[EXPRESSO] The Legend Of Ochi (2025) | Monkey Goblins Go Home

You know what, i’m not that surprised that the best A24 distributed film i’ve seen this year is an adventure family film (yeah, from A24), and not another half baked ramshackled “eat the rich” horror film for the pile, it’s something different, and honestly i was intrigued since the trailer.

Set in a little secluded rural island in Carpathia, Legend Of Ochi tells the story of Yuri, a farm girl that has been taught since little to not go out after curfew, as the woods not only hide bears and wolves, but a weird type of monkey-ish looking creatures dubbed “Ochi”, that the children are taught to fear, with her father even training the local children to hunt the Ochi.

But when one days Yuri find an injured child Ochi, she brings it along with her and goes on an adventure to bring it back home to its kin and – mostly – its family..

It’s a family film that harkens back to the 80s strand, especially Spielberg’s, but also The Dark Crystal, The Goonies, has definitely some recognizable “80s DNA” all around, BUT it also manages to make it all feel fresh, as it’s not a vision enslaved to blindly recreate those movies, the template it’s familiar and predictable, but the lore and the style is unique enough to set it apart from another cynical attempt at milking the 80s nostalgia cow it sounds like.

It’s beautifully shot and presented very well, it’s not padded at all, and honestly i was beyond impressed by the effects for the Ochi creatures, as there’s allegedly not an ounce of CGI, it’s just puppetry, god-tier puppetry that it actually makes one genuinely wonder “how they do that?”, capturing the often fabled feeling “movie magic”.

That alone is already a miracle in itself.

[EXPRESSO] Thunderbolts* (2025) | Antiheroes’ Day Out

So we doing Suicide Squad now, but with a bucket of Marvel characters no one has ever heard before (Bucky aside)? I guess.

The question is this more like 2017’s Suicide Squad or James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad?

The question turns out it’s kinda incorrect, because it’s close enough but not quite that kind of story, and more surprisingly is the better Marvel movie i’ve seen in a while, which blindsided me entirely.

After her sister, the Black Widow in the Avengers team died, Yelena Belova feels depressed, but turns out her last job is a set-up by her employer, corrupt CIA director Valentina DeFontaine, whom is trying to remove all evidence of her shady illegal operations and experiments, and has decided to do so by setting up a trap for Yelena as well as other shady assassins and mercenaries.

The group of antiheroes (and a strange man in hospital garment that they found there, just called “Bob”) decides instead to collaborate in order to escape the trap laid out for them, and eventually have to team up against their will to save the day from a new menace, cheered on by Red Guardian (“Soviet Captain America” of the Black Widow film) and a concerned Bucky, whom is trying to empeach Valentina DeFontaine…

Nothing new, at all, it’s the usual “ragtag team of underdogs that are antiheroes of sorts and are gonna take this chance to do good for once”, but it’s pretty obvious that this time around there’s some chemistry, some effort, with actors that actually feel like they wanted to be there instead of anywhere else; heck, even the villain doesn’t suffer from most the usual problems of later Marvel films, making for an overall surprisingly decent flick, which is not how i expected “Phase 5” to end.

Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia PS4 [REVIEW] | ….Did Nothing Wrong?

Due to some unforeseen schedule issues, we’ll close out the entire XXL series with the latest one, Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia, released in late 2022 by Microids and once again developed by Osome Studio.

This feel immediatly like a continuation of XXL 3, despite the original plot being about a welcome surprise: as in, there is another lone village that has managed to fend off the Roman invasion, outside of Asterix & Obelix’s. It’s not in Gaul, but Hibernia (aka ye olde Ireland), and the trick lies in the titular ram (being also the beloved pet of the Hibernian chieftain) that is able to inspire/enforce armies to fight even when fatigued with its magical horns.

The Romans though managed to capture the ram, which depressed the Hibernian chief and made him unwilling to fend off the invasion, so his daughter comes to ask for the help of the Gaul village, Asterix and Obelix obviously willing and able to go help them flip off Romans abroad…

It’s a cute premise and like the previous games they do get the tone and humour of the series right, its charm and all, but – like this game as a whole – it’s mostly underbaked and short lived, there’s no time to properly develop any of the new characters, as the entire narrative whizzes by too fast.

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[EXPRESSO] Queer (2024) | Bum Fancy

FIY, i did skip Challengers because i was kinda not feeling to see another romance movie by Guadagnino, especially one that’s also a sports drama about tennis (i wasn’t too fond of Bones And All either), but i heard of the troubled distribution Queer had, leading to just release in theathers here a few days ago, and i was curious.

