Platformation Time Again #6: New Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja PS4

HISTORY

Fiction has more or less cemented the general vision of the prehistoric past as “caveman and dinosaurs” for entertaiment media as a whole, despite the fact our unshaven ancestors did not live at the same times as the dinosaurs, there’s no hunting down brachiosauruses when the things had gone extinct 65 millions years ago, or writing middling yet kinda charming newspaper comic strips (the fabled “western 4-koma”) that can change that.

But it was not reality; it was the 90s.

Indiana Jones discovered ancient shit every so often, and Jurassic Park ignited the dino craze… no, the dino mania, got the fever for these ancient creatures sky high, and Data East, a company mostly dealing in pinball machines but also occasionally videogames, was more than happy to oblige and carpe the dino diem quick and hot, by releasing Joe & Mac: Tatakae Genshijin (the original japanese subtitle translating roughly “Caveman Fight”), better known worldwive as Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja or simply Caveman Ninja.

The “Ninja” in the title is there because the 80s craze with the japanese born assassins still made for attractive videogame marketing, as fun and crazy as it would have been to have a game subtitled “Caveman Ninja” to actually have caveman ninjas…it’s just marketing.

But boy it worked, as Joe & Mac proved to be a smash hit for Data East, a very big hit (so big you couldn’t avoid it going into arcades even in my country as well), so much that many ports followed for basically every system of the era, including the NES (which was quite old back then) and many home computers, not the usual for a Data East game, so much it cameoed in Tumblepop, had a spin-off in the vein of Tumblepop itself, Joe & Mac Returns and eventually spawned sequels.

For reasons i will explain later, this also – if indirectly – counts as a review of the original Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja game that released in arcades and today can be found as a Switch download, part of the Johnny Turbo branded series of releases…. Well, could.

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[EXPRESSO] The Running Man (2025) | Twitch Rage

In this era of remakes and reboot, this is one that makes some sense, especially since the older film adaptation of the Stephen King novel (originally published under the “ Richard Bachman” pseudonym) was a fun 80s slice of “Golden Age Schwarzenegger” beefcake action, more heady than the actor usual fare, but not much so, as its revels in being the very kind of thing its supposedly satirizes, with by the plot’s premise of a far future dystopia where a fascist state pacifies the masses via a reality tv bloodsport, The Running Man.

Here indesiderables and anyone that doesn’t obey is labeled a criminal and terrorist, pitted against a gaggle of chasing units, with the task of surviving as long as they can, while there is a “snitches get riches” for civilians reporting – or killing yo’ ass, with a billion dollars prize money for “runner” surviving against all odds and hunting units sent after them, all live on national television.

This version has the protagonist being an enraged father that has been blacklisted from most workplaces for trying to have justice and unionization, signing up for the Running Man show so he can rack up money needed to cure his daughter, and maybe even give his family a better life outside the slums.

It’s a more faithful adaptation of the story, and honestly it’s just a far better film, actually timely in this moment where the dystopian sci-fi futures are pretty much undistinguishable from reality, flying cars aside, with what were once charicatures being plausible, while still delivering lots of bombastic blockbuster action, stylish use of “oldies” for the soundtrack and embodiying the current – and apt- sentiment of “fuck you all, let it burn”, with an ending that might feel like a cop out but isn’t necessarily such.

[EXPRESSO] The Toxic Avenger (2023) | Punk Pretend

Yes, Troma is still around, and just the fact the Toxic Avenger reboot is a big budget PG-13 rated film with big Hollywood actors is already indicative that yes, in this case – to paraphrase Grasshopper Manifacture’s motto – “Punk Is Dead”, coming off as a clear admission that, despite all that clammering, now they do actually want to be like Hollywood and ain’t even trying to mask it.

The plot is basically the same as the 1984 original, but tries to update the concept for modernity, changing some details and adding new characters, and making it more about family (since “Toxie” has a troubled stepson to care for) but basically keeping the idea of a derided janitor falling victim to radioactive waste, which mutate him into a superhero monster, The Toxic Avenger, ready to take down evil, and in this case exact revenge on the evil big pharma company that bamboozled the entire town of St. Roma Ville ( ah ah), harassed its citizens and pollute its waters.

And it’s all presented as subversive like the original was… in 1984.

Sure there is some splatter violence, but it’s kinda tame, even in the international unrated cut, today the ol’ excesses of the company are nothing.

It’s not even that unwatchable, ironically, it’s still trash like the original but that became a cult film for reasons, which do include its sincerity, here completely gone, as this remake also sucks out any of its anti-establishment, alternative, subversive and controversial qualities, being just domesticated and tarted up hollow trash.

Even worse, it’s just so desperate in wanting people to like it, to elect it as their new favourite “so bad it’s good” flick, which itself it’s old hat too.

It’s just fuckin pathetic, even more than it wants to come off as.

[EXPRESSO] Bugonia (2025) | The Andromeda Strange

Is with extreme apprehension i approaced Lanthimos’ newest film, Bugonia, since i was kinda let down by Kinds Of Kindness and appearantly i’m on a streak of being beyond disappointed.

