12 Days Of Dino Dicember #38: Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985)

In a way, we’re breaking ourselves new ground in terms of dinosaur movies.

Technically.

What i’m getting at is that Massacre In Dinosaur Valley… doesn’t actually feature any dinosaur.

Come one, couldn’t even be arsed to reuse footage from a more recent dinosaur film? Sure as shit they couldn’t reuse footage from One Million B.C. Or the 1925 The Lost World, since this one is in color… because that would imply them spending time in colourizing the old b&w footage.

But yeah, i’m not surprised that some synopses do actually list anything BUT dinosaurs being into the actual film, because guess what, this isn’t a dinosaur film.

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[EXPRESSO] Overlord: The Sacred Kingdom (2024) | Lichdom: Battlemage

After the 4^th season of the anime, we got a Overlord film, depicting the Sacred/Holy Kingdom Arc that was discussed/teased but not shown during Season 4 itself.

For reference, the series is about a regular guy that get stuck in a VR MMORPG when the servers close, as its character, Momonga, an elder lich, with previous NPCs start acting on their own, including the servants/characters made by his fellow guild members basically electing him as supreme leader, and he’s basically forced to live up to their expectations while plotting schemes for world domination as the Overlord.

The plot here sees Momonga/Ainz Ooal Gown, finally having established its territory and himself as the “Sorcerer King” getting into an alliance with the Sacred Kingdom, needing help to slay the Demon Emperor Jaldabaoth that’s attacking them with his hordes of humanoid monsters..

Again, this is as about as good a synopsis as it gets without doing huge spoilers, and while it strikes a good compromise between being watchable on its own, since the story here presented (picking up the previously established but basically ignored “Jaldabaoth” storyline) has mostly original characters, provides enough closure, and you can guess/deduce some things… having context for the characters and situations definitely benefits the experience (since it doesn’t recap shit, just giving a very brief text explanation of the premise), which does deliver on both the spectacle, violence and some honestly fun, enjoyable “anime isekai non-sense”, including fantasy politics.

I was worried the animation might had the “CG-isms” seen in later Season 3 and Season 4… not as much, the animation isn’t notably better but you can tell there’s a bump in quality and direction to take advantage of it being a film, more battles to show the animation off, etc.

Quite satisfied with it, i must say.

The Super Ninja (1984) [REVIEW] | “Do You Remember, The 21th Night Of September?” Ninjas

Since this is also kind of a “ninja month” for me, time to dwelve deep back into the cut n paste ninjaexploitation we love to discuss here so much…. or is it really this time?

I mean, the movie it’s called The Super Ninja( but you can also find it titled as “Ninja Force”), it does have a different and confirmed director name on both IMDB and the Hong Kong Movie Database, it does fit the bill of a primo subject for the “Godfrey Ho cut-n-paste” treatment… but it’s NOT mostly made out of a different yet similar Taiwanese or Korean chrime thriller, there’s no stock footage lifted.

So, did i make a mistake, assuming this was another Godfrey Ho/Joseph Lai joing when it’s a completely random, stock footage-free ninja flick from the era that just happened to exist and get paired with IFD Films International’s output of super cheap ninja regigs of older, random asian films about crime, guns, or whatever

Because it was distributed under the other company name by Ho and Lai, Filmark International… and then just watching will trigger every flight or fight response by ninja film buffs, because it looks, feels and it’s even edited like the cut-n-paste colored ninja collages, but there’s no recognizable name in the credits that would make the connections made sense and obvious.

Then i found the name “Thomas Tang” attached as producer even in the “recent” italian DVD release by Freak Video, and all made perfect sense, because that is one of Godfrey Ho many film pseudonyms, stuff like the beloved “Elton Chong”, BUT that credit was just added in the international releases because – as already said – Filmark distributed the thing.

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[EXPRESSO] Terrifier 3 (2024) | A Terrifier HallowXmas

As an avid Terrifier fan that have been religiously followed the series since it debuted, i was so happy to learn Terrifier 3 was not only gonna be released in theathers here too, but also get a Halloween preview screening.

Terrifier 3 continues the story from where that delirious ending of the second film left us… not before a prologue of Art The Clown invading a house dressed as Santa to massacre them all, because its the third one, might as well also make it a killer Santa movie too.

