#E32021 Summer Game Fest [Highlights]

Changed my mind, i will write small recaps/highlights of the various conferences, starting with this one.

Which is reall Geoff Khiley hosting “The Games Awards” by another name… yay?

Even more due to the event being sponsored by Prime Gaming…YAY.

Yeah, i didn’t miss this part of the E3 so much.

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“It’s Like Pokemon, but with Guns!”, for real this time

So, a couple of days ago a saw someone posting the trailer for this game in Early Access on Steam, called “Palworld”, saying that you were not ready to see it. They were fuckin right, because this game looks incredible. And pending for a legal bending from Nintendo. Or not?

I thought, oh, this is another of these Pokemon clones that are coming out now, like Cassette Beasts, or stuff already released like Monster Crown, who clearly borrow something or a lot from Nintendo popular series, Big N doesn’t have a trademark of “collecting monsters” as a game mechanic, why is this diff- HOLY SHIT, the character did a fly-by shooting with a rifle!!!

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Camel Spiders (2011) [REVIEW] | Not camels, nor spiders

Spiders: when you can’t afford sharks or giant reptiles for your creature feature.

And because many people do find arachnids in general to be quite disgusting, so it’s no wonder they’re a constant for b-movies since forever, especially if they’re of giant size.

This time we have Camel Spiders, one of the many late 2000s/early 2010s Roger Corman productions (sporting the “Roger Corman Presents” label on DVD releases), this one directed by Jym Wynorski… credited as Jay Andrews as usual.

For consistency’s sake, i guess.

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[EXPRESSO] Army Of The Dead (2021) | The Uncertain Dead

Zack Snyder has taken a break from superhero movies to come back to the zombie farm for Army Of The Dead, a zombie flick that’s also a heist movie, originally conceived as a spiritual successor of Snyder’s own 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake, but over time becoming his own distinct thing, while it stewed in development hell until Netflix picked it in 2019.

While Las Vegas is plagued by a zombie epidemic, a group of mercenaries is crazy enough to try pulling the absurd and hugely risky feat of going into the quarantined zone to pulls off the biggest heist ever conceived, and do it before the government drops a nuclear bomb on the area.

This sounds like a great recipe for a bombastic, excessive good time… but it isn’t.

Putting aside that the movie is not so full of action as it marketed and presented, it’s a flawed execution of a good premise, one that’s also very long (2 hours and a half) and totally feels like it, even more as it feels unclear on what exactly it wants to pull off, not helped by the fact there are tonal inconsistencies; figures when it feels so conflicted between almost being Zombieland or a more Romero-style zombie film.

It’s frustrating, because it has some interesting, noteworthy variations and additions to the zombie mythos, it does live up the title in that regard, the actions scenes are quite good, there’s even some decent humour. There’s something to it, but it tries to pack too much stuff in and it never fully “clicks” because of it.

We’ll see more regardless, as Snyder wants to do a sequel, and Netflix already greenlit two prequels, in form of a film and an animated series, so maybe something better could come out of it.

Alligator II – The Mutation (1991) [REVIEW] | Back To The Sewers

Another chapter in the accidental saga of Jaws rip-offs and their often interesting tales of genre producers basically kicking a young James Cameron out of the director’s chair, of people making movies about barracudas that actually just used them to trojan horse a completely different thriller plot, of alligators becoming giant in Chicago’s sewer system due to pharmaceutical experiments on dogs, and producers pestering poor Joe Dante into directing rip-offs of his own movies…

Once again we wander in the territory of “we wanna make another one and trick people into thinking it’s a sequel by slapping a number 2 and a subtitle on the title”, but i struggle to even justify this one’s existence. Sure, the first one ended with another baby gator being flushed down the same sewer, but usually you’d want to cash-in into a movie like this right away…. not 11 years later.

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Python II/Pythons 2 (2002) [REVIEW] | The Russian Connection

The snake factory always has more, because it’s easy as always to slap some roman numerals over a snake image and call a movie a sequel to another movie about killer giant snakes, regardless of continuity.

