It’s also kinda surprisingly cheap, right away it gives off that aura as it’s a late ’60s films… in black and white and with production values that make me think Prince Of Space didn’t look that bad, though the laughable “tin can suits” the aliens (which show very human eyes through the eyehole-visor part of their suits) wear doesn’t help, as does the very cheap look of the ships dials and obvious old school phones and shower caps covered in kitchen tinfoil.

Still better than the “airplane cockpit cum shover privacy curtain” of Plan 9, but with that opening scene setting the bar for the special effects pretty low, i was expecting the scubagorilla from Robot Monster to be the kaiju the aliens would unleash…. you’d wish.

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[EXPRESSO] The Last Viking (2025) | Brother Pepper

One thing i didn’t quite expected from cinema in the future is to spawn a “Beatles-borne/like” kind of subgenre, and i’m not even talking about the 4 upcoming films about the band by Sam Mendes, or Across The Universe. i’m talking about having the Beatles be the instrumental catalysts of unrelated films, for example Danny Boyle’s 2019 film, Yesterday, where a mediocre singer found himself isekai’d into a world where the Beatles never existed, while he does remember their songs.

Again, it’s a Doofenschirmz situation, it is weird it happened at least twice, this time for the sake of crime comedy, the Norwegian-Danish The Last Viking.

A criminal, Anker, after having paid his 15 years sentence for a bank heist, he comes home, planning to retrieve the loot as he had his autistic brother Mandred hide the money underground in a place they knew… problem is Manfred now believes himself to be John Lennon (among other things), so Anker has to deal with this and try to play along, travelling together to some childhood places of theirs in order to eventually make him remember where he hid the money.

Which might mean having to get the “Beatles” back together.

Obviously this leads Anker to confront his rooted family traumas and his difficult relationship with his brother Manfred, and the movie to tackle the themes of mental health, happiness, perception,, but also – and especially – acceptance of one self, finding solace in our own “madness” in face of a delusional reach for complete, unrealistic “real sanity” , through a lot of surreal bizarre characters, grotesque situations, and plenty of dark comedy.

And i do mean dark comedy, it’s funny and hearthwarming in the end, but even for a Nordic black comedy it can get so bleak to be almost depressing.

[EXPRESSO] If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (2025) | My (Speed) Tube

Definitely an A24 release, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a classic tale for the ages.

Linda isn’t just a mother, she is a psychotherapist that has to tend to her daughter, whose eating disorder has her eating through a tube in her stomach, bringing her daily to a daycare center, while her husband is constantly away due to his job as a ship captain.

She is already stretched beyond her limits, but then one day their apartment’ roof cracks open due to a water pipe collapsing, creating a huge hole and flooding their home, forcing Linda and her daughter to move to a squallid motel in the time being.

Making things even worse, Linda is aggravated by not only becoming even more of a drunkard, repairmen that vanish hence extending their stay at the motel, the medical staff attending to her daughter trying to get Linda to committ properly, one of her patients coming off even crazier than before, among other things pushing Linda well beyond any semblance of a breaking point long since gone.

It’s a fever dream depiction of parental stress, but while Linda is gunning for the “worst mother of the year” award hard as fuck, is also impossible to not emphatize with this woman that is really trying but its also unbelievably flawed and a complete mess of a parental figure, tearing herself apart trying to still cling to reason despite her destructive tendencies, commenting in how often even the safety nets for mental health issues are just not enough.

There are is some horror like-imagery, i guess because it’s a A24 film, though the film it’s just an almost surreal (but not quite) fever dream, an uncomfortable cavalcade into disaster that’s hard to look away from, thanks to Rose Byrne’s incredible performance.

[EXPRESSO] Hoppers (2026) | Mindjacking In Nature

While i skip most of Pixar’s (and Disney’s for that matter) output nowadays, i decided to give Jumpers a try even if the premise didn’t quite excite me.

The premise sees Mable, a young girl that loves animals and grew attached to a pond her grandma used to take her and relax with the sound of nature, trying to fight a local politician that is banking its campaign on expanding the highway by constructing over that very pond.

Much to Mable’s dismay, he can because the pond is actually devoid of animal life, but she finds out bringing in a beaver will make the other animals follow suite, and trying to do so, she discovers a secret university project where they use advanced robot animals and project their mind into these to infiltrate and monitor the fauna better.

She then forcefully “mind jacks” into the robot beaver using the device in an effort to make the animals swarm the pond and so demonstrate they can’t actually build over that habitat….

Gotta say, maybe Pixar isn’t completely washed up, because Jumpers is actually quite good.

First, it doesn’t take nowhere as long as expected for Mable to get into the “not Avatar” device and start journeying into the animal’s world, there is enough time spent to characterize Mable herself as a likeable young activist moved by actual love and respect for the animals, maybe a bit too much to understand some consequences, but well meaning, plus the animal world itself and its rules are actually more interesting than one would expect, harboring some genuinely surprising turns.

