[EXPRESSO] Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) | Like Deets, Like That

I was a bit wary, given the current fever for having legacy sequels of every conceivable IP (fuck, even Twister got one), but i was pleasantly surprised with a sequel that (mostly) is Burton in peak form and demonstrates these kind of follow-ups can actually be done quite well.

The plot sees the Deets family return to their old home in the city of Winter River, after Lydia, while recording an episode of her supernatural TV talk show, sees the ghost of Betelgeuse in the audience (that caused trouble for them 36 years ago) and to hold the funeral for her father, Charles.

Lydia brings along her estranged daughter, Astrid, whom stumbles upon the diorama in the attic and eventually evokes Betelgeuse, also in need of help as he’s now being chased by his psycho undead ex-wife, Delores (Monica Bellucci)….

And here actually lies the biggest issue in the film, it’ s as if they feared there were never gonna make Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, so they crammed one or two or three too many subplots in there without elating the runtime, meaning some feel (and are) a bit undercooked, like the entire one about Betelgeuse’s ex-undead wife feels like it should receive more screentime, but doesn’t.

Despite the slightly messy plot, it’s actually pretty fun, the style is immaculate Burton (still using excellent practical effects and stopmotion animation, too), they even go a bit wilder with the graphic jokes since they now can, the tone and humour perfectly match the original and are still strong, even if more retrò, more quaint than actually edgy by now (which was kind to be expected, to be blunt), and the cast it’s great, for both returning and new characters, especially Keaton that seems to have never left the set of the 1988 film.

[One Piece: Side Pieces | Retrospective] Monsters: 103 Mercies, Dragon, Damnation (2024) [REVIEW]

To kick off this little retrospective about One Piece spin-offs and One Piece related stuff, let’s talk about Monsters: 103 Mercies, Dragon, Damnation, a short anime film adaptation of a 1994 Eiichiro Oda’s one-shot manga, simply – and terribly – titled “Monsters”, though most fans of One Piece have most likely read it when it was later recompiled in “Wanted!”, a volume collection of Oda’s pre-One Piece one shot mangas.

Apparently it was previously adapted in 2021… as a voice comic audio thing, but again, it was a “voice comic” affair, something made as part of the celebration for the series’ publishing its 100^th volume, so this 2024 anime adaptation for streaming services like Netflix might as well be the first.

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Zombie Shark AKA Shark Island (2015) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

Of course this was already done, i would say i’m surprised it took so long for the obvious idea to actually materialize, but then again it came out in the mid 2010s, an all time high for cheap ass shark movies unafraid to lower the bar even further, this time with the brilliant “ “what if but zombies?” concept, but – again – we never had this specific flavor of shark movie, so whatever.

As even a blind rock could guess by now, it’s a TV movie for SyFy (retitled as Shark Island in some releases), and it’s from director Misty Talley, actually her first shark attack flick, before Ozarks Sharks/ Summer Shark Attack and Mississippi River Sharks (both previously featured here), but also starring Jason London, whom i guess he’s “shark movie borgeusy” since he also shows up in Dam Sharks, for one.

So we have all the ingredients for a mildly fun timewaster… and the result it’s exactly that.

I could end the review here, but lets talk about the plot, despite there being no real need to, since Zombie Shark it’s exactly what it says on the tin and what you’d think it would be.

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Samurai Maiden PS4 [REVIEW] #meleemay

I’ve been waiting to cover this one for a while, but i had to wait for it to go on a decent discount, since D3 Publisher went extra crazy and asked 50 bucks (70 for the Deluxe Edition that includes all DLCs, mostly costumes and music from other D3 franchise like Bullet Girls) for what was obviously another budget game of theirs.

Having played all Oneechanbara games and waiting for the Namco Bandai owned company to finally announce the western release for EDF 6 (which was supposed to be out this spring but was eventually delayed to late July 2024), i did want to play Samurai Maiden earlier, but the absurd price really held me off, i’m not fucking paying 70 bucks for a complete edition of a digital only release of a D3 Publisher budget hack n slash anime game.

Curiously, despite the publisher involved and the premise of hack n slash action using a japanese anime high school girl, this is NOT the fanservicey fest you’d expected, i guess after the “prude crusade” Sony went (for whatever reason, since they were the main platform for most Senran Kagura games before), niche titles like this had to tippy toe on their tits to see what’s ok now.

the plot sees regular high school girl Tsumugi transported back to the Sengoku period, isekai’d directly during the Honno-ji incident so she can chat up Oda Nobunaga and have three female anime ninjas explain she was summoned there because she’s a discendant of a so called “Miko Of Prosperity”, and a prophecy involving her and a Demon Lord was foretold, etc.

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Melee May will tag in for Musou May

So yeah, as promised, instead of the usual Musou May, this year will focus on the more typical beat em up games, going from some licensed tie-in “trash” to the more forgotten dephts of the PS2 backlog, and evena fairly recent entry in the “pants em up” subgenre.

Image is for mystification purposes only, covering Smash clones would be fun but i really don’t have neither the time or the expertise at the moment.

Vlad Love (2021) [REVIEW] | Oshii No Ko

You know an anime it’s gonna be special when Mamoru Oshii is directing and his own sales pitch fo r it is “you’ll see what an old man who doesn’t give any fucks can do” XD

Even more when he partners up with FLCL’s creator, for his first TV anime since his early days on working on Urutsei Yatsura and directing the series’ two feature films, meant to come out in 2020, but the project had some delays, and was eventually released during February of 2021 on Crunchyroll… well, half of it was released at once, in order to make a “broken heart” joke.

