[EXPRESSO] Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure: Golden Spirit iOS | The Gachalands

Probably comes as no surprise to anybody that Golden Spirit is another pile of gacha shit… but still, i decided to give this one a try.

Mostly because i haven’t played one of these in a while and because it’s Jojo…. and starting off, gameplay it’s not exactly what i figured it would be from the trailers, and by that i mean it was sold as a “ tactical RPG”, which to me means a Tactics style turn based affair, this is actually a real time autobattler where the more pressing issue is positioning the units, so yeah, it’s another idle self playing borefest, the strategic hook of the Rush mechanic meaning very little, and of course the roster is infested with VERY minor characters, so you can gamble for the ones you really want.

Or hope you can unlock them in event story cutscenes…. some of which even when available will wall off content with 14 hours timers, like the Stardust Crusaders one, because the game starts off with Part 5, Golden Wind, the Jo Jo series taking place in Neaples, Italy and following Giorno Giovanna, the son of Dio Brando, as he fights to overthrow the mafia’s mysterious boss.

Hope you already know everything JoJo because the game never really explains shit, despite starting from Part 5….of 9.

While it mostly looks quite decent, it goes the extra mile of not just reusing frames from the anime for the story scenes (alongside recreating them in various styles), fairly common in itself, but sometimes passing those through an IA filter, making them look worse upon any scrutiny, too.

Its so utterly generic that you could have EASILY slapped another anime license/skin unto it… and i’ll just say it looks identical to a bootleg Jujutsu Kaisen mobile game, Jujutsu Malevolent Shrine.

[EXPRESSO] Spider Man: Brand New Day (2026) | Un(Thethered)

I remember quite liking No Way Home, for better or worse, but it has been a while, and it’s not like it matters, i was gonna see this away, i did want to see it.

In a way i feel bad because i think this one is actually trying to be less shackled by the MCU stuff, and it stings because it almost succeeds, as in, it manages to do some good emotional stuff with the character of Peter Parker, as he struggles to reconcile with the fact he still feels fragile and alone, despite being able to become NYC resident hero once again… we’ll because he can do so as everyone forgot about him at the end of No Way Home.

While some ideas like having The Punisher as an ally-ish character to Spidey is nice, and there are some fun action scenes, there’s no denying of the second half being overly long and overburdened by the ties to the “MCU obligations” of having to seed stuff for future films, which also entails the admittely better than usual villain (which i’m not gonna spoil), an entity that goes around possessing people’s minds/body hopping and using them to search for something kept hidden by a governative company specialized in repairing propery damage caused by heroes and villains activities, while Spider Man has to deal with his body undergoing unexpected mutations…

Even putting aside the villain’s plan actually makes no sense if you think about it (and that Spider Man has basically Big Brothered the entirety of NYC), then there’s how the climax is resolved identically as in Thunderbolts, are we at the point of recycling climaxes almost verbatim?

This in contrast with the cast actually giving some of the better performances in these films, so, overall, i’d say it’s decent.

Jo Jo’s Bizarre Adventure: Eyes Of Heaven PS4 [REVIEW] | OVER HEAVEN

For the first time in ever, i’m actually all caught up with Jo Jo as a whole (currently enjoying reading the print volumes of The Jojolands as they get released here), the Steel Ball Run anime finally started airing/streaming on Netflix this March, so i knew i had to cover some Jo Jo related stuff, and i had this sitting in my backlog for years, waiting for an occasion such as this.

A little game called Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure: Eyes Of Heaven.

I remember this being pretty much whipped by critics and fans alike at the time… which was almost 10 years ago, fuck. But on the upside, there’s definitely enough distance now for revalution.

Developed by Cyberconnect 2, better known for the Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm series and Asura’s Wrath, but also behind the good Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure All Star Battle, which they released 3 years prior as a PS3 exclusive, Eyes Of Heaven is definitely a non-canon adventure.

While i’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum, some are unavoidable since the game sure as hell expect you to know all the main events and ending of basically all 9 series, even with them presenting a digest premise during the story, more as a memory jog exercise, don’t play this if you aren’t familiar with all JoJo series… well, aside Jojolion, which at the time of release of the game wasn’t concluded yet, not that it matters much, given the nature of the plot, but you won’t get much spoiled about that series since it doesn’t have much representation, direct or not.

