[EXPRESSO] The Ugly Stepsister (2025) | Body Horrorella ( 🎶rella rella rella 🎶)

So we’re doing a horror version of Cinderella, and it’s not a Jagged Edge Productions joint?

Color me surprised, it’s an actual film with real budgets, a Norwegian produced retelling of the Cinderella fable in a more twisted fashion, with the widow Rebekka marrying an old nobleman that almost immediatly dies, meaning her daughters Elvira and Alma are joined by their new step-sister, Agnes, a stark contrast to Elvira, who’s considered fat and ugly but is groomed (as is prepped) by her mother to undergo grueling surgery and training to become beautiful, in order to marry into royalty, especially the prince, whom Elvira pines for.

It’s a satirical black comedy take on the fairytale (also taking some of the more graphic ideas from the Grimm’s version) that’s also heavy on body horror, because The Substance made that a trend again…. and surprisingly a lot of straight up gross out graphic content, both played for humour as well as simple shock value.

If you expected a more psychological horror affair this ain’t it, The Ugly Stepsister will see horror films that have subtlety and nail their hypothetical balls to the walls, and put salt maggots on the opened sack, as it revels in its bluntness and its “period piece” with faux classical styled version of modern pop songs in the background.

It is funny, the main conflict between Elvira and Agnes is compelling as neither is depicted as an actual “evil” figure, as their pushed into it by societal standards, but on this regard, anything else that isn’t about them (well, mostly Elvira) feels underdeveloped or lost in its own stylistical pot-pourry, like how the satyrical, modern feminist take on the fable almost ends up reafferming the very values its so obviously wants to mock.

Still quite entertaining and decently realized.

[EXPRESSO] Dracula: A Love Tale (2025) | Gothic Hark

Talk about a left field proposal from Luc Besson, a director better known for sci-fi films (among other things), doing a Dracula adaptation in the traditional period piece setting, and making it focus on the gothic romance aspect.

Especially since we weren’t exactly that starved, with Egger’s Nosferatu and Last Voyage Of The Demeter, among others moving based on the Bram Stoker’s novel as a whole or specific parts.

Not much to say about the plot, it’s Dracula, as in, the expected plot for a Dracula adaptation, hitting most of the expected scenes and having the expected characters from the novel, and even some of quirks of previous films incarnations, like Dracula greeting Harker with that ridiculous hairdo he has in Coppola’s version, with some differences to accomodate this take on the story.

It’s well acted, the production values are high,… but it’s also all over the fuckin place.

Yes, the idea is that it focuses a lot more on being a gothic romance film, which is clearly the focus, and that does work… when the tone doesn’t shift drastically from a semi-quirky lore talk about Van Helsing explaining how to tell if a person is a vampire, the pacing grinds to a halt so Dracula can flashback even more, or jest around with Harker almost like we are in a spoof film.

Or have multiple, elaborated swordfights-war battle scenes.

It’s almost like at times Besson remember there’s the usual Dracula subplots to move along and then zoom, then why not, let’s take a break to have a romantic stroll through festival activities, i’m sure the pacing can take it.

To say nothing of the kinda expected conclusion that still feels like an anti-climax.

I’m not even mad, just a bit confused, but i will say it’s anything BUT boring.

The Spooktacular Eight #31: Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010)

As an Italian, it always tickled me silly how back in the late 2000s EA’s idea for competiting with Sony’s God Of War franchise was to pillage The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri and basically transform it into a power fantasy action game about saving a damsel in distress, which happens to be done by traversing Hell as described by the Tuscanian poet.

I guess because it was a well known public domain literary work that would also work as a quick and dirty band-aid to feign some refinement, and to be honest everyone was jumping on the hack n slash action game bandwagon at the time, so of course EA would have tried their hands at it.

Still feels fuckin random because they could just have made a Roman Empire themed hack n slash, but i guess they couldn’t push a marketing campaign literally encouraging to “go to hell” and the “sin to win” marketing shizzle.

I’m not even offended because this is so fuckin american it’s hilarious, i mean, sure, it’s based on Alighieri’s first book of The Divine Comedy as in it has the concept of venturing through Hell, it has a guy named Dante, a gal named Beatrice, and The Devil(TM) sure, it’s the same thing.

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[EXPRESSO] Pokemon Legends ZA NSWITCH 2 | Mega Starmie From Space

Pokemon spin-off time with Pokemon Legends ZA, bringing us back to the 7^th gen and the Kalos region of Pokemon X & Y.

