Platformation Time Again #6: New Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja PS4

HISTORY

Fiction has more or less cemented the general vision of the prehistoric past as “caveman and dinosaurs” for entertaiment media as a whole, despite the fact our unshaven ancestors did not live at the same times as the dinosaurs, there’s no hunting down brachiosauruses when the things had gone extinct 65 millions years ago, or writing middling yet kinda charming newspaper comic strips (the fabled “western 4-koma”) that can change that.

But it was not reality; it was the 90s.

Indiana Jones discovered ancient shit every so often, and Jurassic Park ignited the dino craze… no, the dino mania, got the fever for these ancient creatures sky high, and Data East, a company mostly dealing in pinball machines but also occasionally videogames, was more than happy to oblige and carpe the dino diem quick and hot, by releasing Joe & Mac: Tatakae Genshijin (the original japanese subtitle translating roughly “Caveman Fight”), better known worldwive as Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja or simply Caveman Ninja.

The “Ninja” in the title is there because the 80s craze with the japanese born assassins still made for attractive videogame marketing, as fun and crazy as it would have been to have a game subtitled “Caveman Ninja” to actually have caveman ninjas…it’s just marketing.

But boy it worked, as Joe & Mac proved to be a smash hit for Data East, a very big hit (so big you couldn’t avoid it going into arcades even in my country as well), so much that many ports followed for basically every system of the era, including the NES (which was quite old back then) and many home computers, not the usual for a Data East game, so much it cameoed in Tumblepop, had a spin-off in the vein of Tumblepop itself, Joe & Mac Returns and eventually spawned sequels.

For reasons i will explain later, this also – if indirectly – counts as a review of the original Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja game that released in arcades and today can be found as a Switch download, part of the Johnny Turbo branded series of releases…. Well, could.

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The Spooktacular Eight # 30: Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead (2012)

Can’t believe we’re finally doing this, but after post-poning it for years and basically featuring every other Noburo Iguchi film, it’s time to go deeper into the septic tank with one of the lesser known films from the well known (among the expected circles) gonzo gorefest-pink film-tokusatsu extraordinarie director, his Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead.

What a fuckin title. Can’t say you didn’t know what it was about when you walked in.

I would love to play the “what has this blog gone to?” bit more but i was this close to feature Monsturd in a previous Spooktacular Eight, but didn’t, not yet, hope this literal zombie shit fest will do as i also consider it kinda the “cut off” film for Iguchi, even though he didn’t actually stop making films like these, heck, the same year as Zombie Ass he also directed the aptly titled segment “Fart” for ABCs Of Death, and his last movie is 2023’s romance anthology Tales Of Bliss And Heresy.

So while his career didn’t die, i guess the foreign fan and specialized press interest around japanese horror gorefest with ludicrous premises, excessive displays and absurd special effects kinda petered out around that time, and i would assume this would be the case in Japan too, though that didn’t stop other directors to put out similar stuff like Bloody Delinquent Chainsaw Girls live action adaptation (which i didn’t know got two sequels in 2019, taking notes).

Enough foreplay, what is Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead about?

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Platformation Time Again #5: Yooka Laylee PS4

HISTORY

I’ve played Banjo Kazooie to completition. Twice.

Both on the N64 and the XBLA release pre-Rare Replay.

I’m prefacing this because i definitely fit the profile, i am the target demographic for retro plaftormers like Yooka Laylee, as i love the original Banjo Kazooie, like its sequel and even enjoyed that oversprawling excess that is Donkey Kong 64, and i love 3D collecthathon platformers from the early days of PS and Nintendo 64, especially if made by Rareware/Rare.

Heck, i love them so much i made this rubric. Twice.

When it was announced on Kickstarter, i was excited at the idea of a spiritual sequel to Banjo Kazooie, made by a team of ex-Rare employees, and they also got Grant Kirkhope back for the soundtrack. But i didn’t back it because the idea of Kickstarter and crowdfunding was still new to me, so i just waited for the game to come out.

Which eventually did, to mixed reception.

In hindsight, Yooka Laylee does deserve a spotlight and a place in the history of platforming games, but not for the reasons Playtonic might have liked.

To give some of the younger readers context, back then we were excited because Kickstarter projects would swoop in and serve a specific “niche” of games the big companies simply didn’t made anymore, as in they were chasing the more modern gaming trends of their time.

