Not Bong Joon-ho’s. Not the Charles Band’s kind of Parasite either.
Not even the manga by Hitoshi Iwaaki, sadly.
With this one we’re reaching deep into the ass of forgotten crappy b-movies from the early 2000s, dumped among many of its brethren on streaming sites, i discovered it while browsing Amazon Prime Video, and i would wager it’s pretty much available on the service anywhere in the world.
Continua a leggere “Parasite (2004) [REVIEW] | Not that one either”
Let’s get this over with, even if it’s pointless to review, as it’s just a WB corporate flex.
I revisited the original Space Jam just before seeing this, it was a corporate vehicle emphasizing cross brand promotion, spectacle, and references over story, with the “hook” of real life celebrities acting a cliched “inspiring sports film” formula alongside animated characters.
But in retrospect it had some laughs and some self awareness NOT weaponized to just suck corporate cocks in a proud cynical fashion, all the time.
And yes, this is just a new one, a “stand-alone sequel”, make sense since it has been in development hell for 15 years.
It has the same basic premise, with a basketball game deciding the fate of a real life person and the cartoon characters he mets in a new world. Obviously this one swaps Michael Jordan for James LeBron, but also tries to up the ante and modernize it, setting it in a virtual WB-verse where an evil algorhythm-IA has trapped LeBron and his younger son Dom.
Problem is it also quadruples down on corporate bullshit, to the point it’s way longer than it needs just to have countless references using WB owned IPs. Not jokes, references. It also takes itself more seriously for no reason, and it’s often more embarassing and awkward than funny or fun.
This is an official feature length shitpost filled with memes and references (not so much jokes), and while the animation isn’t bad, it’s a stylistically spineless affair, even the older Space Jam had a consistent style to the mixing of live action and animation.
The original was a product of his time as much as this new one is, but even the 1996 movie it’s still better than this specimen of pure corporate public narcistic wanking.
Horrendous.
So, as it’s customary and cyclical event by now, a new Nintendo Direct dropped at midnight today, and i have something to blabber on about without planning much.
Continua a leggere “Talking bout that new dang Nintendo Direct”
While CD Projeckt Red (look out to not be sued by Robert Fripp) it’s still trying to patch up the comatose corpse release of Cyberpunk 2077, let’s go back in time when cyberpunk was…. actually not that far since i actually played this last year while quarantined and cleanin some of my backlog, and the game actually came out in 2012, almost ten years ago.
It just feels odd to discuss a game like this now, with the scenario of a society that basically taps directly into the “Wired” (not actually called that, but you get it), so you can connect to the internets with a chip installed in your brain, with more than half of the world populace having it, and using it to – among other things like downloading porn and Doom 2 WADS, i guess – align with one of the megacorporations that have become more important than nations themselves. The megacorps of course compete for dominance by also upping their terror and spy tactics by using prized killers, like the protagonist, Kilo (yes, with a “i”), as corporate espionage is basically a full on war.
Continua a leggere “Syndicate PS3 [REVIEW] | Cyberbooting EA Nonsense”
Let’s take a break from giant mutated spiders while i get around to see the new Dune movie… and eventually Space Jam A New Legacy, i kinda “have” to see it, shall we?
So, since i have been spending not small amounts of cash in Blu-Rays put out by renowed cult distributor Arrow Video (i don’t just watch crap, you know?) and preording a lot of their releases, like the Sailor Gun And Machine Girl one, expect to see some “hands on- let’s gander at” pieces, or full out reviews out of that in October (and early January, since some will release in very late November, just before Dino Dicember comes around once again).
I would love to put out videogame reviews a lot quicker, but time is scarce as ever, so hope you enjoyed the Wario Ware Get It Together one, was a bit easier to edit than expected, gotta be honest, but there are some more coming later, check back tomorrow for a new reviewe. Maybe the new Dune, maybe Tremors.
Today is technically a “nap day”, i guess.
