[EXPRESSO] Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom (2023) | Wrath Of Black Manta

I quite enjoyed the first Aquaman film, a phrase i’d never expect to write down ever, so yeah, why not a sequel, which thankfully ignores all the DCEU reboot kerfluffle.

No need to known any of that, just having watched the first film, and in this direction continuation we see Arthur Curry having trouble living his double life as a father taking care of his son on the surface, and having to deal with the taxing diplomatic duties of Aquaman, king of Atlantis.

While trying to fix his suit and continue his quest for revenge against Aquaman, David Kane (aka Black Manta) discovers an underwater set of ruins in Antarctica, finding a mystical trident and a material known as Orichalcum, which he uses to power his newfound stash of Atlantean technology also lying in the ruins…

This leads to climate change-based disasters, forcing Aquaman to secretly free its previously imprisoned half-brother Orm in order to find Black Manta and stop his plans…

James Wan it’s back on the director’s chair, and he does manage to expand on the worldbuilding, with many varied locations (including the titular lost kingdom), squeezing a lot of story, action scenes, while also making Black Manta more the proper villain than the “accidental” one it was in the first movie, though that’s kinda undermined by the revelations about the Black Trident.

Which i don’t mind too much since it lets Wan infuse some horror elements in the mix, i’m always up for that, and the movie does manage to fit a lot in 2 hours while feeling just long enough.

Maybe it’s not better than the first, but it’s still a lot of fun, dumb fun, if you must, with a hearthy attitude about action fantasy superhero shenanigans that aims to give the viewers its all.

[EXPRESSO] Wish (2023) | “Feel the power of my MAAAGICKK!”

I was gonna skip this entirely, but since this is the animated film Disney chose to celebrate the company 100^th anniversary, i feel bound to cover it.

And it’s a special movie, but for the all the wrong reasons, as it’s a perfect crystalization of the company’s modern status, where the movie you’d rather see is the one lost in the original drafts, not the final product apparently assembled by focus groups and marketing than imagined by creatives.

The plot is about a guy named Magnifico that learned magic and created an ideal city, Rosas, on a island somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea, where he rules and fulfills the wishes his citizens entrust him.

But not all wishes can be granted, as her apprentice-to-be Asha founds out when the wish of his 100 yo granpa is still unfulfilled, then she accidentally summons a real star, making Magnifico paranoid enough to use a book of forbidden magic…

It’s a very arrogant movie that isn’t interested in pleasing its viewers, too busy up its own arse pulling a disgusting amount of Disney references and stuck wallowing in nostalgia to the detriment of everything else, while also exhibiting all the negative-cliched traits associated with Disney animated films, like overuse of musical segments, the talking animals, etc.

Plus it’s just plain uninspired, derivative, boring, the characters are utterly uninteresting and istantly forgettable, and while there was some potential, it’s all brought down by a senseless “magic system” that’s at the center of the story, even diegetically makes little to no sense and renders the final message moot.

The animation is good (even if the style reminds one of a 3DCG Netflix anime) and it’s a short sit, but this is just utter, recycled, cynical mediocrity that’s almost insulting coming from Disney, even modern Disney.

[EXPRESSO] Wonka (2023) | Dagashi Kashi KING

Wasn’t sold on Chalamet as a “young Willy Wonka”, but i grew curious as i learnt it was from the director and team behind the Paddington movies… even though i never did saw them, but regardless, i gave this prequel-reboot story a punt and i did walk away pleasantly surprised.

Though you have to approach it fully aware this isn’t even trying to imitate the older, far more popular and iconic Gene Wilder-starring adaptation of Dahl’s story, but clearly keeping it in mind, as this modern take deliberatly downplays the frothing vein of cynicism of the 1971 movie adaptation, going for a far more positive, whimsical and wholesome tone that both fits the source material and actually manages to invent a worthwhile origin story for the wonderful wizard of candy, the dagashi kashi king of ye old fantasy Europa.

The origin story in question has him arrive in a city where the major chocolate manufacturers show off their products, getting hoodwinked into pretty much life-long debt, but he finds friends in an orphan girl named Noodle and the other people tricked into working laundry, that help him concoct a plan to still sell chocolate, despite the city’s big nose chocolate moguls working hard to have him gone for good at any cost…

It’s very, very cute and wholesome, the musical numbers are still a sizeable part of the movie and those here are also quite charming, the plot doesn’t overcomplicate things, the 2 hours runtime is supported by good pacing so never feels overwhelming, Chalamet does a very good job depicting a young, overly naive and quirky weirdo chocolate salesman-inventor-street magician Willy Wonka, and the rest of the cast (including Rowan Atkinson as a glutton priest and Keegan-Michael Kay as a rotund police chief) also delivers with some delightful overacting.