One of these “underserved niches” was definitely collecthaton platformer in the style of the late 90s and of the 3D kind, as 2D style retro platformer were already starting to get made for the audience that craved them, and aside from Nintendo franchises, 3D platformers as a whole were old hat, left behind by most of the industry as it hurled ever more into F2P monetization and “services”.

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Bill Viola’s Hatsu Yume (First Dream) (1981) [REVIEW] | Perchance To Dream Fish

So, i’m not gonna lie, this is kinda out of left field, because i sure wasn’t familiar with Bill Viola’s work before i decided to do some research for this review, and still don’t know much, this isn’t exactly my field of expertise, but i figured it would be interesting, it sure was one of the strangest DVD finds ever.

Yeah, someone dropped at one my local flea markets this DVD (french edition but with english text on the back of the box) release of Hatsu Yume (First Dream) by Bill Viola, had no idea what it was but for 3 bucks, sure, it looks and sound interesting enough.

Sometimes while thrifting, among the piles of shitty editions of movies you already own (and discard age old editions of FIFA or PES titles, especially here), you can find something interesting, so keep perusing, you never know.

You might find even rare old ass avant-garde American videoart on physical media.

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The Machine (2013) [REVIEW] | Social Credit Cyborgs

Time for some random sci-fi movie i put in my Amazon Prime Video watchlist months-to-years ago to actually get seen, and the dice chose 2013’s The Machine by director Caradog D. James.

In the future, the United Kindgom is on the verge of war against China over the Taiwan issue, and in an underground military base, a scientist produce a cybernetic implant that allows brain damaged soldiers to regain lost functions, with the first test subjects showing lack of empathy and memory loss, but eventually the research leds to better cyborgs, which loses the ability to speak but develop an even more efficient method of comunication amongst them.

the project might even go one step further when a new researcher, Ava, is brought on board for her work on IA, despite the lab director being wary of her countercultural opinions on the subject, as her talent might lead to finally develop a self-aware and conscious android.

Needless to say, something goes wrong along the way, it’s a sci-fi film about cyborgs and it doesn’t exactly sound original…. like at all.

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Cyber Lip (Arcade Archives Neo Geo) NSWITCHDDL | Insain In The Main Brain

Before SNK dedicated itself to make a LOT of fighting games (with a lot of classics, admittely), their output included also action platformers, and run n gun, even before hitting the jackpot with their beloved Metal Slug series, which i’m a really tempted to do a retrospective on… again, since clearly modern SNK it’s more interested in F2P titles that often reuse a lot of assets from the golden age of the series.

So to quench my thirst i searched my Arcade Archives library on the ol’ Switch for some similar Neo Geo run n gun goodness… and noticed i had but didn’t actually play Cyber Lip yet.

It’s referred to as a Metal Slug “clone”, which is incorrect but there’s some truth to it, since Metal Slug itself was fashioned after Contra, so it makes sense a SNK pre-Metal Slug game in that vein does play like Contra, down to the latching into poles on ceilings and stuff, with a boss being a shameless rip-off, but i guess its fine since Contra Shattered Soldier later had a “giant eyed boss” you fight by hanging on a pipe like the one you fight here.

Poetry, indeed.

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Platformation Time Again: Fall Pac

So i was gonna review Pandemonium (the first one) this coming september, but schedule woes and the kinda surprising announcement of the Pac Man World 2 remastered (as Pac Man World 2 Re-Pac) of last week had me opting for the almost complete review i already had in the bag for the remaster of the first Pac Man World game.

Even though i would have liked to feature a 2D platformer before getting back to the 3D ones, and then review the originale release of Yooka Laylee when we would have gotten a date for its remaster-remake, i have a lot to say about that… but guess there’s no rush, in a way.

And yes, i didn’t quite expect it since while PCW Re Pac did sold decently, i’d figured Namco wasn’t gonna bother remastering the other 2 Pac Man World titles… but guess we’re getting the whole trilogy.

And that weird Pac Man metroidvania thingie, Shadow Labyrinth.

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Bladestorm Nightmare PS4 [REVIEW] | The Hundred Years Grind

Ah, yes, Bladestorm, the ginger step-child born of enabling Omega Force to once again make something that isn’t a Warriors game (it’s worth remembering they once did also do fighting games and RPGs, among others), yet isn’t one of Koei historical turn based grand strategy titles like Nobunaga’s Ambition or Uncharted Waters, but more like a real-time Kessen.