That said, after the events of Terrifier 2 the two surviving siblings tried to move on, with the brother going to college and Sienna being released from a mental health clinic, but they both feel Art is somehow back, to the disbelief of everyone else…

It’s also the longest Terrifier film yet, reasonably so, as it does expand and explain the main lore and puts in prospective certain events from previous films, escalating even further the stakes and finding many creative ways for him and the deformed Vicky to be even more sadistic, morbid and graphic with the kills, which are even more excessive and depraved than before, running the gamut from classics like chainsaws, hammer, to animals and improptu murder gizmos.

It’s the kind of movie that should come with a barf bag, William Castle style, because it utterly unfliching, unbound and uncaring of who gets the axe (including some unexpected cameos) and how, before and after Art does his deranged mime routine and clown antics with gusto.

I would have given it the best vote i could for EXPRESSO if it was the final film in the series, would have been a perfect point to stop, but on the other hand i DO wanna see more of Art.

The Spooktacular Eight #23: Mutant Girls Squad (2010)

I planned to review Blood Friends for this year’s Spooktacular Eight, after finally seeing and reviewing Vlad Love earlier this year, but since i can’t manage to find some actual english subtitles for the thing and time is a-ticking, instead of a Mamoru Oshii film we’ll feature a Noburo Iguchi one, with Mutant Girls Squad.

Which is also co-directed by fellow gore-tastic filmmaker Yoshihiro Noshimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Helldriver, Vampire Girl VS Frankenstein Girl) but also Tak Sakaguchi, better known as an actor in many films, like Versus, Godzilla Final Wars, the Azumi films, and even some of the aforementioned Iguchi-Noshimura gore flicks, but he also directed a live action Otokojuku film adaptation and Yoroi: Samurai Zombie.

Here they direct a chapter of the three the movie is divided in, and you can tell which one did, definitely if you have previous experience with their works.

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[EXPRESSO] MaxXxine (2024) | La Sexorcisto, Volume 3

The last chapter of the X trilogy by Ti West, Maxxxine, has finally hit theathers.

FIY, i didn’t see Pearl (the prequel to X before going into Maxxxine, as it sadly never came out in theathers here (just direct to video), i had it on my “to watch list”, but i got sidetracked and stuff.

This is to say that you can go directly to see this after X, as it follows up the survivor girl, Maxine Minx (Mia Goth), now in the 1980s, with her wanting to break away from pornographic films (after a lot of success in the field) and break into the regular cinema biz, managing to finally get a part in a horror movie sequel, The Puritan II, during the height of the “Satanic Panic” scare, as a serial killer named “The Night Stalker” keeps murdering young women in the Hollywood hills…

Ti West once again does an excellent job of balancing out the period piece vibes (sleazy as expected and desired), the direct horror references and tributes, the cultural background of the making movie biz at the time, all without forgetting to deliver likeable characters, excellent gore effects and graphic content (including a Cannibal Ferox pre-cannibalism treatment, let’s just put it that way), a familiar but still enganging slasher storyline, with an excellent cast that also includes Elizabeth Debicki as the “Puritan II” movie director and Kevin Bacon as a sleazy ass private investigator.

It knows exactly how to please fans of the genre, how to play the retro card, and does so without ever feeling patronizing, it just knows exactly what it wants and does it with gusto, with convinction, with genuine love and passion for the subject matter, yet avoiding it being overly referential (or downright masturbatory) for its own sake.

Quite good.

[One Piece: Side Pieces | Retrospective] One Piece Episode A: Roronoa Zoro Falls Into The Sea & Nami VS Kalifa [REVIEW]

Yes, i’ve decide to review these two separately despite being included as bonus material in the volumes of Episode A’s manga… because they’re not part of the spin-off story, they are separate one-shot recreations of two specific fights in One Piece, but they’re also drawn by Boichi, so it makes sense to include them in there.

Imagine this as as addendum to the previous review, as a “Part 2”.

Roronoa Zoro Falls Into The Sea is indeed what you think it is, as it refers to the first (and so far last) time Zoro crossed blades with legendary swordman Dracule Mihawk during the early East Blue arcs (the Baratie one, in this case), which ended up with Dracule winning easily but deciding to ultimately spare Zoro’s life as he wanted to see his potential fulfilled and then eventually fight again as equals, as rivals.

