Ape VS Mecha Ape (2023) [REVIEW] #giantmonstermarch

As we all knew it, the adventures of “untrademarked simian monster” would continue after his debut against “copyright free atomic dinosaur”, after all Ape Vs Monster was one of the few new modern Asylum movies that people gave a shit aknowledging at all, as they basically resorted to rip-off themselves for the most part, but that’s another review, and with Jagged Edge Productions now outilining clearly their shared cinematic universe called Twisted Childhood (planned to end with Poohniverse: Monster Assemble in 2025) after unleashing the first Winnie The Pooh slasher, Winnie The Pooh Blood & Honey… the Asylum spirit lives on stronger and worse than ever.

For todays’ feature though we have to kinda go back to Toho’s handling of the Kong property during the 1960s, as after the first King Kong VS Godzilla there was a follow-up… as in, Toho made another King Kong monster film back in 1967, King Kong Escapes, again a Japanese-American collaboration, but not a sequel to King Kong VS Godzilla (which is even funnier considering that film too ignored everything but the first Godzilla film), that would make some sense.

No, instead it was based more around the animated children TV series The King Kong Show, a collaboration between Toho and Rankin Bass, co-produced by Videocraft International and Toho Animation, and featured – in the japanese kaiju tradition – a mecha antagonist version of the protagonist monster, called Mekani-Kong, created by an evil genius called Dr. Who, not fans of the BBC show, but more of the then common asian evil genius scientist-mastermind, as popularized in Bond films and spy flicks of the era in general, with the obviously attached racism.

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[EXPRESSO] Godzilla Battle Line iOS | Army Mon’

So, you may or may not remember i tried to review this one alongside the other two mobile smartphone free-to-play Godzilla games Toho put out in 2021, the now (thankfully, as it was ugly and very, very shite) defunct Godzilla Destruction and the weird Uma Musume-ish training sim Run Godzilla.

Problem is that Battle Line didn’t work on my smarthphone, try as i might it would just crash after it booted, every single time. Almost 3 years later, with the prospect of the new Monsterverse film that will have Godzilla and Kong “collab” (and 2024 marking Godzilla’s 70^th anniversary), i went to see if it was still available to download… and yes, for some fuckin reason now it works, despite my smarthphone being fairly outdated, better late than never.

Godzilla Battle Line is actually a decent little RTS-thingie where you battle other human players by placing down what are basically toy-sized monsters, vehicles and weapons from the Godzilla franchise, all to overwhelm the other leader monster on the opposite side of the battle grid while defending yours.

Despite the cheapish production values, i do like the “playing with Godzilla toys on a diorama” aesthetic, there is some depth to it, over time it has had many updates (the latest adding Godzilla Minus One content), and despite the focus on versus matches, there’s also a single player mission-based mode.

Sure, its a gacha with a “battle pass”, some obnoxious in-game ads, i’ve heard cheaters are a thing…. hard to tell because right now the game it’s nearly unplayable, is THAT unstable, prone to crashes and costant disconnections at any time.

When it works, it’s actually a fun lil’ game, the free to play elements aren’t the worst, so if you’re into Godzilla it’s worth a punt at the very least.

[EXPRESSO] Dune Part 2 (2024) | …The Punishment Due

After being delayed, the second part of Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation of Dune is finally in theathers, and again, i’m putting out there i didn’t read the novel, and oddly didn’t even saw the Lynch take on Herbert’s book, so take that into account, if you want.

After the fall of the Atreides castle and slaughtering of most of his family and friends by the rival house of the Harkonnen, Paul Atreides survives by escaping and entering the ranks of the Fremens, the sand-dwelling bluey eyed natives of the planet Arakkis, learning their ways, while waiting for a chance at revenge, and tormented by horrendous visions of a future holy war and a prophecy that points to him as the likely messiah the Fremens had been waiting for, while the Emperor and the mystical order of priestesses plot more political upheaval and prepare for conflict….

Like the first part, it’s a lot of stylish and inspired visuals (to the point i’d kinda wish i went for an IMAX screening, instead of a regular one), great characters, amazing spectacle, enthralling narrative.. let’s cut the crap, it’s amazing stuff, maybe even better than part 1, and a great pay-off that will make the almost 3 hours runtime go by swimmingly, as it’s packed but not just “dense”.

While the ending teases as this just being the beginning (fitting as the original Dune book series counted six books by his creator-writer Frank Herbert,) and i do want to see more, it actually does provide an incredible conclusion to this story, so you get closure but also one hell of a scenario to close on that will make you want to see how things will continue forwards after such a powerful, really epic finale.

Terrific stuff, some of the best sci-fi cinema in a while.

Wario Ware: Move It! NSWITCH [REVIEW] | Even Smoother Moves

To my delight, Nintendo decided to make more Wario Ware games after the welcome but kinda disappointing Wario Ware: Get It Together, and i gonna indulge myself, so the new installment, Wario Ware: Move It!, released very early last November, and it’s getting a full review as well, even if far, far later i originally planned, you can’t stop the garlic fueled madness after all.

