Halfway (?) through Donkey Kong Bananza

So this is just a quick post, not gonna get into any detail since i would love to feature this into a Platformation Time Again big ass review, and i’m gonna do a quick EXPRESSO review once i beat the game…. which i apparently i’m just barely halfway through, from have i’ve been told, and that already is telling this maybe should have been the launch game, this is stuff that sells you on the console, that good.

(i’ve played platformers that were about the same lenght- can’t specify because the game doesn’t keep an internal playtimer – and nowhere as good AND dense of fun stuff to do)

It’s an impressive game, it’s basically a modern 3D DK game done by most of the core Super Mario Odissey team at Nintendo (which you can tell by how it handles costumes and special collectibles), with the main new mechanic being the ability to basically destroy and burrows almost everything in the level, almost mixing a touch of Red Faction destructible enviroment but done in a “sandbox” way, despite the game not being open world, the approach is that you’re encouraged, rewarded and if not required you might find unthordox ways to reach a certain collectable by digging in certain ways or tearing and throwing different types of terrains around.

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Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia PS4 [REVIEW] | ….Did Nothing Wrong?

Due to some unforeseen schedule issues, we’ll close out the entire XXL series with the latest one, Asterix & Obelix XXXL: The Ram From Hibernia, released in late 2022 by Microids and once again developed by Osome Studio.

This feel immediatly like a continuation of XXL 3, despite the original plot being about a welcome surprise: as in, there is another lone village that has managed to fend off the Roman invasion, outside of Asterix & Obelix’s. It’s not in Gaul, but Hibernia (aka ye olde Ireland), and the trick lies in the titular ram (being also the beloved pet of the Hibernian chieftain) that is able to inspire/enforce armies to fight even when fatigued with its magical horns.

The Romans though managed to capture the ram, which depressed the Hibernian chief and made him unwilling to fend off the invasion, so his daughter comes to ask for the help of the Gaul village, Asterix and Obelix obviously willing and able to go help them flip off Romans abroad…

It’s a cute premise and like the previous games they do get the tone and humour of the series right, its charm and all, but – like this game as a whole – it’s mostly underbaked and short lived, there’s no time to properly develop any of the new characters, as the entire narrative whizzes by too fast.

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[EXPRESSO] Awaria STEAM | Ghostsmoochers Inc.

After taking the internet by storm with “Johnny Bravo goes to hell for a demon girl harem” AKA Helltaker, vanripper is back with a new game on Steam, Awaria, sporting a new original soundtrack by Mittsies, and being more of a bullet hell- action puzzle game thing “about working in a haunted maintance tunnel”, which yes, means ghost girls to talk, interact and sometimes kiss, though, the Steam page content warning makes it clear by saying “it’s all tame”. It is. Pretty cute designs, still.

It also has the same business model as Helltaker, as in it’s free, but to support the developer you can buy the optional DLC as a “thank you”, which also nets you a digital artbook and a Babezki (a kind of Polish muffin) recipe, but again, you can also unlock the same content in the in-game gallery.

Gameplay is pretty frantic, and has you move your character about to collect items, activate item printers and interact with broken generators, requiring certain items to be fixed in a limited time, while avoiding the ghost girls attacking you, as you die in one hit, a drone will take a hit for you and respawn every 10 seconds, which are lot more than they sound given you’ll need to be constantly zipping around the level.

It’s a 2 hours affair, a bit more if you want to finish the game on Hard difficulty and unlock everything, but it’s quite intense, the gameplay is easy to learn but actually challenging and rewarding, the final boss levels this time around are better designed (as is the game overall compared to Helltaker), Mittsies soundtrack is another banger, pity for the sometimes laggy performance, but it maybe be my old rig.

Once again, i highly recommend playing it and supporting everyone involved.

[EXPRESSO] Halloween: Match Made In Horror iOS | Realtor Squallor

One day, i get an email of recommended apps from the Apple algorhythm… and among the endless anime gacha games, i saw his face. Or his mask, in this case, as the app icon for something called Halloween: Match Made In Horror.

