The Spooktacular Eight #20: Satan’s Blade (1984)

This is not any blade, old boring knife or fancy hookbill, this is Lucifer’s very own slashing “Miracle Blade as seen on TV” apparel, it’s the SATAN’S BLADE ©.

Once again a pick from my collection of Arrow Video releases of obscure slashers, this one being kinda unassuming, solid title aside, and one i’ve never heard before AV rereleased it with their usual quality restoration, sleek new cover artwork and bundle of extra contents.

Then again, it’s no surprise this is primo “never heard of the fucking thing” material for (re)discovery, as it comes with one of the classic production woes common to smaller/low budget films of the era, as in it was shot in 1980 at Big Bear, California, but wasn’t released until 1984.

So more regional US low budget slasher horror, which is almost guaranteed when digging deep in the layers of obscure and “actually obscure” slashers from the genre golden age.

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The Spooktacular Eight #18: The Dunwich Horror (1970)

We cover surprisingly little Lovecraft content, so let’s rectify that a bit with one of the earliest film adaptation of a popular tale of Mr. Racist, The Dunwich Horror, arguably one of the most well known stories of his and hence one of the most adapted alongside The Color Out Of Space, The Shadow Over Innsmouth, Herbert West- Reanimator, and obviously The Call Of Cthulu.

Speaking of official adaptation, at the very least, and even so this is just the second oldest film adaptation, as Roger Corman (whom also was an executive producer here) did a loose but credited adaptation in 1963’s The Haunted Palace, part of his Edgar Allan Poe series but in this case just borrowing the name from a poem later tied to Poe’s Fall Of The House Of Usher, in reality adapting The Case Of Charles Dexter Ward.

And loose adaptation of Lovecraft’ works was the name of the game at the time, which was when his work finally started gathering popularity and beginning his revival to a staple of horror and science fiction that is today.

So since this is the first properly marketed wide spread film adaptation, i’m willing to cut it some slack as the “first (proper) try” of adapting material that struggles to be adapted in audiovisual form, we’re already had the “cosmic horror is difficult to make on film” talk before (when talking of 2001’s Dagon by Brian Yuzna, if not mistaken), i’m not gonna repeat myself this time.

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Introducing “Platformation Time Again”

If you happen to be a long time reader or followed any of my previous italian blogs (not ruling that out), this announcement will feel like a deja-vu, but yes, i’m starting over this column about platforming games with a brand new format and a “when i can” irregular posting.

If you have no idea what i’m talking about and somehow skipped the “column about platforming videogames” part just above, yes, this will be a column about platformers, with in depth, structured reviews with no regular cadence, a new entry/review will basically happen when i can actually set time aside to play and dissect a game, so irregular cadence it is.

And yes, it will be all written a new from scratch, so don’t worry about that.

Not much in the way of rules, just i don’t plan to review hacks or bootlegs, at least for now, but i doubt this rule will change over time. Just making this clear.

As to why, i’m a big platformer buff, so i missed doing these, hence are we again. 🙂

Also, i might be commissioning a request for the column’s logo later down the line.

MIGHT.

The first entry/review for Platformation Time Again will hit later today, bye!

Suicide Squad Isekai (2024) [REVIEW] | Through The Unlooking Glass

Why i am reviewing this, you may be asking yourself.

Just for the trash factor? Just because its seems like “easy prey”?

Not quite, it’s more due to how since its debut (and even then, i learn this was gonna be through the collaboration with V-tuber and singer Mori Calliope, as she composed the ending theme) i never heard a single peep online about it, not even to shit on it, which worried me even more.

Also i learned after searching that it was being streamed in my region via a sub-channel on Amazon Prime Video, absolutely zero marketing had been spent to even make people know it was legally available on a commonly used streaming platform (FIY, there’s no HBO Max or Hulu here).

But still, this looked and sounded like like the kind of trash Twitter (not calling it X) loves to shit on weekly, just for the hell of it, but the only thing i saw on there was someone else befuddled by how the internet decided to skip having any discourse on it all together, that it was likely not even worth that kind of engagement, as nobody bothered, not even for the finale…..if anyone knew this series was a thing to begin with, that is. No one using the new Joker and Harley designs for their profile pictures, it was THAT much ignored or just never actually marketed properly after its announcement.

