Shark Exorcist (2014) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

I knew the day would come.

I knew it was just a matter of time, and made sense since it had been so long, and my hatred for this film never subdued since i first saw it back in 2015. I wasn’t familiar with Donald Farmer’s “game”, so to speak, i though i knew bad, but seeing his Shark Exorcist made me realize i was still green.

“Still just a bud”, to quote Holly Summers from No More Heroes.

I did actually preorder the DVD for it, expecting it to be fun, a shitshow but we were still riding high from the Sharkenado phenomenon, before cheap homegrown filmakers realized you didn’t actually need these bad sharkmovies to be fun in order to sell them, and instead made poster than would never live up to the actual films, so yeah, a sweet summer child, etc.

And no, i didn’t plan to review the movie for it’s 10^th anniversary, and i didn’t realize it actually came out first in 2014 in some countries, but i guess it’s red raw anus-bound thread of Fate itself at work, pinching one out for the occasion, so let’s toast our glasses of expire communion wine!

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[EXPRESSO] Twisters (2024) | That Power Is Yet Unknown

I have to say, for generational reasons, i missed the time where this movie was so widespread, so i watched the 1996 original for the first time just hours before going into theathers to see this follow-up/stand alone sequel, simply called Twisters.

The original was a fun ride, full of hilarious characters played by an amazing cast, though the main focus where the admittely amazing special effects for 1996, and plain old tornadoes were enough to intrigue general audiences.

That said, there is a strangely refreshing quality today to the 90s style approach to disaster movies, even if it’s less “sequel” and more of a remake (a “remaquel”?), as there are parallels, some elements carrying over and characters having similar dynamics, and a similar premise of groups of “tornado hunters”, despite no returning characters from the 1996 movie.

It feels very 90s and it does harness the energy of the original for the most part, with good effects too, in general managing well to update the formula, but intriguingly the core plot actually tackles more how these natural disasters impact peoples’ lives, who’s actually profitting from these, etc.

It’s a shame the movie isn’t willing to concede some needed characterization, more depth to the themes, anything that detract from the “rollercoaster” type of entertaiment, i mean, climate change isn’t mentioned once, and the co-protagonist could almost be cut, as Glenn Powell’s amazing performance of “Tyler Owens”, the ringmaster of a hillbilly storm chasers posse, steals the show.

Twisters almost manages to marry these two different approaches to the formula, but kinda falls short, though in the end it’s still a more than decent movie, one that does feel like a modern take on Twister, even if a bit frustrating since it feels crutched by compromises because of its very legacy.

Halfway through Luigi’s Mansion 2 HD

So, a quick few words about Luigi’s Mansion 2 HD, as it recently released, i got it, but there’s no planned review for it this year (i’m waiting for the port-remake-whatever is gonna be of the first Luigi’s Mansion), so let’s just do a quick impressions-style article/hands on, since i’m basically halfway through it already and i did plan the original 3DS release when it came out.

The short version of it is that i wouldn’t stampede to get a copy if you already played it on 3DS, not that is gonna get cheaper to get in time.

I just wanna stress out this is mostly a release for people that played Luigi’s Mansion 3 and wanna play all the series on Switch, for those that haven’t already played Luigi’s Mansion 2 before and maybe have only a Switch as their modern Nintendo console.

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The Summer Of EDF will resume tomorrow

the new review for Summer Of EDF should’have been published today, but due what i can only described as “scholar fatigue of cramming too many exams and barely sleeping”, the review will come out tomorrow instead.

Sorry.

My (Almost) 2 Hours With The Metal Slug Tactics DEMO on Steam

I promised i would make a hands on first impressions about the demo for the Metal Slug strategy RPG spin-off, Metal Slug Tactics, and i knew the demo was gonna be available to grab for a limited time… though i misread the news article posted by the developer, Leikir Studios, because i assumed it was gonna be a limited time release to get… but it was actually always meant to become unavailable after June 17th.

It was eventually extended until June 27th, but i didn’t know that, i just assumed i could keep using the demo, but again, i’ll take some of the blame, as the announcement article said “will be live until June 17th”, the dev team could have made it more clear this was a demo meant to self

As i didn’t know that i put off finishing the demo until i had some free time for that, only a week too late, and to find the “play” button for the Metal Slug Tactics demo in my Steam library turned into a “Purchase” link redirecting to the store page… even when you can’t actually buy the game yet, in any form.

This means i didn’t play and finish the final maps of the demo region, but i did write 2 pages of impressions, notes and clocked 96 minutes into the demo, which is more than enough to get the feel for the game, so, instead of a proper hands-on article, you’re getting this “salvage write-about” thingie, because i do have something to say about the game, even in this early demo stage, which show the game is far from being in the “larval” stage, despite some features not available, like controller support, as the devs clearly stated both in the Steam store page news and in the demo itself.

Compromise is a bitch but i do wanna keep my word, so here it goes, fellas.

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Earth Defense Force 3 AKA Earth Defense Force 2017 X360 [REVIEW] | #summerofedf

When of i think of when the series officially, globally managed to “hit it big”, Earth Defense Force 3 is when it actually happened, after word of mouth did its thing and helped reach the audience for a more arcadey and un-serious gaming experience, almost a pure one, if you want.