I shouldn’t be surprised, since we even got a match-3 puzzle game to promote Godzilla 2014 and there’s even shit like WWE Champions, but still, i was stunned by the creative entropy on display, ensnared by the utter audacity of it all i did end up downloading, playing it more than necessary and making this review, because if i have to know this is a thing, now you have too.

And no, it’s was not meant to advertise the David Gordon Green legacy sequel to Halloween (which would become a pointless trilogy), it’s just based around the first movie, and beyond the Halloween licensed skin, it’s just another match-3 puzzle game, a shitty free-to-play one too, with the semblance of progression provided by spending the stars collected by finishing levels on renovating the various houses seen in the film, like the Stroude house, because when i think Michael Myers i think of the cut-throat world of real estate.

Just the more barebones generic and non-descript viable product you can squeeze out of your bumcheeks, with some of the more desperate window dressing i’ve ever seen, and it look like ass in very conceivable way, even still images of the franchise characters look like they were sculpted out of expired bootleg butter, and the “animated” cutscenes that either are too brief to make any sense, try to recreate various shots from the 1975 film, or some weird meta shit like the one where we get the POV of someone playing this very game and then briefly sees Michael Myers.

Godzilla GB [REVIEW] | Chibizilla Made A Maze

the lesser known but far funnier PAL cover of the game.

Yep, the one you might remember as part of the AVGN Godzilla episode, with the Godzilla chibi sprites, Puzzle Bubble-esque music, we’re doing this Godzilla game this Giant Monster March, because why not after downing shitty licensed affair such as – but not limited to – the PS3-PS4 Godzilla game?

Curiously, this isn’t an entirely random game, per sé, as this Game Boy title is actually a port of the MSX title Godzilla-kun by Compile (yes, the same company that would become Compile Heart and crank out Neptunia titles by the dozens), done by Compile themselves, and the game in turn was based on Godzilland’s merchandise line that had chibi versions of Big G and the various kaijus.

The only differences between the original japanese GB release and the localized American & European ones is the rescue target, as in the original japanese version various monsters kidnap Godzilla’s girlfriend, Bijira (which was apparently a thing), and the western one they kidnapped his son, Minilla, and trapped him in a maze.

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Futurama PS2 [REVIEW] | … With Blackjack and Hookers

To celebrate the second return of Futurama on TV (even if i’m not expecting much given how these modern resurrections-continuations of beloved animated TV series-franchises, but who knows, i’m remaining cautiously semi-optimistic), time to take a look at its forgotten – and by now quite rare – PS2/X-Box tie-in videogame, simply called “Futurama”.

And what it might as well be the only Futurama videogame, since there’s not much to say about the mobile only Futurama: Worlds Of Tomorrow, besides it being a cheap and shallow cash grab akin to many other free-to-play tycoon simulators, like Simpsons Tapped Out, maybe a little more complete since it had a combat system in it from the start, but still, mostly a shallow time waster very heavy on aggressively try to make you fork out cash for anything of “substance” available.

Then again, it’s not like you can play it anymore, the servers were closed for real (as in they were announced to be closing in 2022) this year on the 9^th of March.

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[EXPRESSO] Kirby Tilt N Tumble GBC | Gyro Kirby

Yep, Nintendo remembered it has the NSO console applications on the Switch, so a new dripfeed, which includes Kirby Tilt N Tumble, a Kirby game that might as well be new to European gamers, as its original GBC release was never brought in PAL territories (probably for the same stupid reasons we never got Drill Dozer or Wario Ware Twisted, BUT Yoshi’s Universal Gravitation, we did got that), it was never released on any Virtual Console iterations, most likely as it one requires gyroscopic controls… and the Wii U VC did have only GBA titles.

So, the idea is that Kirby Tilt N Tumble it’s an action puzzle game where you control Kirby in its ball form, collecting stars, entering holes, smashing against pinball-style bumpers, etc, all with gyroscopic controls, meaning it’s like one of those analogic marble games where you tilted the wooden table/plank to direct a silver ball into a goal.

I’m so old i’ve actual memories of playing that.

Plus you can make Kirby jump by shaking/jolting the console…. which is where you can tell this worked fine when played on a Game Boy, less so with the Switch in handheld mode, as you might need time to work out how to make Kirby jump and actually control it mid-air.

