[EXPRESSO] Scarlet (2025) | “Why Don’t You Ramlet?”

After debutting at 2025’s Venice Film Festival, Hosoda’s latest film, Scarlet, is releasing in theathers worlwide.

And to be honest i was ready to be disappointed, but you know, even Belle with its flaws was quite interesting, but Scarlet instead surpassed my expectations for the worse, and it pains me to say that it is, without a doubt, the worse Hosoda film ever, however you slice it.

The premise is not necessarily bad, at all, basically doing a genderbend version of Hamlet, but when the heroine Scarlet, fails to avenge her father’s death at the hands of her evil uncle Claudius, she finds herself in a limbo where souls gather after death, regardless of era or nation.

There is she informed by a strange shaman woman that her uncle Claudius is here too, and is amassing an army to stop others going to the “Infinite Lands” beyond the mountains, so she continues her quest for vengeance, helped by Hijiri, a pacifist paramedic from modern day Japan.

Scarlet it is the worse written Hosoda film ever, with a story that even by its own fantasy sci fi logic makes little sense, a super basic Hamlet deconstruction that has nothing to say and doesn’t proper explore anything, just throws in the air the usual waffling about the “futility of vengeance” and “the necessity of violence”, features incredibly dull, uninteresting characters and ends with one of the stupidest “optimistic” endings i’ve ever seen.

To make matters worse, it’s not even pretty, starting off strong with good 2D animation in the prologue but then it’s a constantly inconsistent flip-flopping between 2D and 3D CG animation, all looking astoningly cheap for a feature film by Hosoda’s Studio Chizu, with musical scenes meant to wow audiences being downright laughable and featuring generic, unispired music to boot.

Tromeo & Juliet (1996) [REVIEW] | Troma Shaped Box

While i was adamant about never reviewing a Troma film again due to them defending Harry Knownles some time ago, after seeing the new Toxic Avenger reboot/remake i realized there’s no point as the company died years ago, the soul of it, anyway, and it’s sad that i somehow longed for when they were trash but punk for real, instead of pretending as they are today.

Plus, at this point, they have so little relevance left regardless, so whatever, as they have a right to keep trying to remake their old shlock classics (or do new installments on their old series like Class Of Nuke ‘Em High), so have i to review Tromeo & Juliet for a lark if i want (and so have you on this decision of mine, obviously), and because it’s that time of the year .

I was gonna say basically the same thing for the SGT Kabukiman review i planned last year, but that i had to delay, so i’ll refer back to this one for clarification in the future, instead of redoing the spiel everytime.

And i guess at one point i’ll have to do a full essay on Kaufman and Troma as a whole, because in a way it deserves more discussion that i’m giving it here, but let’s not get carried away, it’s time to revisit a Troma classic, their shlock loose retelling of Romeo and Juliet, with an obvious but also obviously catchy punny name, Tromeo & Juliet (still makes more sense than Gnomeo & Juliet).

Time to shit on Shakespeare, because why not?

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Big Top Pee Wee (1988) [REVIEW] | Romancing The Weiner Tree

Need to preface this one by saying that the title might not imply what you think.

As in, newer generations (especially not from the US) most likely don’t know that “Pee Wee” isn’t slang for something (and i hope it never was), it’s just a comedy character played by late American comedian Paul Rubens, which developed the character of Pee-wee Herman with Phil Hartman (of Simpson fame), originally debutting for a sketch, then getting its own weird “kids comedy show” called “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”, and success eventually brought the Pee Wee persona to the big screen, with Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (1985) also being the first feature lenght film directed by Tim Burton, with also Danny Elfman debuting here as a composer.

I didn’t grow up with the old show as i’m not american and “too young for that shit” at the time, but with the Burton film arriving here too i remember vaguely Rubens face, but regardless, the film launched Burton’s (and Elfman’s) whole career and is still fondly remembered.

I rewatched this very recently, like two weeks ago, and i can say it still holds up, a surreal cartoony live action ride brimming with irony and zany humour under its own mask of false naivetè.

Given, you have to understand what “Pee Wee Herman” is, and basically he’s a flamboyant manchild that dresses up like a golden age ventriloquist dummy, moves like one too, has a weird laugh, a child-like impatience and “lust for fun”, always surroding himself with some weird contraptions, and basically following his quirky autisms where they take him, be it a fixation on bycicles or something else.

So indeed, an idiot sauvant for the ages, even though i’m not sure how much well modern audiences would take to his character, as he may come off ironically pervish, which is almost funny in hindsight, thought the character isn’t that, and is more on an outcast living in his own world, hence perfect for Burton’s debut, he build a career on this sort of weirdos, after all.

But we’re not here to talk about his Big Adventure.

We are here to remember they tried making him a film series, following up in 1988 with Big Top Pee Wee, which has been mostly forgotten at best by audiences.