5 years have passed from the defeat of Team Flare, and as a new trainer, you get involved in not only the new main attraction of Lumiose City, the night-bound Royale ZA, but also the strange events that see wild Pokemon undergo uncontrolled Mega Evolutions in the city, maybe related to the new company hired to rebuilt the city, and the reapparance of the mythical pokemon Zygarde…

Gameplay iterates on Legend Arceus foundations, but changing the focus from exploration to battles, now a real time affair with moves operating on cooldowns, which is strangely intuitive, works really well and provides some needed freshness to the classic formulas.

Also, i love how often deliberately goofy the new Mega Evolutions are.

On the downside, it does indeed take all place in a big open world city, which is bigger than i anticipated, has some fun sidequests and some internal variety (thanks to designated wild areas where to catch pokemons) but isn’t quite as packed or varied as a Yakuza game, and also suffers some incredibly archaic movement mechanics.

Speaking of archaic, even on Switch 2 we have the same modern issue of Game Freak being handled EDF style budgets (comparatively) for games that sells gorillions, but have jpeg windows and characters with great designs sporting lypsynched words with no voice acting.

The story is good, even the NPCs have hilarious shit to say, the city it still rewarding to explore and there is a decent amount of content, i had a good time with it, more than i expected, but this could and should have been even better, for many – that should by now be obvious – reasons.

[EXPRESSO] Chainsaw Man The Movie: Reze’s Arc (2025) | I R I S O U T

I guess the thing now for shonen (or shonen-esque, as Chainsaw Man doesn’t quite fit the bill) anime films is to adapt an arc so it can bridge into the following TV seasons, because Demon Slayer did it.

Okay. Why not? I’ll take this over compilation films any day.

In case you aren’t familiar with the series, Chainsaw Man is about Denji, a homeless boy used and betrayed by the yakuza, whom becomes a human-devil hybrid that can sprout chainsaws from his body, after his dog, Pochita (actually the Chainsaw Devil) saves his life by fusing with a dying Denji.

He’s then recruited by Makima, commanding a special unit of Devil Hunters on behalf of the japanese government, which is tasked to kill devils that show up threatening the peace, and also search for the whereabouts of the incredibly powerful yet elusive Gun Devil.

In this specific case, the movie cover’s Reze story arc, with the first season finale seeing Denji confront Katana Man and his allies that were seeking revenge.

The first season did receive some backlash for the animation, but honestly i think MAPPA did a good job with that as well (even if some episodes did suddendly look like ass at times), so expectations were high, even more as it’s a pretty good adaptation of a hit series that didn’t just luck out with its timing, i’ll say that much.

The movie does have better, more consistent quality animation and the decision to adapt this arc pays off in terms of more cinematic flair to the insane action scenes, while also giving the needed time to introduce Reze and his relationship with Denji, it is her story, after all, as much as his.

Pretty good stuff, and the opening theme by Kenshi Yonezu is once again fire.

The Spooktacular Eight #28: Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

Enough of Mark Polonia’s stuff, let’s go deeper into the homegrown cinema territory with a “classic” by David Wascavage, Suburban Sasquatch.

Sometimes you think you know a certain genre, then see shit like this or Fungicide that makes you realize, yes, we can go lower than an early Polonia Bros direct-to-video film made in the late 90s, there is a 10^th circle of movie hell… or heaven, depending on whom you ask.

If you ever wondered what those Donald Trump VS Bigfoot VS Nazi Shark fuckin movies would have looked like if they were made in the 90s, and were somehow worse than Curse Of Bigfoot… well, wonder no more, because while this was made in 2004, it looks like the first Feeders film or something like that, it’s that territory of shooting your own shit with pocket change (and some “locally sourced” weed as stand-in for salaries) as budget, with your friends as “actors” and location shooting meaning you most likely recorded the footage (“filmed” is too strong of a word) somewhere in some woods or field near your home, or inside a friends’ house.

This is HIGH amateur hour stuff, my fellows bad movie buffs, so amateur it hurts.

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Pokemon Scarlet/Violet DLC: Treasures Of The Area Zero (Indigo Mask and Indigo DISK) NSWITCH [REVIEW] | Ogremaxxin

Figured i’ve write down my thoughts on the DLC for Pokemon Scarlet/Violet, i said it would take me a while because i wanted to wait for patches before even considering paying for the expansion pass, alongside any news on Pokemon Legends ZA, which i will cover in an EXPRESSO review soon enough and will do a full lenght review at my own leisure.

I’m gonna do a single review because unlike with Pokemon Sword/Shield, the DLC content is actually structured to be two parts that follow up on each other, instead of unrelated new locations in the map with their contained story and actitivities, but i’m gonna split the review in two, for the sake of argument and critique more than utilitarian observation that – once again – it not like you can pick and choose to buy either part; if there is DLC for a Pokemon game, you either buy it all or none, this has been the recent trend for the Game Freak developed mainline titles so far.