This might have been mitigated with an optional “Tate mode”, if the game didn’t use A and B to activate some contraptions and the game menus.

BUT it can be played in docked mode with a Pro Controller (and non-Nintendo branded equivalents), i guess), which helps remedy this otherwise kinda unfixable, unexpected issue, because the game itself it’s quite fun, gimmicky but with a well executed, fun gimmick at its core, and with plenty of fun minigames, showing the kind of quality you’d expect from Hal Laboratory.

Asterix & Obelix XXL: Romastered PS4 [REVIEW] | For Toutatis!

Oddly, this was the last of the Asterix XXL series to get the remaster treament, the first being XXL 2 in 2018, then we had the brand new XXL 3 in 2019, then the “romastered” version of the first game in 2020, the one we’re talking about today, to celebrate the release of a new Asterix & Obelix movie in theathers.

One of the live-action ones, but still, it’s new Asterix & Obelix material!

Originally developed for PS2, Gamecube and PC (with a GBA version that’s basically another game entirely) by defunct french studio Etranges Libellules and published by Atari Europe, this remaster was instead published by Microids (which pretty much took the place Infogrames had back then) and developed by the quite non-defunct (at the time of writing, anyway) french Osome Studios.

The plot sees the titular duo wander off of their little Gaul village to the ol’ boar hunt only to come back and find out Ceasar (yes, Julius Caius Ceasar from Caligula, exactly) has somehow managed to storm the village, capturing most people and sending them off to various distant ends of the Roman empire in order to have locked out sight and mind, hopefully for good.

But with the help of a fired roman spy, you find out that most of the imprisoned gauls most likely managed to get a piece of the map indicating their location, as Ceasar took the extra step – just in case – of ripping the map in pieces and scattering them in various locations.

Good enough as an excuse in terms of videogame logic to have Asterix & Obelix travel to various places like Egypt, Normandy, Greece and Helvetia, freeing their fellow gaul citizens and getting more pieces of the map along the way.

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A quick ramble about the Klonoa Phantom Reverie Series collection

Klonoa has been one of my favourite series since a decade or plus ago i discovered it… as a teen by playing the second game, Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil, on the old “fat” PS2 model. Yep, this isn’t a childhood fascination, i just loved the frigging series since i stumbled upon it, so thanks to some handy “gift money” i pre-ordered this new collection… one that Namco Bandai just kinda put out there without much marketing and fanfare, aside from revealing it in a Nintendo Direct.

I got the PS4 version for performance’s sake, and because i wanted something good to keep on the shelf – alphabetically -before Knack, so let’s just give a quick overview of this collection after spending a couple hours or so with it.

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[EXPRESSO] Temple Run: Puzzle Adventure iOS | Thine Freemium Designs

To be brutally honest, this game in itself leaves very little to talk/comment about, as in it’s EXACTLY what you’d think it would be: a generic match-3 puzzle game using the license-name of a popular but old IP that benefits of the deal because people that ever so much do remember Temple Run, with generic character and art style.

Heck, i probably wouldn’t have known it existed if i wasn’t subscribed to Apple Arcade, and this – alongside some of the shittier releases like Galaga + – makes it more obvious how the service’s main selling point of featuring games without ads & microtransactions..is GOOD, but inadvertly exposes how many of these were mostly designed as freemium

We previously reviewed the quite similar match 3 revival of Zoo Keeper on Apple Arcade, but that just happens to be better and way more feature complete overall.

Which makes even more strange how it still feels pretty obvious something it’s “off”, because the game it’s honestly alright, but doesn’t have much to the standard match 3 formula seen a squillion on times, nor does it have an adventure twist despite being called Temple Run… or anything else besides the puzzles themselves.

Still, i played through 50 + of the puzzles and i had to eventually check online what the hell i was getting gems for, as in, you can buy power-ups, but due to the game not telling me at all, often outright handing out some, and the puzzles not being that hard, i wondered if i had to progress to unlock something where to spend the gems.

But nope.

It’s obvious this was designed as a freemium thing first, that easy to imagine it as such.

It’s inoffensive, but also disposable, even on Apple Arcade there are better puzzle games.