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Cocaine Shark (2023) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

You know the saying, the last year’s sensation is still fresh when gimmicks barely add anything, and by gimmicks i mean the fact Cocaine Bear was actually a big b-movie studio release last year, so by that summer you know they had someone on speed-dial to make their own knock off with 1000 times less the budget.

And it’s telling that in the past The Asylum would have made the movie themselves, but this is modern Asylum, so the first to put the “cocained killer animal mockbuster” was Mark Polonia.

…. though even that isn’t really the truth, as it’s often the case, reality is quite disappointing, as Mark Polonia just happened to release a movie called (Crab Shark) that premiered the 29^th of January 2023 in Japan (apparently even actually got real screenings, which is far more unbelievable than a crab shark but it seems to be true), and he retitled it “Cocaine Shark” when releasing it in the US later that July, to capitalize on the sensation of Cocaine Bear.

Funnily beating the director of Cocaine Bear, Elizabeth Banks, to the punch in making a follow up with a shark, again based on an actual news story.

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[EXPRESSO] Monkey Man (2024) | Ramayana Revengeance

Dev Patel’s directorial debut, Monkey Man is a violent action thriller that it’s being sold as “indian John Wick”, which is both true as it does explain succintly the kind of movie you’re gonna see, but it’s not quite that.

Sure, it even acknlowedge John Wick is a film that exists diegetically, and there are some surface elements that are there almost to do a wink and a nod (a dog is involved at one point, for example), it’s pretty violent and graphic, but its more grounded and more akin to The Raid – as other have pointed out– which it’s also pretty good.

The plot sees the protagonist, Kid (played by Dev Patel), an anonymous man, becoming an avatar of justice and vengeance by donning a mask of Hanuman, a mythological monkey-man from the sacred indian epic, the Ramayana, after years of losing in a underground fight club, as he finds a way to avenge all the abuse he received and punish the corrupt men that were also behind the massacre of his family.

Aside from the protagonist actually having a more proper motivation and not starting out as an already legendary murder machine (so he does have to learn shit and plan out things more than which weapons to pick from a super armory), it also taps into Hindu mithology not just for the hell of it, but because the film is ultimately more about religious intolerance, the wide spread (and intertwined) corruption of police and religion in India, about literal, actual social justice.

Action it’s still a cathartic, bloody affair that feels quite visceral and fastifying, acting it’s excellent, you will barely feel its 2 hours runtime, so indeed, it’s a pretty damn good action thriller that’s inspired but not a copy of Keanu Reeves’ assassin extraordinarie.

[EXPRESSO] The Beekeeper (2024) | Sleeper Cell

Let’s start the year off with the new Jason Staham movie, The Beekeeper.

One merry day, a kindly but tech “un-savvy” old lady is scammed by one of those “call this number to recover your computer” operations, resulting in them draining all her money, even the 2 millions of the pro-bono teaching fund she was tasked with.

In utter despair, she commits suicide, and her daughter, working at the FBI, initially thinks is the man whom she found in her house, but he was simply her neighbour, a quiet man that worked as a beekeeper and was beyond grateful of the kindness bestowed upon him by the old lady.

So he sets out in a quest for revenge against those responsable, because he’s a beekeeper, but also a “beekeeper”, as the codename given to highly trained assassins, one-man army agents belonging to a super-secret government project, operating outside of the system to protect the system itself in case it becomes unstable or operated by bad actors.

Some very bad actors in this case, not that will stop Jason Staham to avenge her kindly neighbour by kicking ass, eventually crushing skulls and popping caps into anything that doesn’t wanna de-escalate scamming people, when the sheer magnitude of his one liners somehow doesn’t immediately scare the life out of the douchebag thugs and their untouchable masters.

It’s a decent action romp with some nice ideas that ultimately delivers a lot of satisfying graphic violence, the plot it’s essentially nothing new but the flair (and the “bee angle”) is nice enough, the action is enjoyably cheesy, and it’s a pretty straighforward narrative that doesn’t wast time nor tries to sequel bait.

It’s definitely better than most of the other movies Staham was in last year, this is decent, and very, very entertaining indeed.