Before that, i will comment that i honestly i barely notice whatever the patches have done, aside from less crashes and weird glitches, but i was already lucky on that regard, and i haven’t revisited thouroghly the main base game world and its locations to notice any big change or fix, apparently there are less NPCs in some hub areas or cities now in order to improve framerate, which is pathetic. It is.

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Platformation Time Again #5: Yooka Laylee PS4

HISTORY

I’ve played Banjo Kazooie to completition. Twice.

Both on the N64 and the XBLA release pre-Rare Replay.

I’m prefacing this because i definitely fit the profile, i am the target demographic for retro plaftormers like Yooka Laylee, as i love the original Banjo Kazooie, like its sequel and even enjoyed that oversprawling excess that is Donkey Kong 64, and i love 3D collecthathon platformers from the early days of PS and Nintendo 64, especially if made by Rareware/Rare.

Heck, i love them so much i made this rubric. Twice.

When it was announced on Kickstarter, i was excited at the idea of a spiritual sequel to Banjo Kazooie, made by a team of ex-Rare employees, and they also got Grant Kirkhope back for the soundtrack. But i didn’t back it because the idea of Kickstarter and crowdfunding was still new to me, so i just waited for the game to come out.

Which eventually did, to mixed reception.

In hindsight, Yooka Laylee does deserve a spotlight and a place in the history of platforming games, but not for the reasons Playtonic might have liked.

To give some of the younger readers context, back then we were excited because Kickstarter projects would swoop in and serve a specific “niche” of games the big companies simply didn’t made anymore, as in they were chasing the more modern gaming trends of their time.

One of these “underserved niches” was definitely collecthaton platformer in the style of the late 90s and of the 3D kind, as 2D style retro platformer were already starting to get made for the audience that craved them, and aside from Nintendo franchises, 3D platformers as a whole were old hat, left behind by most of the industry as it hurled ever more into F2P monetization and “services”.

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Platformation Time Again #4: Pac Man World/Pac Man World Re-Pac PS1 | PS4 | GBA

HISTORY

Pac Man needs no presentation, so ingrained as an icon of videogames from their golden era of the arcade machines, that even your grandma knows what it is.

But the 80s were far gone even back when Pac Man World released in late 1999 for the original Playstation, and Namco Bandai was struggling to find how to reinveint his legacy franchises or make new successful ones in the wake of the financial recession in Japan at the time.

Pac Man World was made specifically to celebrate the series’ 20^th Anniversary, and Namco (not yet Namco Bandai) figured to play it fairly safe: 3D platformers were on the rise and “all the rage”, everyone with some cash to spare was throwing mascotte characters at the wall to see what would stick or syphoon some of the leftover bread from the success of Mario and Sonic, heck even Bubsy tried this new fangled substance known as 3D by injecting it between its bobcat toes.

So why the fuck not, since Namco did have a popular mascote character already, one that was iconic and synomous with videogames and not a pantless cat with a shirt, the formula had already had its success stories so there was a blueprint and a track record to try emulate, Pac-Man was becoming old enough to drink in most countries, so fuck it, we’re going platforming in tridimensional fashion… and it was a success.

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[EXPRESSO] Demon Slayer Kimetsu No Yaiba: Infinity Castle (2025) | To Mega Therion

So the first part of the Demon Slayer Infinity Castle film trilogy finale is out, after debutting a couple months ago in Japan, continuining the story from the finale of Season 4, with Muzan countering the Pillars/Hashira assault on him by using his Infinity Castle to trap all them in alongside his legions of demons, especially the strong “Demonic Moon” elite units.

The Pillars and the other members of the Demon Slayer Corps then scatter to find Muzan and finish him, despite the endlessly shifting living labyrinth that defies logic of the castle itself…

Definitely it’s a step up from the compilation films they kept making, and i will say ufotable didn’t skimp on the animation, it does look incredible, properly made to take advantage of its cinematic nature and deliver an incredible, stunning spectacle, and it mostly manages to properly balance the frantic shonen action with some character development and the expected tragic flashbacks for both heroes and villains, some of which were teased

I say mostly because towards the final act the “tragic emotional flashbacks train” kinda overtakes the action and the rhythm suffer, even though i understand why it does so, and simply wouldn’t have felt kinda exhausting if if spaced out in episodes… which it can’t because they have to go through an entire seasons worth of material in 3 movies that each are almost 3 hours long.

On the flipside, it doesn’t feel overburden, there’s a lot going on but it never feels too much, this is supposedto to be the final decisive assault on the enemy’s stronghold and it feels as such, the battles are cool, and Zenitsu also gets some character development that makes him less the one-note annoying comedy character you had to tolerate.

If nothing else, it’s good battle shounen fun.