[EXPRESSO] Don Chisciotte (2026) | Romance Dusk

A new, Italian adaptation of the famous Don Quixote by Cervantes, also based off an old theathre adaptation of the same classic story by an often unsung master of italian cinema and theathre (among others thing, he co-wrote Bycicle Thieves) Gerardo Guerrieri.

While i’m not familiar with Guerrieri treatment-version of the story, i think this aspect it’s worth noting because some there’s a theathrical flair and approach to some scenes, for better or worse, not that i think this is a proper, major flaw.

That said, this is a straightforward adaptation of the classic novel, taking place in its proper time period and locations, but aside the beginning and end framing this as Cervantes himself envisioning his book while being treated at a hospital after partecipating in the Battle Of Lepanto (and a couple of events are cut to avoid the film go over the 2 hours runtime) it is indeed Don Quixote, and ironically the fact it’s not a modernized take gives it more impactful.

Sure, while i did like Gilliam’s take on the tale (for example), i also understand that in a way there’s no need to modernize the story, as it’s themes do keep on resonating as strong as they do today, and reconfirm this as a modern classic not just because they tell you it is and make you read it in school.

I won’t lie, at times its committment to being faithful makes it a bit too didactic, some of the acting isn’t amazing, but the main performances of Alessio Boni (Don Quixote) and Fiorenzo Mattu (Sancho) are great, photography is quite good, and the committment to have the world feel extra concrete extends to avoid any digital effects, as in, they actually built real windmills and windmill props, which is extra laudable especially now.

Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman (1958) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

One thing that might surprise younger people is that despite its popularity, Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman ain’t a precursor on the trend of giant/miniaturized people, quite the opposite.

It’s also funny how is such a movie obviously conceived for the drive-in circuits, since it’s so short than of course it had to be shown as a double feature, that being Corman’s War Of The Satellites.

So short than to expand the runtime from 66 minutes to 75 for the TV version they had to basically reuse sequences, add a long crawl at the beginning and even fuck around with frames manipulation to artificially lenghten the thing. Jesus Christ, the desperation indeed.

In hindsight, one does learn to appreciate the efficiency of these cheap movies from the era, for better or worse they ended up not wasting your time as much as some crap movies now do, even if they clearly wanted to reach the standard 90 minutes, but in the “age of content”, these films being to the point are quite welcome in their brevity.

Even though often they are so more due to budget than anything else.

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[EXPRESSO] The Bride! (2026) | Mary Shelley’s Frankenmess

This was a film i did look forward to see, obviously, being a peculiar take on Bride Of Frankenstein, with the trailers showing off The Creature (the Frankenstein monster) and The Bride in a Bonny & Clyde, Syd & Nancy style dynamic as they travel a 30’s America of gangsters and trenched detectives.

The premise sees the ghost/spirit of Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein herself, meta narrate about her “sequel” about the “Bride” of Frankenstein, in this case the corpse of a prostitute working undercover to gather info about a particularly violent mob boss, which is dug up after the Creature travels to America and seeks the help of Dr. Ephronious to make him a companion in order to soothe his unique loneliness.

The experiment is successful and so the Bride is borne, but it becomes difficult for the two monsters to go unnoticed, not only due to the police and the mob befuddled by a presumed dead woman showing up on the newspapers’ headlines, but also because Mary Shelley herself occasionally possesses the Bride’s body…..

the idea of a feminist take on Bride Of Frankenstein makes perfect sense, i do believe so, even if discordant by design, as it’s not only a horror-crime duet of deranged protagonists complementing each other’s delirium, but it’s also a gothic romance that often dips into comedy and even musical sequence that seems to tribute-spoof Frankenstein Junior.

It’s ambitious and – again- by design tries to combine together pieces that don’t really naturally fit, which is indeed “very Frankenstein”, but the execution honestly feels like a really hot mess of intentions, even more stitched together and messier than intended, downright clunky.

I do respect its ambition, even if the final result is indeed quite flawed, but also proper interesting and never quite boring.

Queen Kong (1976) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Time to give it up for the one and only… Queen Kong.

the only “Queenie Fo’ My Weenie”.

It’s very obscure and forgotten as Kong rip-offs go… and thankfully so, because it might be the worst one, as in “so bad it’s jarring” kind of bad.

Let’s be honest, this should have been a 10 minutes sketch on TV, making a full lenght movie out of the concept “let’s swap genders to the King Kong story” as some sort of performative progressive feminist take on the classic tale (purely performative, it’s just the same exploitation style brand of random racism and “sensibilities”) and let’s make it a parody because so we can stuff it full of whatever, like shitty comedy too and hackenyed gag.

plus since it’s “for a laugh” we can excuse away the shitty ass effects, it’s that kind of cynical film that deliberately ridicules itself in order to excuse how fuckin awful it really is.