Yeah, another un, tied to the 2000’s Python more by some cast members than anything else, and by that i actually mean William Zabka is here playing one of the lead characters, and it’s still produced by Python Productions and Unified Film Organization.

Clearly it made more sense to use the name “Python” once more, since New Alcatraz bombed very bad, not that it was great, but the fact they didn’t simply title it after the main killer snake probably didn’t help at all.

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Deadly Eyes (1982) [REVIEW] | Game Of Rats

I would like to thank Canada for asking the question: can we remake The Killer Shrews and make it less crap, despite also making it about rats?

I mean, especially if you’re a fan of MST3K it’s hard not to think of that, not because the mutated animals are shrews, but because they did the same trick of dressing up dogs (daschunds here) with special effects to make the rats, alongside some puppet props.

To be fair, of course this movie was bound to have a bigger budget and be better given how notoriusly low the budget was for The Killer Shrews, how it was pretty much a “regional” drive-in flick with actors that were hard to understand due to the accents and dialect… and it’s a better movie all around. The old trick of using dogs masquerading as rats actually works here, because they do have better budgets for the effects, instead of just putting moss and bad wigs on the poor canines, so you don’t really notice they’re dogs while watching, and the rats puppets and props are actually decent-to-good in quality, so the answer to the question posed at the beginning is already “yes”.

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Shockwave A.K.A. I.A. Assault (2006) [REVIEW] | Wynorski’s War Of The Worlds

I didn’t plan to do a Jim Wynorski-A-Thon when i accidentally started watching movies in my saved list that would soon abandon Amazon Prime Video (or gate themselves beyond another paywall), and i’m tired having to preface this already, but i can’t say i really wanted to see this movie that much.

Then again, i did put in the “watch for later” list because the robots in the thumbnail looked like the martian war machines in H.G. Wells’ War Of The Worlds.

Plot is sadly not as interesting, with a couple of experimental robots sporting advanced IA being carried on a plane over a desert Pacific island, plane crashes, and Navy Seals (because the OSI is busy learning not to plug the entire mainframe into a single wall socket) are sent in to recapture the robots, as they turned against the humans, and they’re getting smarter and smarter….

Script convenient criminals also happen to be arrive on the island, as they manage to get the helicopter stuck there after robbing 2 milions from a passenger cruise, but then again, the Navy (Such As) Seals might as well bring nerf guns, despite knowing the “supah” robots can be harmed only by a specific weapon. And they know because the scientist’s daughter, also a scientist and carrying on her father’s work, told me it is so.

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EX-ARM anime (2021) [REVIEW] | Make the bad guys cry like….

I knew of Ex-Arm before the series was announced, as in i red the first volume of the manga, and thought that was.. alright.

Then in early november 2020 i discovered there was an anime planned for it, and apparently it was supposed to launch earlier, but got delayed a couple of times, post-poned until its January 2021 release on Crunchyroll, as one of their “Crunchyroll Originals” exclusive projects.

I heard about it on Twitter, alongside many baffled comments on why the hell is a live-action director with no experience in anime directing a 3D CG anime and also tasking a production company that also has no experience in anime… and i immediatly knew i would just “have” to review it, to witness the monstrum and write a report about what could be found in its wretched bowels.

Get confortable, as this autopsy-review will examine all the guts and decomposed organs, and there’s a LOT of those to rifle through with this one!

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Bermuda Tentacles (2014) [REVIEW] | BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF!

You work at The Asylum. SyFy has commissioned another movie, it is a day of the week.

You’re told no sharks, no tornadoes, no dragons, no spiders (giant or normal size) or any combination of these.

No, the monster can’t be made of lava, trapped at the bottom of the sea (being trapped under the sea floor counts) or from another dimension.

The note just says:

“the american president is in danger, after the Air Force One got hit by a tremendous thundestorm just over the The Bermuda Triangle. The _______ is sent in to retrieve the president, but a giant ____ emerges from the deep, potentially posing a threat to America and the world. You are a bad enough dude to save the president.”

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