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Dragon Quest Heroes II PS4 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

You could use many adjectives to describe Omega Force output from the PS2 onward, but definitely not “ambitious”, as Koei first and then Tecmo Koei keep them just as the “Dynasty Warriors” guys, a stigma that just got worse over time, even when they don’t make a Warriors title.

Can’t say its unwarranted either as there are dozens upon dozens of Warriors titles, all iterating from a formula now decades old, to the point there are entire sub-series alongside the well milked mainline Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors franchises.

But Dragon Quest Heroes II is the rare exception, as we will see.

Regardless, its not too surprising this exists, as the first DQ Heroes did well, was received quite well (especially for a musou title), so of course Koei put immediately Omega Force back to work on a sequel, which dropped the ridilicously long subtitle of the first one, and came out the following year, thought we had to wait until 2017 for a western release.

A sequel in DQ or FF fashion, in the sense it’s not a direct story sequel, this isn’t even the same world as the first Dragon Quest Heroes.

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Warriors Abyss PS4 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

As promised, here we are tackling the stealth release latest Warriors spin-off, Warriors Abyss, which is Omega Force trying to apply the ever-so-popular-still roguelike spin to the musou gameplay.

Digital only even in Japan, played on a PS4 Pro because i still haven’t got a PS5… and since i’m getting a Switch 2 on launch (as i mentioned before= i don’t see it happening anytime soon.

The story is pure fluff, just a pretense to have a narrative (and reuse various assets from decades old games) to the roguelike X Warriors idea, which can really be boiled down to “the gang goes to hell”, as in the king of hell/makai/the underworld summons back fallen heroes from the Sengoku and Three Kingdoms eras to fight on his side, as the demon known as Gohma/Gouma

is rising in power in Hell and is seeking to become the new ruler of hell and escape it.

Good to see the Yu Yu Hakusho style (but it could be an even older trend) representation of Enma, the king of hell, as a child, still being a thing, as here Enma is basically a very otome style shota-twink that would be catcalled out immediatly by Neco Arc. No pacifier this time around, and honestly i’m glad for it, i’ve had enough of seeing those fucking things, especially after Tutor Hitman Reborn.

He is very tsun tsun, also.

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Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 PS3 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

As promised, here we are again with more Dynasty Warriors Gundam, though don’t worry, Koei had an habit of making their old Warriors games in a sub-series obsolete or needed when making a sequel back then, and they mostly kept at it, since they also did this with the Attack On Titan hunting games by Omega Force they published.

So if you never played the first DW Gundam, no need to fret, my boy, as Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 is basically a revised and greatly expanded follow up, with more Gundam series covered properly in Story Mode, improved graphics and performance (while still retaining the same art style, for better or worse), and a revamp to the old content, with new systems added for good measure.

The game covers/retells canonically most of the same Gundam series already featured in the first title, though now with Char’s Counterattack added and the previous anime storylines redone and expanded in terms of events narrated and details, and even more of the non-UC series represented in the non-canonical stories offered in the secondary mode, with Gundam Seed Destiny, Gundam F91 and Gundam Victory and their characters featured in this non-canon mode.

We’ll talk more about that later, as there are some changes and additions to gameplay, one of the more welcome ones is how you can just keep dashing instead of the “start & stop” finnicky dash of the first DW which required you to spam the jump/dash button, balanced out by a fuel/stamina bar that takes a bit to recharge once depleted, and while there are still robots (hence they still have that weight to their movements), the MS feel more fluid to control here, and there are more enemies on screen too.

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Dynasty Warriors Gundam PS3 [REVIEW] | #musoumay

I don’t think Mobile Suit Gundam needs an introduction, given its one of the more popular and old mecha franchises that are still around, arguably THE mecha franchise if there ever was one.

You know it, you love it… i mostly kinda experienced it via osmosis, as i never fully bothered to be invested in any of its many iterations, be it the classic 0079 original, the Z Gundam one, the super deformed Three Kingdoms ones, the ones about milfs and kids building Gunplas.

Or the space tomato lesbian one. Or whatever the new Gundam series that will come out in the meantime of me posting and you reading this will be about.

I didn’t even plan to ignore Gundam, i just never really went deep into any of its iterations, as it happened, and – as i think i’ve said before – i’m actually way more familiar with frigging Sgt. Frog (yes, Keroro) than actual Gundam, so it both kinda counts and not really counts at the same time, meaning i’ve been told the series is about the horrors of war more than the cool robots… but the robot do LOOK cool, there’s no anti-memery (or counter arguments, and so on) to argue that at simple skin deep fact, them mobile suits design are legendary stuff.

