Categoria: Cinema

Slotherhouse (2023) [REVIEW] | Slay Queen

While i’m sure i can find more old 80s school themed/adjacent slasher, this September we’re doing something a bit more recent for a change, from a chronological standpoint, by unearthing from my Blu-Ray collection 2023’s Slotherhouse.

And yes, indeed, this is a 10/10 title for you killer animal slasher film.

It really is indeed about a killer sloth, and the house is not any common house, it’s a sorority house, where Emily Young, a college student brings a three-toed sloth from the jungle, thinking it can work as a “house mascot” and hence help her be elected as the sorority’s president.

But of course things go awry as a series of sorority girls is being killed, and all the evidence strongly implicates it’s actually the cute sloth the one doing all the murders…

I’ll be honest, the promo material made it look like it was chomping off the modern “retro 80s trend”, specifically aping Happy Death Day…. but i was mistaken, this isn’t the case, as Slotherhouse – aside taking place in modern times – is oddly not even that much interested in aping other slasher films. Not too specifically, anyway.

Continua a leggere “Slotherhouse (2023) [REVIEW] | Slay Queen”

[EXPRESSO] The Invite (2026) | Indoor Games

A curious case, not in itself, even though American remakes of foreign film are (thankfully) becoming extinct, but because we already got a remake of Sentimental, a 2020 Spanish film, as the 2022 Italian Vicini Di Casa….which i basically ignored at the time due to the cast, no joke, and because sentimental comedy dramas in Italy are a crapshoot quality wise.

Yeah, The Invite is indeed that, but since i never saw the original nor the Italian remake, i guess it doesn’t matter for the purposes of this review, which wasn’t planned at all, i went to see this on a whim.

A couple whose relationship is (to put it kindly) on the ropes invite (much to the husband desire not to) their neughbours for dinner, a couple of really extroverted, mysterious and fascinating people, but after a rough start, the night takes an unexpected turn..

This is where you might think i’m not describing the plot any further to avoid the super Shyamalan twist of Seth Rogen revealing he has been Donkey Kong wearing a human skin suit all along, nor because it turns into Funny Games.

I’m still not describing the plot any further because otherwise i still would spoil it, and because it’s indeed pretty much a play, set in an apartment with very fow rooms and very few characters, hinging entirely on the performances, on the characters, as they discuss their issues, antagonize each other, undermine and discover more about themselves, opening up and letting the audience learn more than the initial facade implies, in a intelligent, witty but never too cerebral fashion that it loses that feeling of verysimilitude.

It’s a rare comedy-drama made for actual adults, with amazing performances and characters so compelling you won’t notice how its actually almost 2 hours long.

Recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Forgotten Island (2026) | Filipino Anime Girl Rock

Since this came out first, the question arising is if this or Disney’s Hexen will be better…. though frankly even from the trailers these two movies don’t seem to share anything besides having young teen female protagonists (and in turn being aimed at a similar demographic).

Set in the Philippines, it follows two girls, Jo and Raissa, whom have been BBF since forever, but find their friendship cracking under pressure as Raissa is gonna go to college abroad, while Jo would like for her to remain, but the night before the flight, they find a strange seashell medallion washed ashore, and the end up whisked away on the island of Nakali, where all the mythological creatures they were told about in stories by Jo’s grandma, actually do exist.

And then they have to piece back what they did last night, since don’t remember anything, in a “The Hangover if it was PG” kinda way… but this movie is actually pretty good, with likeable character, it even manages to have a symphatetic villain without completely undermining its menace, and being rooted in Filipino folklore gives it own distinct personality.

It it looked a bit familiar, it’s because its handled by the same director and team of Puss In Boots 2, and you can tell as they cranked up the anime inspired stylization even higher, on top of still feeling the heavy influence of Sony’s Across The Spiderverse (and K-Pop Demon Hunters to an extent), and it makes for a very visually striking and beautifully animated film that still feels like a Dreamworks production.

Though i feel they could have “toned down the anime” a notch, and the narration would have benefitted from actually slowing down, instead of catering to the perception of younger (or adult) audiences being “brainrotted”.