So let’s WAH!

At least if you have either a normal Switch or its OLED revision, because Nintendo has decided this one you’re gonna play with the joycon detatched from the Switch, or you’re not gonna play at all.

So yeah, don’t bother with this one if you have a Switch Lite, you won’t be able to play this one at all, it straight up ain’t compatible…. except it is, kinda, you’ll have to buy or own extra Joy-Cons and use the screen of the console in “table mode”, which also means the multiplayer modes are completely off as they require the console to go into TV mode, which the Switch Lite can’t do.

And i don’t see them patching some kind of buttons and analogic control scheme later, because this is basically a follow up to the Wii iteration of the series, Wario Ware: Smooth Moves, as it built and depends upon motion controls, heck, it even forces to put the switch straps on the Joy-Cons as some minigames actually have you deliberately drop, place them on a surface or have them hanging around your wrist…. so yeah, this will rightfully enrage a lot of people.

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[EXPRESSO] Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom (2023) | Wrath Of Black Manta

I quite enjoyed the first Aquaman film, a phrase i’d never expect to write down ever, so yeah, why not a sequel, which thankfully ignores all the DCEU reboot kerfluffle.

No need to known any of that, just having watched the first film, and in this direction continuation we see Arthur Curry having trouble living his double life as a father taking care of his son on the surface, and having to deal with the taxing diplomatic duties of Aquaman, king of Atlantis.

While trying to fix his suit and continue his quest for revenge against Aquaman, David Kane (aka Black Manta) discovers an underwater set of ruins in Antarctica, finding a mystical trident and a material known as Orichalcum, which he uses to power his newfound stash of Atlantean technology also lying in the ruins…

This leads to climate change-based disasters, forcing Aquaman to secretly free its previously imprisoned half-brother Orm in order to find Black Manta and stop his plans…

James Wan it’s back on the director’s chair, and he does manage to expand on the worldbuilding, with many varied locations (including the titular lost kingdom), squeezing a lot of story, action scenes, while also making Black Manta more the proper villain than the “accidental” one it was in the first movie, though that’s kinda undermined by the revelations about the Black Trident.

Which i don’t mind too much since it lets Wan infuse some horror elements in the mix, i’m always up for that, and the movie does manage to fit a lot in 2 hours while feeling just long enough.

Maybe it’s not better than the first, but it’s still a lot of fun, dumb fun, if you must, with a hearthy attitude about action fantasy superhero shenanigans that aims to give the viewers its all.

[EXPRESSO] Five Nights At Freddy’s (2023) | Children Of Chuck E. Cheese

I kinda didn’t want to review this one for various reasons, but i did review The Flash movie after all, so let’s get this over with, shall we?

And FIY, i barely known anything about the games, i’ve seen some gameplay but i don’t know anything about this weird lore the series supposedly has running through, just the basic premise of the games, as in, it’s about a person employed as a night guard for an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese styled pizza place-kids entertaiment center, where the animatronics mysteriously still walk around its grounds and attack anyone they find in their roamings….

Kinda surprised it took so long for the series that basically invented the “mascot horror” subgenre to have its feature lenght film out, so long that a horror version of the Banana Splits came along, and we even had Nicolas Cage join into the mascot massacre fun with Willy Wonderland.

And honestly, in itself, it’s not very good… though i don’t think it’s very bad either.

Production value are fairly high, the animatronics look good and have a substantial presence on screen, though it takes a while for the movie to show and have the animatronics move about and do something of substance, as it spends a lot more screentime establishing its lore and okayish characters than in actually trying to be scary or gruesome.

Which itself it’s a non issue since this movie it’s clearly targeted at a children audience (even though most fans that grew up on the games are most likely in their 20s now) and relies on jumpscares, which maybe fitting, feels like a missed opportunity, since it’s really not scary…. but it’s also not deliberately trying to be child-friendly or goofy, kinda feels stuck in between, for whatever reason.

Still, not quite awful.

[EXPRESSO] The Creator (2023) | We Are The Robots

Somehow managed to see this one in theathers, despite its last minute marketing that made it feel like it kinda came out of nowhere, odd for a mid-to-high budget sci-fi epic from director Gareth Edwards (Monsters, Godzilla 2014, Rogue One).

Though i can see why as the trailer, the first way most people likely even learnt of this movie existing, literally tells you the first big reveal, which doesn’t really make this look or sound particularly original or impressive, a sentiment that’s ultimately correct but it’s not entirely “fair”.

The plot of The Creator deals with a future where humans and “IA humans” coexist in peace, until a nuke goes off, starting a war between the US based NOMAD military and the robots. An ex-NOMAD agent tasked to retrieve the superweapon developed from the “IA front”, only to find that the “weapon” is actually an IA/robot child.

