Jurassic Shark 3: Seavenge (2023) [REVIEW] | #sharkapalooza

After Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse, Mark Polonia was pretty much given the legal status as guardian of the Jurassic Shark franchise, i guess why not?

The second one….actually, the “other second one”, since Raiders Of The Lost Shark would actually be a more proper sequel made by the same director, this is the level of decadence we’re at, with Jurassic Shark having both official and “more official” sub-series.

I think i just puked in my brain a little. Or a lottle.

Back to the topic at hand, Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse was another typical Mark Polonia affair, i remember it had “young Popeye cosplaying as the captain from Tin Tin” (maybe a hint of shit to come, in hindsight), it was about another drilling underwater gig bringing out another megalodon shark, and an assassination subplot, or something?

I barely remember, which i guess is the ideal state of mind to watch these.

Continua a leggere

Earth Defense Force 6 PS4 [REVIEW] | All You Need Is Kill

As with what is now tradition, after a reboot follows a direct sequel, so Earth Defense Force 6 picks up some years after you killed God (or an alien God), with the global population reduced to a 10 % of what it was, but hey, you won, and reconstruction begun, as it always does.

You play as one of the elite soldiers from Team Storm that succeded in saving the planet years before, sent to a base that needs manpower as while the aliens retreated after… well, the “Hell Comes To Frogtown” ones were left abandoned on Earth, so they kinda still kick around in pure desperation, and you’re sent to deal with these poor bastards after a speech from EDF bootleg (and surprisingly nice) version of Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, during the tutorial mission that continues the more attention given to presentation that started with EDF 5.

Then some old teleporting devices start teleporting monsters on Earth again, the monsters start laying down eggs to up their numbers, so it feels like you’re stuck on a loop of exterminating the hordes to avoid the enemies gaining more ground, and it feels like this stalemate is gonna keep going… until the biblical accurate alien mothership comes back, transports and un-transports another mothership kind of vehicle, then drops an entirely new kind of alien foes, very 50s/60s scifi style android enemies that launch their grabby knifed claws from afar.

So shit was already a desperate fight for a ruins filled Earth, NOW it’s basically a desperate struggle to fuck with a 0% chance of winning against super alien Hitler with a box of green army men as actual troops…. until you fight the biblically accurate ring shaped mothership again, fuck up something… and then you’re literally in an early mission of EDF 5.

That’s true, because after this – as the game itself puts it – “The Earth Defense Force 6 begins now”.

Continua a leggere

Warriors Abyss PS4 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

As promised, here we are tackling the stealth release latest Warriors spin-off, Warriors Abyss, which is Omega Force trying to apply the ever-so-popular-still roguelike spin to the musou gameplay.

Digital only even in Japan, played on a PS4 Pro because i still haven’t got a PS5… and since i’m getting a Switch 2 on launch (as i mentioned before= i don’t see it happening anytime soon.

The story is pure fluff, just a pretense to have a narrative (and reuse various assets from decades old games) to the roguelike X Warriors idea, which can really be boiled down to “the gang goes to hell”, as in the king of hell/makai/the underworld summons back fallen heroes from the Sengoku and Three Kingdoms eras to fight on his side, as the demon known as Gohma/Gouma

is rising in power in Hell and is seeking to become the new ruler of hell and escape it.

Good to see the Yu Yu Hakusho style (but it could be an even older trend) representation of Enma, the king of hell, as a child, still being a thing, as here Enma is basically a very otome style shota-twink that would be catcalled out immediatly by Neco Arc. No pacifier this time around, and honestly i’m glad for it, i’ve had enough of seeing those fucking things, especially after Tutor Hitman Reborn.

He is very tsun tsun, also.

Continua a leggere

Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 PS3 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

As promised, here we are again with more Dynasty Warriors Gundam, though don’t worry, Koei had an habit of making their old Warriors games in a sub-series obsolete or needed when making a sequel back then, and they mostly kept at it, since they also did this with the Attack On Titan hunting games by Omega Force they published.

So if you never played the first DW Gundam, no need to fret, my boy, as Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 is basically a revised and greatly expanded follow up, with more Gundam series covered properly in Story Mode, improved graphics and performance (while still retaining the same art style, for better or worse), and a revamp to the old content, with new systems added for good measure.