It’s an ecological fable that’s actually is more effective because it isn’t preachy, there are some fun designs and very cute animation quirks like the switching from realistic and “talking animals” vision of the events.

Final Verdict: Expresso

Monster Run (2020) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

While there are some old Taiwanese film i could have choose, i do like to eventually check in with some more modern film made by China, as in Mainland “Taipei is gonna be ours eventually” China, and maybe this time something that doesn’t exactly fall into the “web movie” Asylum-esque category, as in something actually meant for theathers.

Also, this bucks the general trend of these Chinese monster film being overly short, as this is almost 2 hours long… not for the best, but first, plot.

Which one would assume it’s like the starting chapter of Bleach but swapping the genders of Ichigo and Rukia, since Letterboxed’s synopsis is worded in a way that you’d assume this was based on a shonen manga of sorts, but nope, it’s actually about a girl, Ji Mo, an outcast due to her ability to see things no other people can. Not ghosts or spirits, but monsters, which of course made others think she’s just a psycho and for which she has been sent to the looney bin once before.

Her life changes when she meets a monster hunter, and discovers she has an important role to play in adverting a coming disaster…

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Giant Monster March is a-ready to go-go once more

FIY i also had a hands on ramble about the Virtual Boy accessory for Switch 1 and 2 that i planned to release earlier, but didn’t due to having to tie some uni knots, that article will still come out, for now we’re once again about to begin the now staple rubric of the blog, Giant Monster March, which will have some “obvious” picks alongside some a lot more obscure pulls this year.

I really wanted to make it extra this year but couldn’t due to the aforementioned universitary education business taking a lot of my time, but after all, the new Monsterverse Godzilla film is scheduled for 2027, so..

[EXPRESSO] Rental Family (2025) | Gacha Gaijin

Brendan Frasier is back in Hikari’s second feature lenght (the first being 37 Seconds), Rental Family, playing an american actor, Phillip Vandarplough, that has been living in Japan for a lot but now, despite some of his old commercials being very successful, struggles to find work and so takes on menial side roles in various shows and auditions for basically everything.

One day he finds himself hitched to play a role… at a funeral.

Where even the dead isn’t actually dead, just there in classic japanese funeral clothes, happy as a clam.

Turns out he accepted a bit part for an agency called Rental Family, that basically offers actors to impersonate a family member or friend by request, “renting” them for occasional performances, which of course sounds strange to Philipp, but has become a market niche in Japan due to various cultural reasons, including stigmatization of mental illness, meaning instead of going to teraphy, sometimes someone will hire you to be their granpa or soothe their shut-in life by calling you over as a friend to play videogames, among other things.

The company boss, Shinji, invites him on board, as they need a “gaijin” for the catalogue, and Philipp, more out of desperation than curiosity, decides to join them. After an almost botched first job, he gets the hang of it, but when he has to play the father of a japanese-american girl, Mia, for 3 weeks so she can get in a good school, Philipp does find himself more emotionally involved than the “farce” requires…

It’s a canned expression to say “the feel good film of”, but Rental Family does perfectly succeed in that, being inspiring, funny, emotional, and also properly tackle a modern, real problem, the evergrowing societal “loneliness epidemic”, without going for an unrealistic, overly positive ending.

[EXPRESSO] Scarlet (2025) | “Why Don’t You Ramlet?”

After debutting at 2025’s Venice Film Festival, Hosoda’s latest film, Scarlet, is releasing in theathers worlwide.

And to be honest i was ready to be disappointed, but you know, even Belle with its flaws was quite interesting, but Scarlet instead surpassed my expectations for the worse, and it pains me to say that it is, without a doubt, the worse Hosoda film ever, however you slice it.

The premise is not necessarily bad, at all, basically doing a genderbend version of Hamlet, but when the heroine Scarlet, fails to avenge her father’s death at the hands of her evil uncle Claudius, she finds herself in a limbo where souls gather after death, regardless of era or nation.

There is she informed by a strange shaman woman that her uncle Claudius is here too, and is amassing an army to stop others going to the “Infinite Lands” beyond the mountains, so she continues her quest for vengeance, helped by Hijiri, a pacifist paramedic from modern day Japan.

Scarlet it is the worse written Hosoda film ever, with a story that even by its own fantasy sci fi logic makes little sense, a super basic Hamlet deconstruction that has nothing to say and doesn’t proper explore anything, just throws in the air the usual waffling about the “futility of vengeance” and “the necessity of violence”, features incredibly dull, uninteresting characters and ends with one of the stupidest “optimistic” endings i’ve ever seen.

To make matters worse, it’s not even pretty, starting off strong with good 2D animation in the prologue but then it’s a constantly inconsistent flip-flopping between 2D and 3D CG animation, all looking astoningly cheap for a feature film by Hosoda’s Studio Chizu, with musical scenes meant to wow audiences being downright laughable and featuring generic, unispired music to boot.