There’s clearly ambition and scope, but for something that sets out to be a big budget sci-fi that wants to bring something new to familiar themes and subjects…. it doesn’t really manage that, comes close but ultimately will just remind you of other sci-fi movies that it takes inspiration from, especially Children Of Men via District 9 with a Vietnam movie style narrative.

Especially as it doesn’t really invent anything than hasn’t been done before (and better) with its themes and concepts, there are some clever ideas but don’t amount to much of real substance, not helped by somewhat uninteristing characters and repetitive action.

It’s still a decent watch, the acting is solid, direction is good and this is NOT an uninspired film, but it’s such a case where its various elements never fully come together as they could and it never really lives up to its own ambition, despite obvious genuine effort.

[EXPRESSO] Snowbreak Containment Zone iOS/PC | TOF: The Trinity

Despite every reason not to, let’s brave the gacha waves once again in search of some new distraction that may or may not be the time investment, let alone the monetary one.

Today we have another anime styled gacha free to play game that seems like a proper TPS action-rpg or something along those lines, from chinese developer Seasun Games (also behind Girls Gun Cafè and Dawnlands), let’s give it a punt.

The plot starts vague enough, set in a dystopic ice & snow world where you play as an Adjutant to the Heimdall Force, the first assault group created to fight the Titans in the snow ridden and polluted Contaiment Zones that were formed after the mysterious cataclysm know as The Descent.

A lot of borrowing from Norse mythology for the names and the various boss enemies, designs of the ever popular “sci fi anime cyberpunk-esque” ilk with side of post-pandemic apocalypse and grim overtones, but still, the art direction (alongside the icy setting) is strong enough to make it a bit more distinguishable from its peers.

In terms of gameplay, it’s a cover based third person shooter affair, and while the virtual controls schemes available can fiddled with to and can be usable… i’d honestly recommend syncing a PS4 controller anyway (or playing it on PC via the dedicated client), since, while functional, the virtual controls are a bit too clunky to be optimal for a third person shooter.

That aside, gunplay is quite satisfying, designs are nice if a bit “tame”, the levels are short but keep introducing new enemies and obstacles at a decent rate, presentation and technical performance are rock solid, and honestly i do think it’s pretty good, still a gacha but monetizion is not particularly aggressive or manipulative, so it’s worth a try.

[EXPRESSO] Blue Beetle (2023) | Latino Guyver From Outer Space

The new DC super hero film after the “MADE IN HEAVEN” treatment the continuity received via The Flash movie, Blue Beetle is here in theathers, and i’m so not familiar with this character at all, but the trailer gave me Deadpool-ish vibes, and more specifically of Guyver, as we have a sentient symbiotic suit that organicaly fuses with his host and gives it the powers.

Heck, here as the well the suit/armor is a relic from an ancient alien civilization, so the comparison is not that outlandish.

The plot involves a recently graduated teenager, Jaime Reyes, that while becoming disillusioned about his future work opportunities, unadvertedly get his hand on the Scarab, a powerful alien biomechanical armor that grants him enhanced exoskeleton and powers, turning him into the superhero known as “Blue Beetle”. But obviously, other, less well intentioned individuals also known about the Scarab and want its array of weapons and abilities for themselves…

In a way Blue Beetle is not what i expected, as in the titular hero is not “Deadpool but as teen The Guyver” personality wise, and it’s not trying to be edgy or grimdark, quite the opposite, as it definitely kid-friendly and plays a lot in the “latino family” theme for that, which isn’t original but its still quite fun, thanks to the endearing characters (especially Jaime’s family) and honest emotional moments they bring alongside some good laughs.

They do help make you care despite the very bog standard plot and type of origin story which offers nothing we haven’t seen before, and sadly this kinda applies to the Blue Beetle himself, which isn’t a very interesting hero in terms of either personality or powers or anything really, despite the good concept behind the Scarab suit.

Still, quite decent and very pleasing, enjoyable superhero film.

Futurama PS2 [REVIEW] | … With Blackjack and Hookers

To celebrate the second return of Futurama on TV (even if i’m not expecting much given how these modern resurrections-continuations of beloved animated TV series-franchises, but who knows, i’m remaining cautiously semi-optimistic), time to take a look at its forgotten – and by now quite rare – PS2/X-Box tie-in videogame, simply called “Futurama”.

And what it might as well be the only Futurama videogame, since there’s not much to say about the mobile only Futurama: Worlds Of Tomorrow, besides it being a cheap and shallow cash grab akin to many other free-to-play tycoon simulators, like Simpsons Tapped Out, maybe a little more complete since it had a combat system in it from the start, but still, mostly a shallow time waster very heavy on aggressively try to make you fork out cash for anything of “substance” available.

Then again, it’s not like you can play it anymore, the servers were closed for real (as in they were announced to be closing in 2022) this year on the 9^th of March.

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