The game covers/retells canonically most of the same Gundam series already featured in the first title, though now with Char’s Counterattack added and the previous anime storylines redone and expanded in terms of events narrated and details, and even more of the non-UC series represented in the non-canonical stories offered in the secondary mode, with Gundam Seed Destiny, Gundam F91 and Gundam Victory and their characters featured in this non-canon mode.

We’ll talk more about that later, as there are some changes and additions to gameplay, one of the more welcome ones is how you can just keep dashing instead of the “start & stop” finnicky dash of the first DW which required you to spam the jump/dash button, balanced out by a fuel/stamina bar that takes a bit to recharge once depleted, and while there are still robots (hence they still have that weight to their movements), the MS feel more fluid to control here, and there are more enemies on screen too.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Andy Warhol: American Dream (2023) | Byzantine Soup

Released just now here as 2 days limited event screening, i decided to give Andy Warhol: American Dream, this fairly recent documentary about the famous artist Andy Warhol (as it makes sense to when you put his name in the title), even though i don’t really like his works or style, personally.

I don’t hate him, his works or the impact he had on popular culture and art alike, btw, i just am not really a fan, but i will say this is a better film than expected, as instead of just going through the stuff most people already know… it does eventually get to that, but alongside various critic figures, museum curators and experts chiming in, it mostly dwelves into the aspect Warhol himself avoided discussing: his roots.

Which in this case is being the son of Rusyns immigrants from Slovakia, ailing from a small rural village observing the religious traditions of the Svolak Greek Catholic Church, travelling to the United States as many others did to seek that fabled “American Dream” of a better life, with Andy being the youngest of 4 siblings, and this documentary puts big emphasis on his family and friends, as they are the main narrators-actors telling about Andy, his early life, the familial ties to his homeland, how they perceived them there in Slovakia, giving also more intimate stories revolving around the well know events of his life and carrer, from his Campbell soup paintings, his celebrity portraits, the Factory, his films, him getting shot, etc.

I think it could have been edited better (as at times the movie repeats itself) and since it’s not dubbed (some people talk in english, most in Slovakian)…. the color choice for the subs is kinda infortunate at times, but still, a nice surprise worth seeing.

Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve lamented the downright lethargic, nearly comatose state and distinct disinterest, so nested and in a rot The Asylum is with their output in this last period, i’ve done that before.

It’s clear whatever “magic” they summoned with Sharknado didn’t last long, and now just rest on their laurels, so to speak, as even the usual aficionados of trash got disinterested in the same way the company itself seems to be with whatever they cram out, they keep doing their thing but just because it’s what they have always done, and will keep doing until there’s not any money left off mockbustering.

I remember from a class in genre cinema i once took that – broadly speaking – a genre has reached a stage of severe stagnation when it starts becoming metatextual, to speak of itself more than anything else, as it can obstensibly find nothing else to iterate on, so it “turns on itself”.

And while it no longer hold completely true, as we’re now in a post-meta phase, if you will, there’s still a valid argument in there, because films like Monster Armageddon (released as 2025 Armageddon in trying to fool more people) validate the implied drying up of the “creative well”, and are a testament to this decade of post-irony, meta overdosing incestinal multiverse crossovers, of finding out there’s no bottom of the barrel, no real lowest of the low that can’t be “improved” upon.

I remember buying the DVD for this one for 5 bucks, sight unseen, on Amazon back in 2023, i knew it was an Asylum joint, and the cover art was nice, featuring a lots of monsters and creatures.

As with Monster Island (their mockbuster response to 2019’s Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters), the cover art is way better than the movie itself, but this time around it isn’t a complete lie like it was with that movie… as in it’s not technically a lie.

It’s worse… or is it?

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] The Brutalist (2024) | Nathan Explosion approved

For the prequel of Turtles In Time, there’s a distint lack of ninja turtles, flying brains, robot mice or mutants.

Guess we’ll see them in Part 2, as for Part 1 of The Brutalist the Statue Of Liberty is still there, “welcoming” the protagonist, Laszlo Toth, a Jewish Holocaust survivor and master architect that manages to immigrate from the United States but struggles to realize himself, until a wealthy client changes his fortune, even to spark hope he can reunite with his wife and family, whom he had to left in Europe….