Still pretty good.

[EXPRESSO] Heart Of The Beast (2026) | The Dog Stars

Managed to see an early screening (it comes out regularly on the 24th here) of Heart Of The Beast, David Year latest, and i won’t lie, i didn’t go into this expecting much.

After all, this is exact movie the trailers made it seems, and the kind you could really predict beat for beat when you hear the premise: a retired wounded soldier, James Belmont, and his dog, Odin, a scarred mine detection dog with titanium teeth and a prostethic leg, are taking a hunting-camping trip in the forests of Alaska, and just chilling.

They meet J.K. Simmons playing an old gold prospector that also was relaxing in the woods, have a beer, but when the duo sets off the next day, they crash their plane, and will have to survive the wilderness as they try to reach a safe place, working together as always…

It’s exactly what you’d think it would be, but dispenses immediatly with the “did the dog die?” question, which is both preaching to the choir but also being fairly honest, as the movie doesn’t really pretend to be anything else, to its credit.

Yet, i won’t lie, despite being fairly slow, arguably a bit too slow paced, basically a bit of “think of the American military, won’t you?” propaganda, and predictable to a tee (as its emotional beats), it’s done surprisingly decent, thanks to Pitt’s performance (and Odin’s too), the direction sticking to its realistic survival premise with confidence, and unlike Liam Neelson, we don’t get just implication of wolf punch, we actually get to see the duo fight ‘em.

Plus, the final resolution trying to tug at your heartstrings in the expected way… actually is effective, i can’t deny that.

Nothing special or unforgettable, but Heart Of The Beast is a surprisingly decent film.

[EXPRESSO] Resident Evil (2026) | Rising Rookie

Is Capcom just gonna reboot RE for films every 5 years from now on?

Regardless, i feel we got very lucky this time, for the better, even if i did quite like Welcome To Raccoon City.

As it, they gambled by letting Zach Cregger (Weapons, Barbarian) direct and basically let him do whatever he wanted, but boy it paid off.

Instead of rehashing the storyline and characters of RE 1 and-or 2, this reboot has an original story and follows Bryan, a medical courier that is tasked to deliver a high risk item to the mountain town of Raccoon City, immediatly, but gets way more than he bargained for…

While there are some recognizable monsters from the series, this reboot takes many liberties with this as well, and it does for better, making something new instead of reharshing the old stuff, aside still doing some visual callbacks, it mostly makes its own identity, yet manages to evoke the games tone more faithfully than ever, as Creggers balances extremely well both tense scenes and comedic bits, stemming from genre savyness as well as the absurdity of it all for a protagonist that’s just…. a normal guy, giving a more realistic feel to a story that still over the top as a horror b-movie or videogame would be.

It’s a very funny movie that does indirectly celebrates its roots, but can also deliver some scary shit, some of the best jumpscares i’ve ever seen in a LONG time, alongside some really spectacular gore, some proper scary shit, very cool creature designs and a very likeable main character.

It’s a very good movie and so far the best one the series has ever got, “ironically” because it doesn’t shackle itself to treating the B-movie material of the games as some sort of Bible.

Sky Blue (2003) [REVIEW] | Cyberpunk Rain

I was gonna do a review of the new Ghost In The Shell anime series by Science Saru, but i’m gonna reserve a full lenght dissertation for something else, and while i’m feeling the upcoming Neuromancer TV series, that is dropping in January 2027.

So instead lets give a look to something else in the cyberpunk sphere, something that’s not often talked about and not even Japanese, with Moon-saeng Kim’s Sky Blue (AKA Wonderful Days), a 2003 South Korean animated film, which i’m fairly sure won’t ring any bell.

After all, i heard about it…. by not actually hearing about it, but instead discovered it while browsing online for cheap anime UK DVDs in a pre-Brexit situation, and one i kept stashed away in one of big ass disc cases for an occasion such as this.

I must say, maybe it is 20 years of aged hindsight, but the 2000s might have been a more interesting period for animation than most care to remember, because there were directors even in South Korea interested in adult animation and experimenting with the new technology…. to mixed results.