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Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey (2023) [REVIEW] | Public Domain Expansion

I knew of this one, and that i eventually will have to feature it here, and i guess the moment arrived for me to actually see the damn thing when they – almost to my surprise – localized it for Halloween 2023, and put it as an Amazon Prime Video streaming exclusive.

Which does remind one of the state of the service itself, but whatever, it’s basically free, not beholden to another paid subscription within Prime Video, they bothered to even dub it, let’s not post-pone the inevitable any further.

“Inevitable” since this movie’s only reason for existing is the original Winnie The Pooh’s book falling into public domain in the US in January 2022.

So let’s be honest, sooner or later someone was simply gonna do this movie, i mean, the public domain slide is why we have so many unrelated Amytiville movies, for example.

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[EXPRESSO] Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) | Like Deets, Like That

I was a bit wary, given the current fever for having legacy sequels of every conceivable IP (fuck, even Twister got one), but i was pleasantly surprised with a sequel that (mostly) is Burton in peak form and demonstrates these kind of follow-ups can actually be done quite well.

The plot sees the Deets family return to their old home in the city of Winter River, after Lydia, while recording an episode of her supernatural TV talk show, sees the ghost of Betelgeuse in the audience (that caused trouble for them 36 years ago) and to hold the funeral for her father, Charles.

Lydia brings along her estranged daughter, Astrid, whom stumbles upon the diorama in the attic and eventually evokes Betelgeuse, also in need of help as he’s now being chased by his psycho undead ex-wife, Delores (Monica Bellucci)….

And here actually lies the biggest issue in the film, it’ s as if they feared there were never gonna make Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, so they crammed one or two or three too many subplots in there without elating the runtime, meaning some feel (and are) a bit undercooked, like the entire one about Betelgeuse’s ex-undead wife feels like it should receive more screentime, but doesn’t.

Despite the slightly messy plot, it’s actually pretty fun, the style is immaculate Burton (still using excellent practical effects and stopmotion animation, too), they even go a bit wilder with the graphic jokes since they now can, the tone and humour perfectly match the original and are still strong, even if more retrò, more quaint than actually edgy by now (which was kind to be expected, to be blunt), and the cast it’s great, for both returning and new characters, especially Keaton that seems to have never left the set of the 1988 film.

[EXPRESSO] MaxXxine (2024) | La Sexorcisto, Volume 3

The last chapter of the X trilogy by Ti West, Maxxxine, has finally hit theathers.

FIY, i didn’t see Pearl (the prequel to X before going into Maxxxine, as it sadly never came out in theathers here (just direct to video), i had it on my “to watch list”, but i got sidetracked and stuff.

This is to say that you can go directly to see this after X, as it follows up the survivor girl, Maxine Minx (Mia Goth), now in the 1980s, with her wanting to break away from pornographic films (after a lot of success in the field) and break into the regular cinema biz, managing to finally get a part in a horror movie sequel, The Puritan II, during the height of the “Satanic Panic” scare, as a serial killer named “The Night Stalker” keeps murdering young women in the Hollywood hills…

Ti West once again does an excellent job of balancing out the period piece vibes (sleazy as expected and desired), the direct horror references and tributes, the cultural background of the making movie biz at the time, all without forgetting to deliver likeable characters, excellent gore effects and graphic content (including a Cannibal Ferox pre-cannibalism treatment, let’s just put it that way), a familiar but still enganging slasher storyline, with an excellent cast that also includes Elizabeth Debicki as the “Puritan II” movie director and Kevin Bacon as a sleazy ass private investigator.

It knows exactly how to please fans of the genre, how to play the retro card, and does so without ever feeling patronizing, it just knows exactly what it wants and does it with gusto, with convinction, with genuine love and passion for the subject matter, yet avoiding it being overly referential (or downright masturbatory) for its own sake.

Quite good.

[EXPRESSO] Earth Defense Force 6 PS4 | Back To The Futures

Earth Defense Force 6 is finally here, with the infinite struggle for every new entry to upstage the previous game, and somehow it still managed to up the ante following Earth Defense Force 5, where you try to arrest and then kill God.

