[EXPRESSO] Her Private Hell (2026) | Kojima-ing In The Darkness

I don’t think Her Private Hell is a bad film, and i usually like his stuff, i loved The Neon Demon, but it’s a special kind of disappointing, as this feels Refn trying to imitate itself more than anything.

And not doing it that well either, to be brutally honest.

It’s definitely his vision, no mistake, but one that feels like he’s trying to recapture the old spark…and again, coming off as a self-imitation more than anything else.

The premise sees Elle, the daughter of wealthy man, trying to reunite with her stepmother (by shooting a movie in a luxury motel), but warned about a supernatural legendary serial killer, Leatherman, whom appears when the fog permeating this Blade Runner-esque city grows even thicker, its diamond fists shining in the darkness,

She ends up crossing paths with an american GI agent that has lost his daughter to this entity, and is desperately searching for a way to get her back…

Even more than before, it’s all about the vibes, the feel, as the hyperstilization here belies little for the audiences to care about or hold onto, the cinema pastiche of sci-fi, comic book, samurai and giallo cinema, one that does look good in screenshots, but lacks the strenght it had before, so you end up just kinda tolerating more than looking forward to see where it’s all gonna go.

wondering why should even care about anything, since the plot is more of a vague outline than something worth discussing, i’d complain about the characters… if there were any (aside the stepmother), these are ideas of characters, and the movie overall is just lacking much substance – or impact – to back up its pretense and stylization, so you end not even intrigued or curious to know more about this sci-fi world.

Sadly disappointing.

The Spooktacular Eight #33: Spawn (1997)

2004’s live action Devilman, consider yourself spared, as this year (due to recent events contributing to schedule changes) we’re doing instead 1997’s Spawn.

I did got the Blu Ray release by Arrow Video, and it was still in its factory wrap, so time to…. actually visit for the first time, i never saw this in theathers or TV, i was too young back then, my first time seeing Spawn at all was when Soul Calibur II console ports released and the X-Box version got him as the console exclusive guest character.

But it was hard not to hear about in the 2000s as one of the worst comic book films ever, an infamous reputation so widespread and radicated, a stink to it that even The Venture Bros couldn’t resist throwing a jab at it in late 2009-2010, a foul reputation that never really went away.

And just putting this out, i wasn’t aware until i decided to swap this into the 2004 Devilman‘s slot that they’ve been trying to reboot the brand with a new film for decades, and apparently this time around it most likely will happen, we got recent news of the reboot coming along… or maybe it won’t, as the superhero genre is well past his peak in terms of popularity.

I will not claim any responsability over that either way.

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[EXPRESSO] The Mortuary Assistant (2026) | Flat Possession Rate

Based on an indie horror game of the same name i’ve heard about but haven’t had the pleasure of playing yet, The Mortuary Assistant has a solid concept, with Rebecca, a mortician in training (with a past od drugs and alcoholism) that has graduated to assistant, being called in by her boss, Raymond, to do an unplanned night shift, with weird requests like embalming then cremating a corpse, but soon strange things start happening…

I’ll be honest, i was just expecting a lesser version of Autopsy Of Jane Doe, and i don’t know how much or if this rappresents the eponymous videogame, but i can sure recognize boring garbage when i see it.

It even starts off decently, but then constantly degrades, between boring flashbacks, tiresome hallucination scenes, or the demon tormenting… well, more dick around (often saying frankly laughable shit) to the protagonist, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear even when the plot stops for lore and-or exposition dumps, nor do we know why the entity doesn’t outright kill the downright stupid protagonist you won’t care about, as she keeps falling for the same obvious trap.

there’s no atmosphere, no tension, the acting is mediocre at the very, very best, everything (entities-monsters included) is just plopped there with no grace or gusto, the thin plot grinds to a halt so we can have lore and make it clear this was based on a videogame, stopping to find video tapes or solve a demonic puzzle by matching symbols or something.

It’s being professionally put together and sporting solid effectds doesn’t matter when it’s all so flat, stupid and boring, never actually scary, especially when its topped off with one hell of a non-ending that i’m not even sure was meant to sequelbait, but will just piss you off even more.

[EXPRESSO] Ghost: 2 Big To Rig (2026) | Nights Of The Skeletour

Ghost has been one of the biggest modern metal successes, and the first concert film, Rite Here Rite Now, was both a banger and was the more profitable/grossing hard rock limited cinema event release in the US, ever, so you bet your bippy they were gonna do more.

It’s not like there was gonna ever be a lack of live footage, since the band has been active indeed.

Ghost 2 Big To Rig specifically serves to immortalize their two nights performance (the 24^th and 25 of September 2025) in Mexico during their Skeletour, as 2 hours concert film meant to revisit the event or serving as an entry point into the band, as this one doesn’t require previous knowledge of the band’s lore to get the narrative segments… because there aren’t any.