(and yeah, i have plans to feature the entire Daimajin trilogy)
This one is a bit special to me as an italian, as it fills a niche of monster movies that basically went extinct over time: the italian b-movie made for the international market.
Yeah, as you could ascertain from the poster (and the cast list) having almost exclusively italian actors on it, this is an italian movie, and if the look of the actors didn’t give it away (i’d argue it does, at the very least it’s obvious that these are not American), the english dub ABSOLUTELY will make that clear as day, and sadly you can’t watch it in italian with english subs, not only on the UK DVD release i imported, but apparently in all english languages releases on streaming as well.
Continua a leggere “Arachnicide (2014) [REVIEW] | Going Digital On Yo Ass”
While it’s one of the more famous B-movie about spiders and most of you it’s most likely quite familiar with it, i wanted to feature a good, fun one about giant spiders, and i feel it’s worth talking about it again, especially for newer generations, as this still holds up in hindsight.
The fundamental value it’s that Eight Legged Freaks it’s a homage to the 50’s monster movies made with affection, deep affection, and unlike some of the modern b-movies that are shit at the core and try to pass off their own cynical uninspired slob as “comedic”, this is an actual horror comedy that fully embraces, understands and playfully uses the many cliches of giant monster movies.
Continua a leggere “Eight Legged Freaks AKA Arac Attack (2002) [REVIEW] | Barrel O’ Fun”
Since i have been waiting a lot for Nintendo to resurrect the Wario Ware series, especially since they kinda blew it on Wii U with Game & Wario and since then we got simply a collection on 3DS (which is still better treatment other not-major Nintendo franchises got in decades), i was quite ready for a new one to come out, and then bam, Nintendo Direct, new Wario Ware. Yeah boi!
This one i preordered at a slightly lower price, because 50 bucks for a Wario Ware seemed a bit much in this day and age, but we’ll get to that later.
Continua a leggere “Wario Ware: Get It Together NSWITCH [REVIEW] | Bugfixing Bonanza”
As promised in the review of Spiders 3D, here’s the review of the spider creature feature TV movie Tibor Takacs directed before the 2013’s Nu Image/Millennium Film one that happened to pretty much be a remake of the 2000’s movie Spiders, produced by the same company.
You might argue i maybe should have done this before Spiders 3D, and you would be correct, but i didn’t even find out Ice Spiders existed before doing research for the other one, so here we are.
I should have guessed that a movie like this would exist, because i do believe this type of genre B-movies (especially if made for TV like this one) will eventually fall victim to what i call the “Pokemon Singularity”, with desperate filmakers mixing and matching animals with a random element/type, and if we can have sharks made of ice, sand (so “earth”), fire (atomic), even ghostly “dark” sharks, sure as shit we can have a movie called Ice Spiders. Possibly about literal spiders made of ice.
Continua a leggere “Ice Spiders (2007) [REVIEW] | Ski Spiders”
B-movie about spiders have tenaciously popped up decade after decade, because arachnophobia it’s quite common, so nothing is more cathartic than seeing spiders of giant size getting blown the fuck up… after eating people, rampaging through cities, etc.
So it’s no wonder than once in a while a new one comes out, this time Spiders 3D, also known as Spiders in home video releases, which might make people confuse it for the older one (already featured here), so the 3D monicker feels kinda necessary, as it was actually shot in that format… which is obviously lost on a regular DVD release.
This one comes from Tibor Takacs, a genre director better known for the cult movie The Gate and episodes of Sabrina The Teenage Witch old tv series (alongside the Sabrina Goes To Rome movie), whom we already spotlighted when we reviewed the TV movie The Black Hole, and fittingly this isn’t even the first time he did a creature feature about spiders with 2007’s TV movie Ice Spiders.
Which i guess i now gotta review as well, don’t see why not.
Don’t see why either, but whatever.
Continua a leggere “Spiders 3D (2013) [REVIEW] | Arachnids Of The Third Dimension”
Wise Cafe (International) 