Pinocchi-O-Rama #11: Pinocchio AKA The Erotic Adventures Of Pinocchio (1971)

If you go to the Wikipedia page for the original Pinocchio book, you will notice many entries in the Films and Related sections.

As the time of writing, there’s a notable omission, as in, The Erotic Adventures Of Pinocchio, made in 1971, directed by Corey Allen, one that i swore was in the Wikipedia page before, and one i knew about long before Wikipedia was even a thing.

One that i knew will have to eventually be featured here, and as much i pushed it back down the list for Pinocchiorama… i don’t wanna talk about it around Christmas (and/or equivalent festivies), and i promised some variety to this retrospective, so time to get soft… core.

I mean, let’s get this clear right away: this is a soft-core porn parody of Pinocchio, one that was bound to eventually exist anyway due to the character phallicular nosejobbery.

On the flipside, i don’t have to worry about blackboxing any of the screenshots, so…

For various reasons, one would expect what’s basically a porno spoof to reinvent the original material in a comedic und sexual fashion, though “reinvent” implies a level of creativity that might be a little above crap like Gums, the bar isn’t much higher but we can get lower, down to the abyss of the Super Hornio Bros movies (yes plural) or stuff that the Cinema Snob has reviewed in bucket loads, gaining the unenviable nightmares of a female ET or the cardiatic arrest of a Strokemon.

Knowledge isn’t always benevolent, after all, hopefully the aforementioned paragraph does not trigger any ‘Nam flashback in you, or sparks some morbose tendency.

Who can really say….

Continua a leggere

Anthem PS4 [REVIEW-FUNERAL DIRGE] | EA’s Dark Void

We’ve reviewed the horrific and turdular legend of Devil’s Third in October, so since today’s is Allsaints here, let’s speak of the dead, with another review-funeral dirge.

A really long one, too, because we’ll burying this one deep, just to be extra sure.

Don’t take a drink every time i mention Destiny, don’t, your liver will thank me.

And yes, while you can still buy and play Anthem, since physical copies are ubercheap and overabundant, the servers are still live with no announced plans of shutting them down… it is a formality, a pure technicality, air escaping from the lungs instead of his ass, just bring them out when Eric Idle shows up. Or just throw him on the cart as well, again, it’s for the better at this point.

FIY, i followed the absolute disaster this game was, saw it being discussed and unanimosuly declared absolute trash, i red the Jason Schreier’s editorial, i saw the dumpster fire blink at the edge of Alpha Centauri, etc. So i knew the shitshow this game caused, and i eventually picked up a PS4 copy new for 8 bucks from Amazon, because i knew i wanted another unholy artifact in my game collection, sitting next to other abandoned – and most likely by now unplayable – garbage fires.

I saw them announcing the “3 acts” and then backtrack that to oblivion, but i mostly enjoyed this game the best way, the recommended way: not playing it and seeing it discussed and torn apart by pretty much everybody, with even the more positive folks betraying the fact that this was another live-service disaster piece of crap.

The Fallout 76 of 2019, if you will.

But still, i didn’t bother to actually play it yet, as i waited to see if their last attempt to turn it around with a new version called “Anthem Next” (basically attempting a No Man Sky’s tale) would be given the greenlight. Every sign pointed to no, but Evolve Phase 2 did happen (and died not even a year in, but still), so i wasn’t ruling out the slim possibility of it happening. Not yet.

To no one’s surprise, Anthem Next wasn’t approved so then i decided to take out the PS4 disc, install it, let it patch itself to playability, and actually play it now that’s officially a living dead horse, just waiting for EA to kill it 100 % dead by closing the server and making it totally unplayable to anyone else in the future. Dear god, how i hate this industry and its clear malign lack of any interest in preserving its own history. I genuinely hate the “anti-archivism” built into these games.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Inu Oh (2022) | Rock The Biwa

Masaaki Yuasa is back in cinemas after 2019’s Ride Your Wave, as in it finally hit theathers here, and this time he’s ready to bring in a tale of Heike era Japan’s Sergent Pepper Magical Mystery Tour, minus the Earth Wind And Fire collab and the quest for the musical instruments, but with fantasy elements set to blow the minds of the 14^th centhury Japan’s musical scene.

Set in ye old medieval Japan, the movie follows the friendship of a blind musician Tomona, and a physically deformed dancer that calls himself Inu Oh (“Dog King”), as they travel through the Ashigaka era, performing in an odd troupe and rising to fame to their artistical prowess, despite them being ostracized by society for their appearances and differences..

It’s a fantastic and creative take on jidai-geki narrative, posing the question of what would it be if a rock n roll revolution swept through 14^th centhury japan, with the protagonists not only expressing themselves though fame and success, but also being literal mediums of ghosts from the Heike era that just want their stories told, to be heard, even if they don’t belong in the approved history chronicles the government is redacting and enforcing for the sake of unification.