I will admit, i did like the first concert film more, because (aside liking the tracklist in that one better) it did have those goofy funny narrative segments….but on the other hand they never falsely advertised this as having those, quite the opposite, because 2 Big To Rig is instead just a concert film, which takes some moments to show some “behind the scenes” footage of the massive crew setting up the stage, with a technician comment providing the movie subtitle, as he describes the whole thing as “too big to rig, but we do it anyway”.

And honestly, in this case even this being “just” a concert film i feel is enough, because it’s one hell of a show, the camera angles let you also catch many details of the stage, including the costumes and the amazing visuals for the background displays, which might have been impossible to see during the event, depending on your seating.

So yeah, catch this one in theathers if you can, recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Spider Man: Brand New Day (2026) | Un(Thethered)

I remember quite liking No Way Home, for better or worse, but it has been a while, and it’s not like it matters, i was gonna see this away, i did want to see it.

In a way i feel bad because i think this one is actually trying to be less shackled by the MCU stuff, and it stings because it almost succeeds, as in, it manages to do some good emotional stuff with the character of Peter Parker, as he struggles to reconcile with the fact he still feels fragile and alone, despite being able to become NYC resident hero once again… we’ll because he can do so as everyone forgot about him at the end of No Way Home.

While some ideas like having The Punisher as an ally-ish character to Spidey is nice, and there are some fun action scenes, there’s no denying of the second half being overly long and overburdened by the ties to the “MCU obligations” of having to seed stuff for future films, which also entails the admittely better than usual villain (which i’m not gonna spoil), an entity that goes around possessing people’s minds/body hopping and using them to search for something kept hidden by a governative company specialized in repairing propery damage caused by heroes and villains activities, while Spider Man has to deal with his body undergoing unexpected mutations…

Even putting aside the villain’s plan actually makes no sense if you think about it (and that Spider Man has basically Big Brothered the entirety of NYC), then there’s how the climax is resolved identically as in Thunderbolts, are we at the point of recycling climaxes almost verbatim?

This in contrast with the cast actually giving some of the better performances in these films, so, overall, i’d say it’s decent.

August Augurs, the Fall-Winter schedule and changes in 2027

As a reminder, the blog will go on the usual break on the 16th, and it will resume full activity on September 1st.

As for the remaining august days, all the planned full lenght reviews, though in terms of One Piece content, only the review of Season 2 of the live action Netflix adaptation of One Piece will release as planned, sadly the one for Gigant Battle won’t be ready in time, and i’ve decided not to rush it.

EXPRESSO reviews for Hokum and Spider Man: Brand New Day will arrive soon enough on the blog.

The main big change i wanna announce is, after deliberation (and also because i’m between jobs now) i’ve decided to dedicate myself more about writing down a book about giant monster cinema (and maybe move into video content stuff) in the coming future, so next year the schedule will be more or less done on a “when and if i can” basis, i’ll still make some sort of plan but basically i will allow myself to wing it or scrap things.

This won’t affect much or at all the schedule for September and up to Dicember-early January, as most of the work has already been done or is already on its way to be completed, or already “set in stone” either way.

I’ll still work on the blog and keep updating it, and this doesn’t mean i will sunset older rubric, mainstays like Giant Monster March, The Spooktacular Eight, Musou/Melee May will remain and so on, EXPRESSO either.

Also, i’m gonna address it here before i forget: while i doubt we’ll even see it here in theathers before October (if at all), i won’t be covering Eli Roth’s Ice Cream Man remake in any form, as he’s been using GenAI shit in it, and not for minute details either, plus i learned in the fallout that he’s even more of a piece of shit i’ve though/remembered, and it’s not like we’re gonna miss much anyway, given his track record of “quality” (Thanksgiving was quite fun, admittedly) and the movie reviewing poorly even ignoring Eli Roth himself and the GenAI sequences…. we ain’t gonna miss out on anything of value, let’s be real, i’m surprised he still pretends to be relevant.

[EXPRESSO] Deep Water (2026) | Shark Ditching

Renny Harlin, better known as the director of the original Deep Blue Sea, Cliffhanger and Cutthroat Island, having finished early this year the new awful Strangers trilogy nobody asked for, he’s back doing what he’s best known for: sharks.

Actually, that’s kinda unfair, as Deep Water is mostly a survival film about an international flight that crashlands somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, with the surviving passenger and crew members forced to find a way to survive and escape the deadly debris of the torn plane, while also avoid being picked off by a group of shark cycling around them.

Mind you, i’m glad there are sharks in the film, frankly i would have been surprised if they weren’t, because this is such a deliberate throwback to late 90s disaster-survival films and horror b-movies of this ilk, with just a veneer of realism to avoid it killing any tension.