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[EXPRESSO] Scarlet (2025) | “Why Don’t You Ramlet?”

After debutting at 2025’s Venice Film Festival, Hosoda’s latest film, Scarlet, is releasing in theathers worlwide.

And to be honest i was ready to be disappointed, but you know, even Belle with its flaws was quite interesting, but Scarlet instead surpassed my expectations for the worse, and it pains me to say that it is, without a doubt, the worse Hosoda film ever, however you slice it.

The premise is not necessarily bad, at all, basically doing a genderbend version of Hamlet, but when the heroine Scarlet, fails to avenge her father’s death at the hands of her evil uncle Claudius, she finds herself in a limbo where souls gather after death, regardless of era or nation.

There is she informed by a strange shaman woman that her uncle Claudius is here too, and is amassing an army to stop others going to the “Infinite Lands” beyond the mountains, so she continues her quest for vengeance, helped by Hijiri, a pacifist paramedic from modern day Japan.

Scarlet it is the worse written Hosoda film ever, with a story that even by its own fantasy sci fi logic makes little sense, a super basic Hamlet deconstruction that has nothing to say and doesn’t proper explore anything, just throws in the air the usual waffling about the “futility of vengeance” and “the necessity of violence”, features incredibly dull, uninteresting characters and ends with one of the stupidest “optimistic” endings i’ve ever seen.

To make matters worse, it’s not even pretty, starting off strong with good 2D animation in the prologue but then it’s a constantly inconsistent flip-flopping between 2D and 3D CG animation, all looking astoningly cheap for a feature film by Hosoda’s Studio Chizu, with musical scenes meant to wow audiences being downright laughable and featuring generic, unispired music to boot.

Tromeo & Juliet (1996) [REVIEW] | Troma Shaped Box

While i was adamant about never reviewing a Troma film again due to them defending Harry Knownles some time ago, after seeing the new Toxic Avenger reboot/remake i realized there’s no point as the company died years ago, the soul of it, anyway, and it’s sad that i somehow longed for when they were trash but punk for real, instead of pretending as they are today.

Plus, at this point, they have so little relevance left regardless, so whatever, as they have a right to keep trying to remake their old shlock classics (or do new installments on their old series like Class Of Nuke ‘Em High), so have i to review Tromeo & Juliet for a lark if i want (and so have you on this decision of mine, obviously), and because it’s that time of the year .

I was gonna say basically the same thing for the SGT Kabukiman review i planned last year, but that i had to delay, so i’ll refer back to this one for clarification in the future, instead of redoing the spiel everytime.

And i guess at one point i’ll have to do a full essay on Kaufman and Troma as a whole, because in a way it deserves more discussion that i’m giving it here, but let’s not get carried away, it’s time to revisit a Troma classic, their shlock loose retelling of Romeo and Juliet, with an obvious but also obviously catchy punny name, Tromeo & Juliet (still makes more sense than Gnomeo & Juliet).

Time to shit on Shakespeare, because why not?

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Big Top Pee Wee (1988) [REVIEW] | Romancing The Weiner Tree

Need to preface this one by saying that the title might not imply what you think.

As in, newer generations (especially not from the US) most likely don’t know that “Pee Wee” isn’t slang for something (and i hope it never was), it’s just a comedy character played by late American comedian Paul Rubens, which developed the character of Pee-wee Herman with Phil Hartman (of Simpson fame), originally debutting for a sketch, then getting its own weird “kids comedy show” called “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”, and success eventually brought the Pee Wee persona to the big screen, with Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (1985) also being the first feature lenght film directed by Tim Burton, with also Danny Elfman debuting here as a composer.

I didn’t grow up with the old show as i’m not american and “too young for that shit” at the time, but with the Burton film arriving here too i remember vaguely Rubens face, but regardless, the film launched Burton’s (and Elfman’s) whole career and is still fondly remembered.

I rewatched this very recently, like two weeks ago, and i can say it still holds up, a surreal cartoony live action ride brimming with irony and zany humour under its own mask of false naivetè.

Given, you have to understand what “Pee Wee Herman” is, and basically he’s a flamboyant manchild that dresses up like a golden age ventriloquist dummy, moves like one too, has a weird laugh, a child-like impatience and “lust for fun”, always surroding himself with some weird contraptions, and basically following his quirky autisms where they take him, be it a fixation on bycicles or something else.

