[EXPRESSO] The Ritual (2025) | Al Pacino, Exorcist

Oh look, another exorcism movie…. BUT WAIT, this one has Al Pacino as an exorcist (and Dan Stevens as the head priest) in it!

…. i mean, that’s about the best selling point it has, but i want to make clear this isn’t a bad film.

It’s just another one. Sure, it is based on the 1928 exorcism of Emma Schmidt, one of the more documented cases of this kind, but that barely matters, as “based on real events” for exorcism movies feels like saying “the new first openly LBGT-ish Disney character” by now.

No point in discussing the plot, it’s what you expect by now: woman that seems possessed but has been unable to be helped by medical science is carried to a convent, where they call an exorcist in order to save her soul, attempting to do so in a series of rituals. The demon talks in Latin and other languages, pukes, abuses the woman’s body, the head priest aiding “Al Exorcino” has emotional baggage that makes his faith waver, etc etc.

Really nothing that you haven’t seen before, at all.

And while i do struggle to think how exorcism movie could innovate or improve… this one on one hand feels a bit more grounded and it not going for the cheap jumpscares, but on the flipside even the exorcism weird shit is too familiar to make much on an impact, and not extreme to satisfy horror fans that wanna see something more gruesome or weird or outthere.

Again, i feel this horror subgenre has nothing left to say, but i will admit this ain’t bad, i found myself more involved by the end than i would have expected, the acting is better than usual, the cast is too, but it’s too formulaic and forgettable to recommend.

Popeye’s Revenge (2025) [REVIEW] | Hamburger Friday The 13th

Surprise!

As i said prefacing the review for Popeye The Slayer Man, i’m not gonna change the schedule for these films, but since i also don’t want to have these hanging off the “to do” list like dingleberries, we’re doing overtime.. well, I am doing overtime, let’s cover these now and hope i won’t have to do another round of Popeye-xploitation in the fall.

And yes, i guess i should have done this before Popeye The Slayer Man, since it came out earlier and it’s actually the first one to capitalize on Popeye’s character falling into public domain (the other free idea bucket alongside mythology), and surprising no one it’s by one of the production companies behind the Winnie Pooh Blood And Honey movies (though it’s not part of their Twisted Childhood Universe), heck, it’s written by Harry Boxley (Dinosaur Hotel 3, Jurassic Triangle, Tsunami Sharks, and of course a couple of the Steamboat Willy-xploitation flicks, Mouseboat Massacre and Mouse Of Horrors), and directed by William Stead, curiously not his feature lenght debut, as directed something called “Children Of The Night” back in 2023.

The plot is that in a UK coastal town, a boy with abnormal arms and a pronounced chin is born, his appereance leading to him getting relentelessly getting bullied at school (where he often dons his sailor outfit), until one day he snaps and fights back, killing one of his bullies.

His parents hide him in the basement for his own good, but the townspeople form an angry mob and they torch down Popeye’s family home, with his parents dying in the fire and apparently him drowning in a nearby lake.

Years later some douchy young adults inherit the house, unaware of his dark history, but as they try to settle in more and more of them keep disappearing off…

You know what this sounds like?

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Warriors Abyss PS4 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

As promised, here we are tackling the stealth release latest Warriors spin-off, Warriors Abyss, which is Omega Force trying to apply the ever-so-popular-still roguelike spin to the musou gameplay.

Digital only even in Japan, played on a PS4 Pro because i still haven’t got a PS5… and since i’m getting a Switch 2 on launch (as i mentioned before= i don’t see it happening anytime soon.

The story is pure fluff, just a pretense to have a narrative (and reuse various assets from decades old games) to the roguelike X Warriors idea, which can really be boiled down to “the gang goes to hell”, as in the king of hell/makai/the underworld summons back fallen heroes from the Sengoku and Three Kingdoms eras to fight on his side, as the demon known as Gohma/Gouma

is rising in power in Hell and is seeking to become the new ruler of hell and escape it.

Good to see the Yu Yu Hakusho style (but it could be an even older trend) representation of Enma, the king of hell, as a child, still being a thing, as here Enma is basically a very otome style shota-twink that would be catcalled out immediatly by Neco Arc. No pacifier this time around, and honestly i’m glad for it, i’ve had enough of seeing those fucking things, especially after Tutor Hitman Reborn.

He is very tsun tsun, also.

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Bladestorm Nightmare PS4 [REVIEW] | The Hundred Years Grind

Ah, yes, Bladestorm, the ginger step-child born of enabling Omega Force to once again make something that isn’t a Warriors game (it’s worth remembering they once did also do fighting games and RPGs, among others), yet isn’t one of Koei historical turn based grand strategy titles like Nobunaga’s Ambition or Uncharted Waters, but more like a real-time Kessen.

This time around we’re taking a break from the Three Kingdoms, Sengoku era Japan or Asian history in general, as we’re going back to the middle ages, yes, but Europe this once, in the 14^th and 15^th centhury, to revisit the events of the Hundred Years War between France and England.