Based on William Burroughs’ novel of the same name, Queer is set in 1950s Mexico City , where the protagonist, Williams Lee, a nearly middle aged gay man, lives his expat with occasionally mingling with the few people in the American community living there, having tryst with other men, until one day he meets this young new student, Eugene, whom just arrived in town, giving him hope he can finally have a real, intimate connection with someone, not just on a physical level…

as you might have assumed, it’s a virtually plotless affair, as it more a sequence of accidents and events started by Lee that “drags” Eugene into sex, drinking like a sponge, with the third act basically having the movie go jungle adventure in search of ayahuasca (because of its rumored “telepathy powers”, not to talk to Yakub), have a romantic body horror sequence then straight up propose its own junkie version of “those” notorious 2001: A Space Odissey scenes.

While i wish it ended a bit earlier than it did, to be honest i was captivated, there are indeed some performances of a lifetime here, it’s as excessive as all Guadagnino’ movies are (see also the deliberately anachronistic musical choice and swinging sense of “realism”), you expect them to be, you want them to be, and this one admittely did grab me a lot more, not great, but indeed good.

Worth a watch, at the very least.

[EXPRESSO] A Working Man (2025) | Baba Yogurt

I know what you’re thinking, what everyone was thinking after seeing the trailer: why isn’t this The Beekeeper 2?! I mean, i’m sure there’s a sequel on the way for that one, but this plain isn’t, it’s just another Jason Staham movie where he’s some ex-soldier or super assassin that has retired but he’s pulled back into his older life of violence due to some criminals hurting someone close to him, etc.

This time around he’s a construction worker and they kidnap the daughter of the family that owns and operates the construction company he works for, so he swears to get her back… which would be fine but he also has his own biological daughter to look after, as his wife is dead and the grandpa believes Jason Staham (again, not bothering to remember his character’s name, nobody will) isn’t a good parent. His quest brings him to find out a human trafficking ring, piss off the russian mafia, and accidentally become a John Wick-esque figure to them….

Honestly it feels like they mashed two scripts together, now only due to the plot feeling like it should be less convoluted (it’s not complicated) as the new characters that keep showing up just increasingly feel like they should be in a completely different Jason Staham movie, even more as they keep getting more cartoonish, like the foppish pervert that “bought” the girl just missing a Dracula cape, or the psycho super assassins under the big russian mafia honcho giving off strong vibes of videogame minibosses.

It’s just kinda weird, untentionally funny, and yes, makes the whole thing longer than it needs to.

It’s not awful or the worse, but let’s be honest, it’s just a stopgag release until The Beekeeper 2 or Fast And Furious X Part 2 come out.

Platformation Time Again #2: Asterix & Obelix XXL Romastered PS4

I originally reviewed this game to celebrate the release of the latest Asterix & Obelix live action film at the time, that being Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom, but it was before i fully decided to reboot this rubric, and since i was gonna cover Asterix & Obelix XXL 2, i’d figured i would “remaster/remake” the old review, thought it’s so expanded and has more than enough and more in-depth writing it’s almost new one, BUT since the old review it’s quite recent, i didn’t feel the need to completely throw out everything, i’m pointing this out if this feels like deja-vu.

It is. Kinda.

Also, FIY, i will try to use both original and localized names for the characters, for clarity.

HISTORY

This is one of those series that is huge in many regions but since it never properly took off in North America, it may look like it’s a thing that’s “huge in Europe but nowhere else” (especially given how the perception skewed the US as the only place where things happen or matter), but Asterix & Obelix is one of the longest running comic book series and one of the most popular of all time, to the point its being only outsold and out-translated by One Piece, worlwide.

I grew up with these, as it was hugely popular in Italy as well (irony noted) as France, Belgium, the UK, and basically anywhere that wasn’t America, even though most of the later animated films did see some kind of US release (of the live actions one i think only Asterix And The Middle Kingdom, the most recent one, saw a Netflix release in US territories), and there’s a Netflix exclusive animated series adaptation of Asterix The Big Fight coming later this year, in the hope of feeding a US fanbase of the series that i’m sure is there and its fuckin starved in terms of official releases.

Just in case, let’s go over the basic premise.

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[EXPRESSO] A Minecraft Movie (2025) | Yearning For

We all saw that horrendous first trailer for the Minecraft live action film, so i guess that lowered expectations for it, not that it made sense to make a Minecraft film, even less so in live-action, but instead of lamenting about Jack Black career moves, let’s cut the shit for the sake of brevity.