It’s a beatifully, psychedelic animation musical that pays homage to classic rock music but doesn’t just pay lip service through the surreal and stylish visuals Yuasa is known for (handled masterfully by Science Saru), the amazing musical numbers as they retell the stories of spirits that history forgot, an ode to the ones on the margin, the rejects, the exponged, and how despite everything, someone will come to give them a voice, to tell their tales through the power of art.

All in a packed yet concise 100 minutes runtime.

A masterpiece, highly recommended.

One Piece Pirate Warriors 4 – Additional Episode 1 “Yamato’s Adventure” PS4 [DLC REVIEW]

I initially misread that Namco/Koei planned to release all the 3 episodes in the pack by the end of September 2023…. but it’s actually September 2024, so instead of reviewing all the episodes packs at once, i will do mini-reviews for each of them as most likely they’re gonna accompany the release of the other 2 DLC Character Packs.

I will also release a “review addendum” after the Character Pass 2 and all the additional episodes release, because as Namco made a new bundle for the game and all (available and announced) DLC called “Ultimate Edition”, so it’s fairly logical to guess they don’t plan to do more with Pirate Warriors 4, for better or worse.

Regardless, these episodes are surprisingly cheap, with the Yamato one here costing 3 bucks on its own, and the complete pack of 3 episodes going for 7 bucks.

Continua a leggere

Pinocchi-O-Rama #9: The Adventures Of Buratino (1975)

For this month’s issue of Pinocchi-O-Rama, we’re going back to a “combo mix” of sorts.

We’ve seen live action adaptations, we’ve seen adaptations of the russian version of the novel, The Adventures Of Buratino/The Golden Key, we’ve seen musical adaptations.

So yeah, time to squish them all together for this 1975’s forgotten cult classic Soviet live action children musical TV movie adaptation of Buratino/Pinocchio shenanigans, made by Belarusfilm and released as a 2-parter, because media trends are cyclical after all.

Thankfully there’s no waiting for the climax as it’s almost a 50 yo adaptation, a fairly obscure one that thankfully can be found with hardcoded english subtitles on Youtube (fittingly spit in 2 parts, as well), and at the time of posting still is.

Continua a leggere

One Piece Pirate Warriors 4: DLC Pack 4 PS4 [REVIEW]

Here we are with the first round of the new character DLC packs for Pirate Warriors 4, as heavily promised before.

The 4^th Character Pack is titled “Battle Of Onigashima”, and it features 2 “Onigashima variants/versions” of characters already available in the base game, with Battle Of Onigashima Luffy, Battle of Onigashima Kaido, and more interestingly, Yamato, the offspring of Kaido that has proclaimed to carry on the will of the late Oden in a very direct manner.

As for why now, well, it’s not real surprise that the Pirate Warriors games’ storyline are also made in a way to avoid accidental spoilers for the One Piece anime audience, so yeah, it makes sense they had to wait until the Gear 5 episode to introduce this powered up version of Luffy, after all that’s the reason Pirate Warriors 4 has an original story for the Land Of Wa arc, and Pirate Warriors 3 invented a new scenario for the Dressarosa stages as well.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Lonely Castle In The Mirror (2022) | Castle Club

The more recent movie from Keichii Hara (Colorful, Miss Hokusai, Summer Days With Coo, various Crayon Shin Chan movies), finally getting a limited theatherical release here.

The premise see a shy outcast girl, Kokoro, that one days sees the mirror in her room glow, only to be magically drawn into a fantasy castle, where other six teens like her where also invited. A mysterious girl in a wolf mask tells them that if they find the key hidden in the castle, one can get its greatest wish granted.

Though, anyone that breaks the rules of the castle will get eaten by a wolf.

Lonely Castle In The Mirror is what i would describe as an incredibly, slow, SLOW burner that hinges on the third act twist and the revelations it holds to make it all worthwhile, and actually DOES fixes issues you’ve might had, as initially less interesting or banal elements of the plot gain new meaning, and characters actually becoming complete as we learn their whole story and their role in the “grand scheme”.

Animation aside, which is fine but also kinda unremarkable, especially for a feature lenght.

Also, while the ending is fairly powerful and the third act elevates the movie, it doesn’t fix the fact you still have to sit though some mild teen anime school melodrama about characters that feel relatable but not really interesting, wondering why even have fantasy elements at all, and having to contend with what – initially- feels like a direction-less stroll.

Even with these flaws, the ending serves perfectly the exploration of themes such as teen isolation, bullying, escapism and trauma, makes all plot threads and character arc collide and complete, and does pack quite the emotional – and througly earned – punch.

Definitely worth a watch, at the very least.