[EXPRESSO] Opus (2025) | Modesto, Cult Of The Damned

A horror movie where John Malkovich plays a 90s super popstar coming back after 20 years with a new album and inviting a clique of media personalities (and a young journalist willing to make her mark) for a special preview event on his very Jonestown looking comunity/cult…

It sound promising, but honestly Opus it’s pretty frustrating, for the feature debut of Mark Antony Green shows clear ambition in wanting to tackle the modern theme of the “cult of celebrity”… but it does so quite badly, mostly rehashing stuff already done notably better before, for an uninspired popstar take on The Menu crossed with Midsommar, for example.

I’d complain it’s a thriller devoid of thrills as you know exactly that some culty shit is gonna go down… but it doesn’t really play like a thriller, going for a comedy angle of sorts that doesn’t quite work, as they don’t committ fully to that either. They do deliver a Chuck Norris joke (i kid you not), but mostly you’re left wondering how stupid are these people to not notice they’ve entered “Elton Jonestown”.

Aside from the main protagonist-final girl, whose actress seems unable to gel with the direction… but then again the film isn’t really sure what to do with itself, often contradicting its own set-ups for cheap sholc, the villain plans becoming increasingly stupider and the plot somehow even more senseless, making for a pretentious yet half baked, incredibly stupid mess.

What saves it from being as bad as Blink Twice is John Malkovic go full ham as the villain, basically “Elton Leto”, he commits perfectly that his performance alone makes it kinda worth a watch… but boy it’s a dud, frustratingly so, and maybe – MAYBE – a sign that this type of modern horror-thrillers its running on fumes. Just a bit.

[EXPRESSO] The Monkey (2025) | FAQING MONKY

After bringing about a Manson-esque supernatural horror with Longlegs, Oz Perkins is back with an adaptation of Stephen King’s short story The Monkey, about – indeed – a cursed mechanical wind-up toy monkey (no cimbals, but a good ol’ drum & stick set) that is able kill off people via convenient incidents, found by a couple of brothers as it belonged to their father, who ran off home years ago. They find out there’s something about the monkey toy and the deaths that seem to happened with eerie timing, so they decide to hide it away.

25 years later, mysterious deaths start happening again in the brother’s hometown of Casco, Maine (ah yes, the inland, Jessica Fletcher-free part of it), forcing the two siblings, whom has grown strangers to each other, to settle that dark secret from their past….

And boy is this one a good time, as it goes for a deliberately over the top comedy horror tone, which works splendidly with the very blasè existentialist dark humour, and doesn’t waste time trying to make more complex or apply “logic” to a concept that defies it, because the idea of a djinn/genie that can basically dish out death without having to twist around the words of the people making the wishes doesn’t make sense either.

The toy monkey won’t care what you think (or want) either way.

The characters and exchanges are delightfully over the top in some way or another (while reserving some time for more serious, emotional moments), as are the many gory deaths, as gruesome as they are funny, with people exploding into pieces, torn apart by lawnmowers, being brutally impaled via a series of absurd little accidents, the effects are great too, and it doesn’t overstays its welcome by padding itself out.

Quite fun, recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Prophecy (2025) | Revenge Of The UberEats Boys

I’ve quite enjoyed Tetsuya Tsutsui mangas such as Reset, Noise, Duds Hunt… but i’ve never heard of “Prophecy”, that one sure eluded me.

So imagine my surprise when i saw this Italian live action film adaptation of his Prophecy manga announced months ago. Especially since they already made a Japanese live action film adaptation… back in 2015.

Sure the production studio, Brandon Box, notably also have been working on a Tiger Mask live action film (the anime was mad popular here back in the 80s)… but why this one specifically?

The plot involves a couple of young dudes trying to sell their stock market software, “Prophecy”, to a media mogul, but it fails spectacularly, forcing them to scrape by with odd jobs, until months later they find the mogul profitting over “Prophecy”. So they decide to moonlight as a modern, social media wise Robin Hood, the protagonist donning a mask made of newspaper and the alias “Paperboy”, becoming a viral sensation, things snowball, the police gets involved, yada yada.

It’s odd, because it’s not awful, acting is quite solid, i respect the attempt, the heart is in the right place, ….but it’s a tensionless thriller that comes off as weird step child of Mr. Robot and a crime caper comedy à-la Now You See Me (minus the magic), an action comedy thingie that touches upon modern problems like the rooted effect Internet has on our lives, social injustices like the UberEats style of “poverty jobs” forced upon people that were denied a better future… while also seeming stuck in the past on many pivotal plot elements like “hacking”, the characters are bidimensional cutouts, the script is kinda weak, full of unintentional anticlimaxes and just straight up forced plot developments.