So indeed, an idiot sauvant for the ages, even though i’m not sure how much well modern audiences would take to his character, as he may come off ironically pervish, which is almost funny in hindsight, thought the character isn’t that, and is more on an outcast living in his own world, hence perfect for Burton’s debut, he build a career on this sort of weirdos, after all.

But we’re not here to talk about his Big Adventure.

We are here to remember they tried making him a film series, following up in 1988 with Big Top Pee Wee, which has been mostly forgotten at best by audiences.

I never saw it before and honestly didn’t even know it existed until i accidentally stumbled upon it while searching for films about the circus.

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[EXPRESSO] Anaconda (2025) | Thunder Of The Gigantic Tropic Serpent

Yes, the Anaconda serie is back…kinda.

You might have heard of this reboot being in the works for a while, and it being as a quasi-January release here definitely did not feed any hype, not that there was any in the first place, gotta admit.

In case you didn’t, Sony decided to reboot the Anaconda franchise as a Tropic Thunder sort of dealio, not a bad idea in itself even though it already felt kinda masturbatory and “lazy” since Jack Black was already in Tropic Thunder.

This film sees some friends that meet up together and decide to actually follow up on their childhood dream of being proper directors, instead of being relegated to menial cinema-adjacent jobs like making video wedding invitations or playing tertiary one-line characters on TV shows, when one of them propose the project of rebooting Anaconda, one of their favorites.

This means not only writing the script, getting some funding, but also going to the Amazon river and hire a snake expert so they can “shoot the shit” there. But things gets messier when they find themselves involved with smugglers and actually stalked by a giant anaconda…

To be honest, this is noticeably better than i would expect it to be, it’s actually quite ok.

It would be better if it was able to be more original instead of doing again Tropic Thunder via Be Kind Rewind and if it was a bit less of a compromise between a more edgy and satirical take on meta-cinema and being also “safe for kids”, to say nothing about how it is fairly safe in the “self-poking humour” department.

But i will admit it has some surprises and it’s actually funnier than i expected, it’s decent and knows it’s for the best to keep runtime on the short side.

Jack Frost: The Amytiville [MANWHA REVIEW] | The Teen Hellsing Years

This has been on my bucketlist for a while because it was such a transparent case to me.

As in, sometimes you have comics more or less explicit in showing their inspiration, their model to copy and emulate, happens a lot in shonen manga but it’s not always what one would assume

Sometimes it can be just a conflation of this kind of comics being very iterative and built (like most books and movies, for that matter) on clichès, on proven formats, time-tested formula, so similarities are often more coincidence than deliberate emulation of a specific series among the sea of many similar ones, expecially when in turn they influence each other as they go, and in time are themselves taken as examplse to follow.

But once i laid eyes on this manwha (a “korean manga”) by Ko Jin-Ho, Jack Frost: The Amityville, aimed at basically the same demographic of an edgy Shonen Jump series, then red the first volume, i was kinda happy in how immediatly obvious it was to me what this wanted to be.

As in, a more shonen take on Hellsing, the renowed pulp classic by Kohta Hirano about vampires, guns bigger than people, religious freaks with knives that double as lances and undead nazi cyborg monsters.

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[EXPRESSO] Return To Silent Hill (2026) | Pyramid Ass

Okay, i’ll confess i haven’t really played proper the mainline Silent Hill games, as ironic it might sound given my obsession with horror in general, and while deserving the tar & feathering, i will say i do know at least the premise of Silent Hill 2 and some surface stuff about the plot and characters via cultural osmosis.

I say this because Return To Silent Hill is sold as a faithful adaptation of Silent Hill 2, not a sequel of the first Silent Hill film from 2006, apparently, i never bothered with the SH movies either.

That said, the premise is what you’d expect for a Silent Hill 2 film adaptation: James Sunderland is devastated after being separated from his love, Mary, receives a mysterious letter that leads him back to the sleepy town of Silent Hill, where he hopes to find Mary.

Upon entering town, though, he realizes Silent Hill has changed drastically, as he fears something malevolent is haunting it, and while struggling to discern reality from allucinations, he ventures hoping he’ll be strong enough to find and rescue Mary…

the director of 2006’s Silent Hill film, Cristophe Gans, is back here, but (as explained above) that doesn’t mean anything to me as of now nor stops this from being a honestly aggressively bad film.

Sorry, it’s just not good, at all, every way you slice it, production values are high and acting is decent, but it feels more a 2000’s high budget amusement park ride adaptation of Silent Hill 2, with the script triple-explaining everything in case you got a lobotomy after entering the cinema, it’s almost a parody so veemently the scripts fights any attempt at vagueness, let alone mystery.

Still, i’ve seen far worse horror films, at least it’s not boring and goes by fairly quickly.