I never saw it before and honestly didn’t even know it existed until i accidentally stumbled upon it while searching for films about the circus.

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[EXPRESSO] Anaconda (2025) | Thunder Of The Gigantic Tropic Serpent

Yes, the Anaconda serie is back…kinda.

You might have heard of this reboot being in the works for a while, and it being as a quasi-January release here definitely did not feed any hype, not that there was any in the first place, gotta admit.

In case you didn’t, Sony decided to reboot the Anaconda franchise as a Tropic Thunder sort of dealio, not a bad idea in itself even though it already felt kinda masturbatory and “lazy” since Jack Black was already in Tropic Thunder.

This film sees some friends that meet up together and decide to actually follow up on their childhood dream of being proper directors, instead of being relegated to menial cinema-adjacent jobs like making video wedding invitations or playing tertiary one-line characters on TV shows, when one of them propose the project of rebooting Anaconda, one of their favorites.

This means not only writing the script, getting some funding, but also going to the Amazon river and hire a snake expert so they can “shoot the shit” there. But things gets messier when they find themselves involved with smugglers and actually stalked by a giant anaconda…

To be honest, this is noticeably better than i would expect it to be, it’s actually quite ok.

It would be better if it was able to be more original instead of doing again Tropic Thunder via Be Kind Rewind and if it was a bit less of a compromise between a more edgy and satirical take on meta-cinema and being also “safe for kids”, to say nothing about how it is fairly safe in the “self-poking humour” department.

But i will admit it has some surprises and it’s actually funnier than i expected, it’s decent and knows it’s for the best to keep runtime on the short side.

Jack Frost: The Amytiville [MANWHA REVIEW] | The Teen Hellsing Years

This has been on my bucketlist for a while because it was such a transparent case to me.

As in, sometimes you have comics more or less explicit in showing their inspiration, their model to copy and emulate, happens a lot in shonen manga but it’s not always what one would assume

Sometimes it can be just a conflation of this kind of comics being very iterative and built (like most books and movies, for that matter) on clichès, on proven formats, time-tested formula, so similarities are often more coincidence than deliberate emulation of a specific series among the sea of many similar ones, expecially when in turn they influence each other as they go, and in time are themselves taken as examplse to follow.

But once i laid eyes on this manwha (a “korean manga”) by Ko Jin-Ho, Jack Frost: The Amityville, aimed at basically the same demographic of an edgy Shonen Jump series, then red the first volume, i was kinda happy in how immediatly obvious it was to me what this wanted to be.

As in, a more shonen take on Hellsing, the renowed pulp classic by Kohta Hirano about vampires, guns bigger than people, religious freaks with knives that double as lances and undead nazi cyborg monsters.

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[EXPRESSO] Return To Silent Hill (2026) | Pyramid Ass

Okay, i’ll confess i haven’t really played proper the mainline Silent Hill games, as ironic it might sound given my obsession with horror in general, and while deserving the tar & feathering, i will say i do know at least the premise of Silent Hill 2 and some surface stuff about the plot and characters via cultural osmosis.

I say this because Return To Silent Hill is sold as a faithful adaptation of Silent Hill 2, not a sequel of the first Silent Hill film from 2006, apparently, i never bothered with the SH movies either.

That said, the premise is what you’d expect for a Silent Hill 2 film adaptation: James Sunderland is devastated after being separated from his love, Mary, receives a mysterious letter that leads him back to the sleepy town of Silent Hill, where he hopes to find Mary.

Upon entering town, though, he realizes Silent Hill has changed drastically, as he fears something malevolent is haunting it, and while struggling to discern reality from allucinations, he ventures hoping he’ll be strong enough to find and rescue Mary…

the director of 2006’s Silent Hill film, Cristophe Gans, is back here, but (as explained above) that doesn’t mean anything to me as of now nor stops this from being a honestly aggressively bad film.

Sorry, it’s just not good, at all, every way you slice it, production values are high and acting is decent, but it feels more a 2000’s high budget amusement park ride adaptation of Silent Hill 2, with the script triple-explaining everything in case you got a lobotomy after entering the cinema, it’s almost a parody so veemently the scripts fights any attempt at vagueness, let alone mystery.

Still, i’ve seen far worse horror films, at least it’s not boring and goes by fairly quickly.

[EXPRESSO] La Grazia (2025) | Servillo: Doomsday

I will preface this review by saying that while i did see The Hand Of God back in 2021 and quite liked it, i somehow missed Parthenope entirely and never corrected that.

La Grazia (meaning both “the pardon” and “the grace” in italian) though is definitely getting marketed proper, and it just released in theathers here some days ago.

It’s definitely easy to see why this one was pushed, as Sorrentino summons back again veteran actor-muse Toni Servillo.