Not bad, just kinda of a mess, but an okayish one.

Final Verdict: Americano

Creature From The Haunted Sea (1961) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

So yeah, this is not quite “giant monster” territory as the poster would imply, but i wanted to cover this one for a while and it will do as a parallel to Monster Armageddon, as any excuse to compare Roger Corman’s output of the 50s-60s with the Asylum’s to shame the latter… it’s a good one.

Even if it’s still a tale of lies, because this was deliberately made as a comedy but was never advertised as such, with the promotional material playing it straight, like this being a “serious” monster flick in the vein of Creature Of The Black Lagoon, only to ambush the audiences come to see this in a double feature with Devil’s Partner.

Goading people into seeing a deliberate farce, a parody of basically every movie Corman did to that point, another quickie he actually shot in Puerto Rico alongside Last Woman On Earth, but it wouldn’t be seen until a year later in 1961, a farce that also a political satire and then lastly a monster movie, with one of the silliest looking aquatic monsters ever, as if The Monster From Piedras Biancas was made to look as silly as the bird thing in The Giant Claw. Deliberately.

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[EXPRESSO] La Città Proibita/The Forbidden City (2025) | Kung Fu In Roma

After delighting italian audiences with the superhero-anime inspired They Called Him Jeeg and then unleashing circus freaks against the nazis in Freaks Out, director Gabriele Mainetti opted for another type of modern pastiche with La Città Proibita (lit. “The Forbidden City”, not sure how much intentional are the similarities with the 1918 films of the same name ), blending in a kung fu drana film with an Italian crime-thriller.

The movie sees Mei, a chinese woman on a quest to find her sister, whom moved to Rome years ago, and as she fights her way through the criminal underbelly of the city, she meets Marcello, the son of an indebted restaurant owner that is thrown into this since his dead father was mentioned by Mei, the two eventually teaming up to find out the truth behind their shared woes….

It’s an impressive feat how this isn’t just a “cute attempt” or is “as good as it can get due to being an Italian production”, none of that, there’s actually a profound understanding of kung fu films as well as the kind of specific regional (Roman in this case) italian style of drama and comedy that would resonates with the audiences, there’s respect, hearth and good craft put to it, with professional, high quality brutal kung fu action, excellent coreography and tight editing.

The elements and plot beats are typical of the kung fu genre (it’s a vengeance story at heart, for one) but really well executed, and more importantly this doesn’t feel like two movies forced to coexist despite being at odds with each other, quite the opposite, as they both benefit/draw from this “culture clash” theme for the best, acting its quite good (mostly), it is quite captiving and enthralling if you’re willing to give the idea a chance.

Up The WAZOOH! (Remastered)

So finally they announced a release date – after dealing it months ago – for that remaster of Croc: Legend Of The Gobbos, Argonaut Games came back from the dead last summer just for it, as in its gonna launch on the 2nd of April, so in a couple of weeks it will be out on pretty much everything.

Digitally, as expected, but you could also try preordering physical PS5-Switch US copies of the game on Rock It Games (not sponsored, i found it linked on the Gematsu article of this new release date announcement), if you have enough dough and interest for the ol’ Croc.

I could try rewrite/rework my old review for the old incarnation of Platformation i did for the occasion, bu i won’t: first, i wanna actually replay it (i have the old PS1 disc version of that and the sequel), write a brand new review for the game, BUT i hoped the delay would push it further down this year, since i already had more than enough to do.

Also, since most of the month will be dedicated (as decided months ago) to Asterix & Obelix, mostly the platforming titles of the XXL series, it would be overkill for Platformation Time Again.

So that review will be done, eventually, maybe when-if they remaster Croc 2.

Don’t expect an EXPRESSO review anytime soon of the new live action Snow White thing with the uncanny valley dwarves, i’m keep gonna pretend these fuckin movies don’t exist, as i have for a while now.

I will have a review of the Minecraft live action film out, hopefully on the week it debuts here ( it comes out on April 3).

Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve lamented the downright lethargic, nearly comatose state and distinct disinterest, so nested and in a rot The Asylum is with their output in this last period, i’ve done that before.