This time around we’re taking a break from the Three Kingdoms, Sengoku era Japan or Asian history in general, as we’re going back to the middle ages, yes, but Europe this once, in the 14^th and 15^th centhury, to revisit the events of the Hundred Years War between France and England.

And of course this comes with a big, gynormic “loosely based on” sticker, because it’s a videogame, it’s a videogame based on historic events by the Dynasty Warriors developer, so you already know historical accuracy isn’t gonna be on the table as the main course, or barely at all, because who gotta have historical figures like Gilles Rais and John Talbot interact, and also give them very flamboyant anime style design… why the fuck not?

The plot is told mostly in cutscenes (that develop the various character arcs and of course take a lot of liberties in terms of characterization for the historical figures represented, designs aside), as your player customized character is just another dude in a mercenary band that happens to be involved in the conflict at hand and participate in both “trivial” and important battles of the war, with the option to side with either faction and also save Joanne D’Arc, if you want.

This was true for the original PS3/360/PC release of the game back in 2007, but we’re tackling the expanded port for PS4/X-Box One/Steam, Bladestorm: Nightmare, the PS4 version specifically (as apparently the PC port of this that’s on Steam is shit on a stick, and being an older Koei PC port, yeap, i believe it), which adds some features but mostly a new fantasy campaign that gives this release its new subtitle, Nightmare, which we will tackle later.

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Dynasty Warriors Gundam PS3 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

I don’t think Mobile Suit Gundam needs an introduction, given its one of the more popular and old mecha franchises that are still around, arguably THE mecha franchise if there ever was one.

You know it, you love it… i mostly kinda experienced it via osmosis, as i never fully bothered to be invested in any of its many iterations, be it the classic 0079 original, the Z Gundam one, the super deformed Three Kingdoms ones, the ones about milfs and kids building Gunplas.

Or the space tomato lesbian one. Or whatever the new Gundam series that will come out in the meantime of me posting and you reading this will be about.

I didn’t even plan to ignore Gundam, i just never really went deep into any of its iterations, as it happened, and – as i think i’ve said before – i’m actually way more familiar with frigging Sgt. Frog (yes, Keroro) than actual Gundam, so it both kinda counts and not really counts at the same time, meaning i’ve been told the series is about the horrors of war more than the cool robots… but the robot do LOOK cool, there’s no anti-memery (or counter arguments, and so on) to argue that at simple skin deep fact, them mobile suits design are legendary stuff.

So in a way i’m really not “qualified”… or i was, because this did serve as a gateway entry for me, sure i love them Dynasty Warriors, make them cool looking robots instead of superhero fantasy warlords, just as good, or even better, i will finally learn what the fuck the original Gundam and some other of its series are about with Dynasty Warriors Gundam, why not?

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Platformation Time Again #2: Asterix & Obelix XXL Romastered PS4

I originally reviewed this game to celebrate the release of the latest Asterix & Obelix live action film at the time, that being Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom, but it was before i fully decided to reboot this rubric, and since i was gonna cover Asterix & Obelix XXL 2, i’d figured i would “remaster/remake” the old review, thought it’s so expanded and has more than enough and more in-depth writing it’s almost new one, BUT since the old review it’s quite recent, i didn’t feel the need to completely throw out everything, i’m pointing this out if this feels like deja-vu.

It is. Kinda.

Also, FIY, i will try to use both original and localized names for the characters, for clarity.

HISTORY

This is one of those series that is huge in many regions but since it never properly took off in North America, it may look like it’s a thing that’s “huge in Europe but nowhere else” (especially given how the perception skewed the US as the only place where things happen or matter), but Asterix & Obelix is one of the longest running comic book series and one of the most popular of all time, to the point its being only outsold and out-translated by One Piece, worlwide.

I grew up with these, as it was hugely popular in Italy as well (irony noted) as France, Belgium, the UK, and basically anywhere that wasn’t America, even though most of the later animated films did see some kind of US release (of the live actions one i think only Asterix And The Middle Kingdom, the most recent one, saw a Netflix release in US territories), and there’s a Netflix exclusive animated series adaptation of Asterix The Big Fight coming later this year, in the hope of feeding a US fanbase of the series that i’m sure is there and its fuckin starved in terms of official releases.

Just in case, let’s go over the basic premise.

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