Here he plays Mariano De Santis, a fictional Italian president whose popular and respected political run as president is about to naturally run its course, and while he looks backs on his career, he’s pressured into taking a stance about making euthanasy legal, and if to give pardon (or not) to two thorny homicide cases.

Not easy, especially when he became known for his undecisive nature as a stickler juror (that earned him the nickname “reinforced concrete”), and while his political run is about to conclude, this doesn’t give him any peace, even more as he misses his deceased wife and is obssessed by how she once cheated on him, and still, 40 years after, he doesn’t know with whom.

yes, this indeed sound and IS a Paolo Sorrentino film, in all the ways you’d expect by now.

though i’d say it feels different enough to stand out, as it dabbles more on realistic grounds (while still having the surreal tone his films often sport), and plays more like a “chamber drama”, more intimate in nature and locations, familiar but not too much, dealing with a still relevant theme.

It’s not a perfect “return to form”, since the script at the end opts for a questionable choice, while also misusing a potentially great side-character, but even with these flaws, i’d recommend it.

Final Verdict: Expresso

[EXPRESSO] No Other Choice (2025) | Canis Canem Edit

After Decision To Leave, Park Chan-Wook is back with a satirical black comedy, No Other Choice.

Based on the novel The Ax By Donald Westlake, the film sees Man-su, a paper industry expert with a 25 years sterling career, paper being his profession but also providing for his family wealth and being part of his identity…. being laid off without notice.

As his life falls apart and the sudden firing theathens to kill off not only his hobby greenhouse, but his family’s passions, even their future career (with the daughter being a budding violin master to be), as they have to even send away their two dogs to make due, Man-su decides to start killing off his competition in the hope he well get his job in the industry back and maintain his way of life.

Man-su also isn’t particularly cut off to be a killer, but is desperate enough to try and do anything it takes, which often involves being caught in odd or embarassing situations, or worse, being very understanding of other fellows in the paper industry biz it’s trying to kill as he’s got (like many characters say in the film itself) “no other choice”.

As expected of Park Chan-Wook, it’s a very brutal, humane yet relentless film, this time picturing a normal man who is chewed up and then spat out by the corporation that gave him a fairly wealthy lifestyle, and then takes extreme measures as his status quo falls apart, ready to do anything to win the corpo rat race, feeling more than pressured to be what he wants and wants other to think he is, as comformity and optics are king.

Very clever and also pretty damn funny, honestly might be one of Park Chan Wook’ bests, maybe even a masterpiece, it’s excellent.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022) [REVIEW] | Mecha Santa MK-II

Okay, just ONE christmas themed slasher to review under the tenenbaum.

It is Christmas’ Eve, after all.

Also, not one of the more obvious one, yet not an oldie, so that brings us to 2022’s Christmas Bloody Christmas, which is an apt if generic title, unrelated to the Silent Night, Deadly Night series (even though it started as a remake of that one, which did get a remake-reboot released earlier this month) or Black Christmas, the 2020 reboot which i was denied seeing by local distributors saying it was coming to theathers here too…. it never did in any widespread way.

We’ll do that next year, i’m really not feeling it this time around, nor dumpster diving for another shitty Krampus film that might or not be about the Krampus.

No thanks, i’ll stick to something more recent and normal, like this film about a defective robot santa malfunctioning on Christmas’ Eve and starting a killing spree.

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[EXPRESSO] Alice In Borderland (Season Three) (2025) | Mistaah Jay

So, it’s one of those cases, as season 2 teased a “joker” card at the end, implying a continuation, despite the events seemingly having been wrapped up for good.

Fine, i guess, i assumed there were more volumes of the manga to draw from… there were not, Season 2 adapted that fully, and apparently this third season it’s not a direct adaptation of the sequel series, Retry, nor the prequel Border Road, though it (allegedly) takes some elements from those.

Years have passed, the survivors of “Borderland” have come back and forgot about the death games, moving on with their lives, but someone is bringing new people into that world, like a professor obsessed with the afterlife, while also stringing survivors from previous games back into the fray, including Arisu and Usagi….

It’s not even bad, but even just going blind into this third season there’s this air of contrived cop-out, it just feels like this wasn’t planned but imposed upon from the higher up that demanded another season of the show regardless, and so the writers had to wing it because “the content must flow”.

And to their credits, the new games (aside from the bullshit one with the fire arrows) are fun enough and do feel in line with the show, some of the new characters are somewhat interesting, but that and the crumbs of worldbuilding about “Borderland” aren’t enough to sustain or incite much curiosity, not helped by the timeskip that allows for some convenient off-screen characterization.

It just feels mostly unnecessary, existing because the series (allegedly) keeps breaking its own viewership records, and while it being shorter than the previous seasons is most likely for the best, i’m not gonna praise them for it since the ending teases a fourth one taking place abroad.