I do not care nor know much about Minecraft, aside from the stuff even gamers not invested in it will simply have learned via osmosis, and let’s be real, even i could tell you this is a stupid concept, borne of a decadent big budget film industry that is now riding on videogames’ everincreasing popularity (instead of the other way around) to sell tickets for whatever.

So imagine my surprise in finding out it’s not utter trash, even if there’s obvious irony of making a movie about a game thriving on creativity when it’s just Jumanji, again (couldn’t wait for the next one of the reboot series, could you, Jack?), just this time the guy wanted to actually go there, and there’s a washed up, John Romero-esque videogame champ of the 80s still stuck on the past, played by Jason Momoa, and we have stuff from Minecraft reworked into the plot of a fairly generic (and a bit unfocused) kids/family film fantasy adventure romp.

Still, there’s actual energy put into it, especially thanks to Black and Momoa going super hammy and clearly having fun with the silly material of a script, which isn’t good but isn’t atrocious, it’s nowhere near as cynical as one would expect, there are some solid performances (Jennifer Coolridge as the lonesome oversharing school principal for example), the effects are mostly up to snuff (which i didn’t expect from that awful trailer), even if the art style feels weird in live action.

[EXPRESSO] The Electric State (2025) | Mr. Peanut, Break Down This Wall

VERY loosely based on Simon Stålenhag’s 2018 retro-sci-fi illustrated book of the same name and directed by the Russo brothers, The Electric State is set in an alternate 1990s where robots, gaining sentience after decades, rise up and engage a full on war, ultimately won by the humans using headgear controlled remote drone soldiers. After the war, the headgear/vr sets are sold commercially to pacify the masses, while the surviving robots are sent to a giant desert prison colony.

We follow a juvenile delinquent, Jessie (Millie Bobby Brown), whom lost her family in a car accident years ago and is now a foster kid, as one night she gets visited by a robot of Kid Cosmo, her beloved brother’s favourite childhood cartoon, which claims to actually be him, leading the two in a roadtrip-escape adventure…..

One that plays it super-straight, all in an attempt to get us invested into this world… hard to when there’s simply no charm, with the movie actively refusing to embrace its inherent sillyness AND doubling down on being “gritty”, which backfires on a nuclear scale.

There’s a palpable attempt at telling a Spielberg style tale, but there’s no soul or substance to it, just a Ready Player One masturbatory penchant for pop culture regurgitation (that makes NO SENSE in context, to boot), well known actors half-assing their admittely bad characters, and a plot being a senseless, meaningless hodgepotche that makes even less sense as it goes on, never committed to anything besides vague, overly basic metaphors, or Funko Pops-friendly character designs.

Those that aren’t already well known brand figureheads like fuckin Mr. Peanut (what is this, Food Fight?).

It’s not even boring, but it’s quite bad, stupid, mostly just so confounding you had to wonder “Why?”, especially when it had a 320 million dollars budget.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #38: Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985)

In a way, we’re breaking ourselves new ground in terms of dinosaur movies.

Technically.

What i’m getting at is that Massacre In Dinosaur Valley… doesn’t actually feature any dinosaur.

Come one, couldn’t even be arsed to reuse footage from a more recent dinosaur film? Sure as shit they couldn’t reuse footage from One Million B.C. Or the 1925 The Lost World, since this one is in color… because that would imply them spending time in colourizing the old b&w footage.

But yeah, i’m not surprised that some synopses do actually list anything BUT dinosaurs being into the actual film, because guess what, this isn’t a dinosaur film.

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12 Days Of Dino Dicember #37: Two Lost Worlds (1951)

h boy, two lost worlds for the price of one?

Sign me up for one ticket, Jimmy boy, because you know a movie it’s good when it marketed the same way as grocery store coupon for breakfast cereals or boxes of cuetips.

It’s kinda funny too how curiously there wasn’t a Lost World adaptation (talking about the Conan Doyle book, obviously) in the 50s, so i guess, just in case, they doubled the worlds lost, just to give you more bang for your buck, or make you believe that only to get suckered into watching a dinosaur film that couldn’t even afford its own dinosaurs.

Leaving aside the dinosaurs/reptiles don’t show up until 45 minutes into this… 61 minutes film, this in independent production that literally borrows his dinosaur footage from One Million B.C., the 1940 film that will end up being mined of its of stock footage for decades, as in used not a quick reference to the olden days, just ripped off because they couldn’t afford the special effects for the prehistoric creatures they wanted to as a selling point on the poster.

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