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[EXPRESSO] The Mortuary Assistant (2026) | Flat Possession Rate

Based on an indie horror game of the same name i’ve heard about but haven’t had the pleasure of playing yet, The Mortuary Assistant has a solid concept, with Rebecca, a mortician in training (with a past od drugs and alcoholism) that has graduated to assistant, being called in by her boss, Raymond, to do an unplanned night shift, with weird requests like embalming then cremating a corpse, but soon strange things start happening…

I’ll be honest, i was just expecting a lesser version of Autopsy Of Jane Doe, and i don’t know how much or if this rappresents the eponymous videogame, but i can sure recognize boring garbage when i see it.

It even starts off decently, but then constantly degrades, between boring flashbacks, tiresome hallucination scenes, or the demon tormenting… well, more dick around (often saying frankly laughable shit) to the protagonist, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear even when the plot stops for lore and-or exposition dumps, nor do we know why the entity doesn’t outright kill the downright stupid protagonist you won’t care about, as she keeps falling for the same obvious trap.

there’s no atmosphere, no tension, the acting is mediocre at the very, very best, everything (entities-monsters included) is just plopped there with no grace or gusto, the thin plot grinds to a halt so we can have lore and make it clear this was based on a videogame, stopping to find video tapes or solve a demonic puzzle by matching symbols or something.

It’s being professionally put together and sporting solid effectds doesn’t matter when it’s all so flat, stupid and boring, never actually scary, especially when its topped off with one hell of a non-ending that i’m not even sure was meant to sequelbait, but will just piss you off even more.

[EXPRESSO] Coyote VS ACME (2026) | Feel The Power Of Attorney!

Obviously, i was gonna see it since Coyote VS Acme survived the fate of Batgirl, somehow, thanks to Ketchup Entertaiment (which also distributed Looney Tunes: The Day The Earth Blow Up) and people clamoring for it, but still, it’s nothing short of a miracle that this actually arrived in theathers despite… Warner Brothers.

And i would have encouraged you to go see it regardless just to spite and prove WB wrong… but after watching it, i can really recommend to go see it even if you don’t really care, because it’s good.

Plot sees Wile E. Coyote decide to sue the ACME corporation for their faulty gadgets that prevented him for decades to catch that darn roadrunner, after noticing a billboard ad for a small layer firm specialized in “cartoon damages”, because it’s that Roger Rabbit kind of mixed world where cartoon characters coexist with live action people in the same reality.

The honcho of the agency, Kevin Avery (Will Forte)is a washed up, disgruntled lawyer, that is basically tricked into suing ACME, now a megacorp behemoth, and despite his initial cowardice, he carries on, as this case could turn his life and career around, but soon he, Coyote and his legal team get imbroiled into something even bigger..

it’s a big slapstick court comedy that’s actually a lot of fun, has a timeless message of struggle against modernity, has hearth while also keeping things family friendly, yet clever, as its more than just recreating classic Wile E. Coyote cartoons or having these classic cartoon characters back on the screen, even if it’s magical to see John Cena mock-talk Tweety Bird.

It’s telling of modern WB how they were gonna erase the finished Looney Tunes film with actual passion, as it wasn’t made to promote an already rich sport star.

The Autumn-Winter Schedule Declamation As Foretold

Since the last time i announced it, not much has changed, but i’ll reiterate just in case.

Due to my changing IRL situation, i have decided to shift the update schedule to a more “schedule-less” approach, improvising more and adhering more to a “when i can/its done” release philopophy, since i’m focusing more a full lenght kaiju book (among other things)…. but this will not really matter until January 2027, since most of the scheduled work has already been done and ready, like a LOT, so Spooktacular Eight and 12 Days Of Dino Dicember will happen as usual, for example, and EXPRESSO will remaine a staple rubric, as always.

So the proper, fleshed out general new “unschedule” will be posted post Epiphany (since the 12 Days Of Dino Dicember by nature continue up until January 5th), so for now we’ll carry on as usual, more or less.