Sorry, Earth Defense Force 2017, as it better known, which is a fitting title for another reason besides keeping in tone with the 50/60’s style of sci-fi cheese, and the obvious hiding of this being the third entry of the series (the main one, anyway) to make the new potential audience of the previously Playstation centric IP not feel like they were missing out.

The reason being curiously a story one, as with EDF 2017 will start what would become a recurring approach to the plot, as in this does not follow up from the events of EDF 2, nothing from that game is ever mention, because EDF 2017 it’s a remake of the first EDF, which was set in the…. back then still not that far away year of 2017.

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Summer Of EDF: Checking In, Metal Slug Tactics and the Promise Of Deer

Just a quick post to inform you i plan to have an EXPRESSO review of EDF 6 somewhere in late July/early August (the game comes out westward July 19th), i’m finalizing my thoughts on the Metal Slug Tactics demo that was made available on Steam, and also that i’m aware of that “girl deer hybrid” anime that has spread the brainrot meme animedance of the moment, i’m actually gonna cover it, if nothing else because the marketing team did a bang up job at making it a viral sensation months ahead of its actual broadcast.

And it might actually live up to the Nichijou vibes it gives off.

I also have an announcement for August… but i’ll reveal it later in July, maybe mid-July.

Zombie Shark AKA Shark Island (2015) [REVIEW] | #thesharksix

Of course this was already done, i would say i’m surprised it took so long for the obvious idea to actually materialize, but then again it came out in the mid 2010s, an all time high for cheap ass shark movies unafraid to lower the bar even further, this time with the brilliant “ “what if but zombies?” concept, but – again – we never had this specific flavor of shark movie, so whatever.

As even a blind rock could guess by now, it’s a TV movie for SyFy (retitled as Shark Island in some releases), and it’s from director Misty Talley, actually her first shark attack flick, before Ozarks Sharks/ Summer Shark Attack and Mississippi River Sharks (both previously featured here), but also starring Jason London, whom i guess he’s “shark movie borgeusy” since he also shows up in Dam Sharks, for one.

So we have all the ingredients for a mildly fun timewaster… and the result it’s exactly that.

I could end the review here, but lets talk about the plot, despite there being no real need to, since Zombie Shark it’s exactly what it says on the tin and what you’d think it would be.

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[EXPRESSO] Ghost: Rite Here, Rite Now (2024) | Meliora Grande

I will admit i’m not a die hard Ghost fan, i like them (enough to go to a concert film of theirs playing subtitled only for a couple of days in theathers) a lot but never dwelved into the lore, as apparently this follows up the band meta-storyline from their webisodes, but as an educated guess would have correctly assumed, you really don’t need to be updated on what here amounts as a slightly meta (and kinda Metalocaypse-eque) narrative about the relationship between the singer, his mother and the ghost of his father appearing to him and giving advice about stage performance, etc.

Again, i lack the extra contest most fans would have, but this narrative playing in little bits between some of the songs is mostly soap opera style drama played for laughs, it’s goofy and because of that demonstrates the band’s willingness to be silly and fun, which actually fits the odd yet mesmerizing pastiche of metal aesthetics and 80s energetic hard rock inspired music of Ghost as a whole.

Bonus points for them having a 60s Hanna Barbera style animated segment at one point, even if it feels oddly handled and kinda random, let’s put it like that.

Even if you don’t care for it, even at worst the narrative it’s cute and delivers some laughs, it does not requires you to even know the band beforehand, and it’s actually a more than decent entry point if you were ever curious about Ghost, as the main bulk of the film it’s the live concert they did in 2023 at the Kia Forum in Erwille, California, delivering one hell of a concert with a pretty much perfect track list, amazing theathrics, just an amazing performance graced by excellent editing for the big screen, on top of everything else.

[EXPRESSO] Bad Boys: Ride Or Die (2024) | Crank IV: Cartellopallooza

So, i guess the Bad Boys series is back to stay after it got resurrected in 2020 with For Life, with this fresh new entry released a few days ago in cinema, and both meme slapper and Martin Lawrence are doing these until they die or release a movie as bad as Rambo V.

Which i don’t particularly mind because i’m also kinda indifferent to the series, but For Life was enjoyable, a decent action comedy flick (though honestly i don’t even remember what it was about unless i look it up), and Ride Or Die pretty much is on the same level, maybe a little better because they don’t have to appeal for nostalgia, not that hard this time around anyway.

I’d discuss the plot but honestly there’s very little besides picking one of the few types and variations of plots this kind of movie could feature, and this time the spinning wheel lands on a corrupt politician (via a rogue criminal army) trying to defame the “Boys’” old police mentor and frame them for a long time case of corruption in the force about dealing with the drug cartels…

Yeah, very little surprises, same goes for the villains, pretty forgettable too, one so obvious and cartoonish it’s almost a joke, but i will say the chemistry of the main duo still works perfectly fine, delivers some laughs, here thanks to Marcus having a mystical near death experience and going all new age non-sense on Mike’s predicaments, on top of the usual “too old for this shit” shtick, and overall it’s fairly entertaining, with the action scenes having often some decent setpieces to them and the camera work even going for some Crank/Hardcore Henry style sequences.

It’s definitely not boring, decent fun even if far from memorable or original.