A sci-fi comedy-thriller with once again Emma Stone and Jesse Piemons in the leading roles, as is the current fancy of Lanthimos, Bugonia (an english language remake of the Korean 2003 movie Save The Green Planet!) is about a couple of conspiracy theorists that decide is time to get off the keyboard and do “something about it”.

In this case it means kidnapping the very influential CEO of a big pharmaceautical company, as they believe she’s an alien bent on destroying planet Earth.

It is a Lanthimos movie alright.

One that does a lot despite most of the events relegated to the house the conspiracy crazies hold the “alien” hostage, as they want to try and negotiate a deal quickly, believing it’s just a matter of days before the alien mothership will go away.

It’s Lanthimos take on the world burning down and how mankind really had it coming, with the expected themes class warfare, of corporate poisoning and social “divide and conquer” tactics, and while i’m not surprise by a Lanthimos movie being morally ambiguous (water is wet, after all), in this case it feels done more so the movie can put itself above these questions.

Curiously Eddington, for all its flaws, did commit better to its “both sides” satire, where Bugonia instead plays it a bit too safe but on the other hand it’s a better movie that remembers a comedy has to be funny.

It’s also strangely “tame” by Lanthimos’ standards, and not just in terms of visuals, which has the upside of working as a good “entry level” for his filmography, but leaves one kinda disappointed.

Platformation Time Again #4: Pac Man World/Pac Man World Re-Pac PS1 | PS4 | GBA

HISTORY

Pac Man needs no presentation, so ingrained as an icon of videogames from their golden era of the arcade machines, that even your grandma knows what it is.

But the 80s were far gone even back when Pac Man World released in late 1999 for the original Playstation, and Namco Bandai was struggling to find how to reinveint his legacy franchises or make new successful ones in the wake of the financial recession in Japan at the time.

Pac Man World was made specifically to celebrate the series’ 20^th Anniversary, and Namco (not yet Namco Bandai) figured to play it fairly safe: 3D platformers were on the rise and “all the rage”, everyone with some cash to spare was throwing mascotte characters at the wall to see what would stick or syphoon some of the leftover bread from the success of Mario and Sonic, heck even Bubsy tried this new fangled substance known as 3D by injecting it between its bobcat toes.

So why the fuck not, since Namco did have a popular mascote character already, one that was iconic and synomous with videogames and not a pantless cat with a shirt, the formula had already had its success stories so there was a blueprint and a track record to try emulate, Pac-Man was becoming old enough to drink in most countries, so fuck it, we’re going platforming in tridimensional fashion… and it was a success.

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[EXPRESSO] Locked (2025) | Small Theft Auto

Locked has a simple, yet fairly intriguing hook: a small time thief desperate for cash one day finds a strangely unlocked high-tech smartcar (like a Tesla that doesn’t randomly burst into fire) to loot it, but once in he then realizes he’s locked into the vehicle, and gets contacted by the owner, whom remotely controls everything in the car, making it act as a trap for whoever tried to steal it.

The guy then has to survive locked inside, while the unseen owner keeps torturing him, playing mind games and keeping the complex trap scenario of his own design going…

Sadly for Locked, this is the kind of script with a decent-good idea/concept…. but ultimately doesn’t really know what to do with it outside of slightly escalating the tortures, and boiling the explanation for this cruel trap to basically the same “eat the rich” surface level class warfare bit A24 movies have done to death recently, just done in a more utilitarian and even more shallow fashion, with the car owner (Anthony Hopkins) also written as being completely callous, a straight up empathy-free psycho, for better or worse.

It’s also not tense enough to make you question for real if escape is even possible to begin with, which is an issue (as is the unsatisfying ending) but i will say it’s not boring, even though it’s a film carried entirely by Bill Skarksgard’s performance as the low tier criminal that is forced by circumstance to thieve and such in order to care for his family, and if Hopkins kinda phones it in (literally for most of the film), he seems to be having fun with such a stock Jigsaw wannabe, which does help.

Overall, Locked feels middling, not bad but makes one wonder for the movie that could have been.

P.S.: This also is another foreign remake of a 2019 Argentinian movie called 4X4 (which has now has been remade thrice), itself having a similar premise to a 1998 direct-to-video film named Captured.

[EXPRESSO] War Of The Worlds (2025) | Redditors VS Aliens

Yep, we doing this one.

The plot sees a Homeland Security officer, Will Radford (Ice Cube) at work being “benign Big Brother” for the government (while also monitoring his family, to their dismay), when a meteorite shower reveals to be a worlwide attack by alien machines, forcing Will to do what he can to save his family and help fight back the invaders however he can.

On paper it’s not necessarily a bad idea to make a modern War of The World remake focusing on the aliens taking over data infrastructures in the surveillance state internet reliant reality where everyone’s on their phones, playing up the “government conspiracy” angle… and proposing it as a screenlife thing, like a sci-fi Unfriended.