Admittely, it does this by relying on EDF 5 not only for continuing its batshit insane story and somehow making thing crazier via time travel…. which is a baked-in story excuse for reusing a lot of assets from EDF 5, while graphics remain identical to make even more insane amounts of enemies come at you, regardless if it tanks the framerate (it often does) by how ludicrously huge the hordes can be, in order to increase the overall challenge.

Gameplay offers some incremental QoL features that improve the experience, and they did address some issues, like better controls, there are some new locations, a good amount of new enemies and a better distribution of those… even though it’s almost made moot by the usual asset recycle and the campaign being the biggest yet, with nearly 150 missions in the base game alone; it’s still a budget game, despite D3/Namco Bandai selling it at 60 bucks, or 90 for the deluxe edition that includes Hololive EN decoy launcher weapons (which have better graphics than anything else in the game XD).

But at the core it’s EDF, mainline EDF, with all its issues, but still incredibly fun, arguably the best it ever has been, thanks to more enemy types, more flexible customization for the builds, new absurd weapons, and some welcome QoL features, like subtitles for the hilarious campy dialogue.

Not too many, as it’s a formula that ironically would fall apart if you try to “fix it”, and honestly there is still nothing quite it.

THE EDF DEPLOYS!!

[EXPRESSO] Alien: Romulus (2024) | Karmacomalion

After the…something that Alien Covenant was, the series is back, with Fede Alvarez (Don’t Breathe, Evil Dead 2013) in the directing chair, though not with a direct sequel to Alien Covenant, since this one is set between Alien and Aliens.

The plot concerns a group of young adults living on a miner colony controlled by the Wayland-Utani corporation that learn of a dismissed, apparently abandoned cargo ship floating just above their planet, and try to board it so they can raid of resources in order to reach a new, more liveable planet and escape their fate of dying in the mines for the company.

The abandoned spaceship (divived into twins modules named after the legendary founders of Rome, the bothers Romulus and Remus) hides more than precious resource, as in some really hostile – and disgusting – form of alien life…

It’s basically a back to basics affair, but it’s executed incredibly well, especially as it manages to blend elements not only from the first two Alien films, but also from all the others ones, with some notable elegance and in a way that feels (and is) familiar, yes, but in a good way, as in this is what people know and want from an Alien film, and Romulus delivers in spades, with excellent effects, creepy ambiancè, disgusting and fearsome alien creatures, explosive action setpieces, likeable characters you’ve grown attached to, graphic gore, amazing set design, etc..

There’s technically nothing really new, nothing to “push forward” (whatever that means in this case) the series, if you will, but if you’re interested more in having a good-great movie, one that – as a nice “bonus”- actually knows what it wants to be, then Alien Romulus is just that.

Honestly might be the best movie in the series since Alien and Aliens.

[EXPRESSO] Borderlands (2024) | Money does grow on trees

Despite “Randy BoBandy” reminds us this thing was actually coming along and not going the way of the Bioshock film….i kinda wish it did, as it’s hard to believe this thing actually exists, not helped by lack of any real promotion for a 100 millions budgeted movie with actors like Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart and Jamie Lee Curtis.

The plot follows the one of the first Borderlands but also borrows some characters from the sequel, with a bounty hunter, Lilith, tasked by the CEO of the Atlas corporation to get back his daughter, Tina, lastly seen on Pandora, a wasteland planet overrun by thugs, monsters and mercenaries, where is said to reisde Vault, a fabled crypt that allegedly contains the artifacts of a long lost, technologically advanced civilization.

Lilith then inadvertly becomes a Vault Hunter and is forced to team up with a gaggle of renegades, weirdos and psychos, including a robot unit called “Claptrap”.

Having played up to Borderlands 2 and some of its expansions, i will say that at least the Borderlands movie looks the part, and this might be one of the more apt videogames to film adaptations… shame the source material was not really good to draw inspiration for an action comedy film, given the puerile, meme-ridden and often more annoying than charming “sense of humour” the games had, which was tolerable at the time and didn’t quite age great…but heck, even the games were funnier, overall, thanks to their “throw shit at the wall” approach.

It’s a movie 10 years too late, and for an Eli Roth directed film based on a hyper violent videogame series, it’s a PG-13 affair, but the main issue it’s the movie just being a boring, unfunny, honestly kinda lethargic romp, where the weirdly casted A-listers half-ass it big time.