It’s clear whatever “magic” they summoned with Sharknado didn’t last long, and now just rest on their laurels, so to speak, as even the usual aficionados of trash got disinterested in the same way the company itself seems to be with whatever they cram out, they keep doing their thing but just because it’s what they have always done, and will keep doing until there’s not any money left off mockbustering.

I remember from a class in genre cinema i once took that – broadly speaking – a genre has reached a stage of severe stagnation when it starts becoming metatextual, to speak of itself more than anything else, as it can obstensibly find nothing else to iterate on, so it “turns on itself”.

And while it no longer hold completely true, as we’re now in a post-meta phase, if you will, there’s still a valid argument in there, because films like Monster Armageddon (released as 2025 Armageddon in trying to fool more people) validate the implied drying up of the “creative well”, and are a testament to this decade of post-irony, meta overdosing incestinal multiverse crossovers, of finding out there’s no bottom of the barrel, no real lowest of the low that can’t be “improved” upon.

I remember buying the DVD for this one for 5 bucks, sight unseen, on Amazon back in 2023, i knew it was an Asylum joint, and the cover art was nice, featuring a lots of monsters and creatures.

As with Monster Island (their mockbuster response to 2019’s Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters), the cover art is way better than the movie itself, but this time around it isn’t a complete lie like it was with that movie… as in it’s not technically a lie.

It’s worse… or is it?

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[EXPRESSO] The Electric State (2025) | Mr. Peanut, Break Down This Wall

VERY loosely based on Simon Stålenhag’s 2018 retro-sci-fi illustrated book of the same name and directed by the Russo brothers, The Electric State is set in an alternate 1990s where robots, gaining sentience after decades, rise up and engage a full on war, ultimately won by the humans using headgear controlled remote drone soldiers. After the war, the headgear/vr sets are sold commercially to pacify the masses, while the surviving robots are sent to a giant desert prison colony.

We follow a juvenile delinquent, Jessie (Millie Bobby Brown), whom lost her family in a car accident years ago and is now a foster kid, as one night she gets visited by a robot of Kid Cosmo, her beloved brother’s favourite childhood cartoon, which claims to actually be him, leading the two in a roadtrip-escape adventure…..

One that plays it super-straight, all in an attempt to get us invested into this world… hard to when there’s simply no charm, with the movie actively refusing to embrace its inherent sillyness AND doubling down on being “gritty”, which backfires on a nuclear scale.

There’s a palpable attempt at telling a Spielberg style tale, but there’s no soul or substance to it, just a Ready Player One masturbatory penchant for pop culture regurgitation (that makes NO SENSE in context, to boot), well known actors half-assing their admittely bad characters, and a plot being a senseless, meaningless hodgepotche that makes even less sense as it goes on, never committed to anything besides vague, overly basic metaphors, or Funko Pops-friendly character designs.

Those that aren’t already well known brand figureheads like fuckin Mr. Peanut (what is this, Food Fight?).

It’s not even boring, but it’s quite bad, stupid, mostly just so confounding you had to wonder “Why?”, especially when it had a 320 million dollars budget.

Down With The Sickness (& Flood)

Sorry for EXPRESSO reviews being scarcer than usual these weeks, i have been sick, plus in my region there had been floods (i’m fine), so for a couple days schools and most shops (including cinemas) closed, but it was brief, so i’m gonna try to catch up to the latest releases in cinema here, and i will be dipping in Netflix’s catalogue as well, though some EXPRESSO reviews are gonna be delayed a bit anyway (like the one for Oz Perkins’ The Monkey), and i wanted to also review some gachas like Girls Frontline 2, but i had technical issues, not much time for that anwyay, and the PC release was confusing, so i dunno. Maybe, maybe not.

This ain’t gonna affect Giant Monster March full lenght pieces, the next one is releasing in a couple of days as planned.

Trollhunter (2010) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Aside from the 2022 Troll monster film on Netflix, there’s not much in the way of troll movies outside of the overcovered Troll 2 (and it’s “prequels” and “sequels” also mostly made by Italian directors and actors), even more so if we’re going for proper giant sized trolls, not the tiny ones, or the Dreamworks animated film series based on those old troll toys with the hair, for that matter.

Also, i had this on the backburner for a while, and it also lets me cover of my lest liked genres: the found footage mockumentary.

Directed by André Øvredal, nowadays better known for The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark and The Last Voyage of The Demeter (with an upcoming adaptation of the horror videogame Bendy And The Ink Machine) here at his second feature lenght film, one more close to home for him, as it dwelves with the more well known beast of Norwegian folklore: the troll.

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