Direct by Brady Corbet (Vox Lux, Childhood Of A Leader) might not be historically accurate, as Laszlo Toth searches bring up a geologist, while we have more of Ayn Rand inspired character, but in any other aspect it definitely lives up to the reception it’s gotten, and to the style of architecture it names itself after, because it is the history of a crossed, tormented, obsessed wreck of a man that its willing to go any lenght for its art, eccentric yet utterly flawed as any of his friends, loved ones and “antagonists” standing between his work, punctuated by the realities of immigration in the US, historical and religious events like the state of Israel’s foundation.

The fact alone the drama is constantly gripping for a movie that’s 3 hours and 30 minutes long is a feat in itself… i mean, it is, but the acting is phenomenal, cinematography is excellent, characters are quite good and there’s a remarkable snazz to it, very stylish and it does earn the “epic” epithet it shoots for, outside of its massive lenght.

Speaking of, if you’re gonna make movies this long, yes, do like The Brutalist and bring back the planned intermission (and Vistavision, it’s has been a while, indeed), stat.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #39: Dinosaur From The Deep (1993)

Don’t worry, this one has dinosaurs in it.

Most likely, anyway.

Didn’t think about that being a required feature, but that’s why you should do some research first, just in case, otherwise you get duped into watching a cannibal movie, somehow.

No my friends, this time we’re in for some semi-notorious lower case Z-grade filet from France, with Norbert Moutier’s Dinosaur From The Deep.

After all, the success of Jurassic Park wasn’t an USA thing only, at all, so here comes a low budget film done to capitalize on Spielberg’s dino opus and hopefully trick enough people (especially younger dinosaur enthusiasts) into renting or buying it on VHS, only to realize it’s basically a “shot in shitteo”/”home video film” of French people with no budget.

What were they gonna in 1993/4, look up the metascore on sites that didn’t exist yet, or required anyone in the household NOT to use the phone?

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Conclave (2024) | Papal Royale

There’s an italian saying about the Pope succession system that doesn’t really translate well into english, but it’s basically a clerical version of “the king is dead, long live the king”, and with this thriller (based on a Richard Harris book of the same name) we see indeed the titular conclave, held in order to vote the next Pope, with the cardinals being ritually closed off from the world until from the Sistine Chapel a white puff of smoke can be seen, signifing a new Pope has been chosen.

The conclave is held by a recalcitrant Cardinal Lawrence (Ralph Fiennes), that eventually gets a hold of many secrets about the many other Cardinals moving their influence around to get elected as the “Sacred Big Cheese”, from affairs to hidden documents, rampant display of a hunger for power, realpolitik stuff and an even darker secret that could shake the very core of the Church itself..

And yes, it’s nowhere near as profound or complicated as the movie treats itself, with most of the Cardinals vying for power being nearly cartoonishy douches, the speeches making thing way too simple, and the final reveal being honestly kinda ridiculous (and really selling the “whodunnit” – minus the murder – structure of the film), but direction by Edward Berger (All Quiet On The Western Front) really sells the isolated world where these holy men are forced to live until the deed is done, that even if you can guess most of the resolution, it’s equally enthralling to see it unfold, and the acting from the cast (full of great character actors) is often amazing, sometimes hammy but still immensely entertaining, that it elevates what would be otherwise quite silly stuff in context.

Even with these flaws, it’s undeniably a worthwhile watch for the acting alone.

12 Days Of Dino Dicember #37: Two Lost Worlds (1951)

h boy, two lost worlds for the price of one?

Sign me up for one ticket, Jimmy boy, because you know a movie it’s good when it marketed the same way as grocery store coupon for breakfast cereals or boxes of cuetips.

It’s kinda funny too how curiously there wasn’t a Lost World adaptation (talking about the Conan Doyle book, obviously) in the 50s, so i guess, just in case, they doubled the worlds lost, just to give you more bang for your buck, or make you believe that only to get suckered into watching a dinosaur film that couldn’t even afford its own dinosaurs.

Leaving aside the dinosaurs/reptiles don’t show up until 45 minutes into this… 61 minutes film, this in independent production that literally borrows his dinosaur footage from One Million B.C., the 1940 film that will end up being mined of its of stock footage for decades, as in used not a quick reference to the olden days, just ripped off because they couldn’t afford the special effects for the prehistoric creatures they wanted to as a selling point on the poster.

Continua a leggere