And of course this comes with a big, gynormic “loosely based on” sticker, because it’s a videogame, it’s a videogame based on historic events by the Dynasty Warriors developer, so you already know historical accuracy isn’t gonna be on the table as the main course, or barely at all, because who gotta have historical figures like Gilles Rais and John Talbot interact, and also give them very flamboyant anime style design… why the fuck not?

The plot is told mostly in cutscenes (that develop the various character arcs and of course take a lot of liberties in terms of characterization for the historical figures represented, designs aside), as your player customized character is just another dude in a mercenary band that happens to be involved in the conflict at hand and participate in both “trivial” and important battles of the war, with the option to side with either faction and also save Joanne D’Arc, if you want.

This was true for the original PS3/360/PC release of the game back in 2007, but we’re tackling the expanded port for PS4/X-Box One/Steam, Bladestorm: Nightmare, the PS4 version specifically (as apparently the PC port of this that’s on Steam is shit on a stick, and being an older Koei PC port, yeap, i believe it), which adds some features but mostly a new fantasy campaign that gives this release its new subtitle, Nightmare, which we will tackle later.

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[EXPRESSO] Until Dawn (2025) | Happy Bloody New Death Day

An Until Dawn movie adaptation might sound stupid, and pointless… it does, but this isn’t an adaptation of the main storyline of Supermassive Games’ title, it’s actually a standalone story allegedly taking place in the Until Dawn universe,

Kinda funny (and stupid) to have the film adaptation of a game that had systems built in to ensure you lived through the decisions you made… have the central gimmick being a time loop, with the idea being that every time the teens (come to a visitor centre in the valley where Melanie, Clover’s sister, mysteriously disappeared a 1 year prior) are killed they change horror subgenre, chased by cursed zombie like creatures and masked killers, the only escape being in them managing to survive until dawn.

Nifty idea, but still, it only kinda makes sense only when you consider this from the macro level of Supermassive Games’ various efforts in the “cinematic adventure game” fashion, and even so, it’s a stretch, let’s be real, this feels more like a rejected Happy Death Day (or Bloody New Year) style script – directed though by David F. Sandberg of Lights Out and Shazam fame – that got the Until Dawn branding (and a couple of touch ups to make sure something from the game made the cut) slapped on it mid-way through production, to ensure this get more butts in theathers.

I will admit the new gimmick laid on top sounds really fun and kinda mirrors the game’s using various elements from slashers of different eras all together… shame they give up mid-way on their own selling point (boy they do skimp on the “subgenre change” concept), but for what it ultimately is, the “Until Dawn” movie’s got decent acting, it’s entertaining, has some good gore effects, making for a decent time overall.

[EXPRESSO] Sinners (2025) | From Blues Till Dawn

There are movies that are best enjoyed by going in “cold”, by i don’t know if Sinners is one of those, as i can imagine people being confused if they were not aware of From Dusk Until Dawn having been a thing for a couple of decades (alongside some sequels i keep forgetting exist).

Because it is that, but done less as a deliberately disjointed surprise jump in tone, direction and subject matter, as it made to feed into the themes of freedom, black heritage and racial tensions, with the first half being a thriller drama set in 30s America, where a couple of brothers in the crime business, Smoke and Stack, go back to their town in Mississippi, in order to try and make some cash by setting up a juke joint, and they involve their cousin, a budding bluesman dubbed “Preacher Boy”.

The second half is them being stalked and having to survive when vampires surround the juke joint at night, and yes, its indeed doing a “From Dusk Until Dawn”, turning things straight into horror territory, with pretty good effects too and some very nice musical bits, lots of carnage, really good acting as always, especially Michael B. Jordan as both “Smokestack” brothers.

I respect it’s ambition and willing to do some out there shit (like the “future and past” visions of blues music), but the editing at times is frustrating, it kinda keeps going even after what would have been a good time to end the movie… twice, which is partially due to close up some subplots.

At times it’s a bit too much and it’s a miracle it works so well instead of being the utter mess it sounds-could have been like, but it is still well done, bold and stylish, i do recommend it.

[EXPRESSO] Death Of A Unicorn (2025) | Mediocricorns Out

Like i lamented in my review of Opus, this kind of satire about “eating the rich” has just about plateu’d itself into a modern clichè, despite the sentiment itself being more and more relevant, and Death Of A Unicorn just cements this further.

Even if it’s a killer creature feature mashed with The Menu (again, that or Knives Out), and there’s something to the concept, given the unicorn’s folklore.

The premise sees a lawyer bring along his estranged daughter to meet with the wealthy family he works for, but they accidentally hit something with the car.

That being an actual, factual unicorn, which is eventually discovered by the rich family that immediatly seizes it when they realize just their blood can do near miracolous things, and ignore the warnings of the daughter, who briefly but profondedly mind-linked with the unicorn cub…

It’s not that it doesn’t commit to its silly concept of “killer unicorns stalking-killing rich assholes”, it does so to the point its detrimental, mostly taking the idea too seriously while being stupid in a way that’s more exhauting and annoying than fun, the good cast can’t do much when these character are too fuckin stupid, it lacks some needed self-awareness, and it’s nowhere as fun as it sounds.