So in a way i’m really not “qualified”… or i was, because this did serve as a gateway entry for me, sure i love them Dynasty Warriors, make them cool looking robots instead of superhero fantasy warlords, just as good, or even better, i will finally learn what the fuck the original Gundam and some other of its series are about with Dynasty Warriors Gundam, why not?

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Monster Armageddon/2025 Armageddon (2022) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

I’ve lamented the downright lethargic, nearly comatose state and distinct disinterest, so nested and in a rot The Asylum is with their output in this last period, i’ve done that before.

It’s clear whatever “magic” they summoned with Sharknado didn’t last long, and now just rest on their laurels, so to speak, as even the usual aficionados of trash got disinterested in the same way the company itself seems to be with whatever they cram out, they keep doing their thing but just because it’s what they have always done, and will keep doing until there’s not any money left off mockbustering.

I remember from a class in genre cinema i once took that – broadly speaking – a genre has reached a stage of severe stagnation when it starts becoming metatextual, to speak of itself more than anything else, as it can obstensibly find nothing else to iterate on, so it “turns on itself”.

And while it no longer hold completely true, as we’re now in a post-meta phase, if you will, there’s still a valid argument in there, because films like Monster Armageddon (released as 2025 Armageddon in trying to fool more people) validate the implied drying up of the “creative well”, and are a testament to this decade of post-irony, meta overdosing incestinal multiverse crossovers, of finding out there’s no bottom of the barrel, no real lowest of the low that can’t be “improved” upon.

I remember buying the DVD for this one for 5 bucks, sight unseen, on Amazon back in 2023, i knew it was an Asylum joint, and the cover art was nice, featuring a lots of monsters and creatures.

As with Monster Island (their mockbuster response to 2019’s Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters), the cover art is way better than the movie itself, but this time around it isn’t a complete lie like it was with that movie… as in it’s not technically a lie.

It’s worse… or is it?

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[One Piece: Side Pieces | Retrospective] Dream 9: One Piece X Toriko X Dragon Ball Z Super Collaboration Special (2013) [REVIEW]

Oh yes, this one, i held back on tackling it while i covered the One Piece TV Specials also because i never read nor did know much about Toriko as a series… that has changed, as i’m almost halfway through and quite liking it, and yes, i’m aware of Mitsutoshi Shimabukuro “canon event” that happened in 2002, but unlike Oda’s other acquaitance, Watsuki, an actual pedophile that had terabytes of child pornography (and suffered for it just a hiatus for its Rurouni Kenshin follow-up series, after the charges in 2018, which is even more insulting since recently the author of The Apothecary Diaries got punished far worse for tax evasion), it seems to have been a mistake he owned up to, he really paid for it in terms of being ostracized by the industry, actual consequences of his actions, plus it been 22 years, so i feel it’s pointless to still hold it over the man.

Had to get this over with because i didn’t want to talk about, you didn’t want to learn about that for a review of a special crossover about 3 popular Jump anime series (which already appared together in some of the Jump crossover videogames but not in anime form) colliding in a TV special, many couldn’t care less either way, but some might not have known or still held some incorrect info on the matter (like i did myself), so i had to make things clear(er) and to address the question.

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[One Piece: Side Pieces | Retrospective] Sanji’s Food Wars manga [REVIEW]

Unlike some of the collaboration works with other Jump authors (Boichi one not-withstanding), Sanji’s Food Wars get an entire tankobon/volume worth of material, and conceptually it’s a no brainer, makes perfect sense in terms of people involved and the crossover itself.

And unlike most of the spin-offs/one shots/collaboration treated in this retrospective, i have no real first hand knowledge of the main series it borrows/uses for the One Piece crossover, i’ve heard some opinions on it,seen some pages out-of-context, but i’ve never read or seen Food Wars, honestly never cared too much to begin with… so keep this in mind.

Ironically i’m a lot more familiar with Yakitate!! Japan, an older Jump series about the culinary arts.

Sanji’s Food Wars also feature the collaboration of chef Yuki Morisaki, with both Shun Saeki and Yuto Tsukuda (respectively artist and writer for Food Wars itself, as it would make sene) returning to make a series of small episodic stories about Sanji’s prowess as a cook and gentleman, all inserted as a “side story” inside the established One Piece canon, going from Alabasta to the 2 years timeski, with the Baratie ones being fittingly as the opening and closing acts.

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