Do not let the fact some of the characters we’re presented before or on the plane include esports squads, grandmas saying “you’re a 5 out of 10” impropted to people, ipad kids, the attitude and cliches are done in such a retro fashion, from the characters being either rude assholes or saints, with an expecially assholish one that you know has a “shark food soon enough” label, and which you indeed look forward to see its inevitable fate come to pass, the kid character being clever yet tempting death at least twice, the heroic sacrifice by the consumate character actor that is arguably on autopilot, etc.

Deep Water is essentially a 90s styled disaster-survival-shark film, and its retro nature it’s both charming but also obviously dated…. yet in this case i think it comes off as a decent genre thrill ride of yore, and better because it’s confident in what it is.

Great White Death (1981) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

The frenzy was immediate, the clones numerous and fast, sometimes bothering to swap the shark for some other animals, waterbound or not.

But the mid-70s were also the period for exploitation cinema blooming into grindhouse theathers and drive-ins, and among them there was also the “Mondo movie” craze… well, it was that trend of exploitation still surviving almost 2 decades after the 1962 film Mondo Cane (an italian idiom translating roughly to “Doggone World/The World’s Gone To The Dogs”).

While the cannibal craze was indeed at its peak, with good ol’ Cannibal Holocaust releasing just 1 year prior, director and producer Jean-Patrick Lebel figured you could mix the “killer shark” and “shockumentary” subgenre in one, so the world was given Great White Death.

And you know it’s gonna be a good one when they have not one but two different title “sequences” that still use the same title.

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The Mysterious Island AKA Odysseus And The Giant Polyphemus (1905) [REVIEW] | Odeon Days

You know me, i’m not one to go try and please the algorhythm, and since there’s no really much in terms of full lenght features trying to adapt the whole Odyssey itself (there is a recent UK production called Itaka: The Return, but even that is mostly focused on the titular return of Odysseus at his home in Itaka after decades, and not much else)…… you know what, we’re going REALLY back this time around.

Not to the 70s miniseries for TV, back to the 1900s, when cinema was in its “puppet stage”… actually, more aptly it’s “parlor trick era”, since today we’re talking about one of the many films (by now not even registering as short films, or shorts) by the profilic primordial magician of cinema, Georges Meliès, which i feel needs no introduction, otherwise this will turn into an introduction to the early days of cinema, but basically, he was a magician in the literal sense, a stage magician but using film as his tool, and to which we owe a LOT of early cinematic special effects, which now look primitive, but sure as hell weren’t when people weren’t used to video footage of any kind.

For the time it must have felt like real magic, to say the least.

Even more impressive, Melies had been doing these films for a decade, so in a way it’s not too surprising this 1905 adaptation isn’t more remembered than his Voyage To The Moon or The Impossible Voyage, despite not being lost or anything like that, quite the opposite, since – as far as i know – this always appeared in the catalogues of production by Melies’ company, Star Films.

Sure as hell it doesn’t help that its original title was L’ilè De Calypso, literally “Calypso’s Island”, even less when it was sold internationally as The Mysterious Island, or given the subtitle of “Ulysse et le geant Polypheme”, Ulysses And The Giant Polyphemus.

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[EXPRESSO] Arion (1986) | Anime Titans

Yeah, i’m gonna bend the rules this time around since this is a 40^th anniversary restoration of a 1986 anime film that never got released here in theathers (or anywhere), just preceed by a recent release of the manga of the same name the film is based on, needed since i never even heard of this.

Somehow, as this isn’t some random anime film, this is written, directed and illustrated by Yoshikazu Yasuhito (also behind the original manga work), a legend known for his character designs on the original Mobile Suit Gundam anime, with orchestral soundtrack by composer Joe Hisashi of Ghibli fame.

Despite being named after a mythological black horse that – among other things – saved the king of Argos, thestory of Arion is basically a retelling of Greek mythology filtered through Japanese sensibilities (worth remembering Saint Seiya started just a year prior) that mashes the many myths and re-elaborates the various gods, demigods, humans and lore in a way that’s still kinda unique to this day, and fits the subject matter while standing on its own legs.

Arion is the demi-god spawn of Poseidon, kidnapped as a child by Hades and raised to believe his mother’s blindness was caused by Zeus and that killing him would cure her, so he sets on a quest only to eventually find out the truth and try to fight back against the fate as the Olympian gods willed it…

Honestly it’s amazing, it’s definitely not just stunning to look at with his meticulous hand drawn animation by Sunrise that still looks impressive, it also lives up to being an epic action-adventure, with lots of action, conflict, magic and brutality (plus very brief occasional whismy), superbly paced, that is still pretty dang impressive to see in cinemas even today.

Very good stuff.