It also doesn’t take advantage of the absurd premise to make something creative with it, the effects are fairly good but don’t expect anything of inventive in terms of kills, for example, and while it’s under 2 hours, it feels longer, like they stretched a short movie or a comedy skit into feature lenght.

It’s at least a more coherent with itself than Opus, i will say that much, and it’s not awful, it’s just another middling entry in this already overdone, oversatured “eat the rich” style of satirical comedy.

[EXPRESSO] ENA: Dream BBQ – Chapter 1 STEAM | BLESSED BUSINESS

Based off the cult webseries by Joel Guerra, ENA: Dream BBQ is basically a new adventure for ENA and his gaggle of absurdist weirdo acquaintaces, as you are tasked to “find the target boss”, whatever that means in a world where cubist gestalt MPD humans exists alongside penguin-vampires, sumi-e men in frogsuit, mannequins, 2D witches, genies, where the sky is filled with stuff like a hippoheaded-pyramid with tendrils, and just a constant cascade of surreal shit.

The series already felt like you threw LSD Dream Emulator, Cat Soup, added a dash of those old point n click educational games from Humungous Entertaiment (like Spy Fox or the Putt Putt games) and the Zelda CDI games, all thrown into a huge pot that’s also sentient and speaks in a faux gibberish language, so making an actual first person adventure/point n click explorative title was a given, and after years, it’s out… the first chapter 1 is, anyway, for free to everyone, though the other episodes will be paid, and if you want to support the project, there’s a “Supporter Edition” DLC that adds collectables and gives you access to various behind the scenes materials.

If you’re not familiar with the series, you’ll be right at home and intrigued to see the whys and whats of ENA’s new look and “purpose”, if you don’t, it’s gonna be honestly just as caught up as you could, as there’s plenty of new weird faces and things to interact, talk to, use, gander at, but gameplay is both surprisingly and expectedly fairly simple in terms of systems and controls (there’s also full gamepad support) for an explorative adventure game, with some simple platforming.

Honestly i strongly encourage getting the “support edition DLC” after, because damn, this first chapter is already top tier stuff, just incredible.

Rabio Lepus/Rabbit Punch (Arcade Archives) NSWITCHDDL [REVIEW] | Cho Usagi

This year we won’t review crappy horror no-budget slockfests about killer rabbits, i’m quite fed up with killer easter bunnies and we can done those next year, anyway.

So we’re instead digging up a fairly obscure 2d spaceship shooter/side scrolling shoot ‘em up from the late 80s arcade resurgence, and as i guess it’s almost mandatory for forgotten games of this genre, its only home console port was on the PC Engine… in Japan, North America did get this released in arcades, localized as Rabbit Punch, but we Europeans never did in any shape, not until the recent Arcade Archives rerelease, in this case the Switch one (it’s also available on PS4).

The plot is fairly simple and starts off the “ol’ fashioned” (as in “putting cats in bags and throwing them in the river to drown” ye old fashioned) royal kidnapping by a mechanical army of space aliens that come down to the peaceful planet of Bunnyland, taking awat the rabbit themed king (he has a rabbit onesie), the princess and her sister (which are just Playboy bunny girls… to commit to the theme, yes), so it’s up to the rabbit shaped mecha unit to save the monarchy.

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Avatar The Last Airbender: Quest For Balance PS4 [REVIEW] | Sokoban Benders

Cards on the table: i’ve never seen the Avatar animated series, always heard it pretty good, i know it had/has a big following, enough for a reviled live action film to exist, but i simply didn’t care too much because i didn’t grow up watching that, and i never felt like i needed to later, i mean, i spent my teens watching anime, why bother with a western cartoon (that wasn’t Samurai Jack) tackling asian inspired stories and themes, when i can read Naruto directly?

Can’t really say i learned much about the series through osmosis, as i’ve seen people discuss about it, and since i guess it didn’t grab much European markets, some of the games based off it did reach the PAL territories, but not when the series was wildly popular and discussed about, i feel, back then we also got the shitty Legend Of Korra game Platinum Games made, which i did play and review on PS3 but has long been delisted and never received a physical release.

So i’ve figured i’d grab this last one, as it was actually released in 2023 by Gamemill, got in a bundle with the infamous Rise Of Kong, because why not? Might as well stick my entire head into the garbo bin, to see what foul creatures are lying in wait below the surface.

And to my understanding, the games based around this beloved Nickelodeon show (and the spin-offs) are mostly crap or disappointing at best, and this i feel ain’t gonna be the exception.

This is to say i don’t know the story in any detail, but i know the gist… and i feel the people that developed the game did know less than me, and just skimmed some summaries online in order to write the story and dialogues..

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