Yeah, that already sets off more bells than a Blue Oyster Cult comment section, and makes it abundantly obvious this was shot during the 2020 Covid pandemic, with Amazon sitting on it for 5 years before they remembered, “bothered” to do post-production and made it available on their streaming service.

They knew they were sitting on a turd, one so riddled with brazens self-promotion it’s comical (the climax of the movie involves an Amazon drone helping save the day), not that the movie actually decides if it’s against or pro “Big Tech”, and while Ice Cube’s acting is bad, it’s not like he has much to work with, the entire thing is so fuckin stupid and becomes even stupider, and a cinically rushed shitshow with plenty of IA generated news segments (and stock footage that looks bad enough to be IA generated slop too), on top of very shitty special effects.

And yet it’s so fiercely bad it does actually become one of the rare modern “so bad it’s good” movies, it has that kind of entertaiment quality to it.

Bladestorm Nightmare PS4 [REVIEW] | The Hundred Years Grind

Ah, yes, Bladestorm, the ginger step-child born of enabling Omega Force to once again make something that isn’t a Warriors game (it’s worth remembering they once did also do fighting games and RPGs, among others), yet isn’t one of Koei historical turn based grand strategy titles like Nobunaga’s Ambition or Uncharted Waters, but more like a real-time Kessen.

This time around we’re taking a break from the Three Kingdoms, Sengoku era Japan or Asian history in general, as we’re going back to the middle ages, yes, but Europe this once, in the 14^th and 15^th centhury, to revisit the events of the Hundred Years War between France and England.

And of course this comes with a big, gynormic “loosely based on” sticker, because it’s a videogame, it’s a videogame based on historic events by the Dynasty Warriors developer, so you already know historical accuracy isn’t gonna be on the table as the main course, or barely at all, because who gotta have historical figures like Gilles Rais and John Talbot interact, and also give them very flamboyant anime style design… why the fuck not?

The plot is told mostly in cutscenes (that develop the various character arcs and of course take a lot of liberties in terms of characterization for the historical figures represented, designs aside), as your player customized character is just another dude in a mercenary band that happens to be involved in the conflict at hand and participate in both “trivial” and important battles of the war, with the option to side with either faction and also save Joanne D’Arc, if you want.

This was true for the original PS3/360/PC release of the game back in 2007, but we’re tackling the expanded port for PS4/X-Box One/Steam, Bladestorm: Nightmare, the PS4 version specifically (as apparently the PC port of this that’s on Steam is shit on a stick, and being an older Koei PC port, yeap, i believe it), which adds some features but mostly a new fantasy campaign that gives this release its new subtitle, Nightmare, which we will tackle later.

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Platformation Time Again #2: Asterix & Obelix XXL Romastered PS4

I originally reviewed this game to celebrate the release of the latest Asterix & Obelix live action film at the time, that being Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom, but it was before i fully decided to reboot this rubric, and since i was gonna cover Asterix & Obelix XXL 2, i’d figured i would “remaster/remake” the old review, thought it’s so expanded and has more than enough and more in-depth writing it’s almost new one, BUT since the old review it’s quite recent, i didn’t feel the need to completely throw out everything, i’m pointing this out if this feels like deja-vu.

It is. Kinda.

Also, FIY, i will try to use both original and localized names for the characters, for clarity.

HISTORY

This is one of those series that is huge in many regions but since it never properly took off in North America, it may look like it’s a thing that’s “huge in Europe but nowhere else” (especially given how the perception skewed the US as the only place where things happen or matter), but Asterix & Obelix is one of the longest running comic book series and one of the most popular of all time, to the point its being only outsold and out-translated by One Piece, worlwide.

I grew up with these, as it was hugely popular in Italy as well (irony noted) as France, Belgium, the UK, and basically anywhere that wasn’t America, even though most of the later animated films did see some kind of US release (of the live actions one i think only Asterix And The Middle Kingdom, the most recent one, saw a Netflix release in US territories), and there’s a Netflix exclusive animated series adaptation of Asterix The Big Fight coming later this year, in the hope of feeding a US fanbase of the series that i’m sure is there and its fuckin starved in terms of official releases.

Just in case, let’s go over the basic premise.

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E’ Gia Ieri AKA Storks Day (2004) [REVIEW] | Groundhog Days

Groundhog Day it’s a movie that doesn’t need introduction, maybe even less a review.

You might know they did actually make a sequel to that beloved Bill Murray led film… in form of a VR only game, Groundhog Day: Like Father, Like Son…. most likely you’ve never heard of it before i just mentioned it now.

But we’re not reviewing that either.

For some variety we’re instead talking about the 2004 Italian (technically an Italian-Spanish production) remake of Groundhog Day, which i’m fairly sure no one that isn’t Italian has never heard in any shape or form, called “E’ Gia Ieri”, literally translation being “It’s Tomorrow Already” but it also goes by the international English title of “Stork Day”, which sounds iffy even it’s about as accurate and correct as it would/could realistically be for an alternate English title meant for foreign markets.

You most likely already guessed why that is the case, but let’s talk plot first.

Also, just saying it now, but yes, SPOILERS of a 32 years old movie that’s far from obscure are gonna happen.

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