Actually, it’s more absurd i didn’t actually manage to review it at launch, but now the occasion-climate seem appropriate again, so let’s remedy to this and try to squeeze some “synergy juice” (or what’s left of it, since i was sick and had to delay this review).

I mean, he was clearly willing to get crazy and embrace its legacy in the most absurd – and memey – ways, like deciding to open the episodes with a mock version of the MGM logo sequence, of course replacing the lion with his beloved bassethound. XD He knows, but doesn’t care, love it.

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[Resident Evil Live Action Film Retrospective] #7: Resident Evil: Welcome To Raccoon City (2021)

When the first trailer for this reboot of the Resident Evil film series was revealed, the reception was kinda split, and i guess it was in part because over time people learned to enjoy the crappy Paul W.S . Anderson films for what they were, liked their brand of cinematic cheese and overall embraced their “so bad they’re charming” nature.

And i do agree that there’s something comforting, especially in retrospective, about them, for all the flaws and plots that had barely anything to do with the ones in the Resident Evil videogames themselves, they did manage to faithfully recapture the B-movie feel of the games (itself borrowed from many zombie B-movies) in their own way, while hindsight confirm they were products of their time indeed, in this case from an era where film adaptations of videogames had a bad reputation about them, quite different from today’s perception, with an Uncharted movie released and a Gran Turismo film that at the time of writing is just a month away from hitting theathers.

Times have indeed changed, so it’s not that much of a surprise to see Capcom (itself a different company from the confused and “appeal to the west” driven mess of back when the Milla Jovovich led film series was still going) opt for a reboot film instead of trying to follow up from a film that indeed was called Resident Evil: The Final Chapter and indeed served as closure. Kinda.

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[Resident Evil Live Action Film Retrospective] #6: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)

“Funny” story: this is actually the second RE movie i watched, and the only one i ever watched in theathers. I wasn’t that interested at the time in the film series, so i just picked up on DVD years later the first Resident Evil movie, but didn’t bother with the sequels.

But since it was gonna be the final installment, i was a bit curious, so i went to see at one of my local cinemas, and turns out it wouldn’t have really mattered much if you saw all the sequels or none at all, because The Final Chapter will forever remain in my head as one of the most embarassing final bouts for a film series, or movies that somehow end up being distributed to big cinema chains.

An istance where i could realistically see people asking for their money back at the end of the movie, where i would agree with their anger and supplement them with rotten vegetables, so they could aim for the distributors and anyone involved outside of the poor employees, because it’s not their fault, so instead of littering the floors, give them a rotten leek so we can all stick it up Sony’s picture (via their Screen Gems’ hole, specifically), or throw a tomato at the HQ of Costantine Films.

Jesting aside, i’d be embarassed to release a movie like this, personally, even if – truth to be told – it’s not as bad as i remember it being, not “if your eyes could puke” bad, it’s still incredibly badly edited, so choppy that it’s a miracle you can actually tell what’s going on in almost half of the action scenes that involve melee fights (and some others too), where you can barely see things happening, mostly thanks to some occasional slow mo, but still, it’s almost a “blink and you missed it” type of deal, so badly edited is more than a good 40 % of the action scenes.

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[Resident Evil Live Action Film Retrospective] #5: Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Not even waiting the 3 years between sequels anymore, as the well is running dry and instead of filling it with blood of the scribe, we’re making these even faster as we approach the penultimate chapter, with Retribution following upon the twist reveal at the end of Afterlife, with the Arcadia surrounded by a lot of black Umbrella helicopters that captures the original Alice and brings her to a remote underwater location in the Extreme North section of Russia, used for testing the T-Virus, from where she has to escape alongside both old and new faces, including many other characters from the videogames that Paul W.S. Anderson couldn’t cram in the previous script, like the fan favourites Leon Kennedy, Ada Wong and Barry Burton.

So, if the keyword of Afterlife was “clonatron and mind control robo-scarabs taken from RE 5”, Retribution also adds to the vocabulary salad “simulation” and “diorama”, showing off obvious inspiration from Westworld with Umbrella creating sets and clones to populate it before they die in it, because fuck any attempt of constructing more setpieces when we can literally redo the previous ones like it’s a rematch of previously beaten bosses in an older Zelda game.

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Devil’s Third WII U [REVIEW] | Big Mouse Strikes Again

It’s the spooky-ooky season, so it means nothing but it’s a good enough excuse to review some shitty videogame of fecal magnitude, or ones that were so bad they made many “worst of year” lists, and come with some depressing and-or absurd history to them. For indeed, “the horror!”.

And Devil’s Third definitely fits the bill, being one of the many titles that confirmed once again that sometimes you should just quit when you’re ahead, or before tarnishing your own legacy due to boneheaded behaviour in mismanaging projects that languish for years due to an accolade of deals falling through, changing engines and platform targets, only to eventually release and make one realize that maybe you can actually lose talent over time.

And as they do, stories like this just highlight how even successfully rebooting the Ninja Gaiden franchise for the original X-Box… won’t stop your career from having a “Tommy Wiseau of The Room” moment, highlighting that sometimes these legendary creators might have actually needed the company they supposedly left to do whatever they wanted, not the other way around.

Especially when the finished game had to basically receive a “pity publishing” deal from Nintendo, as no one else wanted to publish this one for years (including Nintendo Of America), so it became a Wii U exclusive because we were already in the death years of the system, and i guess Nintendo could use an action game that look like it could be on PS3 or 360. Or a game, stat.

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